symbiosis

i feel like writing this morning.. am listening to 'simbosis' song by ella and whenever i heard it, reminded me to the love of mine..

aku tak pandai mengarang puisi
tidak ku pandai bermadah berseni
satu kalimah yang ku seikhlas tahu
hanyalah kucinta padamu

and yes, there's so many love songs that reminded me to us.. 'Thank God I Found You', 'No One Else Comes Close' 'Larut' ' All the Small Things' and many more.... and now that he's away, i miss him.
we had 'minor arguments' few days before he left. and it didn't make me feel good..and i found out neither did him. of course, when we both realised how we've brought the time we had together to waste, we regret it.. i know i do. but then again, being a perfect human, we tend to do that.. to regret things later.

i was mad when he said i was overreacting. i was heartbroken when he accused me of putting less priority on the family. i was sad when he said i was lazy. i was anxious when he told me i gained weight. i was everything but good when he throw all those 'mean' remarks. 

when we kiss now and then, my foot didn't sprung up like the first kiss we had.. but am glad i had that experience with him when it did sprung.
when we cuddle now and then, i told him right away when once a while i felt the hugs suffocate me.. but am glad i always have his muscular arms to wrap me around when i really really need good hugs.
when we talk now and then, i sometimes shut him off just because i want to talk more than listening to him..but am glad he is all ears out for his chattybox.
when we make love now and then, i sometimes (very seldom) fake it like most women will do (note to men out there: we women do!).. but am glad that i don't remember the last time i have to fake it even once for the most sessions we had (ok, i need to stop here)

and by posting this out, i know he knew i mean well. to be fair...nope, to rationalize things, he has his point when he said what he said and when he did what he did.. i may not agree with him, i may not happy with his remarks, i may be so blardy mad ...

but he is always there for me. i know, for now, and for future insyaallah, he'll be there for me. because he loves me. as much as i love him. when either of us not in a mood or its the 'day of the month' or lack of sleeps that make us ticked off easily or the mood swings or be it for any reason and we just want to grumble and shut things off... the love we have for each other will reach out..

at this moment, when he's away, missing the family dinners, missing the 'wah, aidan can read better now', missing the 'aimar laughed instead of cried when he got choked', missing the counselling session when i need him to do that to me... i owe it to him. when there's so many boys out there that i knew who are very irresponsible, i want to know i keep thanking God for our jodoh.

and yes, i know i love you when i hate to see the bed is half empty. 
and yes, i know you love me too.