Monday, March 26, 2012

a dozen of abundant love

i may not have a tragic love story. my love didn't have critical illness neither he died from a tragic accident. but he is my love, my life, my soul. i don't need to go through torturous moment, lost my love, just to realize i have the love of my life.

they said, rebound love don't last. they said, mine was a rebound! yup, i knew my then-boyfriend was two-timing me. he admitted and he begged for forgiveness. he cried and he wanted to make amend. i kept him on hold.  but when my then-boyfriend decided to screwed up my relationship with another girl, i knew instantly that i shoud pursuit my so-called fling. i must admit, i did feel guilty. the loyal me consciously told myself, i shouldn't threw away that five-year relationship to thrash just because he slept with someone else, ha! listen to myself, how can any girl justify to oneself of what he did to me? and he made it easy for me to decide. so what if we have five years to waste? if he couldn't respect that, why must i give a damn. and i can never thank God enough for showing me his true colours before too late.  i was at my happiest moment, and was smiling day in and day out the day i told him things were over between me and him and i didn't want to have anything to do with him.

i met this guy. his eyes squinted, he wore the same bulky jacket everywhere he went, he did not take that green cap off his head. he's nothing but ordinary. i was still 'in a relationship' and i was head over feet over this apek guy! few close friends told me i deserved to be happy that i shouldn't feel guilty. in a way, this apek guy was God's sweetest gift to me. he opened my heart and i don't need any reason to convince myself he is the one. as much as my friends were happy for me, they reminded me as well.. perhaps that's just rebound..

whatever people would want to name it, by all means, just do. if that is rebound, it had been on rebound for the past twelve years! and more and more and more to come. the joyrides, i can't deny, were mixture of ups and downs. the roads were not as smooth as silk, there were bends and bumps,  and all in. but tell me, bumi mana yang tak ditimpa hujan?

i hate it when we fight
i hate it when i cried, makan hati with his words and actions
i hate it when i have to swallow my pride just to make peace
i hate it when we were rude to each other
i hate it when he decided to overwrite my rights
i hate it when he failed me
i hate it when it times to face the bad times

but then again,
no matter what no matter how,
when my cousin was struggling to get her passport done because her dad's gone 'missing', i'm glad i have you as the responsible aboh of my kids
when my car is due for insurance and roadtax and i have no saving to even pay that, i never thank you enough for being my banker
when my friend was complaining how lonely she can be, i keep forgetting how lucky i was to have someone who is there to give that big warm hug when i need it
when some wife was crying over a cheating husband, insyaallah, that would be the least i should worry of

so, if this is a rebound love, i am soooo greatful it happened with you! this end of march, it's gonna be twelve years us being an item. at times me writing this, all i want is you hugging me as tight as you always do. and knowing that i still miss you makes me feels good - i know, you are still crazy about me and i'm still the one for you. thank you for believing in love and believing in us.

love you, mmmuuaaahhsss...

Thursday, March 15, 2012

just different?

as i stepped in the office today, a friend told me that i looked different. him being a normal cynical him, i threw back the question 'bad different or good different'.. he told me, 'good different'. then, another colleague drop by my workstation.. another look and remarks 'you look different'.. at the end of the day, five of them complimented me, and getting compliments for the girls definitely a boost of self-esteem!

compliments are always a feel-good enzyme. no matter how true and frank the complimentor would be, it's always can successfully cheer people up. i know i would. as we grow in time (chewah, a nicer way to say we are getting older la kan)..we get less and less compliment. my dear hubby used to compliments me whenever when we were madly in courting and dating phase. it gets less and less, and now we are married with three kids, most of the time the compliments would come naturally when he's sooo into admiring my body, if you get what i mean. of course, once a while, he will tell the boys 'mama looks like a celebrity'.. that's as far as he would go la kan.. nak cakap malu, i doubt it la kan.. but it's always make me feels good when i know he was watching me walking, or just when i noticed he was 'glimpsing' at me.. he may not say out loud, but allowing me to look good for him and myself, i know he complimented me enough. but once a while, tak salah to tell me off i look good.. once a while, that won't make me taking things for granted for not going to take care of myself.

as i walked from the lrt back to my office, i realized how i missed his verbal compliments to me. like today, when people complimented me, i wished he's around to give me the compliment himself.. mcm sedih lak.. and i just realized, it's human nature kan, bile dah dekat, gaduh, bila jauh rindu... aiiyyyoooo...

bang, i miss u!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


resorting to just posting a blog with regards to what i want to voice out is not the best fit solution.. i wish i could just stormed in that managers' room and asked, why? why? why?...

but i guess, who cares?
it's a sad fact. being in the organisation, i'm sure that part of its success story was contributed by high spirit, inspiritional, well-minded top manangement.. but, today, i proved myself that my assumption was merely an assumption and it saddened me!

after so many resources - manpower, money, time - being wasted, all they came out with is just change of section / department names and few movement here and there... functionally, 80% of us will still stuck with what we were supposed to!... am i mad? hell ya i am... stupidity can really kills you! when they can change for betterment, they decided to just change so that they can tell everybody we did change.. end result? kaput? na-da.. who give a heck! and why am i mad? again,  stupidity can really kills you!

obviously, to reach the developed mindset is waaaaaay beyond our capability. at least for now, that's how i can perceived.. tell me if i'm wrong!


Thursday, March 8, 2012

hey ladies

it's the international women's day and we should celebrate!i doubt that there's any men's day, is there? well, maybe the day was invented by women to women.. who give a heck.
do you know it's not easy being a woman?

when you were a baby, you were dolled up from head to toe while your little brother can only settled with just plain shirt and shorts. 
when you were in primary school, you were introduced to extra tuition classess, piano lessons, ballet and others while your other male siblings can just abandon their mandatory school homework and still no issues!
when you went to high school, you were supposed not to tell that senior that you liked him very much.. nope, girls don't do that. 
you went to university and still all alone because you can't confess your love to the guy you adore.. it's a no-no. 

then, you become a wife. you were supposed to be obidient to your hubby. and sometimes, your hubby forgotten that you are also a daughter and a sister. all he knew, i've got a wife!

you were a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a girlfriend, a wife.. and next a mother. there you goes. tell me if i'm wrong, but when it comes to nagging, that will always be a mom's job. end up, the kids favoured their dad more than mom. but, out of sudden, there's something got into their eyes, first thing they would shout "mom, help me!".. classic.. 

if i were to be a boy or a girl, which one will be my option? 

i will definitely won't change a thing. i'm fine, alhamdullilah..

girls, sometimes we give too little credit to what we've done. we deserves better. 

happy women's day..xoxoxo    

Monday, March 5, 2012

répondez s'il vous plaît

alhamdullillah, we've successfully gone thru the aqeqah's event for the two princess last saturday.. (o no, it's been a week, already?). the day went smoothly. the event itself was great. the tent, the food, the goodies, the tahfiz, the marhaban.. everything went beyond my expectation... it went great. even the girls were co-orperating well. the were so beautiful with that nice dress (and yes, the dress alone was RM250 each!). the dessert tables with the choc fountain were superb! the goodies, with lots of hard labour (even my uncles need to gets their hands dirty doing crafty thingy..)

anyway, things went well. and i just can't wait for the photos to be ready.

it's a 'small' event. supposedly. we decided to invite just close friends and relative. but then again, conscious of being a good hostess, my major concern would always be not enough food and goodies. we expected around 150 - 200pax. i've invited around fourty friends. somehow, my friends did not show up as many as yeen's. was i upset? i wasn't, particularly.. the food was sufficient for all guest, and not much went to waste. yeen's friends turned up better than mine.

and it made me wonder.. was all my friends were that bad that they said they just can't wait for the event and wanted to see my baby and said they would come, but turned out only seven families of all came? hold the thoughts! they never bother saying they would come or not. of course, a few of them have declined my invitation when i told them the date. but, there were too many that didn't even bother to respond to my invitation? does it really a requirement for me to put in my invitation r.s.v.p? i guess the turned out will be great if the event was to be done in that 5-star hotel restaurant. nope, i'm not mad. i totally understand - having the event on saturday night would definitely be quite a task, especially for those with kids. but on the other hand, people, why didn't you bother telling me when i invited you that you are not able to come? i won't ask for the details. of course i'll be a bit sad that you can't join and share our happiness during the event. i wanted you to join and that's why i invited you at the first place. i didn't simply invite everybody just because. i invited you because you are supposed to be my friend. frankly, as much as my mouth would say something like "takde hadiah ke?".. i really didn't mean it and i will be very very happy to see you makign the effort to come and i appreciate it. but, i really appreciate if you could tell me if you plan not to come. i'm sure you have your own valid reason not to come, and i'm ok.

but do i really deserve the anticipation anxiety to ensure my guests are all well served when i should not even bother the attendance at all?

why la people? susah sangat ke nak respond?