Wednesday, December 28, 2011

hello 2012

"significantly,for me; aimar is going to school; we are moving to that new house; i hope my hubby could get a job nearer to the family; if ada rezeki, it would be fantastic to have some dash of pinks on the kids wardrobe.. and i pray for my sis to have a kid too.. insyallah.

geng, have a wonderful 2011..xoxoxoxoxo..mmmuuaahhhssss"
gosh, how time flies! that was a quote from my last year's post.. and i'm writing a farewell post for 2011 and welcoming 2012.

recapping the 2011, aimar went to school and doing fine. we finally moved in riana this month. hubby is now in labuan. memang ada rezeki (though at times i wrote the above post, i was clueless) with lots and lots of pinks on the kids wadrobe with aivey's arrivals... and yeen embraced iris sofea's arrival two days after mine! alhamdullillah. diam tak diam, my prayers come true and Maha Besar Allah. 

and i feel so guilty for not being a good ummah.. He gave me what I wished for, and I keep forgetting my roots! Allah Ya Rabbi!

as i welcome 2012, i'm yet to figure out what to expect.

of course i'm nervous of being 35 and aidan going to primary school.. we'll just see.. i should definitely hope as i writing the recap next year, i've become an improved ummah.


my head's thumping and i'm nowhere near to doing work, with me going to be on leave for the next five days.. ok, that includes the long weekend, and i do not have any plan of going anywhere..but who knows if we would want to be somewhere tomorrow, after aidan's orientation.

yup, aidan is going for his orientation entering his primary school.. gosh, he's standard one la beb... am not getting any younger, huh!

my dear aidan, very reliable, by the book, unfriendly and doesn't care what people say about him - at least, he showed he didn't bother, but at the end of the day, he'll will only show mama that he actually cares! yup. that's my abadan. my special eldest son.

aimar - only one word describes him - charmer! he is. actually, he is spoilt. he bits people. he gives excuses when i asked him to take his shower. he cries out loud even after he hit his brother and his brother fight back. he jumps, he runs, he rolls anywhere everywhere. he's the sort that you don't want to bring to your house that is full with ornaments and nice decors. but then, when i was in my deep sleep (at least, that's what i showed him), he kissed me on my cheek. he called his aunt after not seeing his lil cousin for 24 hours. he looked for his gramps and ask 'how are you'. what a charmer, kan?

my one and only daughter is still exploring. she started to learn how to smile. we went to the pead last saturday. she was 57cm tall with 5.25kg (while iris was 61cm with 4.9kg - talking about sibling rivalry eh).. she pass motion once a week. she suckled.. nyot nyot nyot..her thumb becomes numb and she smell so masam! and she's mama's barbie.. always nice to have her around to play dress up :)

so, me -  mummy of three :)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

who's the boss

aidan was watching tv and out of sudden he asked me, "mama, news tv3 tu apa die?what utama?".. "buletin utama. why did you ask?"... "boleh tak mama watch buletin utama dekat youtube on christmas day?".. and when i asked why, he simply told me "kitorang nak watch nickelodeon, ada christmas madness starting from 8?"

and i don't know how to respond. he's not requesting.. he's giving me suggestion, sweet suggestion, and how can i say no when he has all planned out .. and for a six years old.. i don't remember being such a smartie-pants! once upon a time, "NO means NO - no negotiation!"

aidan has learned how to pick his preference, he understands what has been advertised, he wanted to watch what he wanted to watch, he politely requesting if mama is okay to miss the prime time news and he even proposed for mama to watch it from the ipad.

he has all planned out!

he's going to be fine..

and..oh ya, have i told you that he's going to the primary school next year?

cepat kan.. i have a kid who goes to primary school already.. and it felt good to met a guy friend who besides asking "how are you?", he without hesitation "eh, bukan kau baru bersalin ke?".. that's a compliment - for mr hubby to be reminded of! :)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

que sera sera

i can't say i was tied up with three kids and couldn't find time to update this blog of mine. i normally post my blog when i'm at work, so, kids got not much to do about it. of course, though i'm at work, i will still need to find time to run errands for my kids.. family will definitely be my top priority and that is why i'm happy with my current work - it doesn't really demand my time as much as i can offer.. not if i were to be an engineer..well, it will definitely be a good pay if were to compare with being a sourcing exec. but then again, i'm ok with my post now.. the less pay is still more than i used to get back in previous company i've been working with. well, you can't get the best of both worl, can you? somehow, as i reported back after my not-so-long-maternity leave, the work has started to 'rise and shine'. it's not much, but it just non-stop and keep on flowing. after a year in an 'idle' mode, having an 'actual' work is sometimes!hu!hu!

i broke down two weeks ago. work is one thing. kids is another. it was aidan's bday and i was nowhere there in preparing the stuff for his schoolmates to celebrate his bday. and i cried (well, some things never change!). i owe it to my kids. and now i have three  of them, i'll be handsful! aidan is going to primary school, aimar will need to start reading next year and aivey will still be a baby for the next few months! and work demanded me not to go back on time, and as my breast 'engorged' after six (my body alarm to tell me it's time to go back!), i just wish i was a full time mother! and now i started to understand why some of my friends resorted to be a full time mother .. i've always been sceptical on being a full time mother. i felt that the degree that we've earnerd were put to waste and we'll be fully dependent to our spouse. i don't like that idea. but when i broke down, all i want is to be with my kids 24-7. i want to be there when they blew that candles. i want to be there when they done with their shower. i want to be there to send them off to school and let them hear and remember my "be good at school" advise. i want to be there to put their lunch on their plate. i want to be there, be there, be there, be whereever they are. the degree i've earned made me an educated person, and even i'm working now i've always been dependent to my mr hub. so, beign a full time mother is all i want to be.

i may sound normal..but to me, if i heard this ten years ago, i would say i sound insane. this is never me.

and this is when i need to say "we will never know how i future like".

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


ok, it's all in the news again. the malaysian footballers did it again.. of course, there were times they lose their games and let us down.. but then again, like the game they had yesterday, they played well and they won! yeeaahhh..

there were six adults and eight kids in the house yesterday. but there was only me excitingly waiting for the kickoff. and as the others need to have dinner, i couldn't be there every seconds of the game. i saw the first 5 minutes when indonesia scored, and as i saw the indonesian fans, i thought to myself that we, msian, should not be putting high hopes. i missed the tie-score. and the game was extended until extra time with the same score. 

it was the penalty shootouts. when the indonesian missed the second penalty.. i was relief. then, the malaysian blew it. then came our 'secret weapon'.. dearie khairul fahmi a.k.a apek (hei, my hubby was known as apek too, wink wink).. he's a jewel! he saved the goal and we msian would always remember that (ok, maybe not always, but for now, he's the hero!). and, our last goal was saved and not saved.. it was our luck and rezeki of that last shootout!

anyway, can i be more prouder than i've been? of course i can.. as i was craddling the baby, trying to comfort her colic stomach.. i screamed!

as the news put it, it was the mother of all golds! cayalah...

Monday, November 21, 2011


yesterday, love is an easy game to play
now i need a place to hide away
o, i believe in yesterday
the music been humming in my mind, and writing the lines seems like am singing out loud.

there were yesterdays that i longed to stay on. the yesterdays when i proudly presented my good exam results to my dad. the yesterdays when i heard the "i love you'"s from those who adored me. the yesterdays when i realized i found him. the yesterdays when we were together. the yesterdays when i was expecting. the yesterdays when my precious own flesh and blood arrived to the world.. and many more yesterdays. 

but then again, there were yesterdays that i just want to it to never come and stay. like if i'm writing this note tomorrow.. i just want to erase tomorrow's yesterday! it sucked big time!if only i can find a place to hide away!

my two cents

bile dah makin berumur, naper akal jadik makin pendek?
bile dah ada kuasa, naper rasa diri gah sangat?
bile dah diberi rezeki melimpah ruah, naper cepat sangat lupa daratan?

kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab orang salah..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab awak betul..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab orang setuju..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab awak bijak..

orang senyap sebab orang malas nak layan
orang senyap sebab orang takmo panjang citer
orang senyap sebab orang masih ada rasa hormat
orang senyap sebab orang ada harga diri

tapi, sabar ada hadnye
lama2, meledak gak gunung merapi
sikit2, asap keluar jadi lava

bile dah sampai hadnye
yang bisu boleh bersuara
yang buta boleh melihat
yang patah kaki boleh berlari
.. the impossible is possible..

c'mon.. you don't have to be rude just because you can..

Friday, November 18, 2011

sayang korang

"Your mom carried you in her womb for nine months. She felt sick for months with nausea, then she watched her feet swell and her skin stretch and tear; she struggled to climb stairs, she gt breathless quickly; she suffered many sleepless nights. She then went through excruciating pain to bring you into this world. Then, she became your nurse, your chef, your maid, your chauffeur, your biggest fan, your teacher, and your best friend. She's struggled for you, cried over you, hoped the best for you, and prayed for you. Most of us take our mom for granted. But there are people who have lost or never even seen theirs."

nothing wrong of a gentle reminder
yesterday, i cried. i cried because you cried.
you cried because you have bowel movement issues and it has been three days since you passed motion.
you cried because you were only six and when you have all the mates around all you could think of is to play and for that you were scolded when we found out you were not prepared for your exam tomorrow.
you cried because when you woke up in the middle of the night you realized you were all alone and nobody around.
yesterday, i cried. i cried because you cried.

i love you guys.. love you with all my heart.. when i say you are my life, you are.. no doubt.

yup, i pinched you when you wrongly did that substraction (because i've thought you to do that for the 112th time).
yup, i screamed at you when all you wanted was to be a child (and made a mess of the whole house with your toys - why did i buy the toys at the first place, kan?)
yup, i warned you when you weren't polite (so that you'll remember and people would take you as an example of how to be polite - and you won't be call as kurang ajar la kan)
yup, i stared at you (if looks could kill, i've killed you with my stares) when you still insisted to behave like a spoilt brat and my in-laws were nearby that i couldn't yelled at you directly
yup, i set high expectations, forgetting that you just a child

but, do remember..when you grow up, please do not forget that..

i was there for you since you were in my womb.. and trust me when i said it was never an easy pregnancy though the labour was superb!
i was there when you came back from school telling me how frustrated you've been when you accused a wrong person from stealing your pencil while the one who stole got away
i was there when you proudly told me you got super A for your exam
i was there when you cried and cried and cried just because you couldn't mutter a word
i was there with you
i was there, feeling proud, frustrated, happy, sad, scared, excited.. sharing the same moment with you.
i was there
and i know i will be there, for you, with you, insyaAllah..

and just remember, i cried when you cried.. no matter how silly the reason was that made you cried. i cried too.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


the song sings "...more than word, is all you have to do to make it real..".. lalalalala

well, of course, it's true.. words ar merely wirds when the was no action put into it.. but, being a fool for words, i always believe words are as important as actions!!!.. as i'm trying hard to remember the last time mr hubby threw thoae three words to me, i realized, it's been a while.. i tried ti figure out if there's any in his emails.. well, he did tell me he missed me..but, 'i love you'.. barely.. well, he's a strong believer of action speaks louder than words.. during the courting time, not much of i love yous heard from him.. yup, we did used up all the free minutes, we chatted thru mIRC (and i still can here that msg sounded and blipped),but as much as i tried to recall, i'm very sure it wasn't much.. not that i'm complaining.. when he asked the stranger from the underground to speak to me just to convinved me that he wasn't lying, it's his way saying i love you.. when he stayed up all night just to chat with me, it's his way saying i love you. when he gave me that atm card of his, it's his way saying i love you. when he made sure all the loosen screws were mended perfectly before he went offshore, it's his way saying i love you. when he said 'pls buy yourself that ipad for your bday', it's his way saying i love you... and more and more and more..but, as i know he would be reading this blog of mine, i just realized how much i miss hearing those word from him.. well, some may think this is pathetic.. he will say whenever he will want to say.. but i guess, this is why we both are still in this relationship.. when he seems to be drifted away, i must remind him.. and vice versa.. this is what we call communication.. so, do 't call me pathetic.. and if you may argue that his word won't be real and he won't be truthful.. i guess i know best.. yup, i may ask him to say those words to me, but when he say it, i know he's not faking it.. so dear hubby, i love you, and do tell me you love me too...

hmmm.. there you go.. i've said it..then again, to be fair, i don't say it often to him too.. i don't remember the last time i utterred those words to him.. when he paid that slimming spa package as a gift, and when he asked me to buy myself an ipad .. all i thought i deserved it coused it was my bday and i just went thru a labour where he still didn't show up (tho how hard he tried and prayed).. so, it was nit him to be blame totally when he didn't say those words as much as i wish.. i didn't do what i preached and i expect him to do the same...

i guess, after three kids, after eleven and half years in relationship, we just need to rejuvenate and keep reminding ourselves how muxh we love each other.. and we must keep trying to fall in love over and over and over again.. falling in love is always a wonderful again, and i'm glad that i have you to fall in love with.

i love you, i do....

Monday, October 24, 2011

ngarut pagi senin

citer adik-beradik..
susah sebenarnye nak citer pasal adik beradik ni.. never ending story.. but kata omputeh, blood is thicker than water.. pusing2 mana2 pun, tang tu gak pegi nye...

satu bende yang aku tak paham.. mcm mana menyusahkan adik beradik tu, kite masih nak tolong dan nyusahkan diri kite untuk diorang..hmm.. nak wat camne, air dicincang takkan putus.. so, simpan dalam hati je la..

bile cakap adik beradik ni, i mean not only brothers and sisters.. tu..yang berderet tu.. aunties, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews.. pastu, unless you are married to a tunggal orphanage yang memang tak tahu asal usul die, once you are married, your family expanded.. nak deal dengan perangai your spouse is one thing, nak tambah deal ngan fmily your spouse la pulak.. pastu, your adik beradik got married, nak deal ngan family your adik beradik spouses pulak... aiyyoo.. the story never ends..

tu, nak peringat diri sendiri..bila dah dapat ipar duai mentua yang tak banyak songeh, tak banayak hal,tak payah lah nak amik kesempatan..amik peluang.. buat bodoh nyusah kan orang.. and pastu rasa tak susah.. aiyyoo.. be thankful for once! and, adat and hukum manusia, kalau boleh, kalau tak salah, hormat lah yang tua.. mak abah tu, memang confirm2 golongan yang kene hormat, tahap dewa.. selagi diorang tak terpesong dari ajaran Tuhan..

hmm, itu pun nak kene ajar ke?

Monday, October 17, 2011

thank you

i turn 34 tomorrow.. well, i lost interest in celebrating birthdays when i turned the big three.. but of course i won't be refusing any gift.. damn if i do!

so far, i'm doing fine with my life.. of course, i guess as i get wiser, i need to put extra attention on my spiritual requirements.. been lacking and aware of the lacks since forever.. of course, when i was younger, i blame the devils for having succeed to control my mind.. but then again, i knew, it just me.. i just need reason.. i was equipped with good religious background, i just chose to ignore em.. and i really need to work harder than i used to.

as for me turning a year older, i guess i should be thankful with what i had. i am.. really..of course i wish i could be richer, slimmer, more beautiful, fairer, taller, smarter, and all a fairy tales could think of.but i definitely have to be thankful to what has been blessed on me..

i am blessed with smart boys of mine, and that liltle princess who've been sleeping most of the time really a blessing to all of us. my hubby, as much as there were times i was annoyed with him, i'm still thankful for having him as part of my life as my bestfriend, my soulmate, my partner, my lover, my atm cum banker, my life.. and best part is, this year, he has to be extra generous.. afterall, i went thru the nine-month pregnancy and labour, and he knew how to appreciate it. with the slimming sanctuary package and this ipad, i am thankful enough.

of course, am sure getting messages and wishes from my good mates and their prayers are enough for me to be thankful..

so, am i worried for the upcoming birthdays? i guess that won't be a prob...

Sunday, October 16, 2011


it's not difficult.. but it's hardwork! being a mother it is...

my sis, first-time mother, is struggling to be just a plain simple mother.. after the labour, she've decided that would be her first and last!! of course that was the first-hand labour pains talking!.. few hours after that, as she's determined to breastfeed her baby, her baby seems to refuse her. my sis even decided to give up breastfeeding after one week.. but her 'ego' stucked by.. she kept pumping her milk, hoping it would stop so she has valid reason to let her baby starts on formula. to add to the challanges, her baby would cry every night until the sun is ready to set.. her baby cried out loud. and to her inferiority, my baby aivey, could hardly shed tears.. all aivey does every day every night is sleep... and baby iris is the opposite of aivey!!

my sis, though seems to be strong.. not really strong at the end. this evening, it was the third time i saw her ignoring her baby and she just stayed in the bed, as if everything's fine! she really did.. and i was worried for her.

i just wish she is stronger than she thought she is.. being a mother is not difficult.. it's just hard work.. mentally, physically, emotionally.. of course some part of me is mad at her. how could she be so selfish.. but another part of me sympathised.. she just have to learn to be just a plain mother.

talking about post-partum depression huh? did i get the term correctly?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

.. the long pause ..

well, it's been a while. i'm blogging from my iP, hence, i don't know how to set the font, and most importantly, i couldn't change my profile summary.. am an officially a mother of three ;)

she has arrived, a month ago.. my little precious princess.. and i still can't believe i have a baby girl that complete the missing jigsaw all this while..

a beautiful innocent baby girl. we finally settled for aivey adela after a week of arguing over the name.

it was on the 14th last month! around 4:30ish pm, as i laid my tired self in front of the tv and aimar was lying next to me.. a sudden 'blop' of water burst, and i knew it i was on labour! as much as i was aware i was on my 37th week, i was still hoping that i would be on labour on th 16th onwards.. reason being: 1-after few arrangement, my hubby managed to get a day early than he planned to be onshore.. he was supposed to off duty on the 16th, but managed to get released on the 15th. 2-my parents were both on their 'business' trip to bangkok and will only be back on the 16th.3-my gynae was on business trip to milan (this is what you'll face if you picked celebrity's doc) and will only be in kl on the 15th 9pm. so, any sign of labour before the 16th was a no-no for me!!!!!

but who am i to control the Bigger force?

at times, there were me, the boys and my sis who was on her 39th week! and she was supposed to be in labour first instead of me! she was so panicked, that aidan even proposed to her to call 999.. aidan's voice was so calm and we both laugh. yup, i was in pain, but, i can still managed.

my sis drove me up, and as we reached the hospital, the jockey was confused as he thought it was my sis that was on labour..

anyway, as we reached the labour room, and as i asked for another gynae, i was told i was 6cm dilated. i confidently told the midwife that my contraction was on twenty minutes lapsed.. somehow, the machine picked my contraction was actually every five minutes.. it took me one and half hour to be fully dilated. by then i was on tge laughing gas.. dang! i was not laughing.. and yes, i was so sad as i knew my hubby still missed the delivery for the third time!! the sadness somehow was so hard that i could stand the labour pains! of course when i was ready to 'push', no word can describe that pain!!!!! my aunts, two of them, were there in the labour room.. they gave me strenght! we, the family, were not so good in showing our emotion, but at that time, i knew how much they love me and how difficult for them to be strong for me as they saw me lying there trying hard to stay strong! with three pushes, a tiny weeny human being was born. there she was, on my chest.. she wasn't crying, and all i can see was her eyes soo tiny :)

the labour was a miracle.. always... and i was one of the lucky few who didn't have to go thru the stiches healing process as there was none (lagi ada hajat nak opt for c-sec!!)..

aivey is a wonderful blessing. we went to the peaditrician after a week, just for a routine check-up and was informed she had an ulcer in her mouth! she didn't cry and i didn't knew!!!!!

she's been such a great baby.. and we were blessed to have her.. just can'g wait to explore all the girly stuff with her ;) so, stay tuned!!

hmm.. would i want to go through another labour coz mr hubby missed all three of them???? for now, let it be a long pause.......i still am struggling being a mother of three!!!

Monday, September 12, 2011

nearing the time

been a while since my last post.. yup, bit tied up with things at work. plus the heavy load am carrying with me on my belly. and not much to write about things also contributes to the reason of the silence..

anyway, i'm on my 37th week of my journey to deliver my baby in the belly. i was on my 37th week when i celebrated my firstborn-aidan, and aimar came up earlier at merely 35th week and was so tiny and fragile when he came to the world. by right, i should be on stand-by mode 24-7.. i had a 'panic' attack last friday.. i really thought that i'm going into labour sooner. the contraction that i've been feeling for every two hours turned out to be a fake one.. which i was glad. as much as i want this labour to be over as soon as possible, i don't want it to be happened last friday, or even now.. baby HAS to wait.. at least until the 16th.. nope, i'm not that patriotic that i want my baby to be born on Msian's day.. point is, my hubby will only be able to be release from offshore on the 16th, and he'll be travelling back to kl in the morning.. hopefully, should there be no delays, he'll be in klia by noon the 16th.. and if only i were to give birth, we should wait two three hours after that, hopefully.. and to add matters worst, my gynae is now in milan, and will only be back on the 15th.. a friend told me, 'this is the difficulties you'd faced dealing with celebrities doctors!'.. so, with no hubby and gynae, i'm living in denial as much as i could to ensure i'm not into labour.. not after the 16th...

mr hubby missed the two labours i went through, and he better make sure he don't miss this one! with me getting 'older' every seconds, and my body not helping much, i might take a loooonnnnggg break for going through another horrific pregnancy!

my pregnancy, in general, was nothing new. on the 12th week, i checked myself in to the emergency ward in prince court, while my parents were taking care my son on the peadiatric ward and hubby was all the way in brazil's offshore. of course, the doctor in-charged and the nurses were so confused to see mee all alone and so weak.. but i was so weak and they just didn't have the gut to ask much.. that was the first time, and i visited the wards few times after that.. hyper-nemesis, they called it! excessive vomitting...

and i never stopped vomitting even on my second and third trimester.. it was normal to my body and as i would say "aku pasrah".

i still vomitted last week.. with headache and backpains.. one interesting thing happened during the pregnancy was muscle pulled.. in my entire life, i never knew how it felt.. sports (since the world don't consider resting on the bed is an event), was never on my plate.. so, i never knew how muscle pull should feels like.. but, there was one night, as i was sleeping, my leg felt cramped and 'gone' elsewhere.. i was screaming, and sad thing was my hubby was not around at that time!

so, i'm counting days.. and praying hard that mr hubby will be just in time when we are ready to deliver the baby. insyaallah.

Friday, August 12, 2011

raya, u'ols

i was not looking forward for raya this year. with me could hardly carry my tummy which will explode anytime! so, not having my hubby around on the day is not a really a much concern to me. but then, i heard the lagu raya.

gosh, most lagu raya are so depressing and sad and will drift the listener away. not like christmas, lagu raya will always have this mellow melody with sobbing lyrics! darn!

so, yup.. out of sudden, realizing not having him around for raya make me kind of sad. especially now that i'm in no position of going anywhere or do anything.. i even haven't bought the boys baju melayu pun.

so, can i have him pagi raya?


Thursday, August 11, 2011

picking up things

aimar: teacher mala bagi aimar 'sun' ari ni.
mama: sun? like sun sticker, ke?
aimar: no. teacher buka window and suruh aimar duduk tengok 'sun'.
mama: why?
aimar: because i am very good..

am definitely sure the teacher did that because he was so sleepy, most of the time, all the time :)

aidan: ma, did you know, daniel was pushing me during the que with his big tummy
mama: dia tak sengaja terlanggar kot..
aidan: no. dia memang saja. i saw him smiling after pushing me.

after the incident, daniel would definitely the most hated boy in school in his list

mama: i really don't know what can i do with aimar.. he's so naughty
aidan: lepas baby keluar, put him back in your tummy

ma yeen: my baby's name is no longer zara. i've changed it. aidan nak baby ma yeen nama apa?
aidan: ma yeen asik tukar nama je. tunggu je lah baby keluar, biar doktor yang bagi nama kat die.

aimar decided to throw tantrums and cried one morning and refused to go to school. that was the first time, and hearing the news made me mad. that afternoon, when my hub wanted to pick up aidan from school, aimar wanted to follow. he dressed up, decided to wear his school uniform!

as i was still mad at him, i still trying to figure out what's the best lesson to teach him. we've done enough pinching, and we've gone through the soft-talk method. i decided to go different approached - to reward aidan for going to school. so, i told aimar that i'm buying aidan new toys.

aimar: abg dan, mama nak beli toy untuk abang.
mama: aimar tak sedih ke for not getting any? mama beli for abang je.
aimar: tak, nanti aimar boleh share ngan abg dan bila die dah tak nak main.

he is challenging my parenting skill.

an advert in the TV did mentioned "Terengganu and Kelantan". aidan insisted it was "Terengganu and Kemaman". i tried corrected him, but he just wouldn't listen.

his aboh said "let him be".. and so, i will..

semangat kemamang betul

Monday, August 1, 2011

me - fasting :)

i'm counting hours! not because i'm hungry.. my head had been thumping for the past two hours.. yet, to my surprise, i wasn't hungry as much i thought i would be! fasting and being pregnant was not as hard as i thought.. though this wasn't my first time... it's all goes back to the intention! i intend to fast thru out the month, so i don't have to pay-back the time i missed, insyaallah.

as of now, another half hour for me to clock out from the office.. demm, i'm sleepy. lack of sugar definitely be the reason me being so lightheaded and just wish i could lie down.. definitely would be lying down in half hour time!

one thing that i realized today is that i'm admitting most of my emotional tantrums are due to my hormone. i still hate that blardy aunt of mine. i still dissatisfied with my sis. i still couldn't agree with my cousin being so nice just because she said she has her own pride. i still am very annoyed with that bengong statement from my SIL that she has to reschedule the dinner because she needed to attend to my parent's 'need' .. and i still am..

but then again, the hormone is the major catalyst!

and talking about fasting, though aidan is six and we can start training him to fast, my intention is just to train him over the weekend. somehow, i called him this afternoon, and he told me "aidan try puase, mama".. since most of his classmates were fasting, he decided to fast too.. and i couldn't be so much happier than a mother could be :) 

Thursday, July 28, 2011


the harimau malaya is fighting against the lions later this evening. well. am not into football, but then again, with the FB shoutouts, the huha in the radio, the everything about we gonna qualify for the pre-qua stage, am suddenly so can't wait for the game tonight!

well, i'm not so into football. i didn't even know what offside was, and i agreed with my girlfriends if we were to watch the footies, it would merely because we wanted to satisfy our animal female instinct enjoying that delicious yummy footballers.. and that's it..

but somehow, my mum was always a sports fan (she can even enjoy watching that lawn-bowl if her team is playing!).. so, whenever there were game, especially m'sia is on the card, she'll watch. and then, we got no choice but to watch rather than wandering what she was screaming about..

then, earlier this year, the harimau malaya team been performing well..with the AFC.. and of course i still wonder is Mat Yo really tonggek or he's been trying hard to look 'that' tonggek in the field.. and Apek is a fantastic keeper.. his eyes has always been on the ball, no others.. and safiq is not bad. of course that zakuan boy mmg undeniable comel. and safee was good striker. and so, the team is worth the time to spend on!

prayers and lucks for them tonight. that 2nd keeper suck and had let go five goals during the first leg in s'pore.. but, we were not bad with three goals.. so, go harimau malaya..

as they all been singing "in the jungle, the might jungle, the Lion sleeps tonight".. we are all in for the win!

kesian itu budak

not that i care so much, especially on celebrities' life & lifestyle.. somehow, i felt like expressing my opinion on this Jimmy Shanley's issue.. from what i gathered, he was having a marriage issues, ten days after they were married. somehow, within the ten days, he still managed to get his newly-wed wife pregnant.. bravo! it took seven months for my hub & me.. anyway, we were on weekend couples on our early marriage life, so, ok la tujuh bulan tu :)

and now, the wife has given birth to beautiful zahrah shanley, macam2 lak citer...
all this while, Jimmy, been showing to the media he sufferred.. the wife hates him and don't want him to be involved with the pregnancy. well, the wife, coming from orang kaya punya background, didn't say much during the pregnancy. then, bila dah beranak, baru nak bersuara. die ckp jimmy was an abusive hub, which jimmy did not deny being 'abusive' (in what sense tak tau la kan).. then, ada lak ura2 saying that jimmy is a sex-maniac, and even requested his wife to perform sexual acts not like other would ask! then, today, i read an article, the cukur jambul event of the newborn, canteek and very very posh and rich. and no jimmy, the father.

again, i'm not into celebrity, much about their sex life. but somehow, these people have bought an insan to this world.. a beautiful pretty baby. as much as they don't want to comment and talk about in the media, the media will keep on looking for the news. and the news written were intepreted, the way the reporter intepreted them! and the only victim is that little tiny princess who hasn't got a clue on what becomes her!

i don't understand. i really don't. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


damn sleepy!!!! very very very much, indeed..

yup, i have piles up of things-to-do, but, would rather hold it to the list than trying my hard to understand the procedures and guidelines in ensuring am doing the right things!

damn sleepy!!!!

aimar was not feeling well.. with fever and athma, his sleeps was a disturbed one, and so did mama!

the baby is not giving me any chance as much! she just moved and moved, and when she stretched..ok, am not sure if she was stretching, but when she did moved, and my whole tummy felt like being stretched to the max, i just couldn't take it.. my front felt uncomfortable, my back ached!

and on my 30th week, i still puked! yup.. every morning, that is a routine.. and today, i threw up my breakfast! darn.. at this instance, i wish i could speed time!

o, and i hate my auntie. this particular auntie. i must pray hard enough so that there's no resemblance of her on my newborn! ok, people said blood is thicker than water. but, officially, she was related to me on paper - not by blood. my mum's lil brother decided to be a fool and fell in love with her and married her. so, on paper, yup, she's related - but not by blood.. i guess that is why i never understands things she did and said.. tapi, orang cakap 'sabar' je lah.. how i wished! being me! here's the thing.. things were fine. there were family fued years ago, and they 'isolated' themselves by not keeping in touch with us.. how i wish they kept 'isolating' themselves! my mum is the eldest of twelve. as my gramps had all lone gone, my mum is the eldest in the family. and when my sis decided to get married, everybody's aware of that would be wedding of the time as it would be the last wedding in my mum's family, insyallah (touch wood la kan) mum never carik gaduh and carik pasal with that 'isolated' family, so, when my mum called so many times (god knows how many la kan) asking her lil brother to be there for the wedding, i expected them to be there! my sis even bought dressess for the girls, and matching baju for our uncle. but they did not turn up! nada! sebab gaduh adik beradik.. and that was when i have to admit how foolish my uncle was to listen to his wife, and how hati jahat his wife was.. c'mon, you were first class degree holder from the UK, and the best advise you can give your hub and kids were not to go to the wedding that you big sister-in-law was having! rude! very rude! anyway, that was years ago.. two years ago. now that they've realized that there were pointless to fight over things, they came back into the picture. but to me, she still not worth the trust! she could bitch about my cousin behind her back, she used her kid FB id and commented 'rude' remarks (and that makes me think how rude a twelve-year-old girl can be), and when i shut her off, she said my preggy's hormone has gotten into me! stop playing victim. i just hate you, fullstop..

gosh.. that is my pregnancy hormone's rambling. i guess, i love to talk about intimate things lately, rather than general stuff.. i know, i shouldn't, but i couldn't. 

and when i thought this pregnancy would be different, my sickness is coming back to stay.. ten more weeks (or less, hopefully) to go, and i have to bear the vomitting again... hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Monday, July 25, 2011

c'mon neigbour!

was listening to the radio, and a segment "tak tahan" was on air. a lady caller, called in.. and seriously commenting on her neighbour "saya dah tak tahan dah, rimas.. isteri die pakai seluar pendek, singlet tak berlengan... seksi memanjang. anak ada sorang. yang suami pulak tak tau nak buang sampah betul2 dalam tong sampah.. bla bla bla".. as much as the deejays trywing to make fun about the hot mama, the caller kept telling the listeners how annoying she was.. 

and i shut off the channel! 

ni la melayu.. frankly, memang melayu punye issue. and i hate it.. hate it to every bits! so, what if that hot mama decided to wear just a singlet with hotpants at her own home-ground? it's her house, kan? and she knew she got the bod! and if anyone should care, it would be her husband, not others. okay, so what if you just can't stand the view? for godness sake... just because you don't have the gut, don't blame others who has! and, if you really have a problem, do you really need to call in and complaint? boo-hoo, shame on you. and this is not kampung mentality. trust me, it's not! i was in kemaman for the first five years' of aidan's life. living in the two-season area i.e. draught in the first half year, and monsoon for the next six month, i must admit, i have difficulties adapting with the hotness during the 'summer' season. i wore singlet and shorts.. i tried to avoid from the neighbour's view, just because i still respected their views..but once a while, i just couldn't help it but to go to the porch with just sleevless shirts and shorts.. but then again, my neighbours never gave me 'that look' or boycott me or what-so-ever.. they might feel uncomfortable, but not up to the extend to make me feel awkward... but this lady caller, i'm sure she is overreacting. very much indeed.. c'mon ladies, if you have a problem with someone, why don't you just talk to their face? and if you don't have the gut, just shut you mouth up, la..why bother? your lost kan for not telling them. and u can't expect people to know how you felt!

yup, you can't expect people to know how you felt. even if people are wise enough to know how you feel, by not telling, people will try to ignore how you feel. so, stop being typical malay yang nak jaga hati orang. so what if after telling, they will think you are a bitch.. at least, you are a bitch with class!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

so, be it

Quote" All good writers rewrite, several times – the words seldom appear on the page the first time around in a way that says what a writer really wants to say, so they keep rewriting until they get it right" Unquote - from  my favourite columnist, Mary Schenieder.
i was bitching about my superior, and as re-read the post, i knew i was not wrong publishing it at that time, and meant every single word i wrote. at those incidents, i still stood firm that what she did was not justifiable and she was the bitch!. somehow, today, i have to admit, i must change my perceptive on her. not that i got to know her a little closer. nope.. i still don't feel comfortable calling her 'kak' though that's what she address herself when she called me. but then again, i guess, she must has her own reason to react the way she acted, and being a perfect human being, she's just another example of 'nobody's perfect'...

in fact, all of us are! we might think what we did and said was sane, justifiable and for everybody's interest. nope, we never wrong in judging things! and once a while, even how hard we try to perceive things from other's point of view, we still stand where we stood, firm!

and so, be it. it may hurt our pride, but it won't kill us!

Friday, July 15, 2011

boy o boy

o my o my, i miss my boys, so much! it's been two nights in a row..i couldn't sleep! i never have problem with sleep.. nope! nada! somehow, now that the boys are not around, i missed them so much, and feel so awkward having the bed all by myself! i can't imagine how mister aboh felt everytime he needs to be away with the boys after being attached with them four weeks before!

one day, they all will be gone.. gone to the boarding school. off to universities. build their own family. gone away from our lives, physically..

until then, lemme cherished the moments we had, and more to we gonna have. 


a message was in my inbox.. as almost everybody decided to go to bandung, leaving just me, and two of my cousins.. that cousin of mine, who was still in school need to stay overnights with me.

an auntie, who supposedly to be 'adult' enough, besides calling, and  is fully aware where my my cousin live, thought the idea of inboxing me thru the FB message (i blocked her from writing on my FB wall) and asked who is taking care of that cousin of mine.. and she has the courtesy to tell us off "kalau nana nak tumpang rumah auntie, boleh je, tapi nak pergi/balik sekolah tak tau cammana sebab kerete dah penuh".. and here's the scenario, she has four girls of her own.. a 12yo, 10yo, 4yo and 1yo.. the 12yo and 10yo went to the same school to that cousin of mine.. she drove a wira, not that small fit kancil car..and she have the decency to tell us off that her car is too small to fit all the girls!

kalau nak tolong, biar ikhlas.. just because you inbox me, doesn't mean you care.. and what's with this inbox thru FB using your 12yo kid userid? can't you just ring us! for godness sake, you are our auntie! if you think so la. 


after 37 years breathing, my cousin still have issues taking care of herself. last month, she nearly lost a wallet with RM700 cash. a good hearted chinese family took all the effort, calling everywhere to look for the owner of the lost wallet.. she got all her stuff and cash back, untouchable. somehow, last week, she still didn't manage to find mykad.. and the morning before they were off to bandung, she lost the wallet again, for the 576th time, with RM500 cash in it.. we are definitely sure she won't be getting the wallet again..not this time.. and this is nothing new..

sometimes, people just never learned!


my niece didn't follow the family, and her mom has the gut to write on my wall "edleen said it's not fair that she couldn't join the trip"...

one - nobody stopping your daughter to join your trip.. all you have to do is pay for the ticket! don't expect free ride la, c'mon!

two - i must remind myself to block my SIL from writing on my FB wall too, just like that aunt of mine!buweekk


my sis, she promised to stay with us when my parents off to bandung with the boys. she lied.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

love after marriage

i was rushing when i woke up this morning. my hubster called me up, all the way from FPSO Roncardo, Brazil, but i have to turned him down and didn't even bother asking him to call back. somehow, when he called, my head was spinning that i needed to vomit (like a normal morning routine for the past seven month!), and my stomach was screaming for that nature's call. hence, i hang up on him. of course, he didn't call back. i didn't ask him too, and i understand that it's not easy to get through the line if he was to call back. plus, with the different timezone, i'm sure that he's all worn out after the shift work and needed a good rest.

well, as i'm done for work, driving up to the office, i realized i missed him.

when he was courting, he stayed up and picked up flowers at the park, just to decorate that handmade card for me. and now he's married, he stop courting. but he still stayed up. sometimes, he even did the laundry and that minus one of my chores and i'm fine.
when he was courting, he bought gifts and bouquets  to his 'sugar'. and now he's married, not that he stop buying, he will still buys, but of course i have to ask!
when he was courting, he would stop whatever he was doing including playing playstation with his buddies when i called. now he's married, just like what i will do, he would say "i'm in the middle of something, and i'll call you back, kay?"
it's good that he still call me 'manje' like he used to call me eleven years ago.

reality checks - he's not that perfect guy i thought i knew. but i'm not complaining! i 'changed' too.. to fit in with one's and each other life. we learned to compromise. of course, we must keep reminding ourselves not to be complacent. and i guess that would be one of the reason he would still call everyday when he's away, even for five minutes.

we both have our expectations on each others. we can't stay the way we were though i'm pretty sure before we were married i did express my fears on 'things will change'.. things definitely change.. and it's not bad. am thankful to have him as my husband, a responsible one. once a while, it's still okay for me to leave him with the boys while i hang out with my buddies (though, most of the time i would hang out with the girls when he was not around, and i still asked for his permission). he doesn't complain much when i decides which place shall we go for dinner, rather than me preparing the home-cooked dinner. he will sacarstically wandering where my salaries gone when i asked for money, and i will give him this look and said "takpe lah kalau tak nak bagi".. and voila, he still gives.

and me no purr-fect either. if most of the cards to him were handmade before, now, my occasional cards to him came from the 7E rack. as a mother of two (plus one), i still woke up at ten on weekends, and hub doesn't complain much. and , like what i did this morning, a long-distance phone call just need to wait as the nature's call.. though i remembered talking with him on the cell while i was in the bathroom doing my business eleven years ago.

it's true, when you got married, things do change. it's up to us to make it better or worst..

all in all, i'm happy to know, no matter how, no matter what, when i feel like missing someone, i have someone that i love to miss.

Monday, July 11, 2011

building a life

my sister has moved out from our parent's house months ago. her new house was like fourty five minutes away from the city. when she started to move out, it was an abrupt move. at least that was how i felt. out of blue, they loaded everything in their MPV and off they went.

looking at current circumstances, her being pregnant and the it was only ten minutes away to and fro my parent's house and office, we were under the impression that she would stay at my parents during the weekday and only spend their time at their new house during weekends.

anyway, as it has been months... that has not been an option. not that i care. she's married, own a good big house, and has a husband who can decide whatever whenever. but on the other hand (and again, maybe its the pregnancy hormone in me), i was saddened by her (or their, to include the husband) arrangements. with her being pregnant for the first time, deep inside, i knew my mum and dad wanted her to be around them. she's the youngest.. she might think dad loves me more and mum loves her brother more, but truth, she's the closest to them compared to both of us. my dad keep telling me that she is always prone to casualty and need extra monitoring, and with her current condition, i knew how dad and mum wished she's around more often than she did. maybe all my dad can prepare was that simple fried vege and fried chicken, but, i knew he wanted to fry it for his expecting daughter!

but then again, it's not her fault if she and her hubby decided to spend more time together in their new house and that far-far-away land. it just that, i found that it's unacceptable.. if they could spend full two days+nights in malacca over the weekend with her hubby's family, and only opted to stay overnight for one night in my parent's in a month, and as much as my parents did not show it, i can feel them! 

she screwed up our 'family' outing yesterday. she was the one who was proposing for us to have nice comfort hi-tea at the double tree while waiting for my mum to finish her events there.. at the end, it was only me, my two boys and my dad.. of course my mum join us half hour later. i was angry with her. of course, she said she was tired.. but on the other hand, she's not being fair to my parents. 

to make it up, this morning, she was telling me she wanted to sell the house, and she wanted to buy a house nearer to the office. as it is as simple as selling that baju kurung collections of hers! this is my sister's major problem - she's a people pleaser.. she tends to cater for everybody's needs and wants, and when she fails, she would try hard to give illogical reasons rather than explaining the truth that she couldn't fulfill the requirements.. 

my mom and dad never objected whatever she wanted to do. after all, she's married and her life now belongs to her hubby. and i was wondering if my mom and dad felt the same when i moved out from the house - like i'm totally shutting off my life with them. perhaps, my situation was different as i moved out to other states, and i didn't have much chance to spend time neither with my parents nor my in-laws.. 

on the other hand, this makes me think.. how would i react when the times come and the kids are married and ready to move out from our house? would i be happy? would i be sad? would i feel isolated? would i feel proud? of course, how i wish i could have them all by myself for the rest of my life. and of course, i can't be selfish in that sense! the kids will grow up. meet someone they love. decided to have a family of their own and will have their own mindset how to live their life. of course they never intend to shut off their parents.. but, in a matter of time, that how parents will feel.. and for now, am not sure how long it will lasts.


Friday, July 8, 2011


here's the plot:

four men - rich, handsome, near-purrfect, close buddies, own a successful business - one is the CEO, one is CFO, one deals with the marketing, and one can have any good post in the company!.. super-rich..o, i mentioned that..
the CEO has a beautiful girlfriend, who has an affair with the marketing guy, and the CFO knew. the CFO swindled the company's money, and the marketing guy knew, and so both of them betrayed the CEO and not that they agreed with the betrayals, but if one secret is out in the open, the other will burst too.. the CEO suspected another friend was having an affair with the girlfriend, though. 

now - turn the plot around - change the men, to ladies.. woo hoo... to add dramas, instead of affairs, the CEO is married and her husband cheated with the marketing babes and even practise polygamy. 

well, that's much more complicated and more drama for the telenovela slot in our local tv. 

it was fun watching annisa.. but, i just don't understand, how can the CEO can't 'catch' her husband is two-timing her, with her own bestfriend! and how could that bitch bestfriend betrayed her? and money may not buy happiness, but money can make you bold enough to kill others.

sometimes, i thought the drama is too typical malay drama.. but then again, i'm not surprised if this is based on true stories..of course the script has been dramatized!

real life, huh...

Monday, July 4, 2011


been tied up with things, lately. well, not much of a thing as i still can go back from work on the dot to ensure i managed to take that half hour nap before dinner. (then dinner, then sleep)

anyway, there were commotions at school last week. nope, it wasn't aimar! the principal called me to tell that "daniel's mum told us that aidan bit daniel!".. o my, o my. being a mother, i became defensive instantly. i knew what aidan did was wrong, but, i refuse to admit immediately. i remembered aidan telling me the day before about the pencil's issue. 

there was this one funcky nice straw-like pencil that he got from the 7E and he requested to bring it to school. i said no the first time. but this 6yo boy has his own way to win mama's approval. he told me "but i ask for your permission. can i bring it mama?".. with hesitation, and thinking that he was partly right, i said ok, only if he promised to take care of the pencil. not that it matter so much, but, as aidan been losing his stationeries everyday, i guess it would be a good practise for him to take care of his stuff. however, as he came back from school, he told me that he lost the pencil. he said "daniel asked for the pencil." and i interrogated "did you gave daniel?". he said no, but he put the pencil on the table and when we wanted to keep it back in his bag, the pencil was gone. and so, it ended there. i said "that is why i said not to bring anything to school". 
and when ms hana called me and said "aidan bit daniel", i knew he has his own reason. unlike aimar, aidan would get aggressive when he's been provoked. he would bit, hit and do all those beyond thinking, in a blink of eyes. anyway, as i told ms hana what i knew, ms hana was telling me "daniel is a very cheeky boy. he has this habit to take things from his friends, but, his mom will always check his bag" cut it short, i asked for daniel's mum contact to apologize (though i must admit i did hesitate) and called her to say sorry of what had happened. 

back from work, i asked aidan the whole story... just to found out, my hesitation about daniel being cheeky and took aidan's pencil that resulted in aidan's biting him was all me wrong. i was playing the very defensive mother, and i should have not. but tell me, who's mother won't? apparently, daniel did not take aidan's pencil, it was nadia and she admitted and gave the pencil back to aidan. poor daniel, being the biggest boy at school, got bitten by aidan was not something he would feel proud of. and he was not at fault at all.... gosh! i texted his mum and apologized, again. 

and that night, aidan was different. he refused to talk. he went to bed early, out of norm. he wasn't talking and explaning. and i knew, him misjudging daniel and it went all the way up to his beloved principal's knowledge was not something that he was proud of. aidan never cared about others, but he was selective enough to get approvals from his mama, aboh, atuk and teacher hana.. he was always at his best behaviours, and i'm so thankful for having such an obedient boy like him.

i thought the biting issue stopped there.. only to find out that he pinched daniel on friday! gosh! and i thought everything has over! i asked aidan what happened and he told me "he was cutting queues in front of me".. silap besar la kan.. he was so full of grudges over daniel, and daniel carik pasal cam tu.. gosh!!!!

me - as time writing this still speechless. frankly, i didn't know how to deal with these kind of stuff. i can just let it flow, and told him this is part of life learned and he shouldn't do what he did. i did that. and was that enough? hmmmmmmmm

Friday, June 17, 2011

the 35th anniversary

i really need to blog about something.. apparently, there's so many things i would want to write, as a reminder to myself..but i've been deely-delaying em.. procrastinating is no stranger to me. be it blogging, doing house chores, going somewhere fun, working, and doing anything except lying down on the sofa, stretching my body to max... i don't even bother what was on the tv.. i just want to lie... a five minutes nap every minute is all i want!

anyway, as it is friday, and work as usual, not as hectic as it used to be (somehow, i', still wondering if i am currently overpaid and underwork, or my previous company had took advantage over me by employing me and i was overworked and underpaid there?).. just nice timing to blog about something and everything..


well, we celebrated our parents 35th anniversaries last June 12th..actually, it was just a whole complete family dinner at the tony roma's (nope, din really enjoyed the food, chillis's better!) on the saturday nite the 11th. it's been a while since our last family outing and dinner, so, time well spent..

my parents - typical 'old' malay couple .. been in the marriage for 35 years, and still complaints about each other, show no mushy-mushy PDA in front of the people.. and i wonder if they love they had still sparks as they once knew. since i knew how to listen, my mum never stop telling me sob stories "abah ko cam ni.. cam tu".. once a while she would just sob out of sudden "mengenang nasib"... once or twice i do sympathize her, mad at my dad.. but as time passes by, i learned to 'ignore' and show no emotion.. mum would think i am daddy's dotter.. i might seems like i am daddy's girl rather than an obidient daughter to my mum. but, then and again, i love them both the same. my dad, he's an 'evil' husband, the husband type that i don't want my hubby to become. he's a lovely dad, but, as a hubby, he might fail miserably, .. at least, that was how i think of him while i was growing up. my earliest memories about him was all about how 'strict' he was to my mum. there was once my mum lost the house key, and she has to beg to me to admit that i lost it. my dad was cool about it, and i was sure if he knew the truth, he would just locked my mum away. my mum never had a driving license because of my dad. she had a driving class, and there was once, he tried to drive my dad two-months-old car and misjudged when she tried to park the car, and there was a small dent and scratches on the door. my mum was so trembled, not because of her driving experience, but because she knew my dad would make a big deal about it..(which he did, and end up my mum never drive till now - padan muka abah, kan dah kene jadi driver mama for the rest of her life). there's so many things that my dad would do if mum screwed things up.. and knowing my mum, she would most of the time screwed things up.. and what she learned best was never married to an army.. he'll be an officer in the camp, and even at home!

despites all the bads, they stick together... celebrating the 35th anniversarries.. with three kids, three kids-in-law, three (plus two) grandkids.. and when he waited for my mum to walk to the car (my mum walked very slow), i knew he loves her. he's very bad in expressing his affectionate, but, i knew he'll suffer more if my mum leave him.. now that they are getting older, i have to face the fact that time is not always with them. i know i can't face it when the time come (even thinking about it killing me), and if mama is to leave us first, i am definitely sure abah, that strong heart-steel retired army colonel can't survive much! he has a funny way to show his love, but, we know he loves her.. and mama knew he loves her as much, their lifetime!

anyway, my dear abah and mama.. if there were no you thirty five years ago, there'll be never be us breathing today. we love you bigger than ever, and we owe you our lives. happy anniversary dearest!xoxoxo

a litle reminder to mr hubby, as i was driving yesterday, my mind roamed to the time when we met and spent time together, the weekend in london, when yeen was around.. we were 'just friend' back then, and we flirted big time. that moment, every single moment, still fresh in my mind. the moment you accidentally brushed your hand over mind, the moment you helped to push me up to that lion on trafalgar square for that picture perfect, the moment you pretended looking elsewhere when all your eyes were locked on me (chewah), the moment we were both were so sad to leave each other at the Euston station as the train was ready to leave... the moment i would treasured and cherished for the rest of my life, and hope you'd think the same too. as time passess by, i know it is almost impossible to create that moment as much as we wish. we were young, wild and free.. and now, we are married, with commitments, and kids. but i'm glad i have that moment with you, and that moment brought us till today. 

let's live with the moment, keep reminding ourselves how crazy in love we once used to be, and forever be. please don't stop hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, whenever wherever.. and please keep on accidentally brushed your hand over mine, and pretend looking elsewhere when you think i didn't see you were staring at me..

please be there for me when i want to wish you "happy fiftieth anniversary my darling"..kalau panjang umur kita, insyaallah.


Wednesday, June 8, 2011


the hu-ha on the news portal related to the Obidient Wife Club (OWC) really getting on my nerves.. yup, it's typical of the media mass to brag about all these 'funny' business so that people read what they want to write.. somehow, this particular news has went overboard, to my judgement. until today, i frankly didn't read about it.. i glance through the main tittle, and read thru my friends comments and remarks on the FB.. and frankly, i don't give a damn, even till now, i really have no interest at all to find out.. 

from the headlines, i was made understood that this OWC is promoting mrs wives on how to have tip top great wonderful sex like the 'first class whores'.. and i wonder how would these people knew how would the first class whores services are like?. and the saddest pathetic part is that, the purpose of the OWC is to ensure that mr husbands won't stray and stick to the wifey...and those statements and ideas came from a group of insane ladies!blardyfuckingmadsluts!!!@@~~**!!!@"!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i'm sure they don't mind me calling them slut, as i'm sure that is their ulterior motive)

i guess enough is enough... we, much much classy ladies don't need such movement! it's an insult to womankind..

no matter what, no matter how, no matter when, no matter who, no matter where..when men choose to stray, they will! and they are well 'equipped'......
if they got caught, they would apologize profusely, they would remosely cry or even pretend to die to tell them how sorry they were...or even worst, they would admit that "they could afford to stray".... 
we, ladies, even without being the member of this OWC, we knew ourselves best than to stray. yup, of course they're a few who deviate from being obidient wife and commit adultery, but i guess, without facts and figures, no doubt that women are unlikely to cheat as compared to mr husbands!
at the end of the day, we, fear of being a divorcee, sympathizing the kids, being too financially independent not only permits our husband to cheat, but even make attempts to degrade ourselves to be a least, the first class whores got to get first-class treatment with fine dining, have sex on the five stars hotel's bed and received handsome payment after their services - some, if they were lucky they got to own that TODs tote they've been eyeing for....

how i wish i could scream and yell at these OWC people to stop thinking they are doing a noble thing for trying hard to please their men...

org cakap "tak payah berangan isteri sebaik aisyah kalau perangai tak semulia nabi"  

Monday, May 30, 2011

something worth reminding of..

serves me right!

i've always wanted to be part of them. it took me ten years, but, the spot was mine, finally. i guess, "always wanted" is just not enough. it has been a decade, hence, i forgot why i've always wanted to be part of them. 

and after less than a year, i'm still couldn't find an answer what i've always wanted what i've wanted all this while. 

attending meeting, the most crucial question would be "what's for break?"
going to a conference, be it a paid or free, all they would want to know is what's in the door gift goody bag?
a collegue just asked me "do we get extra discount going to aquaria?", blindly answered "yup, just show them your MyKad, all malaysian will be charge at a special rate".. and that collegue of mine continued "nope, i mean, additional previlige because we are working here...".... and the company i'm working with has got nothing to do with aquaria, but only a walking distance away (even, my previous company is nearer to aquaria, if to compare).. and i was left speechless.

the list is more than i could think of. the first few month, i thought i just need time to adapt. but i guess, for now, i've decided. i won't be able to adapt. and i won't bother to adapt.

of course, there'll be no self satisfaction. but i guess, as long as they pay me well, and i don't have to burden myself with tonnes of workload.. i'll just go with the flows.. of course i won't expect the previliges like those snobs always expect.. i know i don't have to. and not that i'm not thankful.

i guess that's why it took me ten years to come here.. to taste of my own medicine. i just need to get away..

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

miss independent


my lunch buddy aka my friend of thirteen years was telling me, no matter what, how, who, where and when, never show your significant one that you are independent. that's what the book said! and that's totally right.

considering at my current condition, i would say 'i was too late'.. he was so comfortable for me being independent, the boat has sailed away and not turning back. honk! honk! 

not that i'm complaining. i'm ok with the arrangement. i don't think i am 100% independent neither am 100% clingy. things i would depend on him 100%.. financial, hands-on DIY, cars, electrical stuff and many more.. and there were stuff i would just do it myself. there were occasions i just have to 'accidentally' be independent.. cases such as i was on labour, the first time and the second time.. he wasn't able to be around, and i just have to push those kiddos away! all these while, we are so used to and comfortable with long-distance relationship. when we first met, he was in london while i was in manchester. we spend weekends away, short breaks and not most of the time. then, i came back to malaysia while he finished his final year in UK.. (and went to Amsterdam without me!yup, i just want to brought that up for no reason..) as he come back to malaysia, he was in kemaman and i was in kl.. until we got married, i got knocked up and as our first-born arrived, i moved to kemaman. still, he was on offshore assignment.. forthnightly.. and a year and half ago (or has it been two years?), he's been off-Brazil-shore while i'm back here on-Malaysia-shore.. on monthly routine. hence, being away, i guess, i'm so used to be independent. but, to think back, i wasn't hundred percent  independent.. he may be out of sight, but not really out of reach. hence, i would always consult him before i would do or decide for anything.

my good friend has to check-in to the hospital by herself, with a limped (i guess) leg as she was due for some operation on her knee (was it the knee?).. she's what i call independent.. of course, i checked in to the emergency ward myself at midnight when i was badly attacked by hyper-emesis two months ago. i felt so alone, but i have no choice as i really need medical attention, while aimar was bedded at ward 6a (ggod that my parents were around to look after him). thanks to the iphone bought by my hubby, i shot an email to him, and he called immediately. of course the conversation was brief as i was 'busy' vomitting... but, to know he called, and to know that he cared (very much indeed) was soothing.. and i know i need him at that mo, and i'm not that strong to call myself an independent woman!

Thursday, May 12, 2011


bile asal balik usul..

aku ni bukan nye kacang lupakan kulit. sekali sekala, memang malu nak ngaku aku ni orang melayu beragama Islam.. bukan sebab bangsa aku low-class, atau agama aku anuti tu by default.. aku syukur lahir ke dunia diajar mengucap syahadah. tak pernah ada sekelumit cacat cela dalam agama aku. itu yang aku percaya. tapi yang buat aku nak marah bila orang melayu ni lupa yang islam dan melayu tu ialah due benda yang amat berbeza.

kalau nak ikut pendapat aku, takde satu pun rules dalam Islam yang menyusahkan.. bende sume straight-forward. yang jadi susah nya bile manusia tak mau ikut apa yang disuruh dan tak mau akur apa yang dilarang.. lepas tu, nak pandai sendiri cakap sume bende tak masuk akal... yang tak masuk akal nye bukan perintah agama, yang tak masuk akal nye sebab budaya.. diorang tak confuse, cume akal diorang tak panjang ..

malu nak citer apa dah jadi semalam.. tapi, apa dah jadi tu citer benar sebenar-benarnya.. tiade olahan, penambahan dan penolakan...

ada sorang makcik, umur tak panjang, dipanggil menhadap Pencipta-Nya .. yang tinggal anak2, sedara-mara. kalau ingat diorang kat die, ingatlah. kalau tak, tak lah. bila ingat, kalau nak sedekah fatihah yassin, sedekahlah. kalau tak, tak lah.

Islam suruh mempercepatkan pengebumian, bukan sebab nak kasi mudah anak-beranak, sedara-mara.. sebab Tuhan Maha Mengetahui. tapi, anak-anak buat mudah. sanggup biar jenazah ibu tidak dituntut, sebab, ibu meninggal lewat tengah malam, nak tanam jenazah time tu tak logik, jadi, kene tunggu esok pagi juga. kalau nak tuntut jenazah lewat malam, maknanye anak2 kene urus mandi jenazah esok pagi, dah jadik dua tiga kerja pulak. kalau tuntut jenazah dari hospital esok pagi, pihak hospital akan mandikan dan kafankan dan terus tanam .. anak2, yang dibesarkan oleh si ibu selama hayatnya, dengan rela hati buat keputusan.. biarlah tuntut jenazah esok pagi. malam itu, atas prosedur hospital, jenazah ibu terkujur di mortuary, peti ais kat rumah mayat.. Nauzubillah.

Islam memang lah menggalakkan umat pergi ziarah keluarga yang di dalam kedukaan. tapi Islam juga suruh kite ingat amanah. sebab kan rasa ada amanah kerja, yang nak pergi melawat ni bagitau lah bos die, yang juga melayu dan Islam.. "My aunt passed away, and I will be coming a bit late to the office".. bos die yang melayu dan Islam tu jawab "No prob, but if more than 3 hours, you have to take leave"... kudos.. takde takziah, takde condolonces, takde Innalillah, all she cared about is the time-track. ye lah, bos pun jalankan amanah.. (rasa aku, kalau aku cakap kat bos cina aku dulu kucing aku mati accident, sure die akan reply "sorry to hear that...")

bende2 yang aku nak highlight ni bukan sebab Islam.. sume ni jadi sebab orang melayu. ibu ayah besarkan kite dengan kasih sayang, pengorbanan dan dengan harapan cukup ilmu hidup supaya pandai menjaga adab menguruskan kehidupan. tapi orang melayu ni pelik. bile tak cukup ilmu, salahkan ibu ayah ("kurang ajaq, mak pak hang tak ajaq ke?")..bile ilmu dah menggunung, die saja yang betul.. orang lain semua salah. pandai ke bodoh ke, bila dah nama melayu tu, susah nak argue.. apa2 pun, die jugak nak menang.

melayu - bangsa penuh adab dan budaya - deep thoughts!

anyway, i've put in my list to search for good religious school for the boys. it's my responsibility.. and must keep reminding the boys the real values of life and how to live truthfully.. not live the life the way the culture wants it. if its wrong, its still wrong!  

Friday, May 6, 2011

mama, thank you

it's mother's day this coming saturday - at least that is based on the US calendar.. if i'm not mistaken, the Brits celebrates mother's day in june.. and we M'sian, just follow the media propagandas. hmm..

spoke to a sick mum who just completed her knee op due to the accident she met last two weeks. she sound sooo weak, not the girl i used to know, cheerful strong single mummy of a lovely daughter. tried my best to cheer her up, to ask her to look at the bright side as she'll be getting 6-8 weeks nice.. despite the pain on the knee la kan.. but, all she can think of and said out loud was "i'm worried of how can i cook food for marsya with this condition"... salute to you dear mummy!!! you were sick, all by yourself, and the only thing you are worried of is how to get your twelve year old daughter well-fed! you impressed me!

i don't compliment my mum often. i don't say out loud i love her .. and vice versa. when i was younger, i always thought she doesn't love me as much as mother should be. my siblings and i were with out gramps most of the time. the only time we spent our time with our parents were during weekends as on weekdays, we would be staying with our gramps. mum said it was convinient for the kids so that we didn't have to wake up early in the morning to go to school and religious classes. adn sometimes, when we were sick, she will just leave us with our gramps, even it was weekends. when i was younger, i always thought my nan did a better mother-job than my own mum. 

that was when i was younger. 

only when i was a mum myself i 'think' i understand my mum's love. this lady, who i have no faith in taking care of small kids, even her own grandkids (no offence, but i still think she is not as good as she should with kiddos).. is special. after sixty-three years, she sacrifices her time, life and everything for her kids' conviniences. with her background, nobody could have imagine she could have gone this far. with three spoilt-to-death brats of her own plus one 'clingy' egoist hubby,she survived this far. she have achived so many things in her life, and all i wanted her to know, never have been more proud than ever to have her as the queen of my heart. 

ma, you've gone through so many hardship that i could never have imagined i could stand it.. as much as i wanted to be the best mother to my kids, i knew you've done your part well to do that to us. happy mum's day, everyday.. and we do love you.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

bugger off!

i need to vent this out - i've been patience... now, as i've tend to feel like useless patient, i can't hold anymore!

i don't know whether it's the malay things, or just plain malaysian! but it suck! and it is definitely a lady issue! i'm sure what had happened definitely made me a racist sexist bitch!

coming into my eighth month, as an experienced hired, i should be doing fine with the new task. i'm way too fine, overpaid with no task given. was handed over one minor task that even a clerk could handle yesterday. submitted the required documented and this morning received a note telling me "i've reviewed your paper"..

it wasn't endorsed.. apparently, instead of writing 0.5% or RM40,000, i was supposed to write RM40,000 or 0.5%!! and that is a major taboo that i don't deserve the endorsement. i, obviously, didn't understand what's wrong with what i wrote and what is supposed to be written. especially when there were no black an white in that documents databank stated how it should be written. when i went to the binary code class during my yesteryears, 1 OR 0 will make 1 and 0 OR 1 will make 1 too! somehow, the person who supposed to endorse my paper might have skipped the logic class or didn't even have the chance to go to one!

i'm ok if the paper wasn't endorsed the first time as it was my first time, and i still need guidance.. but, not endorsing it because i wrote it differently as normal practise though it still bears the same meaning - that is not guidance. my opinion, that is finding faults, showing authority, abusing power for no reason, and pure sexist (nope, i'm not going to elaborate about it here, biar lah hanya aku saja yang tau!)... all those but guiding! if it's really necessary to follow the sequence, put it in writing, black-and-white, documented them so i won't argue but will laugh for the management silliness!

and to add to my 'confusion', after secen month, all i was given it that one-piece form that i need to filled and get it endorsed. and the new guy who joined last month were given a work order to work on! to me, that is an insult to a pregnant lady! and i won't elaborate this too..but, i'm sure i got this treatment because she is a she!

bugger off!