Thursday, May 12, 2016

Book review: I am muslim by Dina Zaman

Saw this book in Kinokuniya.. Dina Zaman? I know this writer. I've read her column in the local newspaper and knowing she is quite 'liberal', I'm surprised that she published a book with such title....

Well, I was sceptical when I first saw this. I didn't intend to waste my cash on it. But, i was intrigued. I turned the page and was shaking my head and eyes wide opened, unbelievable. I must say, the title of the book is very deceiving. Generalization on how a malaysian muslim acts and our way of life from this book would surely be deceiving especially to the non-muslim.  The title was not supposed to be "I am muslim" but it should be "I am a 'liberal' malay muslim".... and that says it all. 

As much as I wanted to 'kill' Dina Zaman in her writings as I was thinking like a 'real' muslim, sadly, she spoke the truth about the majority of the 'liberal malay' muslim, And sadly, most of her description were like 'been there done that' to me and yes, i could not deny her. 

I was filled with mixed emotion reading the book. Was she for real? Was she exaggerating? Some points can be taken as beneficial, and some are doubtful. But all in all, I would say it's a 'fresh' reading and for a person like me, i would say it's an eye-opening to me to make sure I don't get confuse with culture and religions and know the line. 

To the writer, I pray you well and moga diberi hidayah berterusan dan kuat-sekuatnya, You can be a good pendakwah if you want to.

And to my malays people, please never get confused yang mana adat, yang mana firman allah, yang mana hadis dan sunnah. Please learn! Please read the Quran! Please please please!

the nursing nurse

it's the nurse day, today!
happy day, kind people.

i have a hate and love relationship with the nurses.
it was once hate and forever love!

i remembered the last time i brought my grandma to the general hospital. i was young, ehem, and was on summer holidays. as everyone else were either working, schooling or too small to be the chaperon, i did. the least i can do for my beloved grandma. she was old, very old, and scared of doctors and nurses. she hated hospitals. and so, she always made sure that she excelled with the checkups so she won't be admitted. that morning, as we were waiting for our turn, and her name was called upon, i went in with her. the nurse would like to check her eyes. and so they did. but what went wrong when nenek, who supposed to open one eye, and shut another eye with the given card didn't do as instructed. she held the card, but not on the eye that was supposed to be shut, but just below the eye level so that she can see the shape shown and answered the nurse correctly. i didn't see the act as i was soaked reading the novel in my hand. but i was stunt when i heard the nurse yelling at my grandma, "tutup sebelah mata la orang tua! ishk!!"... ooppsss, stop there! it was still early in the morning, and no matter what your issue was, you could never treat any single human being like what you did, and not to my nenek!
"please don't be rude to her! she's 80 and she's scared of the test. and you have no right to said what you said, not in front of me! learn some manners, and it's a shame that you need to learn from a 20 year old girl!"
of course she gave me 'that look' and did not insist in responding back. perhaps i was talking in english with her... yup, just don't let me be pissed, i spoke great queen english when i'm furious, with the accent!

and then, it was another traumatized drama in hospital daerah kemaman when i had and 'early' sign of being in labour! way tooo early! five and half week early! though i insisted to be send to the private hospital which was one hour away, my mother-in-law insisted (as my hubby was offshore) of sending me to the five-minutes-away hospital, and thanks to her wise decision. it took only half and hour for me to give birth, and should i insisted, aimar would be the baby that was born in the car! the nurses were horrible! they were busy exchanging polyphonic raya ringtone, ignoring me who was in pain. i was only 8cm dilated and they thought i could have wait. i was so pissed that i just pushed  all my energy out and lucky me, he was such a small baby. the nurse was making so much noise as she told me i could have wait! WTF! and what made worst, she was too lazy to fill in the form etc, she decided to just 'sew' my injuries unanesthetic. 'sikit je luka ni'! blardy hell!!!!! more queen english came out from my mouth, i couldn't hold my tears as the pain was killing me!!! it was even demn painful as compared to giving birth!and all i wished for was that nurse was crashed and crippled for doing that to me!

those were the days.
and then, i fell sick.
it's weird that the oncology told me that i would only be on the day-care ward for chemo and could go back in the evening. the first time i checked in for the chemo, i was nervous. my hubby was with me all the time. the nurses greeted us, let us chose our own bed and showed us how to adjust the bed at my comfort.
next, they came with the syringe to take up my blood and set up the IV line.
after a while, we saw this bottle wrapped in aluminium foil with the radioactive sign on it. it was the chemo med.
we did that for 14 times, on weekly basis, by week 5, i guess, my veins had shrink and it was sooo difficult for them to get the IV thru. once used to be just a one time try, became two or three times tries. they kept on apologizing though it was never their faults. i was just so weak and skinny bone!

i remembered few times i was warded because of the chemo effects. the nurses in the wards were so patience checking up on me, cleaned all the vomits and made sure i am fed. i remembered how they struggled to put in the tube from my nose down to my throat as i could hardly eat anything and i need to be fed. i remembered the time when i pulled that tube off, in split seconds, while the nurse was trying to feed me with the protein milk and she was stunned to see my action.

i remembered the nurses in the radiotherapy who never gave up teaching me the right way to 'exercise' my mouth so that i won't get tired and cramped with the radio. i remembered how they were telling me what to consume and what not and i just didn't care. i remembered the look they gave me everytime they took my weight and it just kept on losing and losing bit by bit. i remembered them telling me 'it's ok, we'll wipe the vomit' when i could not hold any longer.

i remembered all their looks.
that sympathy look, but came with strong words 'you'll be ok. stay strong. you are strong'
i remembered all their looks.
that guilty look when they uttered, 'see you next week and do eat!'
i remembered all their looks.

and i also remember their looks.
that happy look, 'alhamdullillah, you are so much better now'
and i also remember their looks, after two years,
that cheerful look, 'ya allah ain, you look so much better and so awesome!'

these people were strangers!
and yet, in my sickness, they were the closest i could have. their look, their smile, their words, their touches, just enough to give me the push and thinking, everything gonna be alright. just buzz the button if you need any help from us'

oh thank you to all the nurses.
i know, it wasn't easy and never will.. it won't!