letting go

it's mid april, and i've been sending aidan off to his school every morning, without fail. yesterday, as i hold his hand to climb that stairs to his school, he stopped me. that stairways really took forever to climb, and its still early in the morning. he told me, 'mama, you can just send me here. aidan naik atas sendiri'.. of course i ignored his request, and still too early to have a debate with a seven yo boy! this morning, after sending him as usual, as i walked to where i parked my car, i stumbled. i was wondering, one day, i won't need to send him off. i just have to make a pit stop, drop him, he'll rush to that stairs and gone. if i'm lucky, he'll kiss me goodbye or at least look at me. that if i'm lucky. and i hope he'll be that good son as he'll always be so that he won't wait and skived school for the day........... but this is not happening tomorrow la kan... i wonder how will i feel when the day comes. will i be sad and feel unneeded? will i feel relieved as he becomes an independent boy? will i be constantly worried not trusting every step he made without my supervision..... aggghhhh... being a mum it's not easy. i know, i have to swallow what becomes him. as much as i would be sad to let go, my mum let me go and see where i am now......the thing is, time not only flies, it slide faster than a speed of light!

be the change you want to see?

what makes a person change? do people change?
to think and think again and think hard, people may say people change, but to me, i doubt that people change!

i was swept away with how romantic a person he was, my boyfriend. nope, he's not a sweet talker, but he was so creative when it comes to pull all this romantic stunt! he did not sleep just to get the handmade card ready the second i woke up in the morning. he picked stranger to just verified that he meant what he said (masa tu, takde video call, mms etc ni). he arranged weekend getaways. he posted the train ticket just because he missed me and couldn't come right away. and the list went on and on.. the advantages to have been courted in the UK was that beautiful things were not ridiculuously expensive and everything was so convinient!

then, we got married. he still bought stuff, cheap and expensive, for me. nope, i don't remember any handmade card, but once a while he could be as sweeter as he wanted. he delivered bouquets to the office. there was once he bought a bouquet of flower, a CD and a cereals.. just to prove a point. i can eat the cereal, listen to the CD and he wondered what will i do with the bouquet, but he just bought it for the sake of 'nak puaskan hati manje'.. so, he changed, huh?

i was clearing up my desk and saw a note "To: Manje, Happy bday sayang.. Really wish i can be there personally say that. Well.. in 22 days time I will. Love always. From: Abang" and i stare at the notes, long hard stare.

trust me, i doubt that people change. people don't change. we were born the way we are. it's just a matter of time, true colour will tend to show. and just a matter of time, it hides itself. we don't change.. we just have to keep reminding ourselves of how we used to be..

p/s: but to invest on mega bucks consultancy just end up changing the name while maintain the functionality is a total insult to intelligent! trust me! i know i'm right. 

i got your number

fact is my mate has yet to finish reading the book, i can't write much about the new book by my favourite author sophie kinsella.... but, what i can conclude is ' hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah '.. if the shopaholic series were hilarious, this latest book of ms kinsella really tickels my funny bone almost every page. started with how clumsy a girl can be, then she started being ridiculous, next she reacted beyond thinking, and up to the extend it reaches humankind insanity. but i must tell you, after a loonng break reading good books, i really really love reading this book! and i realize reading it is all i need once a while. good that i have my dearest red scoot who shares the ebook with me.. it's insane.and then again, as i don't want to be a spoiler, i let her finish reading it... and am sure i can talk about it when she completed the book. on the other hand, what a name for a main character, poppy wyatt.. no commercial value at all! but again, i love love love every bits of this book, thought there were parts that quite unrealistic..what the heck.. a very good light reading material as a kick-start.