it's been a while since my last update..
i'm still on the road of recovery..
last last Friday, had a minor surgery called 'myringotomy'..
a surgery that requires GA and it was some experience...
because of the chemo-radiotherapy, the cells (mostly) in my ears, nose, throat, neck were badly 'damaged'..
I won't lie, there were times I cried..
my ears were badly 'blocked'..
there were trapped air and water, in my middle ears.. set aside the buzzing cricket-like noise in my ears, Dr Yeoh who did the initial scoping a month ago was proposing me to have the myringotomy procedures.
it's a procedure where grommets were inserted in my ears, and hopefully it helps with the blocked ears, reduced the trapped air and water, and give me a better 'balance'...
true, I could hardly stand on my feet, hardly..
I was hoping that I could hear clearly after the procedure..
the procedure went well..
my hearing was much better as compare to previous month
but still, the buzzing noise still hasn't go away...
I guess I just have to bear with it for the time being..
the first ent scoping after the completion of my chemo-radiotherapy showed that the cancer cell behind the nose were no longer there nor active..
but this was the first scan, and yet to be confirmed with MRI a month after the scan
I had my MRI this morning..
the radiologist pass me the result in a CD which resulting me in front of the desktop at 1 in the morning while the boys were watching the world cup
p/s: I supported Spain, and they made me upset:(
we shall go thru the MRI result with dr azrif this Monday morning
but, I just couldn't sleep..
I inserted the CD
it took ages...
I doubt its the PC
I can't believe myself that I was nervous..
I felt weak and my knees were trembling
there were so many 'what ifs'
I saw the images
but it was unclear
I still need my oncologist interpretation
I was comparing the image with the one I did way before my prognosis were confirmed
comparing 'apple-to-apple', I can see the nose and neck areas were 'clear'..
but, me no expert
it still yet to be confirmed
as much as I was hoping its for real...and I pray and pray hard that the cancer cells has go away..
and please, don't ever come back
not to me
not to anyone I love
not to anyone I know
not to anyone at all
please ya allah
I knew I've been ungrateful all this while
being blessed with almost everything, I never care to be a good muslim
i'm not saying I've paid my price
what I've done in my past can never be compensated with me being sick
I've forgotten, all the nikmah and blessed were from Him
please ya allah
please allow me to have some opportunity
to be with You in the way I should
to have my children lead a life that they should as the khalifah, and do not repeat the mistakes I've made
please ya allah
ok, i'm getting all tears up and emotional
but fact is, I was reminded the five things we should grab before the other five
the health before illness
the young before old
the wealth before poor
the time before occupied
the life before death
we'll never know what's written for us
but feeling that allah is always there for us, is a blessing
we should keep reminding ourselves, not to forget Him even in a split second, 'coz He never will do that to us.. it's us who abandon Him, and bring mayhem to our very ownself
pp/s: waaahhh..panjang pulak tazkirah..nope, I never became an ustazah.. just a reminder to myself
by the way, I still can't take a single spoon of spicy food.. not a cut of green chilli..
I miss asam pedas, sambal ikan bilis, laksa, masak lemak cili api, even Nasik goring kampong very much!!!
this will take a while
my saliva gland is getting lesser and lesser
but I guess, now that it's been a while
i'm so getting used to it
insyaallah, these will come back
it may take months, years, but it will come back
to people out there
do pray for my recovery
and hopefully the MRI result to be discussed on Monday is something gratifying...