Friday, November 26, 2010


and i thought the sunshine would last

darn! they forbade and as i yearn to write for quite somtime..i resorted with the mobile in my hand.

so, here i am. after two months, not much of an achievement conquered. to be fair, i might actually say 'nothing'.. the first three weeks, been busy reading manuals, dragging my feet to all meeting invitations that were non job-specific.. and the rest is history.

i'm damn bored that i could kill!

i just don't understand.. if they foreseen that the loads will only be in next few months, why bother hiring me now?.. of course i shouldn't be complaining.. higher pay, no work, free foods from the trainings and meetings, in liue leaves.. i should be the last person to complain..

somehow, waking up early to clock in, stays in the workstation for the rest eight hours, staring and hacking fb as other site been forbade by the mgt, and clock out on the dot..five.. repeatedly the routine for the months could really kill!

Friday, November 12, 2010

he has heart

a friend of whom i've lost touched since 1996 posted his wedding photos in his FB. i did went to check out his profile, just wanted to know what he's been up to since the last time we've met.

being himself, not so bad-looking, with perfect height and came from a well-off family (he was so damn rich that at the he can simply bought expensive gifts to his friends, and we were thinking how lucky his girlfriend was). he's a funny boy and smart too. he completed the list of almost perfect guy for us at that time, the teenager girls who just started to understand 'love'... 

he took advantages of what he had be blessed with. i guess that was why i was never attracted to him and we stick as good friends. he had so many so-called special girlfriends, and i was his advisor of what to buy and where to date and how to mend his girls' broken hearts. he's a player, the life-proof casanova. somehow, i must thank him as he taught me to differentiate between a truly real man from the fake ones.

anyway, as i've entered my uni life, we've lost touch. and last year, he added me in his FB friend's list. i didn't remember checking out his profile, and even left any message.. there was one time that he chatted me up as he knew i was leaving for Europe and he asked if he can meet up with me and me hubby in London. but then, our schedule were tight and i did not put any plan to meet up with him.

and today, i did checked out his profile.

this don juan de marco that i knew once is a changed person. he posted links related to religious views, he took pictures with religious icons in God-knows-where, he shout-outs full off religious advices... and i'm stunned, and log in to my blogger and posted this.

i was surprised, i do.. but i would say pleasingly surprise. and i do envy him in a way.. he was so 'horrible' with all the girls he knew, and yet today, God has open his heart to follow His lifestyle...God bless him with hidayah, and somehow, i do envy him.. of all the people, never crossed my mind that he would ever change to better, the way he is now - as portrayed in his FB profile. Alhamdullillah... and it makes me wonder.. i couldn't just stay and wait for the hidayah.. as my dear friend told me (in her blog), hidayah mesti dicari.

some point to ponder in this cold wet Friday morning...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

girls next door

who knows where we will land?

had a brief encounter with my long lost friend over lunch.. well, not really lost for so long, thanks to FB, but still, been a while since we met. we went to the same high school seventeen years ago and she's now with three kids. i wasn't part of her clan, and neither did she. our acquantainceship turn to friendship right after high school. physically, she changed a lot. she was plum, now slimmer. she was not so fair, now prettier. she was short, now taller. she really did change. 

and i happened to be on the same floor of my ex-schoolmate, but we were never a friend. on my round introducing myself as a new staff, she spotted me.. we went to the same secondary school.. and i couldn't recall. i was famous back then (chewah).. she was not as visible as compared to my clan back then. who would have thought, this happily married lady with two boys was once the person who went to the same school of mine. she may not be the vocal one, but she further her studies in the States, got a decent job with the Fortune 500, happily married and yes, she is much much slimmer and prettier too.... 

reflected back, i might be among the few students at school that people would recognise and remember.. the famous clan.. the one who will participated in all the events, the one who will volunteered for any activities, the one who represented the school to all the quizzess... the one who will get most dedications of flowers and teddies when it comes to Valentines... yup - i went to all-girls school. 

then, my life met these two girlfriends of mine. with marvel and admiration, i Thank God to let me have the chance to meet them in this life, now. everyone is the star of one's life. be it at the earlier or later stage in life, at times, we will once be the highlights of the peak and we will be there at the bottom of nowhere. it happens to everybody. let's keep reminding ourselves. 

p/s: ladies, nothing wrong to wanting to be pretty.       

the routine

the girlfriends...

- those married : how did you manage with the boys?
- those single, with partner: ala, kesian.. sure rindu jauh2..
- those single without partner: jom lepak, nanti when he come back, cannot lepak oredi..

the guys...
- you trust him?

my no1 bff is on his way back.. a more-than-24-hr-round-trip is not something that neither him nor myself look forward to. it's the end destination that matters.he's coming back after his (normally twenty eight days) long tiring rice-less shift. not much of an option for him, for now. he's the breadwinner, and i'm so good in spending that he needs to earn more than i can spend :) afterall, that is the rezeki that Allah gives to us for now, we are thankful for the blessings.

coping without him around is not so easy. and that is why i really salute all the single parents. you always need to have your significant other, if not fifty percent, maybe less, to complete the chores. send the kids to school, check their homeworks (and even they are only five, don't be surprised that their works pile a mount high up!), drop all meetings and discussions coz the school rings and your kids been vomitting since morning, do the laundry else no clean clothes for the weekend..and the list goes on and on and on... you need two to fulfill the chores, just as much when you've decided to bring a life in this world! lucky for me as i have my friends and families nearby who will defiitely extend their help. it was horrible when i was away from them few months ago.. nonetheless, having your spouse around 24-7 is definitely a go-go.. no doubt about it. hats off to the single parents!

they said, absence makes the heart grows fonder. i beg to rephrase - distance makes the heart grows fonder. yes, we fights when he's around and even when he's not. but without realizing time and distance, we missed each other the most when we are apart - never fails! he's been on the shift for the past fourteen months.. means, he's been away far apart from the family for at least seven months. i should have get used to the terms that he will leave for work and come back when its due. but i'm yet to learn not to shed my tears when i send him off at the airport. i know i will miss him until he comes back. long distance is never easy. especially when he has no choice but to miss out those important events like birthdays and anniversaries. sending short videos for his viewing via emails might help a bit, but never managed to heal the "wish you were here" phrase. it's not easy but we have to swallow. it made us both realised how much we miss, appreciate and love what we have between us.

he's not a control freak. i can still hang out with the girls whenever, wherever. but of course he's my priority. and not having him around, doesn't mean i'll just go roam whenever wherever. there's a gps sensor install in me, and only him can retrieve it.. understood - i may go where i want to go, lepaking with the girls, and he will know. he will.

and the guys, they only have one thing in mind. i can't say i married a saint. he's a man, not perfect but perfect enough for me (chewahh.. abang bagi allowance lebih yek ...)..back to guys and one thing in mind - i won't say that the only woman he will lays his eyes on is me.. he looked at others too, and even i was right there next to him. he would say it doesn't do any harm... i smile. of course i don't buy that! looks can kill! he can start looking, leering and there goes the blast in his mind. every man does that. true! he will agrees with me.. (ke, ye ke?).. so, do i trust him? working far far away in that samba land where bikinis might be their baju kurung back there.. one thing for sure, i know i have to trust myself. i trust myself not to be complacent, to let alone give him reason and benefit of doubts to think even once that he needs other alternative. i trust that I should do my part as a wife, as much as he's doing his part. i trust God is true, and what comes around, comes around. as long as i trust myself as much as he trust himself, we'll be taken care of, insyallah.

for now - just can't wait for him to come back.. miss him hugging me, tightly... hurry back!


i'm not that hardcore a blogger.. and i managed to survive during my nice long in-between-job break without any entry.. then, they made it a mandatory for me to attend a 16-days-induction programme and justified of no access of the net. next, my first day reporting to that tower... wham bam... with no work for the first few weeks, the only thing i can think is to update my blog. and for the past one month, i kept trying on and on my shining luck so that i am able to load the blogger page, but no good news.. until today, half an hour ago, i can log in, with no restriction. and i know i have all rights to believe in miracle!!!!!

i can't say much about my new work as i haven't started working, yet. don't ask me what i've been doing all this while coz me myself have difficulties in answering that...

it's not easy - an experienced hired, eager to start new task .. and yet... nothing in hand for me to kickstart...

so, expect more entries from me from now.. until i'm loaded with pile-up work.. and God knows when will that be!

for realllll................

i can't believe this myself.. i can access and log in to my blogger... biar betul......