Saturday, December 16, 2017

to say or not to say

i'm doubtful in posting this. banyak kebencian dan kemarahan..but i guess, dah type pepannjang, rasa rugi lak tak pos.

so, again, this posting was written when the write was still struggling to balance her sane and insane mind!

so, mind you!
i have a spiritual & ethics& principles dilemmas... whatever you want to call it.
the issue is straight forward, but somehow, when we decided to make a mountain out of a molehill, i guess, it's just getting messier and messier.

to cut things short, most of the time, i blame my mouth for saying my thoughts out loud.
i tried! not that i don't!
but i then, i regret it.
somehow, this time, nope, i don't regret it... majority might thing i'm in the wrong, this time, i am going to a bigotry or whatever label people would want to put it, but i just know, this time, i am right and i should not feel any regrets despite of anything that happened.

our nabi SAW has been reminding us over and over and over again to watch what we say and be mindful to the words we chose. or, best is to stay silent.
but our nabi SAW also told us to be true. especially to people that matters.
and nabi SAW also told us, don't be one of those munafiqun... and yet, we chose to be a hypocrite just so others' might think we are the noble and humble one.

just because we decided not to tell, to jaga hati, someone just told us (which should be in discrete) she hated the way my husband talked to her. she was hurtful over an email that happened 8 to 10 years ago, without us knowing until few weeks ago. and she was angry for the words that my husband uttered in a could closed group nit, assuming my husband was bashing one of the clan in the group without knowing my husband was defending her wife for she (the wife) was crying over a phone conversations that she has been yelled at, and the whole house heard the insults (and that house was at my in-laws house). to me, a person was so dear to me and yelled at me just because i won't listen and agree to what she was saying, was hurt enough; and for my husband, all he saw was his teary wife and for whatever someone has no rights to make her cry and must apologize. but frankly, the apology never came and i, personally, and my husband never took that as grudges, and we almost forgot about the incident, until someone who was not that person that my husband asked for an apology from, raised it few weeks ago, telling me she was never liked the way my husband treated the clan.........

i don't understand.

i wanted clarifications. but of course, people decided not to say a word and simply said 'saya dah maafkan dia' while we never asked for forgiveness and all we were asking was an explanations of what had happened? things you've been keeping within yourself, was spilled out of blue - just because 'selama ini saya sabar, tapi hari ini saya hilang sabar'...and there you goes, ungkit citer lama...

so i am to be blame sebab i asked, please tell me why you hate him?
or should i put the ball in your court, you should not relate the past just over an incidence.. i was asking an incidence of why you did what you did instead of focusing the cause, you were focusing on a person - camni, orang yang kekonon dah commit crime mencuri, kena naik court, tetibe court jatuh hukum, orang tu pun jalani hukuman, lepas tu dia setel dah tak hutang apa.. tetibe, dia ada meeting, dia datang lambat, lepas tu ada orang  tua yang tak pernah bercakap dalam meeting tu marah dia sebab dia lambat... dia marah balik orang tua tu sebab cara kene tegur tu tak betul dah semua orang tengok dia, padahal meeting tu boleh je proceed tanpa dia... dahlah kene marah, kene suruh pulak jaga adab, dia sebagai yang tua kene tunjuk teladan yang baik...bla bla bla... kena tarbiah pulak dah kan... lepas tu,  sedap2 cakap 'ko tunjuk teladan yang buruk'...okaylah, maybe tak ckp direct camtu..tapi sebab dah susun ayat camtu, rasa camtu lahkan... anyway, tetibe ada sorang ahli dalam meeting tu pun bengang... bila tanya bengang.. dia jawab 'aku memang lama benci dia sebab kes curi hari tu, dia curi barang geng aku!'..... tetibe....without checking, barang dia curi dari geng sorang lagi tu sebab geng tu yang hulur suruh curi, ahli yang bengang tu tak tahu pulak....on the other hand, diorang dah jatuh hukum ke dia pun. pastu, tanya lagi, member tu cakap 'alu dah lama benci dia sebab dia warning aku dalam email'.... yang email tu memang berkurun punye email yang kau tak pernah reply dan tanya masa tu "apasal kau nak kene warning aku lak ni?"..sebab kalau dia tanya masa tu, mesti bende tak jadi dendam berkurun abad.

lepas tu, dia jadi marah kat orang yang tanya 'apasal kau marah?' tanpa verifying, dia bengang sebab dia kata kalau orang yang tanya tu tak tanya, mesti tak jadi hal! dia cakap lagi "aku bagitau ko sebab aku percaya ko tanya aku ikhlas"......

nampak tak masalahnya????
masalahnya, orang tanya sebab orang tak paham, besar sangat ke dosa datang lambat sampai terus nak emo.. tetiba korang ungkit citer lama... lepas tu korang cakap korang dah lama sabar...

cik oi, meh nak ajar - the meaning of sabar is detain, refrain and stop. so, if out of blue, you suddenly burst out, tolong jangan claim sabar.... tolong baca buku, bukak kitab... orang hebat, kena rajin membaca.

demn! i hate this post...
it is so full of hatred and anger and i just couldn't bear it.

i tried to justify, things won't happen if the person didn't come late for the meeting.
and then, things happened.
i tried to understand what was the impact that cause everybody hate that person because he was a thief...
it's peoples' mindset... sekali depa dah pikir mamat ni pencuri, they do not have to ask this mama 'betul ke ko mencuri?'
dia tak tahu kot2 mamat tu dituduh bersalah sebab masa mamat tu dikandang saksi dia cakap "saya amik barang tu tanpa izin dia (pastu dia tak cakap, nanti saya bagitau dia)"... maka mahkamah rekod dia mencuri.
and after so long, orang masih pikir dia mencuri ..walaupun salah dia time tu is datang lambat dan bukan mencuri!
dan bila tanya , 'apsal semua orang nak marah dia?'
kena bash lah pulak 'dah lah, bende2 remeh tak yah tanya lah..just put a stop. start a new page.'

i don't understand...
ini bangsa kita.
'jaga hati'
tak payah bagi tau...
senyap2 je
bukak citer lain....

kalau orang yang kita sayang, buat something yang tak menyenangkan... memang patut ke kita senyap sebab nak jaga hati dia dan biar kita makan dalam sampai tunggu meletup?

if any of the readers has that thought in mind, please don't.
the lowest being would do that and please don't be the lowest uneducated being ever alive in this earth for being stupid.

orang bertanya sebab orang nak membetulkan.
bila tak tanya, orang tak tahu, sampai bila nak betul?
kalau orang tak tanya pun, bagitau lah... kita tak makan hati, orang tu pun boleh tahu,
kalau tak bagitau, memanglah orang tak tahu kan..


it hurts deep inside!

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