Thursday, December 15, 2011

que sera sera

i can't say i was tied up with three kids and couldn't find time to update this blog of mine. i normally post my blog when i'm at work, so, kids got not much to do about it. of course, though i'm at work, i will still need to find time to run errands for my kids.. family will definitely be my top priority and that is why i'm happy with my current work - it doesn't really demand my time as much as i can offer.. not if i were to be an engineer..well, it will definitely be a good pay if were to compare with being a sourcing exec. but then again, i'm ok with my post now.. the less pay is still more than i used to get back in previous company i've been working with. well, you can't get the best of both worl, can you? somehow, as i reported back after my not-so-long-maternity leave, the work has started to 'rise and shine'. it's not much, but it just non-stop and keep on flowing. after a year in an 'idle' mode, having an 'actual' work is sometimes!hu!hu!

i broke down two weeks ago. work is one thing. kids is another. it was aidan's bday and i was nowhere there in preparing the stuff for his schoolmates to celebrate his bday. and i cried (well, some things never change!). i owe it to my kids. and now i have three  of them, i'll be handsful! aidan is going to primary school, aimar will need to start reading next year and aivey will still be a baby for the next few months! and work demanded me not to go back on time, and as my breast 'engorged' after six (my body alarm to tell me it's time to go back!), i just wish i was a full time mother! and now i started to understand why some of my friends resorted to be a full time mother .. i've always been sceptical on being a full time mother. i felt that the degree that we've earnerd were put to waste and we'll be fully dependent to our spouse. i don't like that idea. but when i broke down, all i want is to be with my kids 24-7. i want to be there when they blew that candles. i want to be there when they done with their shower. i want to be there to send them off to school and let them hear and remember my "be good at school" advise. i want to be there to put their lunch on their plate. i want to be there, be there, be there, be whereever they are. the degree i've earned made me an educated person, and even i'm working now i've always been dependent to my mr hub. so, beign a full time mother is all i want to be.

i may sound normal..but to me, if i heard this ten years ago, i would say i sound insane. this is never me.

and this is when i need to say "we will never know how i future like".

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