Wednesday, October 28, 2015

his true colours

it's mr ashraf's birthday and i still haven't got anything in mind, yet. isn't that horrible??... well, i remembered him telling me, birthday is not for us to celebrate; it's the day we should honour our moms for all the hardship during labour.

and so, he's been living for 38yrs and 40% of that were shared with me, alhamdullillah. despite all the 'goodie2' words i posted in FB about him, him and i do agree that he's not 'that' angelic pun.

i do feel bad though.

there's a giant A3 cute card lying around the house. i has the urge to scribble things on it and give him as a birthday card. here's the thing, that card was bought last month, and was meant for MY birthday.. and it has been there since. yup, you read it correctly, my dear hubby bought it, and still thinking of what to write with what pen (he was thinking of using markers as it would take up more space and less words). for whatever reason, even after forty days, i still hasn't got any card from him. he told me 'i'm thinking  about it and it's the thought that counts'.. so, the wife mogok, no birthday card for him. 

my hubby says a lot if things. sometimes, i wonder how could he never runs out of 'good' escape answers. like below:

or, he could just say nothing 

and to the extent, he just sent me photos, wierd photos.

nak buat camne, nasib saya la kan..redhalah.. ;)

no doubt that he's the best aboh for our children. he teaches them to fish and only give the fish when they asked for 'ikang'. if they asked 'aboh, nak ikan', sampai besok la dia torture anak3 suh sebut 'ikang'. he's so fanatic with his terengganu roots. 'government terengganu bagi hadiah kalau terer exam,' he told us.

he once told his boys, 'before kahwin, kena ingat all the important dates. after kahwin, no worries, your wife will takes care of that!' dang!!!!!!
and today, as we were having this nice lunch with a serene ambience in shangri-la, he was telling me 'am replying a birthday message telling that we're having YOUR birthday lunch,' sebab memang dia janji nak belanja birthday tapi tunggu punya tunggu sampai ke sudah. and so, we did.

am not complaining! and am not keeping score, even if i'm winning. he is my man, for sure! for better for worse, for poorer for richer, in sickness in health, to cherish and to love; as long as we both still live, insyaallah. 

afterall, i doubt that anybody can be so loyal and supportive to me even all i can do is serve you that sambal bilis and instant coffee.

oh my dear apek, i just love you and been falling in love with you over and over again. 

loved you then 
love you still 

happy birthday, abang


Tuesday, October 27, 2015

current position: not working

i have been a not working person for nearly a year.

trust me, if my hubby reads the intro duction, he will goes berserk immediately..'why must you said you are not working? you are doing what you are supposed to be doing! just sit there and be pretty!!'

sabar abang. let me explain.

here's the deal..

i was sceptical of well-educated ladies who has brain and beauty and being 100% depending on their husband. 
oooo how wrong have i been!

i was sceptical of staying at home and not working as i believe it would be a waste if i don't challenge my brain by solving work issues in the office.
oooo how wrong have i been!

i was sceptical of my boys telling me his friends' mom has the coolest job being the head of that reputable company while we are still wondering what our mom does.
oooo how wrong have i been!

i was sceptical of no fixed income in my bank account deposited on specific dates every month for me to spend on that handbangs i've been eyeing on.
oooo how wrong have i been!

i was sceptical about lots of thing regards  to staying at home mom, and i must really thank my dear husband for giving me a slap on my head and ask me to stop being dumb and wake up! thank you for making me realize that i was wrong.

i don't look down on working mom neither the stay at home ones.

i was sceptical but i'm glad i was wrong.

abg, i will still say that i am not working and don't be angry if i prompted that again and again.
if i want an extra sleep, i can just sleep in the co-driver seat and you drove throughout the traffics or i can just openly asked you to drop the boys while i take my extra nap in the morning. my choice.
if i want to cook, i can just prepare the food and anything will go. the bread with sambal, the french toast and the INSTANT coffee still got the thumbs up from you. how lovely! and i suck in cooking but surely good in choosing great restaurants. my choice.

if i want to do the house chores, i could just do at my leisure or i supervise the cleaners who come and visit the house weekly (to some extent, you even can't wait for their visit and you clean it yourself without asking me). my choice.
if i want to have time with my girlfriends, i could just see them whenever. or i could just text you and ask 'lunch jom'. you seldom have lunch with your colleagues. your answer to them 'lunch ngan wife'. your choice (and you make that as an option).

you see, i don't call myself a stay-at-home mom because i don't do houseworks, i don't cook constantly, i don't bake and i don't decorate the house. yes, i iron just like other working moms, i reviews my kids schoolworks, i drive here and there, i spend time with my friends and that is not working. 

me being sceptical of not working for i worried that my brain will stay idle and not being 'challenged'.... try being stuck in a traffic jam with two curious boys who will ask you about nothing to everything like 'why girls like to talk?' to 'why najib listen to rosmah?' kind of questions. gosh, what a brain teaser to find honest perfect answers to those kind of questions!

me being sceptical of my kids asking me 'mama, mama tak keje kan?'. my husband wil just ask them 'sapa nak antar amik aidan aimar and go everywhere you need to go if mama keje? ni mama keje la ni'. and my husband will never stop telling them 'mama belajar oversea lima tahun, keje jadi engineer, jadi senior exec kat petronas. mama tak keje opis, bukan sebab mama tak bijak.' need i say more?

me being sceptical of no fixed incomes....  try handing over the husband's debit card to the cashier in the middle of the month and never fails. we were blessed with enough nikmat, and i am blessed with a husband who knows his responsibility. alhamdullillah. rezeki hak allah, dan allah tak pernah aniaya hambanya. 

me being sceptical of depending 100% on my husband told me, he own a beautiful wife with intelligent brain, all he wants me to do is 'sit there and be pretty' only for him and take good care of his anak3, which are obviously mine too! if i may just explain my personal point of views, we women were so proud of being independent and 'succesful' in the corporate world. i respect such ladies and not undermining any of them. i have so many great lady friends who are succesful in the corporate world. but to me, i trust him for i trust allah 100%. i depend on him for i believe allah guaranteed the best plan for my life being his wife. my hysband, he knew well he is answerable to Yang Maha Esa. so, why am i doubting? 

imagine these
- a telebanker offering instant cash loan, and you tell them 'but i don't work and no income!'
- a credit card officer persuading you to apply and you answer 'but i'm not working and no payslip. how?'
- your son telling you 'will you come to the school tomorrow?' and no hesitation you just answer 'ok, what should i bring?'
- you just realized you had too much sleep and the idea of movie sounds great and you are queuing for the 11am show.

nope, am not a SAHM neither working. 
i just don't work and nothing wrong with that. in fact, it's feels great..

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

o customer service

i just screamed, nope yelled.. yell sound more rude than scream.. yup, i just yelled at the top of my lung to a lady who was rude at me.

she was rude. fullstop.

dang! i lose! my anger won! and i hate it.
how did nabi saw do it???? yes, i am not nabi for sure, but he was treated and tormented badly and yet he stayed patience. subhanaallah, such a perfect soul allah gave to us, our rasul, nabi  muhammad saw.

i was at the front desk of the service center. there were three ladies and all of them were occupied. i waited. there were few guys standing by waiting to be assisted as well. and there was this guy in purple went straight away to the front desk and i gave him THE look and he surely now how to read a lady. as one of the lady at the front desk was free, he led me the way to the front as he could have figured out THE look. before i could speak, the front desk lady was disrupted with few outstandings from prior customer. and so, i waited.

of sudden, this second lady, the only lady in tudung of three, stood next to her colleague, picked up the phone and told me in the rudest way (with no eye contact and one hand on the phone) 'puan, tolong baris!!!!!'

what the heck??!!!!
the seconds i wanted to respond immediately, she was on the phone and the moment she put down the phone, she went away just like that!
and yes, i was pissed. and when i am pissed, i speak queen english you know!! just that i'm not royal enough to tone down my voice.

1. it wasn't my first time sending my car to the center. in fact, the car was at the center for three months and we just got it few weeks ago! i have no choice but to become the 'loyal' customer.

2. i'm not that low to the extent that i do not know how to que and wait for my turn, rightly. the center do not have a que system and still i'm not the type who di not know how the system works! i queued in the toilet and i cleaned up my trash when i'm at the fast food restaurant. i know ethics!

3. you, being at the front desk MUST learn how to deal with people. even if you THINK i wasn't queuing, say it properly, rightly! not with that arrogant gesture 'o, i'm so cool i don't work at the bengkel ah seng shop!'

you, faranina (kot) of vw wearns sungai besi, need to be taught. please know i don't snap easily lately (just ask my hubby how 'cool' i am even my birthday was two days ago and he still didn't write the card he meant to give to me ON my birthday, and i'm still ok)... but because you represented the front desk, at the reputable car manufacturer, and the only one who wore tudung .. you spoiled it! you spoiled it bad!!!!!!!

jangan rasa gah sangat dengan apa yang awak ada.
jangan pandang rendah dengan sesiapa pun yang awak berurusan (ok, my bad gut feeling really think that she thinks i don't speak english.. wth, i can speak french tau!!)
jaga adab, tambahan bila kamu dah bertudung semua bagai.
kalau rasa tak larat nak berurusan dengan manusia, jangan kerja dengan manusia, pergi apply jadi janitor. 

dang!!!!!! susahnya lah nak bersangka baik bila orang dah layan kita macam ni!! b 

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Movie Review: Polis Evo

the movie is too awesome to be just in a FB shoutout credits!!!!!

i wanted to 'ridicule' myself and opted to watch any malay movie yesterday. i'm not undermining our local movie. i knew some that is ok to watch. i still think that tan sri p ramlee's movie still among the best as i would still laugh at the jokes even after thousandths times. i heard the pgl was great, but i was not too drawn to watch it in the cinema. especially when i had a traumatized experience watching lagenda budak setan as my last local movie watched in cinema prior to the launched of pgl. the last local movie i watched in the cinema was the hot air balloon in turkey movie plot (couldn't remember the title). it was ok, but the reason i watched it in the cinema was more because of the company rather than the movie itself.

anyway, back to this polis evo, i decided the first morning show and got myself for some popcorn and drink.

the moment the movie started, i got excited right away. the introduction did give high hopes that it would be a good movie. i wasn't expecting the story to be any different than other malay 'gangster' movie, especially when the main actors are zizan and saheizy sam. man, i was wrong.

salute to the whole team.
this movie is really a breakthrough to malay movies. the storyline and the actirs were great; yes, it's about a bad cop and good cop trying to bring down the bad guys.. but the bad cop is really bad, the good cop is really funny, the villains are really an academy award nominees who really can act! i really was laughing hard when the jokers were making jokes. i was touched during the emotional turmoils. i was surely nervous freaked when the villains just killed mercilessly. the cinematography is superb. the behind the scenes really put lots  of effort in it! the explosions were smooth, the scenic scenery was beautiful, the lightings the sounds the everything were five starts! 
this movie is something!
it's a mix of die hard series plus CSI plus ff7 and of course the uniqueness of malay movie with beautiful terengganu accent culture!

just go and watch it. worth every penny! deserve all the credit. surely satisfying!

jangan lah download or beli cetak rompak. penat depa produce quality works. the least we can do is support them!

Monday, September 21, 2015

the scroll against the skills

it's the talk in FB lately.. regardings fresh graduates from reputable universities with impressive CGPAs against the fresh graduates from less-reputable in ranking with lower CGPAs being interviewed. the latter grads excelled the interview and secured the job.
kudos to the hirer. 
but then again, how many of the top listed big tycoons willing to settle with lower grades graduates as reflected in their scrolls despites of their higher attitudes and life skills? 
they won't be even considered for an interview during screening stage, hence, attitudes and skills won't matter! what a waste. a better skillful potential employee against booksmart people who struggling to survive in corporate world, the booksmart won.

i knew two different ladies of the age 31, unmarried with different education background.

one owned an engineering scroll from UNITEN, holding a maintenance superintendent post in an oil and gas company, with family just an hour away from the workplace.
the other was a sabahan masseuse that works in kemaman with no family nearby and decided to stop from continuing her diploma because she just wanted to explore places. 

they are ladies, they are single, they are of the same age.

the one with the scroll 'claimed' she was harrassed by her colleague's wife (note: not her colleague, but the wife). i don't know to what extent that she claimed of being harrassed, but one thing i knew, she went to her boss. she said she was distracted and couldn't focus with her work because of the texts from the 'harrasor'. i knew for a fact that the harrasor was harrassing her because this so-called superintendent was naming names to her colleague and his wife. there were minor misunderstanding over the emails, and she's started calling names. and when the wife demanded for an answer, the superintendent went telly-tally to the boss. best is when asked for a meetup, she shut the wife by fabricating lies such 'i won't see you as i've made a report against you and should you want to meet me, will only be with the police attendance'.. when the wife, so-called harrasor agreed to terms, she chickened out and remained silent. apparently no report was made and the lies was just the way she tried to solve the issue! haha!!
at her position, she should be able to work independently. she was supposed to go offshore for an audit visit, but as the chopper was 24hrs delayed due to the weather condition, she did not turn up the next day. there were rumours that due to the bad weather, they might need to take the 9-hr boat to the platform. so, did she decides to cancel her trip at the 11th hour, fearing she needs to be onboard the small smelly fast crew boat?

on the other hand, the masseuse is a different story. she impressed me the seconds she told me that she was a sabahan who love to travel and didn't own a car because walking is a good exercise! not that she couldn't afford it. apparently, she came from a well-being family that owns acres of logging land back home. she was telling me about her  sister's adopted children that she called her children too. those children were abandoned out of wedlocks children that they took up for adoption just because they were human. the last child is now five years old, and the grandma decided to take up custody now that she's growing up and smarter. the grandma was the one who bold enough to say to them 'i do not have any granddaughter' when they wanted to proceed the adoption legally is now seeking custody for the kid.  they are currently on custody battle. she talked with love, passions and she knew what she wants in life. she didn't turn up to any 'authority' like the first girl with the scroll did when being harrased.

she became the talk of distance relatives. they assumed the out of wedlock children are hers as she's in a long term relationship with her boyfriend. she didn't give a demn care. all she knew she love all these innocent children like her very own and people can talk when she knew the truth. she takes risk that might smeared her reputation. but she's determined!

need i to explain more?
employers, it's time to change the mindset. excellence results on paper might be your safeguard when you are calling candidates for interviews. but, you never know what precious jewels you are missing if you are too booked down with paper qualification.

consider attitudes!

will you pick a whiny spoiled brat who will never take risk for whatever reason
a street smart soul who know what he/she wants in life, willing to take risk and independent enough to survive in the wild wild world?

Book Review: Ada Iman, Baru Syok, Ada Fight and #Baby Muslimah

I saw a clip in youtube from Ustaz Khairi on a convert Chinese who was struggling to practice Islam while staying with his parents. However, after four years converted to Islam, he managed to convert another 34 non-muslim back to fitrah.


Bak kata ustaz tu, kita 30thn masuk islam, mana kita? kita 40thn masuk islam, siapa kita?

Malunya pada diri sendiri. Cemburu dengan mereka2.

I wanted to know more and so I decided to buy and read these two books.

1. Baby Muslimah by Felixia Yeap

Felixia Yeap always impressed me. Her beauty, her istiqomah, her style and her spiritual and emotional strength.. salute her in every ways.

I did not read the first book, Amoi Berhijab, but I guess the book of Baby Muslimah is just the same as the dirst one. Not much of a thing, just about her learning to become a convert, learning the baby steps.

An easy reading book, but I guess, it's more of FB shoutouts collections. Not much of details and she could do better with the write-ups should she intends to write more after this.

2. Ada Iman, Baru Syok, Ada Fight by Adam Corrie

I followed Adam Corrie in FB and I salute him for feeling comfortable and freely expressing his love towards his bidadari.

He has his struggles. Being an artist and a convert, banyak betul orang nak berburuk sangka towards him. 

His book is also an easy reading, cute phrases and life story of his. His writing is with nice flow and good storyline. I was inspired reading his book. He lives a sinple life, yet his strong belief and his wants fighting for Islam really makes me envy of him. I want that feeling too.

I prefer this book more than the first one.

jom kita berjuang untuk islam.

Monday, September 14, 2015

four, oredi??

sayang, at times of me writing this, it hasn't past midnite yet.. it is still the day you should be celebrating your birthday.. i haven't post any FB shoutout yet coz i realized i have sooo many things to write and FB shoutout is insufficient.

so, bear with me.
1- you received a wrapped gift and wanted to unwrap it.  i said ok and offered to unwrap it for you. 
'i can do it myself'
you shut me off.
2- you was entering the house, saw the shoes and sandals were everywhere. you arranged it nicely. i asked to confirm who ordered you to do the chore.
'i do myself'
you left me unspoken.
3- you were only three when aboh showed me video of yours changing the bin's plastic at 2am just because you couldn't sleep and asked aboh 'can i help?'
you made me stunned.
4- it was sunday and you were telling me there's homework to be done and i said okay. without asking, you took the book and did the work with no supervision. less that i knew you knew your numbers 1 to 10. 
of all i heard you said,  'done'
you define speechless to me!
5- you wanted to sleep and would crawled on our bed and asked me to recite fatihah and zikir.
'subhannallah, alhamdullillah walailahaillallah allahuakbar'
allahu, sedapnya suara kecil itu berlagu..

sayang, the list goes on and insyaallah, there will surely be more.

you are so smart and we, mama and aboh, must have done something good to be blessed with such a beautiful genius daughter namely you, aivey adela!

you made it easy for us!
waay to easy (ok, despite the potty trained that took years)!!!
thank you sayang.
thank you for made it easy for us.

and so, it's you birthday and many more to come.
something just on top my head for now;
- jadi anak solehah yang bertakwa..
- be just the way you are, be true..
- belajar pandai, beauty will only comes with brain..
- jaga diri, keep your standard high as you already are..
- harga diri, tiada galang ganti. never spoiled it and never allow it to be spoiled. don't cry for things that don't matters 
- stay away from culprits; and yes, for now, on behalf of aboh, he will surely ask you to stay away from any boys!

banyak lagi mama nak pesan.. but i guess, in times, we'll pick up along the lines.. we surely be the bestest friends.

o, maybe i should share some of your aboh's thought.. 
- he said no make-ups (oo, what waste)
- he said don't stay too often at abangs' school (nanti will come the times kawan2 abang memang suka nak tengok adik kawan diorang)
- he said solat sama2, just ikut him
- he said no sexy2 
- he said simpan rambut panjang tapi main wrestling, baru rock
he said a lot, and there'll be more in his list.

he is the best aboh. just the way he takes care of your mom, he will takes care of you at his best.

o, satu lagi tips, nanti la kan, bila dah besar sangat2, bila nak carik hero idaman hati, find someone who put high regards of your intelligence and always proud holding your hands no matter where you guys are. find a hero who will ask you just to 'sit there and be pretty'..
i got mine and fairy tales do come true! masa tu, you can surely understand real meaning of hashtagbahagia.. yup, bahagia!

just don't rush things.
take it easy and slow.

happy fourth birthday, princess!

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Book Review: The Great Wife Aisyah r.a

it's a nice, simple, factual and easy to understand kind of book.

i remember when i wanted to buy this book were for two reasons:
1. it's cheap
2. it's thin

but once i finished reading the book, i was inspired. 
i am a 'realistic' person. i am ambitious, but not a dreamer. and i am learning. i always wanted to improve from
one state to the better. and everyone one the be the great person to their significant ones. but, putting the 'real' me in the prophets ladies generation is surely makes me feel soooo small. i'm emotional, loud, 'psychotic', strong-headed and so many un'kind' negative attitude of a lady in me. but then again, reading the book change my idea of a great wife.

aisyah r.a is just a person, a girl and a wife. she is no different. she was tested and she was the test. she got jealous and she was the person everybody got jealous about. she was the talked and she talked as well. she's the wife of our prophet s.a.w. but she was no different than any wife to any husband.

the book gives the right point that everyone entitled to have feelings, attitudes.. it's all about channelling it the right way, handle it the proper way and believe. 

i would recommend not only any wife who wants to become great read this book.

if you are a girl, unmarried, you'll be inspired to find your man who could guide you.
if you a daughter and a sister, you'll learn how important the support of family in life.
if you are a wife, you'll agree on most of the points highlighted. you may be lackings in lots of things, yet, you can still be great when you want it.
if you are a man and a husband, you'll understand the nature of that lady you are in love with and how to handle that small heart with care.

the book is for everybody.
i would definitely recommend it.

did you knew, even the girl who live in the same roof, share the same bed with rasullullah got jealous, went berserk, being badmouthed and tricked? she's just a girl and most importantly, she's a wife.


Wednesday, September 2, 2015

nastie evil-swagger she!

a wise man once told me never to stoop down to anyone's level who is lower than me. not only that they will drag you down to their stupidity land; they surely will beat you down like hell with their experience. I won't be getting anything but waste hella lots of my precious time and energy. i have lots of other better things to do.

but, i need to have my own peace of mind, and i could only settled once I'm done with giving you, lady, my piece of mind.

and hence, i write
dear missy,

allow me to introduce myself and do judge me as much as you wish once you have completed reading this. and yes, at times of reading this, you have all your rights to keep on believing what a psycho i am as you have claimed i was. you are entitled to your thoughts and I won't deny it. but, you may want to watch your words before you speak your mind. you've messed with a wrong person, or two in this case.. two strong individuals that has been a team for the past fifteen years and going stronger and stronger. big mistake, my dear. 

here we goes.  

before i'm a wife, a mother and a homemaker as i am now, i was a lady of my own and at my peak. don't get me wrong. i am still at the peak. the thing is, i wish to highlight i used to be late twenties, not married and bold, just where you are now. don't tell me to shut up for being clueless, coz I wasn't. I don't know about you, but i was and always am a brainy. i was awarded a scholarship (mind you! not loan!) to further up my studies in the UK right after my SPM result. i went to an international college as young as eighteen, was an engineer student in top engineering school in UK (yes, i'm undermining your background) and was hired immediately as a project engineer upon graduating. the job was demanding, i went to iraq during saddam was very much alive. i stayed nights and nights working on the assembly cabinet hardwiring the scada system for the TLDM KD Perdana. i was up the kenyir hill for as long as i could remember. i was lucky to have great colleagues and bosses who always supporting each other. and mostof time, they did the work and i picked up things slimg the line. i was also a product engineer taking care of high volume manufacturing of well-established hard drives factory. yet, landed back as the application engineer, back to the plants, just because i love the challenges. before i agreed to resign from the career-life, i worked with one of the Fortune500 company and proudly declared i was a 'tremendous' (quoting your immediate superior in describing your quality) employee everytime i was assigned with task. yup, just like you, i joined the 'men's world' too. 
nope, no intention to brag. but, it's a must to highlight before i could further elaborate my intention of writing this to you. yes, YOU! so, do judge but do not doubt my background. if you think i am no match with you, betcha, think again! i am sooo much better than you. 

you are at you peak, and so you think! working in the city, with a good rank, with that pretty face and weird fashion-statement, you thought you have it all. wake up missy. you've been missing so much in your life. like for example, a great company who loves you so much and will stand up for you especially when someone is belittling you for no absolute reason. 

so, why am i sounding like i'm picking fights with you?
you called me names! 
no, no, no. wrong move, biatch!
the old me will go straight up to you, confronted you, slapped you and called you even worse name in the loudest voice i have. i was capable to do that and i still do. 
alhamdullillah, the now-me is more sober and sane and going berserk will just put me three levels lower than i am now, just to be at your par..nope, it's degrading and added no value and I won't stoop that low! I'm a classy of my own.

you need to be told!

i just couldn't compute how your brain works, and i'm not interested to find out. it's sad that you couldn't put the boundary between being professional and emotional. i guess, you are one of many who spoiled the statistics on women climbing the career ladder successfully. you sad thing! you couldn't bring yourself up when you were pulled back. what makes it worse is that you drag your personnal opinions on people and took it as your final bullet.
wrong moves lady! 
not having the chance to know you and just judging by the way you reacted,  you've proven how weak your mind works. at your age, it is going to be lots and lots of burning of the midnight's oil just to get you back in a classy lady track. ho ho, wishing you abundance of luck!

ok, i'm being mean. before i turn into nasty you, i should just stop. i just don't have anything good to say.

but i guess, some points for you to ponder:
1. you don't name names, especially when you never met the person.  calling a stranger a psycho can be your worst nightmare when she turns up to be for real.
2. never give lame excuse or you might just have to swallow your own words.  tasting your own medicine is bitter than you could have imagined! take it from my observation; a stranger with one mutual friend of yours request to add you as her friend and instead of ignoring the request, you have the gut to confront  your friend, telling him 'did you know she requested to add me?' what the heck you expected his reaction would be? he has been friend with you since April this year and she has been his friend for like ummm fifteen years? what were you thinking? and your excuse when he wanted and answer was 'because we haven't met'.. haha.. what a laughing stock you have been missy! you have 1105 people in your friends' list and don't tell us you've met each and every single one of them!!! whom are you kidding? again, you should just ignore the request! 'confronting' him as if it's the biggest issue eva just showed how perasan you are. it's either you think he likes you and will take your side or you like him and want him to know i like you and I'm telling you now but sharing this important decision in my life with you! we believe you did because of the latter. else, what were gou thinking asking him 'so when are you going to like my photo (in fb)?' after you shut off his friend's add request? o my, bimbo! confirmed bimbo especially when 90% of your uploaded photos were all your selfies. we do not have to take a genius to figure that out! pure vain! 
2a. what's in your mind when you only knew the guy less than a week and he wanted to take your picture so that he could matchmake you with his friend, you just gleefully smile and pose for him. you were lucky he was genuine. else, he could just posted it in the guys' closed wassap group and you couldn't imagine what's next. you might think its no harm, but girl, how stupid can you be to protect your own dignity. by doing what you did, should you blame anyone for assuming you are just as desperate old maid as you've reflected in your actions? you give bad names to single ladies out there!  
3. do not shit in your own ricepot! you have issues workwise with your colleague just because he doubted your incompetency (and i have no doubt on himself), you shouldn't relate it with non-work matters. after being claimed of being such a  tremendous employee, you just  fail on credibility. differentiate between professional vs personal. put a big bold line in between. kalau tak, sapa yang malu? mereka dan keluarga mereka!
4. learn the art of apologizing the proper way! and so you are a confirmed bimbo and has no way out when that smartie pants caught you red handed for being stupid. the only way out is to apologize. and you did. hei you, wake up! 

when you seek for forgiveness, you say sorry like you mean it. you explain why you were sorry so that any misunderstanding could be understood. you repent and promise to try as hard not to repeat the mistake. just saying sorry and expecting the other party to forgive you is silly! even my 8yo son knew that's a taboo in seeking forgiveness! or maybe you think you've never sinned? you earn the rights to think whateva you are! but, learn the art! of course forgiveness is something sweet anyone could offer, but if you hold grudges as high as the everest, that would not be an easy okay job!

tuff luck, missy!
it's a long way to go and time is not siding on you!

the bigger bully

p/s: nope, I didn't misspelled the word nastie. it meant to be in such a way, if you got what i mean.

Friday, August 21, 2015

moga kekal bahagia

over a decade, 11 yrs to be exact
4015 days, 96360 hours,346896000 seconds
two houses, five cars, one 4wd
3 great kids, two smart sons one charming daughter 
millions of laughters, arguments,i love yous and i miss yous
the cancer, the pains, the blessings, the awakening 


the least, let me share this and no, you do not have to agree with everything.. just my two cents, in no particular orders:

1. Nak carik jodoh, kawin dgn si anak mak. Kalau die kawin ngan kite maknanya mak die restu kite jadi menantunye. Si anak pula, akan didik anak2 kita datang hormat ibu diorg seperti dia kasih ibunya.

2. Communicate. Bila gusar, suarakan pada si dia. Walaupun dah kenal lama, walaupun anak dah besar panjang, memang fitrah suami, dia takkan tahu kalau kita tak bagitau. tak payah hint2,tag sana sini on articles fahami isterimu, diorang tak pick up!

3. Ikut ckp laki. Ye, mungkin die bukan ustaz alhafiz juga bukan ketua yang adil. Tapi dia jodoh kita, imam kita. Dosa kita dia yang jawab nanti, dosa dia pun dia jawab juga. Percayalah, kita ikut cakap dia, dia ikut cakap kita. Buat dia happy, pasti, dia layan kita lebih dari permaisuri.

4. Tak salah rasa cemburu. Dah memang lumrah dalam bercinta. Cemburulah biar berpada, jangan sampai dia loya.

5. Tak baik buruk sangka. Tanyalah jika ada yang kurang nyata. Bila asik buruk sangka, risau tak keruan membuang masa je.

6. Negotiate and tolerate. Tak ada dalam perjuangan kita menang semua atau kita kalah segala. Bincanglah seperti dewasa, tak perlu hendak mengada2. Kalau tak dapat apa kita nak, sekali tu je tak dapat. Kite try lagi next time, with different tactics pulak, kot2 menjadi.

7. Bermanjalah dengan dia. Lembutkan suara lirikkan mata, kalau bukan kita yang manja, jangan salahkan gadis remaja cuba menggoda. Dan manjakanlah dia. Ye, dia lelaki. Sapa cakap they are not entitled dimanjakan? Kalau kita best dimanjakan, jauh di sudut hati, dia juga nak dimanjakan. Bercintalah hari-hari.

8. Jangan mengungkit. Resolve all issues masa gaduh. Mungkin akan makan masa berjam berhari berminggu, tapi selesaikanlah here and then. Lepas tu, jangan ungkit. Buang jauh2.

9. Percayalah dia. Kalau susah nak yakin pun, percayalah diri sendiri. Kalau hitam yang dia cakap, hitam lah yang kita faham. Usah digusar hitam pekat ke hitam cair. Kalau tipu khabarannya, yakinlah, sepandai2 tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga.

10. Jangan pernah lupa, jangan pernah lalai, semua yang jadi ketentuan Yang Esa. Dia Perancang terbaik and no doubt about it. Doalah. Doalah sebanyak mungkin, minta erat kasih sayang, minta dijauh fitnah dunia, minta en suami angaukan kita sampai bila2.. tak perlu bomoh dan nasi kangkang. Ikhlas kita atas permintaan kita, Yang Maha Pemurah Maha Mengetahui.Yakinlah with the power of doa.

and last but not least

11. My lady friend truly believe man opted for polygamy sbb cinta. Adikku sayang, be it the first marriage or many others, cinta is supplement. With men, marriage is all about sex. Isteri itu dicipta sebagai penyejuk mata dan hati. Layanlah suami sebaik mungkin. Usah dibenarkan dia mencari alasan. Yelah, kalau kenyang dia di rumah, mengapa perlu dia mencari makan di luar? Never stop flirting. Berhiaslah untuk dia.

sayang awak sokmo

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

my kinda guy

it's going to be our eleventh this month.
alhamdullillah..if ever, we are standing stronger than where we came.

i wanna talk about him, the man i am completely utterly madly in love with yesteryears, today and the many more tomorrows.

he makes me cry
he gives sarcastic, 'evil' remarks about me
he looks at other girls even i was next to him
he forgets things
he is no sane
he doesn't agree with giving me total freedom
he sends video message of a broken potty, recorded for two minutes
he DIYs everything and even superglued the wound on his thumb
he is not a morning person and waking him up is a struggle, everytime
and, he still sleeps very late just to finish mending his DIYs project
he talks and compliments other girls to his wife
he smokes and sweats
of many he-drives-me-nuts, i am thankful that he is mine.

he carried me up the stairs, not because it was our wedding night, just because he cares enough.
he learned that Pandora and Thomas Sabo are not the same and he made sure he got the charms right just for a thinking-of-you gifts.
he complained about the constant pain on his left shoulders lately. that shoulder has been my pillow for the last eleven years and i know i have a hard head.
he stopped by 7E to get his ciggies, and would pass me the KitKat or Cadbury DairyMilk without me asking, because he knew my favourite.
he made sure the actifast is always available so that it could become handy when i started complained about headache.
he loves our kids so deeply and there is no doubt about it.
he forced me to go and see my girlfriends once a while.
he let me buy expensive things and didn't ask much.
he told me things, and i know i'm his best friend.
he is at his service no matter how long his day has been. i told him the kitchen needed fan, he went and bought the wall-mounted fan instead of the stand fan, and mounted it right away.
he ate whatever is served and not leaving anything behind.
he washed dishes and did the laundry.

he is easy.
he is true.
he is real.
he is no sweet-talker.
he is he.

your wife is loud, speaks her mind off, dependent and clingy, hard-headed, argues about petty and trivial matters, nags a lot and sooo manje.

and yet you still fight for her.

of all the small things that he did, he surely deserved to own his favourite quote that he kept telling me "if it's not love, then i don't know what it is."

of course, when he said that, i just gave the 'whateva' (ehem) look..

but yes, i know that is love.
o my sweet darling,
i just love that senget smiles of yours. please keep it just to me.

i knew i was not the first girl who caught your eyes
i may not be the first girl who touched your heart
i definitely was too late to be your first love in the list

being the first will surely be great,
being the last is beyond perfect.
promise me, i'll be your last!

i maybe a big mess, but this mess love you endlessly.
don't ever stop wanting me.
don't ever get enough of me.
don't ever give up on me.
don't ever forget, i'm you manje, always.

there's a reason why two people stay together.. they give each other something nobody else can.
whenever you feel lacking, know that i'm there.. in your heart.

Abang, I love you
Because we matter

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

syawal 1436

what i want to write is nothing special. 
but, just in case, in future i wonder what i did last raya, at least i can dig out old post and find this. 
happened that i've been blogging since Nov 2009, and i love reading my old posts. 
so, raya's the first of many... it brought different (good different) meaning, and i never want to stop being thankful and syukur to the blessing bestowed upon us. alhamdullillah.
ramadhan 2015 was a challenge to me. while 2014 was supposed to be a 'tough' one, i found that as much as i am 'fitter' than i used to be last year, my mind was not. 

o my, it's difficult. 
trust me, we can have all the physical strength in us, but without a strong mind and emotion, you could be ruined. 
and i live to tell, what you think do matters. 
i believe i was strong enough to go through ten sessions of chemo and 33 sessions of radiotherapy, and that's all it took for me to be where i am now. 
reality, the treatment was horrible, the side effect was never-ending. 
but with a strong mind, alhamdullillah, i knew i am all-rite. 

this ramadhan, i was a bit disturbed. 
we, the parents, were called by the school regards to aidan was having some anger management issues (and i'm yet to reserve on the story about it).. 
we, the couple, were 'adapting' with some changes in our life (and no worries, it's all parts and parcels of marriage life)
i, the new-stay-at-home wife cum mom, still figuring out what my KPIs are. 
apparently, i was so disturbed and it is damaging myself and people that matters in my life. 

having an unprepared mindset and unstable emotion, won't help you much with you living your life though you are physically fit. 
the trick is, doa. it helps!

on the other hand, talking about raya.. it was a blessed one, alhamdullillah. 

my little sister and her family was unable to be around due to work commitment. we do missed them. my brother and his family came home. and trust me, i was happy to know they did spend time with my parents more than they used to. alhamdullillah. i guess, it's all about communicating what we think should be done. my brother, though not as little as he used to be, still need to be guided. the issue with my parents, they love their children too much to the extend they don't complain about us, and we will never knew if nobody told us. they are not getting any younger, and so do we. it's not a time to berasa hati and so-ever. tapi, biasalah, bila diusia mama abah sekarang ni, we knew the emotion plays the bigger roles. 

i, for the first time in 37 years, all by myself, became my parents' no 1 helper in preparing the meals. the day before raya, i brought them to the butcher, the markets and all so. i help with the rendang and ketupat. yes, i was a spoiled child, that most of the time, i didn't helped them around. i missed those when i was young and i knew i have to make it up to them while we can. 

pagi raya was great. especially when everybody came to the house and enjoying every single bonding session we could. yup, we missed the bintulu family, but then, nak buat camne, hidup perantau... 

we were all dressed beautifully. we were in royal blue. i guess (ok, my hubby will tell me 'why must you assume, as usual?'), my hubby didn't like the colour as much as i do. he preferred last year's baju. but then, we still look good together. 

the second raya was another story. the plan was to celebrate it with the east-coast family. we had it all well. i rarely wore baju kurung when travelling. this time, i wanted to make a different, something nice and special. raya kan. it was feel-good moment when you could fit in your eleven years baju nikah and your hubby wore the same baju for the same event. it was great. sayang, tak sempat nak berselfie.. we had some incident. while in the car on our way up east, the car gave signals after signals that it was having issues, to the extend there were smoke all over and we had to pullover by the roadside. 

alhamdullillah. semua okay. there were few passers-by and i was impressed how genuine they were to help. 

hari-hari tuhan nak kasik kite beringat. 

last weekend, we went to kemaman. pergi beraya. we met old friends and it was great. 

zaman kita sekarang ni, masa datang dan pergi begitu saje. 
kawan-kawan, sedara-mara memang ada.. memang ingat sokmo.. tapi, asyik tiada kelapangan nak cari waktu nak jumpa dan bercerite. 

and getting the opportunity, always a good feeling. 
raya tak habis lagi. 

and i'm catching up with my ramadhan. 
ya allah, beri kami kesempatan untuk ramadhan yang akan datang. 
till now, jangan dikurangkan amalan ramadhan lepas untuk yang akan datang. 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Book Review: Dahsyatnya Doa Isteri

This book is beautiful.
It made me realized that small things matters.
The storyline is nicely put and the reading is easy for such a topic.

I must admit, I am no expert when it comes to the islamic knowledge. Astaghfirullahhalazim, how ashamed I am to admit that. I'm learning. We all are.
Moga dipermudahkan.

About the book, I must compliment the writers. They inspired me to pray, and pray harder, and there's always hope as He promised. All we have to do is ask.

Bila kita berdoa,
1. Mungkin Allah akan makbulkan
2. Jika tidak serta-merta, akan tiba masa yang sesuai
3. Jika tidak termakbul langsung, sebab perancangan Allah lebih hebat dari apa yang kita pinta.


Saya mahu berdoa.
Saya mahu setia seperti Khadijah, yang Allah janjikan rumah di syurga, yang sentiasa berdoa untuk suami tercinta dan sama berjuang demi suaminya. She proved that every successful man, there's always a smart woman.
Saya mahu cekal seperti Aishah, yang difitnah hingga si suami berasa hati namun dia tak henti berdoa hingga Allah memandukan semua kepada kebenarannya. Sabarnya dia, allahu.
Saya mahu kuat seperti Maryam, yang tak henti berdoa bersabung nyawa dan diri untuk melahirkan dan membesarkan anaknya. Betapa hebat kuasa Allah, Isa a.s. yang masih bayi dapat berkata menegakkan kebenaran ibunda tercinta.
Saya mahu ikhlas seperti Siti Hajar, yang ditinggal suami namun yakin nasibnya akan terbela kerana yang dilakukan kerana Allah. Hingga kini, zam-zam tak henti membasahi tekak umat Muhammad SAW.
Saya mahu teguh seperti Aisaa isteri Firaun, biarpun kemewahan kesenangan kebendaan mampu dia miliki, dia berserah segalanya pada Ilahi dengan redha-seredhanya.
Saya mahu bijak seperti Khaula, yang tidak hanya membisu bila keliru, dan tak henti berdoa agar nasib dia terbela.

Allah tak perlukan doa kita, doa itu untuk kita sendiri.

Doa la, untuk kita untuk suami untuk keluarga untuk semua.

why? why? why?

why must people made it difficult to others?
don't they think before they decided to react such ways???
the low yatt brawl -  it's a not a racial issue. never.
but people made it as a racial issue.
why so? is diplomacy is too difficult to work with?
the attention is so much more if it is a racial issue rather than just a dissatisfied customer who didn't know to deal with his frustration the proper way.

kan islam ajar suruh bermusyawarah... bawaklah berbincang. nak gaduh-gaduh, nak tunjuk siapa hebat, tak bawa ke mana pun...

orang cakap 'kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga'
i read about the converted chinese guy into islam. alhamdullillah.
but it wasn't easy.
he has nobody when his family shut him off. the family can't accept the new him. he is dead, to them.
and that is why we called him a muallaf, saudara baru.
he is supposed be our muslim brother.
we knew we should be helping him, anyhow anywhat.
he is entitled for the zakat.
but the baitulmal is making it difficult for him. asking him here and there and what and how. there's a reason.. allah cakap dah, mereka layak.
the zakat paid is for these people.
those who is eligible.
for those who pretend to be eligible, just let them be. they knew they are sinning. people don't simply want to sin. sometimes, the situation force them. just let them be.
don't make it difficult for anybody who is eligible.
feel ashamed of those managing the zakat fund. they can have nice tall five-star rated building, while there's so many eligible brothers and sisters are struggling trying to afford a living.

kan islam ajar suruh jujur dalam menjalankan amanah... jujurlah seadanya. kenapa perlu banyak menyusahkan, sedangkan kita bermewah megah?

orang cakap ' harapkan pegar, pegar makan padi'
there was an issue. a keyboard warrior was arguing on how unislamic to post those raya pics of husband and wife hugging and tagging each other.

syawal is a celebration. you were supposed to be happy from dawn till dusk. selfies, picture takings and many more and how the pose were shouldn't be an issue. it meant to be shared among close friend.

tak seronok kah orang bahagia? kan islam ajar doakan kebahagiaan saudara seislammu. doa tu, balik semula ke kita. tak perlu lah nak berdengki sangat. awasi sahaja gerak gerimu.

orang cakap 'belum bertaji hendak berkokok'
and so the Diva AA and ChefWan are back in public eye. well, their bold blunt (and forgive me but i must say this) 'ridiculously stupid' characters are well established.

just put a stop. no need to comment, no need to like, no to share.
if its personal, let it be personal.
yes, they published it for the public.
but, why are we so interested to know more about it?
we are asking for it, and these attention-crave human being are willingly giving it.

kan islam ajar adab susila. perihal peribadi, simpan sahajalah untuk sendiri. demi masa, akan reda lama tak lama. tak perlu dikongsi segala cerita. tak perlu diluah segala rasa.

orang cakap 'cakap siang pandang-pandang, cakap malam dengar-dengar'

and so, there's 1MDB.
why must he made it difficult for dragging this for so long and let everyone wonder?
why bother looking for culprits who was the informer and let alone him in silence?

rasanya, dah melampau sangat dosa dia dekat rakyat yang teraniaya, mungkin itu sebab dia membisu..biarkan semua menyumpah seranah berbuat dosa, agar pahala pulang ke dia.

jangan jadi Firaun, lupa diri yang die Tuhan.

yang ni, tak tau apa nak cakap...banyak sangat orang cakap.  
yang sorang tu tak bercakap-cakap!

i wonder, why must they made it difficult?
islam is simple.
that's what is thought.
and yet, we pick to be difficult!

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Selamat Hari Raya, semua

(This meant for an earlier posting, apparently, it didn't)

Tetibe teringat first time puasa diperantauan. There were 11 of us from my batch and 10 of my one-year senior. We were young. Very young. We were still in our teens.

The college we went to was in the middle of nowhere. Try pronounce the town ' Llantwit Major'...
It was in the 90s.. 1995 to be exact. The year when not many of the people in the town know exactly where Malaysia is. The year when not much of our culture awareness are made known to the world. (I guess, this is why I really thank Tun M for he was the person responsibility to change the worldview of Malaysia).

The college was isolated. The halal meat that we got was only once a week, once a meal. The other six days we were vegetarian day in day out. Nope, we didn't prepare our food. Yes, we cooked once a while during weekends, but not on daily basis.

The first day I fasted back then, it was emotional. I was so homesick (as usual) and I remembered looking forward to break our fast. I went to the dining hall with my besties. We had evening code (class) so we knew the dinner would be a quick grab. We had to wait for the time to break our fast and as we reached the dining hall, they were no halal meat. It was the first day, and yes the college provided us supplies for suhr for us to prepare ourselves. We were asking for the vegetarian dish and the kitchen lady was apologizing as the dinner was bad that those meat-eater decided to go vegetarian that day. We went to the cold meal storage. Na-da.. Just nothing for us. We opted for instant noodle back in our hostel. And I cried, profusely, while breaking my first fast away from the home country...

Be thankful people. We are so spoilt with choices of food, that we kept forgetting about the rest of the worl!


It's nearing the end.
Breaking apart is not an easy one this time.
I've achieved so much last year, but not this time.
Allahu, astaghfirrullahhillazim as I have sinned.

It doesn't started off easy. The first three day of Ramadhan saw me lying on my bed 24-7. I was weak and tired and even I was not fasting, I couldn't have anything thrown in my throat. It was bad. It more or less remind me of those time when I couldn't even swallowed my own saliva, and all I need was a bucket by my bedside to vomit. O please my dear friends, take care of your good health. If there's anything that is out of norm, please get it check. Don't just let it be. You don't want it to be too late that all you knew you have to undergone eight cycle of chemotherapy.

But alhamdullillah, I still managed to fast.
And now, it's raya.

And I feel missing.

Perhaps I am missing my little sister and her family. It's their first time not being able to celebrate it with us due to work commitment.
Perhaps I am missing everything I've gone thru, the good ones of course.
But I knew for a fact, I am missing my energy. I have another three more juzu' to complete my quran, but as I've been given an 'early' raya, I have to hold the reading after raya. And this time, I am missing Ramadhan. I just hope I could hold it... Just wait! I just hope I could keep it all for myself.

I'm praying, hard, let this Ramadhan lasted until the next Ramadhan. Ameen.


I have sinned.
I spoke my mind out loud, and it surely hurt some others.
I'm sorry.
It's my struggled. I prayed hard, but I knew it has never been hard enough.
I did things I shouldn't have.
I'm sorry.
Be it direct or indirectly, I knew I may have hurt some of these kind people.
I'm sorry.
I really am.
I want to change for a better, and I hope I will, one day, Insyaallah.
May Allah guide us.

Selamat Hari Raya
Maaf Zahir Batin.


Thursday, July 9, 2015

table for two

i just need to write it down.
it's about love.

love makes you do the undoable.
love makes you think the unthinkable.
love makes you touch the untouchable.
love makes you feel the impossible.

it's going to be our eleventh anniversary next month. 
i was flipping through old photos. that photos we took in trafalgar square.. brings  a thousand memories. he was a gentleman. i was smitten. the lion statue was huge. i insisted to climb for a picture; for a good memory to be saved. the first time he held my hand, trying to get hold of me, so i didn't fall. remembering it now, i felt like crying. the sparked we had, i felt it now. 

the first time we met, we were not so into each other. i was not available, and he was not interested. but God has His ways. the phone calls we had, just to fully utilized his free minutes, were not just phone calls. We started missing each other, but we won't dare to say it out loud. Of course, we understood. 

the courting was way over the moon. 
won't deny it and still couldn't deny it!
he mailed the train tix to visit him, he came to my place when i least expected, he hid bouquet of flowers to my surprised, he stayed up for handmade card to woe me. 
sons, beat that!

we were in so madly in love. 
of course, we argued here and there. 
it wasn't all smooth. 
but i couldn't thank my lucky star enough for the taqdir written for me and him. 
alhamdullillah, bertemu jodohnya kami berdua. 

it was a beautiful wedding.
we looked good (ok, overated, i was beautiful then, but when i look back at the wedding photo, i just wanted to kill the make-up artist my mum hired!).
he was handsome, with that smile he wore. 
everybody was sharing our big day with joy. 

the honeymoon was supposed to great. but, as it wasn't immediately after the wedding, i was already four months pregnant and the morning sickness lasted throughout the pregnancy. and so the second and third pregnancy. yes, i wished he was there, physically, during the labour, but then again, Allah is the best planner. he missed all three labours. 

and here we are, going to our eleventh anniversary. alhamdullillah. alhamdullillah. alhamdullillah. 

nope, it was never smooth ride through out. 

we fights.
we just had our disagreements earlier this week. 
i was so afraid to be label a control freak, but i was jealous. i still am. i can't help what i feel. i wish i could. i tried. we talked things out, and we knew that we can never turned back time. and we can never hide from how we feel. we won't lie. i couldn't lie and he won't sweet-talked me. 
yes, i was mad. i'm the lady in the house. he told them, i know who's the queen in his heart. but i still couldn't pretend that it was okay when it was not. 

time will heals. 
time will only heals when we have faith on what Allah has plan for us as He's the master planner. 

i overlooked. 
i was caught up in the idea i'm stuck with him for the rest of my life. and he won't change for any better.
allahuakbar. how could i forgot that all is Allah's do. how could i ignore that all is nicely put for us? he has his weaknesses, and i am no saint. 
we compliment each other. 

that's all it takes. 
as we are sinners for keep forgetting to count our blessings.
while others still looking for one, we found the love we want. 
niat kerana Allah, o may Allah has mercy on us.

i'm a wife. 
yes, i'm possessive. 
yes, i do get jealous over that young chic who just say hi when she passes by. 
yes, i feel insecure. 
yes, i'm inferior over things i think rather than the real fact. 
yes, i express my depression.
yes, i cry.
yes, i throw tantrums. 
i'm his wife.

i love him. 
just because i know he loves me too. 
i love him.
as much he might hurt my feelings, i hurt his too. and he stuck by.
i love him.
when i was at my lowest, he picked me up. he will. 
i love him. 
the thicks and thins that we've gone through are too precious to just to be thrash out. 
i love him.
the father of our wonderful brilliant children.
i love him.   

ya allah, kekalkan cinta ini. satukan hati kami seteguhnya. temukan kami semula di syurgaMu. 

you've been putting up with my antics 
you've been so patience comforting me
you've been yourself for whay i love you
you've been the greatest companion, bestest friend, prefect spouse to me. 
and, of course, i know it's mutual...

thank you for make it real.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Book review: It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want To Be

This book has a long title. But it's very catchy and simple and yet it tells the truth and not just merely words of unpractical motivational encouragement.

Written by Paul Arden and published by Phaidon Press Ltd, the book is meant for the business world.

However I found that most of the metaphors are so related in raising a child who will know how to survive in the harsh world. It gives me idea on what I want my kids to learn on life-skill and be a street-smart cause that is the difficult part in raising kids rather than being book-smart. I always believe it's important to have both street-smart and book-smart skills in order to survive and that is what I want my children to have.

One of many ideas written is "When it can't be done, do it. If you don't do it, it doesn't exist"... I'm so in love with this idea. And he even teaches us how to solve problems..."if you can't solve a problem, it's because you're playing by the rules..".

It's easy-reading and straight-forward.
Grab one.

ramadhan, u ols.

well, it has been a long pause, again.
i will bore people with this post, but then, what the heck, it is meant for me to share with my circle of friends. i'm sure they would love to read about my out and about.
i wrote that paragraph weeks ago, i didn't have the 'energy' to even complete it.

i missed the three first three days of ramadhan. i was soooo sick. i couldn't do anything but lied on the bed. i didn't even have the energy to go the toilet. but i couldn't fast as i need lots of water. i couldn't eat or chew anything. throughout the three days, i remembered the food that went through my throat was only the dates that my husband 'forced' me to eat and helped to remove the seed and just let me chewed whatever i can. it was horrible. especially when everybody is sooo looking forward for fasting, and there i was, lying on my bed.
i pitied my kids the most.

my ears was infected. but, it surely has getting much better after the antibiotic i took. the were traces of blood but it was 'nothing'.

and now, i'm back on my feet.
i miss ramadhan.
this year was quite tiring for me.
all i did was sleep all day, all night.
i wake up to send aivey to school and picked the children back. and most of the time, i only resorted for bazaar ramadhan food for breaking the fast. i sympatized my hubby and children. whilst most mom, especially those who stay at home, resorted to have nice food on the table, i still struggling to adhere to that. but, i'm happy that the least i could prepare sahur for them. at least, once i got my food intake, i could spare some energy to cook before i go to bed.
my husband has been very good, as always. he never complains. he brings food on the table. there were times i felt ashamed as i wasn't a good enough wife to him.
sedih, terkilan, ralat..
semua rasa ada.

my gastrick is not getting any better.
but i guess, i got so used to cramping and holding my stomach tight and it will just be gone in no time.
i'm not complaining.
i want everybody who read this, who has the energy and time, just cherish the moment. do whatever you could do.
ramadhan bulan untuk beribadah.
trust me, i felt the emptiness bila nak solat 2-rakaat pun dah rasa terhuyung-hayang.
jeles bila tengok nak bangun sahur and my hubby was on the prayer mat.
jeles bila tengok anak-anak pergi surau ngan aboh nak solat jemaah.
belum sempat lagi.
mintak berkat tempias jugak sikit2.

one thing i learn about being in a remission - as they would put it for us, the treated cancer patient, life won't be the same.. at least for the next five, or maybe ten years.
to me, it's time i'm trying to understand the signal of my body trying to tell me. at some instance, there'll be fluid coming out from ears, there'll be constant runny nose, there'll be dried tongue, there'll be uncontrollable coldness and many others. one thing for sure, betapa kasihNya Allah, it never came simultaneously. the body is smart enough to 'take turn' who and which the pain will be.

another thing about remission, you just don't know how you would want to answer the question 'how are you?'. to friends that i'm closed to, i like to tell them 'i'm ok but i'm tired and sick of being sick and tired'. i don't intend to buy their sympathy. i know they care. and they keep telling me 'you are strong'.

i doubt that i'm strong.
i trust it's all Allah's way of constant reminder to me of things i've done and thing's i should be doing.
as i've been talking with other cancer patient, 'kita ni special, allah sayang kat kita yang dok peringatkan kita dunia ni kejap je, tak lari mana. bila kite sakit, dunia terus berjalan, dan kita sorang lah kat situ. tu sebab, bila kita sakit, lagi banyak kita ingat mana dunia mana akhirat.'

appreciate life kawan-kawan!
appreciate your health. baru umur 37thn, jalan dari parking level P2, naik lift pergi concourse and jalan to the other side of the mall took all my breath away. saat isetan dok memanggil-manggil masuk store depa sebab ada sale, i resorted for a good fifteen minutes seat and decided to go back sebab penat.
so, those who are still in the pink of health, make use of it to the good.
it won't be late when it's gone, but the the feeling of 'i should have done this when i was in a good health' might not be the best feeling ever.

untuk kawan-kawan yang tengah go through remission, tengah treatment dan tengah tunggu treatment,
true, semua yang sihat is impressed with us.
true, semua yang ada sympathised and felt us,
but, i know, what we've gone thru is indescribable.
we can explain to our onco what we felt.
we can tell our spouse how we felt.
but we felt.

just be strong
He is there.