Friday, April 13, 2018

TAR 2018 - Part 1

I've been delaying on writing up about Aidan's horrible experience in MRSM TAR since the event day itself.
Aidan is now (safe, hopefully) in MRSM Alor Gajah. We sent him on Monday and he is coming back over the long weekend sebab Melaka cuti sampai next Monday sempena sambutan Melaka Bandaraya Bersejarah.

I just read the essay he completed and asked me to submit on his behalf for the online competition in his vision of his town in 2050. I was touched on his final point... 'I had a vision that the town i live in is crime free. Everyone want to be good. Vendors are true in their pricing, employers pay their employees fairly..'... The sentence he used 'EVERYONE WANT TO BE GOOD'.. O my dear, how great if that is as easy as it is said than done. But then again, it's not something impossible. In the next 30 years, you will lead your generations. You can be good and you can try your hardest to make everyone to want to be good. Insyaallah.

I was browsing his text messages to me as I need to look up for the email he gave me so that I could submit the form accordingly. And I saw trails of messages that broke any mom's heart.

It made me asked myself, am I a sane mother for making my son feels what he felt in his messages? Am i doing it for myself or for his goodness?

It just breaks my heart.


Aidan is our first-born. He's a tough cookies. He was only 1 year and 9 month when he calmed me, putting his small hand on my bulging stomach the morning I was just with him, feeling sick as I was about to deliver aimar few hours after that. He soothed me.

At the age of 4, he went to 'just' a kindy of no fancy montisseri modules or anything... He took a trishaw back home with a girl tripple his size. I remembered one the first month of his school, when i asked him, how was school?
This four year old boy told me, "mama, i got scolded and kena rotan with the long ruler on my palm." Nope, I wasn't panic. He sound so calm but guilty. So I listened. "teacher asked me not to talk to my friend but I didn't stop talking. I'm sorry. I promised I won't do it again"... he definitely learned his lesson.

When he was 7, on his second day of Sek Kebangsaan, we 'left' him all by himself. He seems like he was ok. He went and queued up, went to his classroom and learned. As the bell went off for recess, we we spying on him, trying to fit in with the rest. He was so small, in the middle of the spacious canteen, with kids everywhere and was clueless as he looked around and couldn't find familiar faces. We saw him crying and I was about to go to him, but my husband stopped me. We stayed off and looked. He was still crying, but went to a bench, took his food and tried to munch and cry. That was when we went to him and asked if he was crying and he said he was ok.

When he was 8, I was sick. He made it easy for us. He helped around with the buckets full of vomits. He stayed away when he wasn't needed. He closed the door so that mama could rest. He was so helpful and that was when my husband trained him to do house chores like doing laundry and all.

When he was 9, we changed his school to a (wonderful) private school. He got to leave all his books in the school but he didn't. He was so upset just to find out people has been messing with his stuff. How would he know? Because he has his own system and he knew when someone has 'touched' his stuff.. End up, he brought back all books and we just couldn't stop nagging to him to just leave it at the school.

When he was 10, I remembered that we were called by the school, requesting a session with the teacher and the principal. Reason being, 'Aidan pukul budak Yr2'.. Allahuakbar! When asked, 'dia cakap hadiah Tcr Lin dapat paling kecik, sebab Tchr Lin tak best. tu sebab dia dapat kecik je!' English was his favourite subject and Tchr Lin is one of his favourite teacher... memanglah he was defensive. When the school wanted to put him into the anger management program, my husband was opposing it 100% and that was when introduced the acronyms "NARP" - no agression, react peacefully. Whenever he wanted to get aggressive at home, he was reminded with those phrases. Alhamdullillah, we saw him refraining from being aggressive.

When he was 11, I remembered he cried right after he was in the car when I picked him he saw me at school. He was so mad not that majority of his friends didn't like his idea of having a fairy tales as a role play theme in their English Class (majority picked war theme - you couldn't expect fairy tales theme to be pick by a class full of boys, right?) but because he couldn't convince his friends on the idea having a role play with fairy tales theme was so much easier than than the war theme. I told him how proud I was for he didn't show any aggression in protest of his frustration in public.

When he was 12, there were few occasions (two, actually) that he had conflicts with one of the ustaz in his school. He handled it like 'a man' and admitted he was at fault for not making his ustaz understand his situations clearly.

And as I'm writing this post, at the age of 13, because of what we and the school sowed on him, we started to see how he reaps.

It wasn't a pleasant experience in TAR. He was bullied. As much as I was in doubt to share it with others, but I guess, I have to. The least I could do is share our stories, so that it won't happened again to any of the other kids.

It's gonna be a lengthy chrononology and allow me to share in another posting!

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