Thursday, October 18, 2018

bila tak ukur baju di badan sendiri

how others treat you can really makes the best or the worst of you!
at times me writing this, i am so blardy mad!
it is my birthday and i'm swearing.
and i'm posting this!

someone who my hubby trust and in his good friends' list really pissed me off.
udahlah utang dok bagi alasan tak bayar.
pi photoshop slip bank yang tak wujud.
bagi harapan palsu orang check kat bank duit yang dia claim dah masuk, tapi tak masuk.
yang tambah buat nak kena carut, anak 2-2 sekolah kat private international taylors college, sebab anak tak tahu cakap melayu.
padahal ckp nogori punyalah pekat!
duduk kat apartment seri maya yang dah berjuta harga tu.. apartment bukan 1.. ada 2!
bini bahagia pergi tengok konsert popstar kmariah carey, pergi jalan kat bangkok, sebab kawan-kawan semua set artis. kata nye gi konsert tiket free. mana tak free nya, semua kawan sponsor (claim laki dialah),  laki dok hutang orang keliling, lepas tu bagi semua kat bini.

ini warning mama kat anak-anak laki-laki mama..jangan jadi dayus tunduk dekat kehendak bini sampai kamu kena caci cela dengan kawan dan bini kawan kamu!

always remember!

 you are doomed!
the lowest being i've ever known.

Friday, October 12, 2018

my forever princess

it has been a while.
i've been updating my education blog site, that i've abandoned this blog.
i promised to write something about aivey, for i'm sure, of all three of my nyawa, there's a big possibility that she would appreciate this blog of mine more than her two abang.
a month ago was her 7th birthday last month. anak yang istimewa of her own.

she is so girly yet tough.
she is so manje yet independent
she is so whiny yet strong.
she is so young yet understand.
o my..
i've shared so many things about hee in the FB.
and there's so much more i didn't share about her, too.

i didn't remember much about her toddler years.
i was sick back then.
she spent lots of her time with aboh, atuk and nenek, instead.
i remember the first time i had chemo, and she was the one who fall sick, instead.
i guess the chemo med in my body was so strong that being the youngest, she got the effect easily from me...
but then, back then, i was just emotional looney.
she couldn't come near me when i was lying on the bed.
fear of her spilling the buckets of vomits next on the bed, or even scared of her touching me as i would feel pain...
sakit masa chemo tu sangat undescribable.
ada hari ok, okaylah.
ada hari nak lembik, kene sentuh sikit pun rasa macam kene cucuk!
o, the pain...

she got her hands with tools as young as two three years old.
she knew how pliers, screw drivers and hammers work.
she cleared the dustbin and sidai baju as young as three or four.
credit to aboh.

this year, she was 7.
i don't remember when, but she didn't need me anymore when she took her bath and changed her clothes.
semalam, lepas exam paper science, teacher texted me, told me she got fever.
i went to the school and fetch her.
balik rumah, i gave her a good wash...she needed it.
and i felt so emotional.
lama mama tak mandikan aivey, shampoo kan rambut aivey, lap aivey.
last week, she didn't need me to tie her hair anymore.
she could tie it herself.


dia anak yang baik.
whenever she saw my lying on my bed earlier than my bedtime, she would come to me.. offer to pijak belakang, urut badan or picit my kepala.
she knew i was sick then and need extra attention.
whenever she saw me cry after my prayers, she would just sit next to me, pat my back and said 'allah will give what you doa, mama. don't worry. allah is kind'.
she would do that!

she talks too much too. (hahaha...kene dua too to apit the word much)
last monday, i was told that she was among those who supposed to stand outside the assembly hall.. sebab cakap banyak..

she stands by herself.
being her, is never easy.
mama is very competitive.
abang-abang are doing great in their studies.
and she is still struggling in her reading.
she had improved so much as compared to the start of the year.
i remember when the school counsellor was telling me 'aivey ada mild dyslexic. akak maybe nak pergi get her diagnosed and learn how you can help her.'
of course, we never got her checked up.
we blame the gadget.
it was that evil gadget.
padan muka sapa?
padan muka mama lah.. did not put the limit on her.
bila dengar dia cakap omputeh macam dia gi sekolah internasional.. lagilah mama rasa baguslah peppa pig dalam youtube ni!
and now, i owed it to her.
takpe v, kita cuba dan cuba dan cuba..
selagi mampu.
kita usaha.
insyaallah.... you are great in what you are great in, and you will be great sebab aivey anak mama aboh, adik abgdan abgmar.

next year, aivey is gonna be 8.
it's gonna be a big celebration.
masa abgdan was 8, he celebrated it with his friends playing futsal.
masa abgmar was 8, he celebrated it with his friends playing laser tag.
so, i told her, she can start planning for her 8th birthday..
'saya nak buat dekat rumah, ada bouncy castle.'
"kalau nak buat kat rumah kita takde kawasan lah V. kita buat kat rumah atuk lah"
'kalau buat kat rumah atuk, ada ke sedara kita nak datang me?'
v, i'm leaving a blank space for the answer.

alhamdullillaj, we have all of us and that is more than enough.