Thursday, July 9, 2015

table for two

i just need to write it down.
it's about love.

love makes you do the undoable.
love makes you think the unthinkable.
love makes you touch the untouchable.
love makes you feel the impossible.

it's going to be our eleventh anniversary next month. 
i was flipping through old photos. that photos we took in trafalgar square.. brings  a thousand memories. he was a gentleman. i was smitten. the lion statue was huge. i insisted to climb for a picture; for a good memory to be saved. the first time he held my hand, trying to get hold of me, so i didn't fall. remembering it now, i felt like crying. the sparked we had, i felt it now. 

the first time we met, we were not so into each other. i was not available, and he was not interested. but God has His ways. the phone calls we had, just to fully utilized his free minutes, were not just phone calls. We started missing each other, but we won't dare to say it out loud. Of course, we understood. 

the courting was way over the moon. 
won't deny it and still couldn't deny it!
he mailed the train tix to visit him, he came to my place when i least expected, he hid bouquet of flowers to my surprised, he stayed up for handmade card to woe me. 
sons, beat that!

we were in so madly in love. 
of course, we argued here and there. 
it wasn't all smooth. 
but i couldn't thank my lucky star enough for the taqdir written for me and him. 
alhamdullillah, bertemu jodohnya kami berdua. 

it was a beautiful wedding.
we looked good (ok, overated, i was beautiful then, but when i look back at the wedding photo, i just wanted to kill the make-up artist my mum hired!).
he was handsome, with that smile he wore. 
everybody was sharing our big day with joy. 

the honeymoon was supposed to great. but, as it wasn't immediately after the wedding, i was already four months pregnant and the morning sickness lasted throughout the pregnancy. and so the second and third pregnancy. yes, i wished he was there, physically, during the labour, but then again, Allah is the best planner. he missed all three labours. 

and here we are, going to our eleventh anniversary. alhamdullillah. alhamdullillah. alhamdullillah. 

nope, it was never smooth ride through out. 

we fights.
we just had our disagreements earlier this week. 
i was so afraid to be label a control freak, but i was jealous. i still am. i can't help what i feel. i wish i could. i tried. we talked things out, and we knew that we can never turned back time. and we can never hide from how we feel. we won't lie. i couldn't lie and he won't sweet-talked me. 
yes, i was mad. i'm the lady in the house. he told them, i know who's the queen in his heart. but i still couldn't pretend that it was okay when it was not. 

time will heals. 
time will only heals when we have faith on what Allah has plan for us as He's the master planner. 

i overlooked. 
i was caught up in the idea i'm stuck with him for the rest of my life. and he won't change for any better.
allahuakbar. how could i forgot that all is Allah's do. how could i ignore that all is nicely put for us? he has his weaknesses, and i am no saint. 
we compliment each other. 

that's all it takes. 
as we are sinners for keep forgetting to count our blessings.
while others still looking for one, we found the love we want. 
niat kerana Allah, o may Allah has mercy on us.

i'm a wife. 
yes, i'm possessive. 
yes, i do get jealous over that young chic who just say hi when she passes by. 
yes, i feel insecure. 
yes, i'm inferior over things i think rather than the real fact. 
yes, i express my depression.
yes, i cry.
yes, i throw tantrums. 
i'm his wife.

i love him. 
just because i know he loves me too. 
i love him.
as much he might hurt my feelings, i hurt his too. and he stuck by.
i love him.
when i was at my lowest, he picked me up. he will. 
i love him. 
the thicks and thins that we've gone through are too precious to just to be thrash out. 
i love him.
the father of our wonderful brilliant children.
i love him.   

ya allah, kekalkan cinta ini. satukan hati kami seteguhnya. temukan kami semula di syurgaMu. 

you've been putting up with my antics 
you've been so patience comforting me
you've been yourself for whay i love you
you've been the greatest companion, bestest friend, prefect spouse to me. 
and, of course, i know it's mutual...

thank you for make it real.

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