Thursday, October 9, 2014

the root

been thinking about my parents lately..
it was the eid, and as my hubby was not around, i followed abah celebrated raya haji in jitra. truth is, i don't really look forward to go back to kedah. it has always been like that since like forever. the journey was long hours, dragging and tiring. and there were no good source of entertainment back in that small kampung of mine...
but somehow, this time, i was reminiscing. i was reminded of how we used to stop by the road just to enjoy the durian eating session, though i was never a fan of durians. i was brought back to those times when i enjoyed the stop at bukit berapit, having mama's nasik lemak by the waterfall, swimming in the cold cold river flows. it was all fun and laughters. i remembered having good kampung meals by the sideroad where the food were good and demn cheap.
all the boys get nowadays is just a rnr pitstop.. how boring!
nope, i would consider that as unlucky.
as we reached the old house, i saw cute little ketupats, homemade by my 87 years old half-senile grandma. it's heartbreaking. she would always prepare her own curry spices using her batu giling, barbequed the fresh meat with that good sambal asam of hers. she would ask my grandad to catch their own chicken breed, the real ayam kampung, to be fried for her grandkids from the city. she would force my wan to pluck the mangoesteen, rambutans and many sweet local fruits straight from the trees to fill our stomach.. sometimes, i wondered if her intention is to stuff us to death! i never realized all these little things she did, but somehow, now that she's aging, too weak to do anything, too old to remember where she put that glass of water that was on her hand two minutes ago, i was heartbroken. i cried. i wonder if i can bear to even imagine my mum or myself in that condition. my wan was another case. he has always been the tough healthy man. he still is at 95 years of old. but he's not as strong as he used to be.alhamdullillah.. he still recites the quran like he used to be. he has no memory loss, and that's great news. but then again, as i slept in on of the night and the electric breaker went off out of blue in the middle of the night, i cried. after the short raya stay, we'll make our move to go back to our own home. my cousin sister who they raised and stayed with them all this while will need to travel back to her college. what's left are just the two of them. two helpless old folks. they never wanted to leave the house. we totally get them. but of course, when the breaker kicked off in the middle of the night, will always end up them being in darkness, with the humid environment and mosquitos all over until someone come and check them out the next morning. yup, they used to hardship. they grew up with just candles and no fan, but they are now greatgrandparents. their strength were never the same as they used to be.
i cried.

of coz i was brought to mind about my beautiful atuk and nenek of kg baru. i missed them sooo much. sooo very much. it has been soooo long since i saw them in my dreams. i dreamed of nenek last month, she came in my dream. she was in the white telekung, looking at me and smiling. she was all bright and pure. and i still can recall that smile she carved for me. i miss her that i cry everytime i think of her, up till now. moga atuk nenek berada dalam keberkatan dan digolongkan dalam golong orang2 beriman. ya allah, sampaikan doa ku untuk mereka. both atuk nenek will always have a special place in my heart. that smart looking atuk who will bring back a pack of goldleaf ciggies with some sweets or icecreams for us. that beautiful ceylonist nenek who will make sure the grandkids were all done with food and enough sleep. i miss them, and i can see them again, as much as i wish.
i cry.

as my dad drove back to kl after the short break, we passed through simpang pulai. my dad was so excited telling the boys how he fought the communist last time. he still remember there were pokok pisang where the communist would still the bananas, there were hills up high where the communist would ran and dissappeared and their operations took days and nights, and yet, it was unsuccessful as the communist managed to hideaway. and as my elder asked his grandpa 'was it a difficult life before merdeka, atuk?' i started my version of "you know, aidan aimar.. you boys are very very lucky. i was lucky and you guys are luckier. atuk, nenek, tok wang, tok ki did not have an easy life".. and my mum continued with sharing her life being a 'gung-ho' as she need to survive in the village and would just 'stole' the neighbours banana leaf so that she can sell it off for an exchange of few coins for her to pay for her bus fare to the 5km walk school. and the life they had was never an easy one, and they were such a survivor.. a successful one when they can raised all of us in the most convenience life we had. they still survived and worked till today. and i was reminded of how i easy i had my walk of growing ups at their expenses.
i am still crying.

i won't know what will both my hubby and i will become. we know where we come from, and we much aware of the path we are taking. next, it has been written perfectly by the almighty.  

aidan, aimar, aivey,
as you read this posting of mine, i want you to remember where we came from. a looooonnnggg way. we owe everything to the ancestors. to atuk, nenek, tok wang, tok ki, moyang, tok nek, tok nyang and many more. go and travel. explore the world. but always remember your roots.

aidan, aimar, aivey,
mama aboh always wanted you to be successful and happy life. but what most, mama aboh prayed hard for you to become anak yang soleh solehah, getting a barakah in life and hereafter. we may not be as rich as you might wish (gosh, the house is way too expensive nowadays, and i'd wonder how much it will cost to own even a room in your future life).. but we wanted you to learn and make use the knowledge you gain for good sake, dunia akhirat.

aidan, aimar, aivey,
nanti, bila mama aboh tua, nyanyuk dan tak larat, jangan sampai kitorang kene minta simpati untuk dibela. mama aboh tau kitorang besarkan anak2 yang baik, soleh, solehah yang tau tanggungjawab anak. carik isteri suami yang solehah soleh. jaga mama aboh, jaga mentua sebaik mungkin.

aidan, aimar,
jadi lelaki banyak tanggungjawab. tanggungjawab dengan allah, rasul dan agama. tanggungjawab kat mama aboh and mentua. tanggungjawab kat adik beradik, tanggungjawab kat isteri anak2. tanggungjawab kerja dan amanah. dan semua lagi. mama aboh are trying our best to prepare you guys for that. you guys are good kids. insyallah, it's not difficult. but sometimes, we human being keep forgetting. memang syaitan dah janji ngan allah nak buat kita lalai. kita sama2 doa. kita sama2 usaha. insyallah, anak2 hero mama aboh ni bagus2, bijak pandai. ingat antara pinta mama, nanti, kalau sampai umur kitorang berjumpa yang Esa, tolong mandikan kami, jaga aib kami, kafankan kami, solatkan kami, teman kami hingga ke liang lahad, dan jangan putus sedekah doa dan amal untuk kami. that will be my request, if i only have one request. ingat ye sayang. if i have to beg, i am begging. but then again, mama aboh tau, anak mama aboh ni bagus2 orangnya. insyaallah, aidan aimar ingat pesan mama tu.

jadi perempuan tak senang. ye, dosa pahala masa tak kawin aboh tanggung, dah kawin suami tanggung. jangan lupa ye. aboh sayang vv. husband vv sayang vv, insyaallah. sebab diorang sayang, vv tolong diorang jaga diri vv. carik suami yang tak tanggungjawab suami. carik yang boleh bimbing vv. carik yang tau tanggungjawab dia dekat mak abah die, dekat mama aboh vv. vv belaja sungguh2. jadik budak pandai. ye, kite kene dengar cakap suami. mama selalu jadik budak yang dapat hadiah masa kat hari penyampaian hadiah kat sekolah. mama gi oversea direct lepas SPM. mama duduk belajar kat negeri omputeh 5 thn. mama keje jadik engineer, siap gi iraq masa saddam hussein hidup lagi, panjat plant mtbe nak install 24" valve, keje kat 52nd floor of world's tallest twin towers (still, at times of writing).. pastu mama is looking forward to the long break in my life. sebab mama yakin dengan suami mama. die cukup bertanggungjawab, insyaallah. pesan mama, vv ingat allah, rasul, dan agama. vv jadik anak, adik, isteri, ibu, nenek yang sebagus boleh. vv anak mama aboh. anak mama aboh semua bagus2, bijak pandai, sopan santun, baik amal budi tutur. insyallah, vv ingat pesan mama ek.

you are fine, you'll be fine, you'll do fine
doa banyak-banyak
you came from the best root, you surely will survive fantastically.