it has been a while.
i have written a lot of posts, in my mind. but i guess, i just couldn't put it in words and post it in this blog.
well, it just the same old grumblings.
it's school holidays, and i always has mixed feelings when it comes to school breaks.
the kids were around 24-7, and sometimes at the breath i'm taking.
i broke down yesterday.
and the day before.
it was bad.
am i a bad mom?
do i hate my kids?
gile ape ke????????
and i had nightmare last night.
i saw them running, and fell into pool of mud and gone.
wuuaaaaaaa
i woke up and cried in the middle of the night.
i took wudhu' and prayed for i have sinned
i felt bad, i was bad!
i remembered how was not a perfect daughter i was.
but i knew, my mom would never said anything, she would just mummed her words.
and i'm expecting my lovely soleh solehah anak-anak to be perfect?
what was i thinking????????
sangat gila!
kids will always be kids.
one day, they will all grow up and out.
there won't be me yelling 'stop disturbing your adik!'
there won't be me giving that stare of death.
there won't be me shutting the door so they just couldn't get in my room.
there won't be me hurrying them up for subuh and school.
there won't be me worrying of their incomplete homeworks.
there won't be me nagging about the messes they are making.
there won't be me complaining to their aboh how silly they have been during the day.
they won't be me doing stuff for them.
one day, they will all grow up and out.
and that day, i'll be the loneliest of all.. and i feel bad for my mom.
Allah Ya Rahman,
bekalkan aku kesabaran yang tinggi, kasih sayang yang melimpah.
anak-anak,
maafkan mama.
mama,
ampunkan dosa anakmu.
ok,
this is bad.
i don't mean to write anything mellow,
but i just feel sad.
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