Wednesday, December 20, 2017


hari-hari sedih, rajin lah pulak update blog kan...
today was bad.
i had been holding up my car loan settlement since october. i decided, today is the day. actually, i tried calling the bank, asking for the total full settlement and was told 'sorry, but we can't disclose your full settlement via phone. you need to go to the branch you took the loan (nine years ago!!).
i really didn't see the logic of not disclosing the information, especially when they expect me to make my full settlement via cash through the counter and not via IBG transfer or even their cash deposit machine!
anyway, as it has been on my to-do list for quite a while, i went to the bank alone - alhamdullillah. i expected that parking would be a hassle as it was noon. Tuhan mudahkan saya dengan good rezeki of great parking spot right in front of the bank..wham! bam!
as i went to the bank, i was told that the car-loan settlement was on 2nd floor, and there were no escalator! it was a struggle... trust me..for a person like me, walking 25 steps were a struggle.
on a side note, we went to the skytrex adventure park yesterday - the boys were enjoying the activities while me and aivey just hang around..and it was such a tiring experience for me, just hanging around... i slept as early as i done my isya' prayers, in my telekung, only to be wake by aimar asking if i wanted to go for dinner which i said no... so, i slept till subuh.
ok, back to the bank, i went up just to realize i left my MyKad in the car. so, another going down and climbing up the stairs and my energy bar for the day has surely reduced. they didn't allow somebody else to come and do the settlement, or else my hubby could help me on that.
and as i've waited, i was told that the amount and was told that i need to make the payment at the counter below which required me to take another number and another waiting time... i was tired. i need to go back and so i told the staff that i would need to make payment at the branch nearby my area as i was just tired and need to rest for one to two hours.
she said i could do that and all i need to do was to pass the receipt and the branch nearby would do the rest.
and so, i went back, zohor and took my lunch.
we went to the branch nearby, and my husband had to wait in the car as there were no parking spot to be seen anywhere.
so, i took my number and waited..only to be told at the counter (of course after i waited for a while) that 'puan kena masuk kat dalam, nak verify thumbprint dan settlement amount'...
she was not courteous and i was tired.
frankly, it was too much - my energy was dozing off and i was just so tired. i asked so many questions at the other branch ealier, for verifications and so forth so that i do not have to go through the verifications bla bla.... all i wanted to do is to give them their goddamn last payment and that was it...
and i broke down.
i screamed at the top of my lung.
and i cried.
i was just tired.
tired of being tired.
and it wasn't nice when a person who used to be so active, so hyper and always on the go five years ago, was all tired and sick and tired and deaf and couldn't hear and tired and alll.... and that has been with me for the past four years, continuously.. and it has yet to stop.
why must the system be so hostile?
why couldn't human be considerate?
at that point.. i broke down.i wonder if i was disabled with no leg or with just one arm, it would be easier... people could just identify me as a disabled person and they could understand my struggles... if only they could see the non-stop fluid that has been coming out from my ears since morning, and not getting better after lunch... if only they could see my blocked ears that i could hardly hear anything and all i could do is smile ans asked politely 'sorry, i couldn't hear you. boleh repeat balik tak?'....if only...
i broke down at the bank.
and i apologized to all of them.
they said it's okay, we understand.
and i trust them, they don't understand.
and i'm sorry
i really am.
aimar was scheduled for his circumcision today. it has been delayed for quite a while.
we kept postponing it due to no doctors and some other activities. to the extent, i was thinking that perhaps we need postpone it to march next year. but he has set his mind 'cuti ni aimar sunat'.. and so, we found a clinic and he said yes.
so, we went after asar.
he was all cool and macho all this while, only when we reached the clinic, he need to pee and get all nervous.
i didn't went in, i couldn't bear it.
even when aidan had his, it was just him and aboh.
and so did aimar, him and aboh.
but this time, i heard him screaming, at the top of his lung. 'sakit! sakitnya! ya allah! sakitnya!'
and i cried.
i knew he 's level of tolerance has always been lower than abang dan or even aivey.
he might just exaggerated things. 
drama lebih sikit.
and yes, my hubby confirmed that he had it easier than abang dan's. it was minor, very minor. the cries and the screams did not constitutes with the pain.
but i guess, it's aimar.
i kept on telling him bila sampai rumah... la yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha....
and so, he tried to soothe himself and fell into deep sleep.
another new page to turn.
abang aimar dah sunat!
i has always been a 'screamer'.
i guess most people so dear to me know me better - my mama byk kali pesan 'jaga mulut tu, tak payah lantang sangat bila bercakap'.
trust me, i tried..and trust me, i still hasn't give up on trying.
itulah doa yang tak pernah putus, lepas tahjud lepas taubat lepas hajat... antara yang dalam list nak mintak 'ya allah, bersihkan hatiku, jauhkan aku dari sifat2 jahat yang mengotori hatiku..jauhkan aku dari sikap takbur, sombong, ujub, riak dan semua penyakit hati. tinggikan sabarku, kuatkan imanku, jadikan orang bertakwa. ya allah, aku tak mampu nak tanggung azab nerakaMu atas kezaliman aku pada diriku.. ampunkan aku Ya Aziz Ya Ghafur.'
and to people that i've screamed at, i'm sorry.

but i guess, the beauty of Allah, is jodoh yang 'sekufu'.
dulu, ingat sekufu tu lebih kepada nasab dan keturunan.
but then, my husband's family is not so much of sekufu with mine.
i just hope, one day, people will realize, dia mungkin tak sekufu dengan kamu, tapi kami sekufu.
when what i did may seems wrong, to him, that was my beautiful strength, standing by what i believe is right..sampaikan kalau orang masih rasa tak betul, i need to know why.
dan sekufunya kami, sebab he is exactly that.
mungkin cara, gaya, bahasa tak kena...but all he wanted is just an explanation so that things could be understood and future mistakes could be avoided.
i totally can relate to that, but i guess, most people don't.

sebab orang tak nampak, orang tak tahu.
yang orang nampak sebaris dua ayat, itu lah kesimpulannya.
yang orang dengar sepatah dua kata, itu lah kebenarannya.
sebab dia tak ikut sistem, macam kat bank, i insisted not to give more id verification inside the office just because i was tired but the system had to (though they can just do it over the counter) and i screamed and broke down.. orang nampak, ada perempuan refused to bekerjasama.
orang tak tahu perempuan tu sakit dan penat dan penat sebab sakit dan telinga blocked teruk dan telinga keluar cecair yang dah melampau banyak! orang tak nampak tu.
so,if perempuan itu mintak maaf or not, orang dah ada conclusion sendiri.

the question is: should i tell them, i am on remission and today is my sick day! should they know the truth so that they don't judge? or should i just let them be..let them judge and tell others 'hari ni ada orang gila kat bank'...

i don't know.

someone so dear to me told me '..kagum dengan ketabahan menjaga syurgamu..'
and it made me wonder.

belum tinggi sabar ku
belum kuat iman ku
belum bertakwa lagi diri ku

tapi, aku nak syurga yang Allah janjikan
aku nak
aku nak
aku nak
dan aku tau, kalau kita kat syurga nanti, kita boleh ajak semua orang yang kita sayang join kita kat syurga.
Ya Allah, bagi aku sedikit kekuatan untuk menjaga tempat syurgaku.

but for now, all i care is to jaga diri ini, jangan sikit bahang neraka pun sampai di aura ku.
aku tau, aku tak mampu.
aku tau, neraka itu pedih, siksa kubur itu membunuh, azab2 yang Allah janji itu benar.
ya allah, jauhkan aku dari segala itu.

ya allah, jaga aku dan orang2 yang aku sayang, ya allah.
ya muhaimin
ya muhaimin
ya muhaimin
ya muhaimin

Monday, December 18, 2017

blither, it is.

few days back, i posted a blog and shared it with my FB friends.
i was touched by a 'stranger' whom i didn't even know where she resides (but of course i know the tip of who she is, where she come from and the basics) told me how soaked she was in reading this blog of mine.
the blog never meant for anybody but me.
not for my friends, not for families and not even for my kids.
i wrote it for me.
this is one of the channel that i could ramble and mumble in peace, in a one way communications (basically), just so to remind me how's life.
life is cruel but good.
life is bad but sweet.
life is sad but great.
alhamdullilah - life is live and i am nothing but thankful and grateful for this live. alhamdullillah.
but i sometimes shared the post on my FB.
just because, i wanted people not to judge before seeking explanation or even before knowing why i did something that i did or why i said something that i said.
i didn't update it 24-7 or jot every single thing and occassions that happened.
and i am ashamed to admit that i write in this blog, when i feel at my low most of the times.
i wish i could write more great and happy posts, but somehow,i realized the happiness were sometimes too good for words.
tapi, teringat lak ayat allah,
ad-dhuha, verses 11: waamma binigmati robbika fahaddis; and do proclaim the bounty of your Lord.
aiyyoo... setan sangat kuat... memang Allah suruh sebut segala nikmat yang Dia dah bagi.
tapi, manusia ni, rata2, bende2 sedihlah yang kita nak tulis dulu... (dush!!!! amik ko sebijik!!!)

kalau baca asbabun surah ad-dhuha diturunkan, baca tafsir2 dalam internet ni, kita tahu surah tu surah memujuk...seronok baca - boleh rasa dalam dan kuatnya hubungan Pencipta dengan hambaNya yang mulia... betapa tinggi darjat Nabi SAW... dalam die berduka bersedih, Allah janji demi siang dan malam, Dia tak pernah lupa dan benci pada Nabi SAW. Dia janji yang akhir lebih baik dari mula, sebab sabarnya Nabi SAW. Dia janji, Dia balas denga kepuasan dan keredhaan hati Nabi SAW... mashaallah.. dapat syurga, apa ko nak, mintaklah apa2 pun, bling! ada je depan mata.... boleh imagine tak? Lepas tu, Allah ingatkan segala nikmat pemberian Allah... Nabi SAW yatim, Allah jaga, Nabi SAW bingung, Allah tunjuk jalan, Nabi SAW miskin, Allah cukupkan rezekinya. Allah pesan, buat baik kat orang. Allah pesan, sebutlah semua yang Allah dah bagi, bersyukurlah.

and so, i guess, when i'm sad, and i write this blog, i can see and read myself, apalah yang nak sedih sangat... nikmat Allah banyak lagi dari rintihan yang tak ke mana tu.
isshh...malu lah kat diri sendiri...

and so, i'm sorry.. this post is just meant to blither - a new word i learn;which means talk in a long-winded way without making very much sense... hahaha that is soooo me... and those who knew me know that is sooooo me!!!!

i just hope, nanti, bila aidan aimar aivey dah mula ada minat nak baca blog, and found out, eh mama ada blog? they would read and realized, mama diorang ni just a human, nothing special, nothing great, nothing super-mama but they knew.. yee..ini mama kami and she is indeed, our mama....

Saturday, December 16, 2017

to say or not to say

i'm doubtful in posting this. banyak kebencian dan kemarahan..but i guess, dah type pepannjang, rasa rugi lak tak pos.

so, again, this posting was written when the write was still struggling to balance her sane and insane mind!

so, mind you!
i have a spiritual & ethics& principles dilemmas... whatever you want to call it.
the issue is straight forward, but somehow, when we decided to make a mountain out of a molehill, i guess, it's just getting messier and messier.

to cut things short, most of the time, i blame my mouth for saying my thoughts out loud.
i tried! not that i don't!
but i then, i regret it.
somehow, this time, nope, i don't regret it... majority might thing i'm in the wrong, this time, i am going to a bigotry or whatever label people would want to put it, but i just know, this time, i am right and i should not feel any regrets despite of anything that happened.

our nabi SAW has been reminding us over and over and over again to watch what we say and be mindful to the words we chose. or, best is to stay silent.
but our nabi SAW also told us to be true. especially to people that matters.
and nabi SAW also told us, don't be one of those munafiqun... and yet, we chose to be a hypocrite just so others' might think we are the noble and humble one.

just because we decided not to tell, to jaga hati, someone just told us (which should be in discrete) she hated the way my husband talked to her. she was hurtful over an email that happened 8 to 10 years ago, without us knowing until few weeks ago. and she was angry for the words that my husband uttered in a could closed group nit, assuming my husband was bashing one of the clan in the group without knowing my husband was defending her wife for she (the wife) was crying over a phone conversations that she has been yelled at, and the whole house heard the insults (and that house was at my in-laws house). to me, a person was so dear to me and yelled at me just because i won't listen and agree to what she was saying, was hurt enough; and for my husband, all he saw was his teary wife and for whatever someone has no rights to make her cry and must apologize. but frankly, the apology never came and i, personally, and my husband never took that as grudges, and we almost forgot about the incident, until someone who was not that person that my husband asked for an apology from, raised it few weeks ago, telling me she was never liked the way my husband treated the clan.........

i don't understand.

i wanted clarifications. but of course, people decided not to say a word and simply said 'saya dah maafkan dia' while we never asked for forgiveness and all we were asking was an explanations of what had happened? things you've been keeping within yourself, was spilled out of blue - just because 'selama ini saya sabar, tapi hari ini saya hilang sabar'...and there you goes, ungkit citer lama...

so i am to be blame sebab i asked, please tell me why you hate him?
or should i put the ball in your court, you should not relate the past just over an incidence.. i was asking an incidence of why you did what you did instead of focusing the cause, you were focusing on a person - camni, orang yang kekonon dah commit crime mencuri, kena naik court, tetibe court jatuh hukum, orang tu pun jalani hukuman, lepas tu dia setel dah tak hutang apa.. tetibe, dia ada meeting, dia datang lambat, lepas tu ada orang  tua yang tak pernah bercakap dalam meeting tu marah dia sebab dia lambat... dia marah balik orang tua tu sebab cara kene tegur tu tak betul dah semua orang tengok dia, padahal meeting tu boleh je proceed tanpa dia... dahlah kene marah, kene suruh pulak jaga adab, dia sebagai yang tua kene tunjuk teladan yang baik...bla bla bla... kena tarbiah pulak dah kan... lepas tu,  sedap2 cakap 'ko tunjuk teladan yang buruk'...okaylah, maybe tak ckp direct camtu..tapi sebab dah susun ayat camtu, rasa camtu lahkan... anyway, tetibe ada sorang ahli dalam meeting tu pun bengang... bila tanya bengang.. dia jawab 'aku memang lama benci dia sebab kes curi hari tu, dia curi barang geng aku!'..... tetibe....without checking, barang dia curi dari geng sorang lagi tu sebab geng tu yang hulur suruh curi, ahli yang bengang tu tak tahu pulak....on the other hand, diorang dah jatuh hukum ke dia pun. pastu, tanya lagi, member tu cakap 'alu dah lama benci dia sebab dia warning aku dalam email'.... yang email tu memang berkurun punye email yang kau tak pernah reply dan tanya masa tu "apasal kau nak kene warning aku lak ni?"..sebab kalau dia tanya masa tu, mesti bende tak jadi dendam berkurun abad.

lepas tu, dia jadi marah kat orang yang tanya 'apasal kau marah?' tanpa verifying, dia bengang sebab dia kata kalau orang yang tanya tu tak tanya, mesti tak jadi hal! dia cakap lagi "aku bagitau ko sebab aku percaya ko tanya aku ikhlas"......

nampak tak masalahnya????
masalahnya, orang tanya sebab orang tak paham, besar sangat ke dosa datang lambat sampai terus nak emo.. tetiba korang ungkit citer lama... lepas tu korang cakap korang dah lama sabar...

cik oi, meh nak ajar - the meaning of sabar is detain, refrain and stop. so, if out of blue, you suddenly burst out, tolong jangan claim sabar.... tolong baca buku, bukak kitab... orang hebat, kena rajin membaca.

demn! i hate this post...
it is so full of hatred and anger and i just couldn't bear it.

i tried to justify, things won't happen if the person didn't come late for the meeting.
and then, things happened.
i tried to understand what was the impact that cause everybody hate that person because he was a thief...
it's peoples' mindset... sekali depa dah pikir mamat ni pencuri, they do not have to ask this mama 'betul ke ko mencuri?'
dia tak tahu kot2 mamat tu dituduh bersalah sebab masa mamat tu dikandang saksi dia cakap "saya amik barang tu tanpa izin dia (pastu dia tak cakap, nanti saya bagitau dia)"... maka mahkamah rekod dia mencuri.
and after so long, orang masih pikir dia mencuri ..walaupun salah dia time tu is datang lambat dan bukan mencuri!
dan bila tanya , 'apsal semua orang nak marah dia?'
kena bash lah pulak 'dah lah, bende2 remeh tak yah tanya lah..just put a stop. start a new page.'

i don't understand...
ini bangsa kita.
'jaga hati'
tak payah bagi tau...
senyap2 je
bukak citer lain....

kalau orang yang kita sayang, buat something yang tak menyenangkan... memang patut ke kita senyap sebab nak jaga hati dia dan biar kita makan dalam sampai tunggu meletup?

if any of the readers has that thought in mind, please don't.
the lowest being would do that and please don't be the lowest uneducated being ever alive in this earth for being stupid.

orang bertanya sebab orang nak membetulkan.
bila tak tanya, orang tak tahu, sampai bila nak betul?
kalau orang tak tanya pun, bagitau lah... kita tak makan hati, orang tu pun boleh tahu,
kalau tak bagitau, memanglah orang tak tahu kan..


it hurts deep inside!

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

2017 in FB Photos Review

January 2017
we were going through her bag last night; she showed me this, and voluntarily explained 'mama, later mama teach vv how to spell abg dan and abg mar punya nama tau. vv tak tau spell'

so i asked, vv draw sapa ni?
'yang ni mama', pointed to the most right.
kenapa mama sad?
'ye la, mama sad sebab mamakan sakit telinga. and this one (the middle one) vv'
why do you four eyes?
'itu tears sebab vv sad mama sakit'
so, yang last one ni?
'itu vv jugak. vv tgh tgk ears mama yang block tu (the circle and small squares in it was the ears)'
how old are you, sayang?

i have no complaints of my constant instant on-off ear-aches for this is the reason i can never stop thanking Allah for the rahmat He bestowed upon me..

sabarnya suami saya bila saya tetiba masam muka, menangis macam budak kecik sebab telinga tetiba2 sakit;
simpatinya anak2 saya bila saya tetiba jerit suruh mereka senyap sebab telinga mama block;
kasihnya mereka semua bila saya tetiba senyap tak bersuara dalam mereka sedang berkata-kata;

mereka semua faham
dan mereka sayang

mashaallah, nikmat Allah

dan ini citer dia tadi
i came in to my room and saw this note
i do feel guilty 
sometimes i was too strict with him
he had always be the contra of aidan
he couldn't stand still but he is loving
he get bored easily but he tries to stay focus
he always got on my nerves and he hugs the most

saya selalu rasa anak no 2 saya ni special
and darling aimar, mama aboh love you too

most liked in Jan

February 2017

cerita hari tu
'vv, why so lambat. stop main air and go to bed'
'sabar, saya baru nak wash kaki, amik wudhu'
dang! i was 39yo when i took up the routine!
look at you, darling😍😍😍
anak, they see what you do and they do what you do..

March 2017

she taught me a lesson yesterday
we were in the surau and i was at the wudhu' area when i saw a boy younger than her was kicking her non-stop.
his mom was around but instead of literally stopped his boy, she just asked him to stop, 'adik, jangan...'
as i saw that, being a defensive mom, i was about to 'teach' her some parenting; but by seeing my bulging eye, she got the point and took him away without apologising...

i spoke to aivey
'why did you let him kick you?'
'tak sakit pun, mama'
'but he kicked you so many times, why didn't you move away'
'kan mama suruh vv to watch out for your bag'
and then my killer question, 'why didn't you kicked him back?'

her answer made me so low as an adult, 'sebab he is small. if i kicked him back, he will (get) hurt. lagipun vv tak hurt pun masa dia kick vv'

i have been sinning so much to Allah All Mighty and i didn't know what i did to be blessed with this girl of my own flesh and blood..
astagfirullah for my ill-feelings towards the boy and his mom..
alhamdullilah for this ilmu i learned from my six year old girl

it's the school rules that only upper primary students are to wear baju melayu putih every friday, for they would leave for friday prayers to nearby mosque.

this year, both of them would wear baju melayu. they are both in their upper primary years, year 4 and year 6. and as i lie down tonight, resting, the house is awfully silent. aivey is with atuk nenek while both boys are away for the upper primary camp in janda baik. it's a signal to mama, they are growing every seconds.

i'm just lost for words
and of course i found this too..

that's why there's a saying 'mom knows everything!'

boy, i know you little deep dark secret. 
i won't tell
not in FB la, but maybe to some people that i've trust
(the day i found out he had a crush :))

April 2017

alhamdullilah for the school that provides great education for the boys and made our life a little smoother..

to some extent, it was them teaching us!

semalam, aimar cerita, 'kelas sebelah dah dapat result math. adam cakap semua tak score. aimar macam steady je, tapi tak nak overconfident sangat!'

so i got confused. "kelas aimar belum exam math kan? kelas sebelah dapat result?"


"aimar tanya adam tak soalan yang keluar?"

'tak. eh, tu dah macam soalan bocor la kan ma?'


is partly the school.
when my husband decided to send aidan and aimar to the school, he wanted them to learn akhlak.
this school can trust their students so much they they could have similar exam in a different day and has even marked the ppers though there are students who hasn't taken it yet!
i told aimar 'kalau mama, mama dah harrass adam mintak soalan"
and he said 'eh, tak baik lah!'


teringat masa two years ago when i tried to gossip about one of his classmate with aidan, and he responded 'ntah, aidan tak tahu dan tak nak tahu. aidan takmo makan daging dia kat akhirat nanti sebab ngumpat'

hamik kau!!
allah sayang kat kami.
moga besar jadi khalifah bumi yang adil bijak saksama


anak no 2 kami..

he's him!
if i have to describe my children in a word; yang sulung would be compliance and yang bongsu would be thoughtful..

yang no 2;
please give me more than one word option, please!

i have a 'hot-cold' relationship with him. 
i could scream at him on top of my lung, 
and i could cry for his sweetness right after.
if there's any message from the teachers or any parent, he would be my prime suspect!
yet if i wanted to get any of the abang to look after aivey at the playground, he would be the only one would attend to his lil sister.
he couldn't figure out where is alaska in the map, yet he is the one who memorized almulk fluently.
if the katil at nenek's house got broken, again; it none other than his doing; most probably..
yet, it is him that everyone miss the most when we don't dropby the house.

itu dia. 

if i have to describe him, i'd say 'yang no 2'

sayang anak mama, 
for whatever, mama tak pernah doa yang tak baik untuk anak mama..
always yang terbaik and mama tahu, allah dah pun bagi mama yang terbaik; alhamdullilah.
you'll grow up fine, sayang!


and i cried getting this message from tchrAtheera Ruzaidin last night...

he was telling us his story today
'aidan kene replace aimar jadi ambassador. ada orang dari kementerian. ada sorang orang kelantan tu cakap "semoga besar nanti kamu jadi PM Malaysia"'


"apa yang dia tanya?"

'banyak gak lah. diorang tanya "macam mana jadi ibu bapa make sure anak behave macam khalifah kalau kat rumah?" aidan cakaplah sekolah ada PTC train ibubapa pasal khalifah method'


'ada tu tanya "kalau kamu seorang kat kedai, macammana nak pastikan kamu guna khalifah method?" pastu aidan macam tak tahu nak jwab apa, tapi aidan ingat kita semua kena stick to khalifah oath'

pegghh... hebat politik ambassador khalifah. patutlah orang kementerian tu doa jadi PM Malaysia πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
he was telling us his story today

May 2017

i can't wait till late to share this beautiful story
cerita anak sekolah mithali khalifah

they never joined any tournaments or anything held by the MOE before this except for KAMIL competition.

it was on 12th April 2017 that ustaz formed the whatsapp group and told us that our boys will be out for the MSSD Hulu Langat Handball Competition.

Handball? Yup, that game they played once a while at the school's rooftop during PE. They were clueless, untrained, inexperienced and everything but prepared for even the backyard competition! Trust me, minus of transportation time from court to another and from field to others; they had less than 12 hours in total of training time. Too bad for the sisters' team as they had their rounds first and they just got to know there were new rules and they weren't prepared at all..

As for the brothers, ksatria KMS, they had their rounds today.. Started with a win in round 1, and hat tricks lossπŸ€•

Then again, witnessing how they played their games, i was touched! They gathered and started with doa; hi-fiving the registrars and even went to the opponents' teachers to salam when they finished their games! I heard words 'baiknya adab', and to me, they won! They've won everyone's heart at the field today.

Alhamdullilah. Never had I feel so proud to have the boys part of the khalifah family.

Thank you to Tchr Nur Fadilah, Tchr Shahirah Md Nor and Ustaz Syafiq for such a priceless experience!

I was proud of how great Ustaz and Tchr Sha was at the 11th hour.. the team was losing, and one of the boys was the weak point. If I were the coach, I would change the boy; but they didn't.. I heard one of the boy said 'dia dah penat' and another said 'eh, dia baru main, biarlah' and ustaz was saying 'biar dia main, masih boleh train dia lagi next year!'

there's so many things you can learn just in a last ten minutes of the games!!!

congratulations team handball khalifah model school!
i witness the real khalifah today and i must congratulate all the teachers yang istiqomah nak didik anak2 kami jadi khalifah.
insyaallah, dengan niat baik, allah bantu kita.

tahun depan kita try lagi!!!

 Aimar did non-stop telling me that he got a gift from his teacher for his good result.

And I was told, he was the fifth out of twelve students in his class..

His result was okay.

But I owe his teacher for this gesture. I noticed Aimar grew a super-extra interest in Sejarah.. and he never likes reading!

Thank you Teacher Azimah; that little thoughts and strong words of encouragement really help this boy.

Hanya Tuhan yang dapat balas jasa cikgu.

when you were too tired and felt like falling sick and have been sleeping for the last twelve hours undisturbed and woke up with the white breakfast box by the bed..

who need medicine!

it's all started with this bunch of good people!!
“Seseungguhnya Allah dan malaikat, penghuni langit serta bumi sehinggakan semut yang berada di dalam lubangnya dan ikan-ikan (di lautan) berselawat ke atas guru yang mengajar kebaikan kepada manusia.” (Hadis Riwayat Tirmizi (3685) disahihkan Al-Albani.)

Our great MC read the hadis as her opening remarks.. (iklan jap, she did a job well done MCing!)

I got goosebumps listening to the hadis.
Fact is, we wanted to make it a special day for this bunch. We thought we done good enough, but looking at this photo, i know, enough is never enough.. Cikgu2 ini yang ajar anak2 kami dengan kasih sayang.. yang terkadang kami sendiri tak mampu nak ajar dan kami sendiri belajar dari anak2 kami yang belajar dari cikgu2 ini!

Cikgu2, we owe you for your budi ilmu and love, dan hanya Allah yang dapat balas jasa kalian.

Thank you, superheroes

of all, we forgot to take the group photo of these little gems! πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺ
but i just couldn't wait to share their story!
i have two boys of my own and i really don't have much patience to submit to their antics. 

due to time constraints and lack of resources, we (the committee) decided to 'cheat' for a 'simple' performance.. poem recitation by year 6.. sebab poem need not much practice and year 6 are independent enough to do their own practice.

how wrong were we. it was ok, but not as easy as we thought. and trust me, being around them for few minutes, instructing them and tried very hard to have that soft approach like their teachers (o, how i failed miserably) just let me closed with one conclusion.. their teachers are insane to have so much patience dealing with anak2 kecik from 7 to 12 yrs old every day. fullstop! dengan yang brothers sebok pikir nak tendang bola je memanjang, dengan sisters yang having such a tough time deciding to pakai apa bla bla.. uwwaaaa, πŸ˜­ πŸ˜­ πŸ˜­

one the other hand, that's not the story i wanted to share about these kids. to make it something special for the teachers, one of the mother proposed a year 2 student, afnan, to plat the violin. we were so excited and last friday we requested him to join the practice. his mom told us, he was so used to performing on stage. but, when he entered the training room, seeing the beothers and sisters of year 6, he was nervous. he refused to enter the room and declined to perform. we let her mom talked him out, but even after an hour, we failed.

only after that, we were told 'afnan will perform!' the beauty of it was that 'abg2 yr 6 yang pujuk dia. bersungguh diorang pujuk dia!'

i was surprised. i saw how resistant afnan was and knowing they abang2 manage to convince him is exactly what education has been to them! itu didikan ang diorang dapat dari cikgu2 diorang, itu yang diorang apply!


afnan performed beautifully today. it was such a sweet serenade and we, the mommies, didn't do anything.. it was the khalifah students!


We pulled it off! 

A two months planning and we pulled it off.
We have so many 'kepala' with ideas, tolerated with each other, squeezing in between times, ke hulu ke hilir atas bawah... oh my... we did a lot, each and every one of us!

We have the best leader who successfully led the team despites of her tight weekends pergi turun naik panjat bukit gunung
We have the kind hearted datin who is and so humble and insisted of us calling her kakak and always welcomed us bunking her hope home as our markas
We have the practicing medical doctor yang to me over-sacrife her time and efforts
And of course other mommies yang always on standby mode and will surely extended their help whenever they could, yang tak kedekut share ideas (and ideas was never easy you know!)
Puan MC yang hebat, type script dlm bilik persalinan an hour before and fluently handle it smoothly
and more and more and more
truth is, being with the team really doesn't make me feel any bigger or any smaller.
in them, i learn that great outcomes will comes with great efforts when the niat is true and honest
in them, i learn that judging is a no-no as all of us comes from different backgrounds with our own stories and being a mom unites us
in them, i learn the word ikhlas dan tak berkira
in them, i learn that nothing is impossible if you put your mind in it
in them, i learn that a simple prayer 'may allah bless you and your family' is enough whenever some work is done
in them, i learn that just by supporting others, things worked out fine

in two months, these girls taught me so much and it's all started with "let's do something special for the teachers nak. anak2 kita ramai yang dah year 6 tahun ni. last year with KMS"


Terima kasih semua..

June 2017

citer hujung minggu
aidan came and asked if there's anything he can help.
shut him off rightaway, 'no thanks!'
nanti keje cepat boleh jadi lambat.

then, i realized how wrong i've been.
i called him back for help.
and they came in a pack of three❤️
alhamdullilah for the rezeki anak3 soleh solehah

for the past 11 yrs, it has been mama and only mama did the raya shopping for abgdan, aimar and aivey. 

this year, i left them to choose and pick. i didn't know boys were picky! they wouldn't mind having to buy only a pair of baju that they really likes rather than having banyak baju that was just ok.

and yes, not too big and not too small.. they needed it to be fitted.


went to the groceries to get her some drinks. the mamak asked her 'tak puasa ka?'

and her respond was 'mama pun tak puasa'

krik krik krik

senyum simpul je la mamak tu

I was so tired that I slept with my telekung on after asar.
He came and woke me up.
'Aidan, mama tak larat lah nak prepare bukak posa. Aidan ajak aboh pergi bazaar ramadan je boleh?'
"Mama duduk kat console and supervise, Aidan masakkan"
macam rasa nak nangis je dengar dia beriya nak masak... selalunya Aimar je suka volunteer tolong mama, dia dah jadi 'abang besar'..
but with his determination, I agreed with his proposal.
I was on the chair, and fell asleep once a while.
But he pulled it through and ramadan ini, belum apa2 lagilah, Allah tunjukkan rahmat nikmat Dia untuk kami, alhamdullilah.

raya 2017

July 2017

I wish that all primary school in Malaysia adopts the Khalifah Method dotingly.

It's not astrophysics, it's a method which what's in The Quran and Hadith.

❤️perfecting yourself as the khalifah of Allah
πŸ’œhelp others to be the best khalifah in them
πŸ’štakes great care of the mother earth

That's all it takes! To have this, a good positive worldview is what we need to prepare for our youngsters...Insyaallah, other things will follow suit.
I'm not saying my boys or anyone who goes to the school are angelic.
They are kids, alright.
They fight, they argue, they bicker and so forth.
But when you see loves and brotherhoods amongst them, you just want to fall in love with it over and over again.

This morning, they had sports' practice at the field, one of the ustaz 'lost' his wallet. when the announcement was made and some said they saw at few spots by end of the field, some of the boys requested permission to help and looked for the wallet, without the teachers asking for volunteers. And others stayed at their place and behaving well though they wanted to help too.

My boys shared a story few weeks ago about this big size Yr4 boy who people love to mock him because of his size. To some extent, I was worried if the boys were bullying him. But they told me, 'no lah ma. he is super cool and everyone likes him.hari tu ada budak yr6 perli dia 'road hogging' on the stairs and he picked up the boys and carried him at his back and everyone was laughing. It's a nice story to hear about boys.

Today, as I picked up the boys from the field after their sports practice (sekolah kecik takdak padang, kene pinjam pandang masjid), Aidan asked if they can stopped by 7E to buy 2 big bottles of 100+. There were 8 of them, and knowing Aidanand his 'hygiene-phobic', he never prefer sharing stuff with others, not even with me.But i kept silence, stopped by 7E and gave him enough money for 2 bottles of drinks. He came back, passed the drink to the lower primary student and one to Aimar, he let them drink first, and he drank right after. It may means nothing, but to a mama who raised this boy and knowing how messy he could get with sharing food and drinks, I was teary... alhamdullilah, all praise to Allah and thank you to the school that never stop believing in nurturing kindness in their students.


gambar throwback raya.
am sure aidan will miss this next year.

she was super cheerful this morning, donning herself up.
it's raya at school and she has so much marshmallows to share with her friends.

she asked permission to wear some blusher and eyeshadow.
she wanted to wear mama's necklace.
i haven't been wearing accessories after my radiotherapy - somehow, necklace and bracelet gave irritation to the area, but i'm glad i didn't give away all my accessories.. i missed wearing it, and having to let aivey wore it is emotional to me.
it's just in a matter of a time that she will be wearing my heels and stilettos.
i love my heels so much, and just looking at them every morning, imagining i could wear it again once again, is soothing.
well i guess, the heels could wait for aivey.
but when the times come, mama knows, mama will get more emotional.

a must visit!!!
i learned a valuable lesson from my little girl.
someone took her toy away without permission while she was playing with it.
i was being defensive and possessive and told her to get it back..
she replied 'kita nak balik ke?'
i answered 'not yet, 15mins lagi'
and she said 'it's ok mama, nanti nak balik i go and get it back. let her play. she doesn't have any toy pun'

pang!!! a slap πŸ‘‹πŸ» on my egotistical shame!!

alhamdullilah for this little munchkin who is definitely a bless to us!

one for the group photo - minus one in ireland and the other in UAE.


I do not mean to brag or over-publicize things, but i can not stop having this feeling of syukur for my children got to learn about life with the teachers of khalifahs. 

Nope, not because they are paid private school that they had to treat their kindly students; the school is run by a foundation and not commercial-driven! 

But the teachers, they really berjihad mengajar anak2 to be good khalifah. They teach with love. and that's the beauty !!!

And the students, though ada lah sorang dua yang kekadang lari mood, but most of the time would willingly followed the instructions, not because their teachers were garang or they would be penalized, but because of respect - yup, you do not have to scream on top of your lung just to let children listen to you - just be kind, which am still struggling with the kids and these teachers, young teachers, whom most of them have no kids of their own, manage to instill! salute !!!!!!

Looking at this photo, i can not believe that i am making their own way in life after this. 

Aidan, Muslim, Danial ... 
and few others. 
Diorang so ramai .. This the nikmat rezeki yang Allah berikan kajada kami - kawan2 yang baik When it comes to sport, I saw them leading and also lackings. I never saw them regrets in any ways. I saw them tired and all sweats. I never I never I never them never them gave I saw passion and high-spirit everywhere. I never saw one of them bailed each other out just to win; in fact they would be rush to help should there be any, even they are competing! sebab mereka khalifah, insyaallah. 

πŸ†πŸ†πŸ† Bagi LaluanπŸ†πŸ†πŸ†

G.DoubleO.DJOB; Good Job! Good Job! 
The Green Knights were awesome! 
I wish I could share the clip when we were all gathered for the morning-robics where you see no parents at the stand watching as everyone wanted to join in and win for the Best Supporting Team. I wish I could share the clip how synchronized the cheer was and how great the 'psycho' MC for the Green Knights..They were all great! I wish I could share the clip how loud the Green Knights were just so the house would win the pioneer award! .we Won Book &! The The, Best πŸ‘.

Green Knights got the Best Gold Award and the Best Supporting Parents Award, and it was all because there were one or two enthusiasts aged adults among the children, but there were all of them !!!!!!!! 

Trust me, it was not only the Green Knights' Parents that went berserk; The Blue Sharks' were psychotic that they deserve the Fair Play Award and the Red Samurais were energetic that they got the Best Marching Team. 

Of all, everyone was happy and tired. And the beauty in it, not just the children learned about sport, parents were bonding closely for the sport. 

Impresively awesome!

August 2017

I told her she would be sitting for a test and it's gonna be difficult as she needs to read herself and not having enough exercise will not help her. 
I triggered her panic button and she could hardly sleep last night and asked me so many Which the i Felt Guilty an up Ended Questions. 
This Morning, She Was all Ears And Eyes. At the Left Her For The Test And The SCHOOL School AbgDan Called At 10am Told Me That VV Has a compl eted the test. 
I picked her up, and the first thing she told me was asking me "Mom, lying is not good. The teachers were so good and helped me to read" 
Abis dia bebel mama. 
Knowing that lying is not good is the first lesson life you are learning today. May you grow to become anak solehah yang tahu hukum hakam hidup. Insyaallah, aaameen.

The trip we owed so much. 
Alhamdullilah, finally we managed to come here for Aivey. 
I thought it would be good for her to learn about the animal, and I was so surprised to learn that Aimar was more helpful on this trip and Aidan could have some revision on proses hidup haiwan for the science prep. 

I'm sorry, i knew our government has wasted so much money on so many things, and i still believe this is one of the unforgiven wastage. 
I knew some might disagree with me, but i really can not jive the idea of Such A High Cost And High Maintenance Having Risk To The Animals And Forth Sotho. 

the We Have the super Silent And the yo Be Told To us Identification Information Was 'Nanti Takut the panda Bising' Knew That the i ... Kids my, the wo uld misinterpret this info.and corrected the zookeeper. panda takut bising sebab dalam tempat ni kan? and knew some kids might thought that panda had super sensitive ears which was not the case. I explained to aimar that the panda is being in a confined space, not in the jungle, hence, loud noise would scare them off and could risk them for falling ill which was why we should be super silent. Luck aimar to get that explanation, tapi to other anak2, they could misinterpret the instructions. 

And aivey was brilliant ... She asked why is the panda live in an aircond place tapi animal lain ada kat luar? 

'sebab najib lah' ... and wished i could tell her that, but i did not la kan. tapi saya kesian kantian panda tu. diorang bukan patut duduk dalam here. pi la hantaq balik!

Alhamdullilah, i'm blessed enough with rezeki Allah for those who are still sticking By. 

And This Has Been my, Lady In The picture Online Friend For The Past 20 Years! 20 Tahun Dah, yu lin! 20 Tahun Since The First Time That .we Met At Small Grocery Shop Katdepan Oak House. 20 tahun dah koon the fickle me, the clumsy me, the drama me, the panic me, the chatty me, the crybaby me ... and unfortunately, even after 20 years and more, insyaallah, you are stuck with me! 

Kalau adalah manusia yang di dunia ini yang terlalu amat bencikan saya (harap ampunkan maapkan saya) dan the only way to be a busha, find her and be kind to her and try to convince her to tell you everything and i am sure if you get it from her you'll be all satisfied.tapi saya kenal hati kawan saya.

she is all but weak. she is so bad in badmouthing. she is none than kind heart.when i was sick, not once she visited me throughout my treatment. "aku tak sampai hati tengok that version of you, ain!" I do not have to explain, i knew. I was there when she was in love, heartbroken, found love, lost ibu and ayah, got engaged, kahwin ... and today, seeing that bulging tummy, to know it feels like i'm expecting! i have been waiting for that baby, yu ... i can diaah semaphore dan sihat, this fingers toes dan besar jad anak soleh solehah. 

ayu, we may not see each other as often as we used to, but you know you will be among the first i would look for whenever wherever whatever ... and you know i will be there for you but wherever whatever. sayang ko ketat-ketat!

my dear hubby posted this photo last Friday with one liner "hok sengek tu anok kite"

Dengan bangganya dia pegang rifle, pakai baju sekolah and spek aboh!

Yup, he misplaced his glasses for the 2147th times, and this time he was lucky enough to have Aboh's 'antics' glasses - spec carik makan muda2 dulu πŸ˜…

I haven't post this picture di hari kejadian
I took the lrt to meet them.
Ok, i took the wrong train and I didn't topped up my TnG.. nasib baik ada merdeka discount so it was sufficed.
As I told them, though they were not surprised (it's ain and it's nothing new), they asked "cammana ko boleh lepas belajar kat obersi lelama?"

I was lucky!
I was and still am blessed with good people and good friends surrounding me -
people i can depend on even when i wasn't asking!
people who acknowledged and accepted my clueless bimbo acts (betul! saya tak berlakon!!) with full of patience !
people who jusy love me for being me!
I am all cared and loved...
Thank you good people ❣️❣️❣️

I feel so guilty to him.

At times me writing this, I just feel so guilty for he had to live in an unfair system and I just wish I could protect him from the evil bureaucracy .

As I prayed and made doa today, I broke down!

I was telling him pada zaman Nabi Muhammad SAW sebagaimana dalam sebuah hadis yang diriwayatkan oleh Tirmizi, ada seorang Arab Badawi yang datang ke masjid dan meninggalkan untanya tanpa diikat. Kemudian dia terus masuk ke masjid dan menganggap tindakannya itu sebagai tawakal kepada Allah. Rasulullah yang melihat kejadian berkenaan segera datang kepadanya dan bersabda: “Ikatlah unta itu dan bertawakallah kepada Allah.”

I kept checking on him whether he has ikat the unta tight enough...


He's a good son!
Mohon doakan yang terbaik untuk anak mama ni.

Maaf cikgu, anak2 balik sekolah awal, nak tengok PapaLong final.
We could never be so proud of him!

Tadi, nak picked the boys from the school, there were background voices "weh, bawak balik gold tau!"

Macam aidan aimar yang main🀣

But then, i smiled and told them "doakan gold untuk Malaysia tau!"
"Okay auntie!"

Ok, gambar last...
I am soooooooo dried up! 
Papa Muhammad Ezuan bukan orang hebat kerja gajinya; keje clerk gomen kat pulapol - kat situ lah dia bawak along try main tembak2 bila ada polis2 dok prektis...

A police talent scout saw his potential. He was twelve back then!
He trained for free.. Papa Mama mana ada duit nak bayar kelas, pistol and all that.
Kami tak tahu dia terer main pistol, tapi kami tahu dia belajar weng sikitπŸ˜…
So, when he was offered to the Bukit Jalil School, we were flabbergasted. at least, I was; but not his papa and mama.

To cut stories shorts, we had been waiting for the big cut from him.
First time menang SUKMA, jakun lah sikit kami.. lepas tu, dia asik menang je, kitorang dah x heran dah.
He won few international titles, tapi asik buat kat obersi je ... We lost count.
Until last year, he won silver for the 50M rifle prone in the ASIA Games, after China. Peghhhh....
And today, he treated us with SEA Games medal with games breaking record! Fuuhhhhh...
Kami nak Commonwealth and Olimpik lak long.. pastu okay dah.

Fact is, it wasn't easy.
He was in Korea the whole puasa and raya month.. missing the family bonding session.
He was kicked from the national Podium team but stayed strong.
Dia tak kaya, Papa dia pangkat datuk sebab ada cucu..
I remembered him telling us, kalau dapat sponsor rifle yang high end tu, sedaplah sikit.
Baper bajer, long? Kot2 lah kita adik beradik boleh kongsi RM50 sekepala..
"RM25k kak!"
Pegghhh... kami tutup buku and wish him luck.
Takpe long, equipment murah pun, ada skill, jalan!

But one thing, for sure, if anything.. yang jadikan dia juara is his papa.
Never stop believing on his eldest!
Kekadang, even we could feel that he won't make it in one of those international games, but his papa never stop updating us on his progress..

Long, nak share citer ko memang panjang lagi.
Akak pun dah penat tak larat bersorak tadi.
But trust me, ko maybe takde result cemerlang dalam exam, but your determination, your passion and patience, your kind heart and jiwa bersih and always be there for all of us made you a winner long time ago.
You are an inspiration, long!

Congratulations and thank you for making us proud and for proving that you papa is right❣️

Tadi asar berkesempatan berjemaah di surau dekat wangsa maju.

Surau sekali dengan Sek Ren Agama.
Habis solat, on the way to the car, dengar Aimar bersembang dengan abang dia "Tadi masa doa, Aimar dengar cikgu sekolah tu jerit, 'jangan buat bising!' Kuat sangat!!"

I had to interrupt the conversation.
"hahaha.. Aimar culture shock! Aimar kena syukur bebanyak Allah bagi rezeki kat aboh boleh bayar school Aimar kat KMS. Kalau masuk sekolah kebangsaan, hari2 lah awak ngadap cikgu displin!"

"Lepas tu cikgu tu jerit lagi Ma,'SIAPA YANG BISING tu mari saya cubit!"

"Cikgu sekolah tu nak kena kawal ramai students. Satu kelas 40 org. Kalau tak jerit, suara student lagi kuat"

"Tapi Ma, cikgu tu perempuan Ma"

Kesian anak mama - I told him, the teacher meant well, cuma cara dia tak macam teacher school Aimar. Fact is, it's a hard cruel world out there, and that's why we were tough with you when required so that you are prepared to meet the world. For now, you still need lots of preparations!

And on that note, I must extend my highest gratitude tak terhingga to teachers and ustazs di Khalifah Model School for the strong determination, dedication, sabar and istiqamah mendidik anak2 kami. Jazakallahu Khairan!

"Ma, kita kena istiqomah Ma"
'for what?'
"semalam tak ngaji... kena ngaji hari2! kena khatam tahun ni!!"
Nope, not a posting to masuk bakul angkat sendiri; just a memory note to share rezeki Allah.
Aidan was having difficulties in reciting quran and he had improved a lot this year.
I was worried with his reading, and I took the blame as I did not send him to any quran classes or even to the extra classes held at the school.
It was my fault.
Alhamdullillah, Aboh took charge in teaching him and I was impressed with how fast he picked up the rules and tips from Aboh.
He has definitely improved so much and we're halfway done with completing it.
All we have to do is istiqomah..
I remembered the day when we all cheered up witnessing the gold won by papalong.
"Alhamdullillah" was the first word uttered when he heard the good news.
Anak saya ni, dia bukan ustaz dan he do has difficulty with memorising quranic verses and arabic as compared to other subjects like english and math.

But Aidan, when I was 12,
mama 'bercinta' nak gi solat bila bunyi azan... sampai dah tua pun solat main cuai..inikan pulak nak mengaji quran.
I remembered berdoa whenever I was in trouble, asking for His Mercy; but I hardly bersyukur thanking Him for all the great rezeki He gave me..
At the age of 12, you teach me betapa besar kasih Allah, All Praise to Him, Alhamdullillah... thank you Allah!
Ampunkan hambaMu yang hina ini, yang sering lupa mensyukuriMu namun tak pernah lelah Kau Mengasihi ku dengan rezeki anak2 yang baik mendengar kata.

Sept 2017

Alhamdullillah dianugerahkan anak3 yang mendengar kata
Mama has been stressing and harassing AbgDan for the past one and half month for almost everyday.
He never complained.
He went to all seminars and so even if that means he would missed interesting activities with his friends.
He is so obedient and compliant.
Habis semua worksheet yang Mama dah planned for him to complete got completed.
The night before yesterday, lepas balik surau malam jumaat, he came up to the room and I told I wasn't well.
While it was a good opportunity for him to just ignore revision that night, my hubby told me he was working on the worksheets I've instructed him to do earlier.

Semalam, he 'gave in'.
He had an athma attacked, took the neb twice but no improvement in his breathing.
We went for the 2nd opinion, and alhamdullillah, it was just an infection that caused mild fever, swolen throat and infected lung.
Doc Ananth said, it may be caused by the stress and exam anxiety.
He's on antibiotics.
(and I remembered he told me three nights ago 'tak acikan ma, belajar 6 tahun just for an hour and a half exam!'

Of course, I'm taking all the blame.
But I guess, the best antibiotics were the chat we had, and the bonding session he had with his aboh before the nap.

We told him, he's a good son.
He is sitting for the exam this Monday.
For all the efforts he put throughout, he has scored straight As.
"You have tie your camel tightly, sekarang semua kuasa Allah and He is All Knowing"
Abgdan, mama has always been proud of you. Aidan anak yang baik.

Please pray for his health and well being.

dia buat apa yang dia tengok 
she's in a process of learning;
when she was asked to pray, she didn't rush to take her telekung - ikut suka dia nak pakai or not (hari ni hari malas nak amik telekung bila aboh ajak solat).
she would usually recite the iqomah loudly, mimicking her abang2.
and right after salam, she would just rush to aboh to zikir and doa berjemaah.

lepas tu, lipat sejadah, and ready to rumble...

terkejut mama dengar aboh cerita tadi dia main WWE ngan abg aimar.
abang cakap 'introducing, aivey adela' and she responded 'grrrrrrr'
tu sebab kene simpan rambut panjang, nanti confuse dia adela ke aidil🀣🀣🀣

Instead of feeling worried and nervous, looking at him this morning, from outside the hall, gave me a sudden burst.
Anak mama dah nak amik UPSR... rasa macam baru minggu lepas mama dok excited drop him at tadika seri budi when he was merely 4yo.
Just a matter of time....
I was all panicked. 
I could hardly sleep; slept for just two hours (and that explains me wanted to doze off now)
But he was different - he was okay..
dia tak kalut as he usually would
dia makan 2 keping roti canai and finished his hot milo for breakfast, which he usually won't
he smiled throughout the taklimat, and he was saying bismillah almost all the time..
alhamdullillah, he was calm;
reminding me, that is him and that is good sign
untuk anak2 yang amik exam upsr minggu ini, robbi yassir wala tuassir robbi tammim bil khoir

I've prepared a collection of her photos for today's posting.
It's her bday today.
Last night, she asked me, abang exam 4 days kan ma? Nanti next week buat bday saya kan ma?
And this morning, tetiba mama pening and angin satu badan.. 
Nak hantar aidan for his good luck morning hug pun tak termampu.
And this girl stayed with me while aboh sent abang off for the exam.
Tetiba, she came and picit my kepala. "Kesian mama. Mama sakit ye!"
and I didn't asked her to sympathise pun.. more over picit kepala.
She did it, voluntarily.

Sayang, today you are 6 yrs old and I can never thank Allah for giving you to me.. You are so everything and I sometimes wonder are you that baby who was in my stomach for you are too good to be true for a person like me.

Moga besar jadik anak solehah yang berjaya.

The end of the beginning 
Reality bites!
Was browsing the photos shared by parents in the group - that moments of anak2 were done with the UPSR...
Now I know why some moma got so emotional; it's the end of the beginning!
Lepas ni, they might not be in the same school;
They will still be friends, but it won't be this kind of friends!
They are bunch of anak khalifah!!!
I am now speechless, could hardly describe my sebak di dada.
Each and everyone of them has their own shares of their stories; and one thing for sure; that would made them stronger to meet the world.

Salam, Dunia!

that moment
"Ma, belajar 6 thn, exam 2 jam je."

And dalam kesyahduan baca newsfeed on the loss of lives anak2 tahfiz, mama needs you to know 'life is about passing the test - hebat dapat nikmat syurga, gagal tanggung azab neraka; the beauty about the test, its all in your efforts, and lasted as much as you learn, wanting to learn and applying what you learn'
dan mama aboh doa kita semua lulus ujian Allah.

Cuma ingat, Allah Maha Adil - tiada satu amalan tak terbalas, tiada satu derhaka tak terazab.

Exam Dia tak susah, amar makruf nahi mungkar. Insyaallah, moga dihadiahkan Jannah buat semua.

And so she was six! 
She was exactly 6yo on Sept 14th... 
And mama was so occupied with AbgDan for the past one and half month and almost abandoned her thought of having big bday celebration!!
'Mama, berapa hari lagi bday saya?'
30, 28, 20, 18........10, 14 days lagi
and she responded 'haritu mama said lagi 10 days. why now lagi 14 days?'... with that statement, we knew she did her own countdown; without fails!

"V, we couldn't have your birthday celebration on the 14th because abang still got his exam on that day"
'It's ok mama. I know you are tired. We do our birthday after abang exam'

That's how thoughtful of Aivey Adela Mohd Ashraf, the 6 year old girl!
Insyaallah sayang... moga sentiasa dibawah rahmat dan lindungan Allah for you will become anak solehh🌹🌹🌹

Sedih tengok video viral anak remaja melayu yang kuat kudratnya semangat pukul si ibu...
Lagi sedih bila tengok si bapa ada di situ menjadi saksi dan tidak berbuat apa...
Tambah sedih baca komen yang marahkan si ibu kerana terlalu sabar dan manjakan anaknya...
At the end... yang menang cuma syaitannorrojim; berjaya meramaikan ahli jemaahnya.

Showed the clip to the boys this morning.
They have so many questions.
They couldn't compute.
Mak dia ke, ma? Nak duit buat apa? Mahal ke belanja kat kantin sekolah? Kenapa dia tak pakai seluar betul2 dulu? Tak malu ke, ma? Siapa load video ni, ma? Bapak dia tak buat apa ke, ma?

Dan mulalah tarbiah pagi

Kita tak tau dan tak faham masalah diorang.
Tapi kita kene selalu ingat jaga diri kita, jaga iman kita, mintak jangan putus hidayah Allah bagi kat kita.
Itu dugaan diorang, dugaan kita kita tak tau lagi.
Bergantung hanya pada Allah, ingat jasa Nabi SAW, taat kat mama aboh, buat baik dengan orang, sentiasa syukur, sabar dan jangan putus asa, tawakal.
Solat jangan tinggal!
Insyaallah, kita jaga Allah, Allah jaga kita. Itu dah buat kita paling kaya dunia akhirat.
Jadi orang yang beriman bertakwa.
Jadi khalifah yang soleh.

"Eh, mana boleh pakai hand?"
'Abg, saya kan goalkeeper,' kata the self-appointed goalie di luar kawasan D.
...and now i have three heads to yell at 'jangan main bola dalam rumah!'...

October 2017

Budak bertopeng ini had his birthday yesterday. 
We did not do anything, he was still in his exam week. 
He was supposed to pick his place for dinner but we postponed it to tonight. 
So when i was negotiating 'can not go out for dinner and just eat what we can find in the kitchen', he seems to be so emotional. 
EMOTIONAL, yup, he is so full of emotions and actions. Sometimes, his emotions and actions are not like a 10yo boy, or perhaps I was being unfair to him for expecting him to behave like abg when he is nothing like abg.Kesian eating dia. He has always been so full of love, and yet, selalu kena target mama bebel and mom will feel guilty bila time nak tido camni.

And even he is 10, he still makes sure he salam, kiss and hugs mama sekuat hati and saying 'nite ma, i love you, assalamualaikum' before he goes to bed, every night. 
He makes sure he's the guy he nagged him, he hugged even tighter and harder sampai mama kene cakap 'sakit mar. mama ni tinggal tulang je 'and no doubt he is growing bigger (and yes, we are worried πŸ˜¬ ). 
My hubby told me, he could not wait to let me go to hostel, sebab that is the only way to be independent and live himself up! 
Well, he may not like aidan when aidan was 10 ... sebab itu dia aimar. 
Our prayers, always, may besar din anak soleh, khalifah Allah yang jaga agama dan segala amanahmu sebaiknya. 

Sayang Aimar,, the i Scolded May Have And To Nagged A lot Do You Sebab of mama ... Sayang πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜

by Happy 10th the Dearie!

For aidan to remember... masa dia darjah enam, sekolah buat firedrill dan dia berkain pelikat... πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£

Day1 ... bermusafirlah wahai anak.

Pegang ayat Allah

Dia lah yang menjadikan bumi bagi kamu: mudah digunakan, maka berjalanlah di merata-rata ceruk rantaunya, serta makanlah dari rezeki yang dikurniakan Allah; dan (ingatlah), kepada Allah jualah (tempat kembali kamu sesudah) dibangkitkan hidup semula; (maka hargailah nikmatNya dan takutilah kemurkaanNya).
(Al-Mulk 67:15)
and mama is so much aware there'll be more of these moments soonerπŸ˜₯πŸ˜πŸ€§πŸ˜‘

Orang kuat!!!
Diaorang tinggalkan anak2 x 3 diorang, pass kat kampung (ehem) so diorang boleh jaga anak2 x 20 orang lain!

I chapperoned the Science Club members to the Pusat Sains Negara...

One thing for sure - parents, please know how much we owed our kids' teachers.... hebat betul teachers handle student ramai2 when I could hardly have much time just to babysit my own child!

Anak saya dalam gambar ini, he tried all the stuff.. he was so happy and had fun, that he nearly forgot about his sadness in the morning. 

And as we came back, he started to make me cry outloud in my heart for he become that 'lonely' boy who was upset to himself for 'failing' himself.

My dear Aimar, for whatever, please know, we are proud of you, always! and life is not all bed of roses...but then, you always have me and aboh to pick you up when you are down.


texted him at 1:39 with three text messages.. 
he replied at 8:12pm with half of word 'dah' (son, the full word should be 'sudah' or the complete sentence "ye, sudah mama!" or best still "sampai siang tadi lagi. ni kami kat bilik je. aidan baru tengok wasap mama!!")..

and when mama asked for photos, am expecting you to be in the photos... after two attempts (memula bagi gambar tilam je, pastu bagi gambar kekawan dia without him in the picture), mama got the sign.. oklah, gudnite la sayang.......

p/s: siaplah mama ungkit nanti bila ada girlfriend and sebok posing sakan nak bagi girlfriend gambar!!!!

No matter how old you get and how far you roam; you will always need your mom when you lost your fippers🀣🀣
Kalau tak, it would take more than 12 hours until he would text meπŸ™ƒπŸ™ƒ

sebenarnya, dari semalam nak tegur kereta mcm bau pelik
tapi tak tertegur

and so i did..

'ada minyak angin tumpah ke dlm kete ni? dari semalam bau kuat sgt'
"wangilah ma. kapur barus. abgdan bawak balik from school"
... baru teringat semalam ada course pengurusan jenazah utk yr 6...

... great reminder for my 40th...

30 Muharram 1439H 

Tadi bangun dah terlewat, um gi memburu πŸ€£kat besday Imtiyaz. 
Dalam kalut hadiah naked bagma besday, Aidan dah masuk kete siap2 ... sejadah terhampar kat living room. 
"Jap ma, Aimar bar teringat. Tadi subuh Aimar bangun wudhu lepas here Aimar tidur balik.""La, yea? Apasal camtu?" Mama dah mula naku keluar suara kecewa dan membebel ... and just to realize he could just ignore the solitude he missed for nobody knew and he could just get rush in the car for the Nerf Bday Party which was starting in less than 15mins.He realized that he should qada 'his solat.When mom was 10, mom did not bother about missing subuh or any solat ... 'tak sengaja, takpe' punya concept!

Alhamdullillah .. itu rezeki kami, Allah bags anak ini. 

Last two days has been hard for him. Kene crash course solat ngan aboh sebab he could not stay still in his solitaire. It has been his struggles in everything he does ... The selal confused mother whh can not stay still ... but we have faith in Allah, for He will lead Aimar to the right path, insyaallah. 
Tanda Kat Dahi Sebab Bukan Dia Kuat Solat ... 
Sebab Main Benda an mcm Small Gun, suction, NAK Test Lekat Dahi Dia tak Do Kat ... 
Mommies, try Do Amalkan Doa Nabi Ibrahim Anak Ni the if NAK Rajin. salat. Insyaallah 

robbij'alni muqimash sholati wa min dzurriyyati 
robbana wa taqobbal du'a

Ya Tuhanku, jadikanlah aku dan anak cucuku orang yang tetap melakaanakan solat. Ya Tuhan kami, perkenankanlah doaku. 

(Ibrahim: 40)

Aboh can takes the credit for their brain genes, but mama is definitely taking the credit for the hardwork and struggles.

If one would ask if KUMON helps, i would say you don’t need KUMON to excel. But you need determination and istiqomah. The boys were in this program for the past 4 years, and the strength of me needed to scold them for not doing their daily exercise has always been a pain! Sampai dah 4 tahun, bila time nak gi kelas mesti mama tanya siap dah kumon and the same blank face will always be theor respond.. mama bebel, no gadgets for two days bla bla bla, they magically siapkan kerja right before class and that’s it!

Alhamdullillah for their achievements.
And to excel, not just exercise on paper.... few years back, you won’t know the struggles of both boys nak gi kat cashier mamak mintak bill nak bayar... sebab mula2 aboh akan suruh diorang estimate harga, go get the bill, congak total, lepas tu kira baper total aboh will give the money to pay, suruh kira lak berapa change and go pay and wait for the change and ada lebih sikit, sedekah to the waiter boy.
You got to apply maths,communication skills and charity all at once!
And they have been doing that since I couldn’t remember when, but it helps!


Please remind me to enrol him to “WhatsApp reply to your mother when you are away from her 101” and “photo you should take and send to mama 101”.... i need these courses for him, urgently!!!

His first of many.... 
He missed the first adventure club outdoor activity, hiking at Bukit Saga due to mama overruled sebab kena gi seminar upsr sains... 
and here he was last friday till sunday, having a great camped out weekend with buddies.
To ustaz and tchr atiqah, thank you for spending your precious weekend with the boys; siap ada escorts si kembar...
Moga setiap ilmu dan pengalaman that they gave gained digunakan sepenuh manfaat.


Speak words Discussed Of Thousands Pictures, 

Kalau NAK Bagi Rating Concern of mama; He Will Definitely is scored, Three Of The Highest Among them Are ... 
Nope Do, the I'm Not Worried That Sotho my, much Do About Kids, Sebab Yakin Allah Allah Ada Pada lah, dan dan. si ibu berdoa memohon agar anak2 kami dijaga rapi dalam kehidupan ini, dunia akhirat 
Tapi, si hulubalang mama yang sorang ni selalu bagi mama berita diluar jangkaan ... 
dari lahirnya awal dari jangkaan sampailah ke hari ni bila mama terkejut ada bekas gigitan di seat belakang kereta yang bukan gigantic si adik paling kecil ... 
But these ada tenang, ada bahagia, ada keyakinan ... 

This came not on my birthday itself, but luckily he made it before October ended. 
It took me a while to load it for memories’ sake as I was not so well this month... am not sure whether the aging effect took up its space immediately or I’m just getting lembik in times... but the ‘fatigueness’ do come almost everyday nowadays πŸ˜°
I was expecting this card. In fact, i was expecting it a year ago. My hubby just couldn’t get the heck of writing it rightaway, but the thought of him buying this giant card and carried it all the way from KLCC to the parking lot was commendable. It took a lot of courage for man his age to do that for his wife, and he did!
I didn’t got this on the day of my birthday though anak3 had made noise ‘mana kad utk mama tu aboh?’
When he gave it to me, not really, he said there’s something on the table that i need to check it out, I realized how glad i was to have received it.
I was just like a little schoolgirl, blushing when he wanted to take my photos.
I guess, a girl will always be a girl.

Alhamdullillah. I am so blessed with full of love, dari Dia melalui si dia.

Thank you abang. And yes, when you said the postman got the address wrongly and hence the delay, I figured that years ago🀣

And no, no big card for your 40th this month

And he won, today!
It was supposed to be abang and his mates selling stuff at the jumble sale. He wanted to volunteer and abang did kept his mouth shut. I told him, he could help.
He came in the morning, selling nuggets-on-the-go and went to everyone offering the finger food. Then, he decided to play at the bouncing castle for as long as he could. Until the last two hours, we called him up for assistance as the boys are off for their futsal practice.
That’s when I was ‘touched’ by his heart - he screamed attracting attention and he even pulled the full heavy box around the hall all by himself, looking for thirsty buyers. I was so surprised to find out he did it himself without any help. In fact, I suspected he did the most sales than all the boys.

Sayang, I am proud of you!
Sometimes, I just don’t show it as much as I shouldπŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯

She had her ‘graduation’ from the sekolah main-main, yesterday. She’s going to sekolah betul next year.

Mama is all mixed up.
I don’t remember the one and two year old of her as I was in bed most of the time on medication.
And out of sudden, she’s going to be seven next year.
There’ll be a lesser her in time, as the numbers keep on adding up.
But, she’ll always be my baby girl.

Ok, mama cannot write anymore.

Abang Aidan
His fourth year strolling the aisle during ihtifal, and this time for good, for real.

He’s completing his primary school in few days time.
It always seems impossible until it’s done!
Isn’t it funny, how day by day nothing changes but when we look back everything is different?

Muhammad Afieq Aidan Mohd Ashraf
Dear you,
behind you were all memories,
before you are all your dreams,
around you are all who love you,
and within you are all you need.

Be the great khalifah, the reason you are blessed with all the great nikmat today!


Sabar si kecik
One of the struggles that my beloved surroundings me had to face is when both my ears are blocked and that happens to be quite often and constant lately.
For a hi-bye meet up might be not much an issue, but imagine living together and need to communicate day in day out😰

I find more blessing in this little girl!
She is the most sabar girl I ever met.
She repeated stuff she wanted to tell me, her abang2 would just prefer to shut themselves off if it wasn’t that important, but not her.. She would repeat as many time as she would, and her breaking point would be when she resorted to whisper to me.
I could complaint as much as I could,
I could just stay in distress and cry,
Tapi nikmat Tuhan mana yang hendak kudustakan?
I might not have my used-to-be hearing (for now), but I have these people who just love me.

Adik Yr1.....
He is always bubbly and friendly.. bila time balik je, when he saw either aidan or aimar, he would called their names.
Today, i heard his screeching voice, ‘abg aidan, kenapa abang lagi kecik dari abang aimar? Abg aimar kan adik abg?’
The smile aidan gave him as a respond to his query was so calming and soothing. I love that smile and i wished i could snap a photo at that instance. 

This is what the school has done to Aidan.
After four years, he has his struggles. He was once been identified for a boy with anger management issues. He would get defensive when things or words didn’t get into his ways.
Nope, the teachers did not punished him at all. The only punishment was sessions with kind teachers asking how they can help him. And all teachers helped him, without prejudice and without judging neither him nor us, the parents. They helped him and they shaped him well.

Alhamdullillah for the school that believe in children.

Ada caranya nak disiplinkan anak. Hikmah dan sabar dan istiqomah.

Dear teachers of Khalifah Model School, thank you for shaping our young khalifahs at their own best. Hanya Allah lah yang dapat meninggikan darjat kalian atas segala jasa yg tak pernah lelah. Ameen.

Right after the second salam, she will abandon me immediately and rush in front of aboh... everytime! ... same spot!!!! 
Without fail, abang2 will mock her and she couldn’t care less.
Semalam, i saw her rolling her eyes when abang gave her mocking faces while zikir time...
She is born and raise to be that smart strong solehah girl, insyaallah, ameen

So does it matter? These certificates?
It’s Aidan’s last ihtifal with the school. 
I remembered the first time we went for ihtifal, and how proud we were and the year after and the year after.
But one thing for sure, the certificates get reduced by years...
And I remember telling the boys, for whatever, mama knew you boys has put your best in whatever you do and mama hope the token of inspiration would make you want to work harder and smarter, not for ihtifal, but for living up your life.

I saw postings on schools that celebrated their students in hotels, and those who couldn’t afford it won’t be able to join.
I found out that nowadays, not all schools invited for hari penyampaian hadiah as it was an event for only those who got to receive the hadiah.
That’s not how we used to be, kan?

It is supposed to be celebrated by all; as a rewards to those who earned it, as an inspiration to those who don’t and as its time to have fun to all students showing their talents in anyways, not only academically, and have fun... it’s a celebration that they have gone through another year of schoolyears!
So why must there be a discrimination??

And as for khalifah model school, i am extending mu gratefulness and thanks to the school... if they could, they would want each and every kid to get the awards... at least once in their schoolyears.. that explains the long list list of awards with the long queues waiting for their names to be called. It’s not about the award.
It’s a motivation.


I remember telling myself how to be happy in love - find someone who loves you more than you love him!
And i realized that is sooo kiasu of me..
I knew for a happy marriage, niatkan lillahitaala.. and i am confident i do love him for allah? ke ye ke?

I wanted to know what it meant cinta dia lillahitaala. I read stuff and still couldn’t ‘feel’ it so much.

But of course, i am blessed for this love ... and yes, i still want him in jannah nanti.

And as I kept on looking for answers, I realized, loving someone is to pray that someone to love allah and rasul saw. that will definitely guarantee our faith and trust on the love we have on them and they have on us. Itu lillahitaala.

Yes, till jannah. Itu doa yang tak putus. Dan moga tak putus2 mendapat rahmatNya dan terus2an mencintaiNya. Sebab mencintaiNya lah yang jadi kuat cinta kita. Ameen.

Tetibe dia dah habis sekolah rendah

When he was four, he went to Tadika Seri Budi. 
He was so tiny, tapi mat smart. 
Mak Wang panggil dia ‘Aidang, mat pejabat’.

He then went to Smart Readers when we moved to KL.
I remembered the only time my dad ‘scolded’ me for the 1st time in my life for scolding him while preparing him for spelling... atuk masuk bilik and carried him away ‘ajar anak macam anak nak masuk universiti!’ (.. dan sampai sekarang mama trauma sebab tak pernah kene marah dengan atuk!)

Then we enrolled him in St John.
I remembered how he cried in the middle of the spacious canteen when he couldn’t find us on his 2nd day of school.
I was teary and I ran to him!

Until we landed at Khalifah Model School, and this is it - the day he graduated for his primary school.
Of course, I’ve shared so many stories about the school and him, and I have so many more that I didn’t share..
Fact is, the best thing of this school is tne friends he made!
They accepted him for he is.
The friends among his age, the seniors and the juniors and yes, the ustaz and teachers were and always be his great buddies!

Alhamdullillah for allowing us to meet great people, experience wonderful stories and cherish the moment of our life . Thank you!!!

Aidan nak amik result Khamis ni, mintak doakan yang terbaik ye untuk dia dan kawan2 dia - mama tengah menggelupur kenervousan

Ihtifal 2017
We could hardly spot who is who in this picture, 
But the beauty of this picture is everyone in it knew each other’s by heart, not by appearance.
It’s so wonderful to have this group of kind hearted parents who never judge and undermine one another.
The great thing is, they do support each other and each other’s success is everyone’s success while each other’s losses is everyone’s losses.
Thank you mommies, daddies, our khalifahs and teachers ♥️♥️♥️

Ihtifal 2017
We could hardly spot who is who in this picture, 
But the beauty of this picture is everyone in it knew each other’s by heart, not by appearance.
It’s so wonderful to have this group of kind hearted parents who never judge and undermine one another.
The great thing is, they do support each other and each other’s success is everyone’s success while each other’s losses is everyone’s losses.
Thank you mommies, daddies, our khalifahs and teachers ♥️♥️♥️

Gambar anak2 dengan cikgu kelas..
Satu kelas bukan ada 21 org je..
Ustaz jaga anak2 murid 21org,
Ustaz layan kerenah mak ayah 21org pelajar..
Dia lah yang nak update balik bila, aktiviti esok apa, nak pakai baju mana..
Dia lah yang nak bagitau anak macam ni, anak macam tu..
Dia lah yang sabar dan tak pernah jemu berkongsi ilmu dan mendidik dengan penuh hikmah..
BM is not something that these kids find it easy, at least not for Aidan..
Tapi bila buat latihan kat rumah and I suggested answers to the homework questions and Aidan told me ‘eh, tapi ma, ustaz cakap bukan itu jawapan dia’...
Itu, kita tahu, berkat ilmu manfaat yang dia sampaikan.

Terima kasih ustaz Mohd Mursyidi. Hanya Allah yang dapat membalas segala jasa ustaz dan cikgu2 lain dan moga mendapa rahmayNya yang berkekalan

Kaum bapa
I’m keeping this for memories.
Fathers, abah, ayah, papa, daddies - they might opted to play behind-the-scene roles, but trust me, they have the hardest and most important roles in shaping the family.
Their young khalifahs look up on them.
Their spouse need all the love from them.
And Alhamdullillah, just by being there, physically, spiritually and mentally, their support what makes everything moves for betterment.

Thank you, sirs!

We went to a nearby toyshop when she reminded me that she has completed her book 6 reading and i owe her a reward.
She picked the 34pcs colour pencils and decided to try her luck to get the little pony toy egg as well.
‘Just one!’
So she settled for the toy egg.
I was surprised to know the toy cost rm8, and so, I was telling her on our way to the car ‘it’s and expensive toy!’
and she came up with an answer “ma, it’s only rm8, less than rm10. Colour tadi yang saya nak is RM25”
and so, i started to roll my eyes at her... that same arguments, macam pernah dengar jerπŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”

Anyway, Alhamdullillah.. am thankful to have anak3 yang compliance bila pergi kedai.
Dari start aidan sampai ke aivey.
I remembered when I brought aidan to the toy shop and told him he has 15mins and only 1 toy... he would picked the toy of his choice and will ask for extra times to just look around. And when i said its time, he would follow suit with no complaints.
The same goes to aimar aivey.
Now that they are bigger, I would set a price range and should they want anything beyond the range, they would need to figure it out themselves.
Alhamdullillah, bringing them to toyshop is something they look forward to and tolerate with us - no tantrums!

Alhamdullillah, segala puji bagi Allah ArRahman ArRahim

I was so into his result that I forgot to take his photo at the school earlier. Afterall, he was all over the place after he knew his result!

I have been harrassing the MOE SMS system since 9:35am where I got a response that result would only be out at 10am. Then, I sent another text at 9:55am and was prompted the same. I texted again exactly at 10am sharp and this time no reply even after 10 mins. So, i texted again and waited after 5 mins and I was harrassing my husband to get ready as I wanted to be at the school at 11sharp! I have not been able to have a good sleep since 2am and I hate adrenaline rush!!

As there were still no response, I took wudhu’ and solat dhuha. Right after my first salam, the SMS buzzed!!!! And all I did was Alhamdullillah and sujud.

He did well and I thanked him. I told him, his efforts paid and there’s more to come.

Insyaallah, will brace it through.

And yes, Alhamdullillah.

Eh kengkawan, Aidan tak dapat 6A tau... tadi, abg mentioned my posting mcm bagi hint Aidan dapat 6As... so, I’m correcting the assumption, if any. Mana boleh lebih dari mama aboh. Nanti mama nak eksyen cammana, kan?πŸ˜…

His struggles in penulisan paid with getting a B. For a C boy in that subject, it is an achievement and as I told him, his efforts has scored him 6As. Sabar dia bila tak boleh gi join geng sebab mama suruh gi belajar, tekun dia kena let go football time sebab he hasn’t finished the book I asked him to finish, gigih dia jawab quiz online masa stuck dalam jem (or no phone time at all).. all those are well paid off.

So semalam, masa hujan, he asked me “ma, boleh tak nak reward main hujan kat balcony?”
Sebab mama rasa the balcony does need some brushing, I agreed with the ‘cheap’ rewards.
And Aimar pun “ma, boleh tak nak celebrate ngan abg dan?”

And I’m thankful for the boys. Alhamdullillah

Eh kengkawan, Aidan tak dapat 6A tau... tadi, abg mentioned my posting mcm bagi hint Aidan dapat 6As... so, I’m correcting the assumption, if any. Mana boleh lebih dari mama aboh. Nanti mama nak eksyen cammana, kan?πŸ˜…

His struggles in penulisan paid with getting a B. For a C boy in that subject, it is an achievement and as I told him, his efforts has scored him 6As. Sabar dia bila tak boleh gi join geng sebab mama suruh gi belajar, tekun dia kena let go football time sebab he hasn’t finished the book I asked him to finish, gigih dia jawab quiz online masa stuck dalam jem (or no phone time at all).. all those are well paid off.

So semalam, masa hujan, he asked me “ma, boleh tak nak reward main hujan kat balcony?”
Sebab mama rasa the balcony does need some brushing, I agreed with the ‘cheap’ rewards.
And Aimar pun “ma, boleh tak nak celebrate ngan abg dan?”

And I’m thankful for the boys. Alhamdullillah

He told me, kita kena ikhlas dalam memberi. 
Bila sedekah RM1 kat orang buta, kita tak boleh mengharap a thanks or even a smile...sebab RM1 tu memang dah tertulis hak si buta, dan yang kene berterima kasih ialah kita sebab diberi peluang nak bersedekah.
Grateful- no one nor any makhluk deserve it. When we give, we can never expect the person at the receiving end to be grateful to us.
We be thankful, but not grateful to abdillah for grateful is to one and only The Creator, All Praise Be With Him.
Alhamdullillah - Al-hamdu itself is a specific pronoun as it started with Al.. and it all belongs to Him sebab kita ini hamba Allah.

It was nice listening to him when he tried to console me, he would explain to me on things I would never understand. He may be vocal, but trust me, being his partner for the past 17 years, never once, never he threw any negative remarks to anyone that matters behind their back and he prefer confrantation.. and i guess itulah jodoh kami, our similarities. and yes, politicians don’t matter (lagi mau gurau, kan ain!)
Back to being grateful, I remembered how struggling were abah mama and abang during those times I had my chemo and radio and I cried and I coughed and I vomited and I cried and these routines were 24-7, and that included every fifteen minutes after midnight till subuh.

Dari kecik ain nyusah kan mama abah, buat dosa merata, abah kena tanggung and jawab semua dosa2 ain.
Dah kawin, ain punye degil ain punye keras kepala ain punye angin abang pulak kena tanggung dosa2 ain.
And yet, they still there at my lowest!
Alhamdullillah tabarakallah, all praise to Him Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim. Ya Allah, i’m grateful for this love and please never stop guiding us, Ya Allah. Terus-terusan limpahkan hidayah Mu, Ya Allah. Itu pintaku, Ya Muhaimin.

Abah, mama, abang, thank you🌹🌹🌹

December 2017

Picked her up at atuk’s just now.
Told her, ‘VV, today we need to selawat banyak2 tau!’
“O, because today is friday, kan?”
I don’t recall telling her we are encouraged to selawat more on Friday, but I’m glad she remembered.
‘Today is Maulud Nabi. Maulud Nabi is like birthday Rasulullah. We love him, so we should celebrate it by selawat a lot more.’
“Oo, ok! I wish Nabi Muhammad is here so we can celebrate his birthday, kan mama?”
Ooooo how I wish the same dear anak!
“Eh Mama, when is Allah birthday?”
dannnggg... dia keluarkan soalan KBAT lak.. maka mama pun terus divert her attention ‘eh coklat ke tu? nak sikit'

Semalam tengok citer coco... memang tak plan, tapi I promised her movie for so long and she said nanti coco habis, how?
It was 3:59pm when we decides for the 4pm show and so we were 20mins late and just nice for the movie to start right after we found our seats.
I was impressed with how soaked aivey was.. she cried her heart out at the sad scene and didn’t care when abgmar was mocking her..
Perempuan-emo lebih!

ari ni, he is entitled for i/d biru - mykid dah tak valid dah, abang dan dah besar.....
he looked so grown up in this photo, the photo taken the day he went for the interview himself, with no mama aboh next to him, talking to strangers about himself. 
i know i’m gonna miss this moment.

he has always been there.
for the past 12 yrs, he has always been there.
pengikat kasih - not just between us, but the whole family; being the first cucu.

he has always been there.
masa mama nak lahirkan aimar, he was there, tak putus letak his soft hand on my tummy sampai hospital sebab tengok mama sakit perutz
masa mama nak lahirkan aivey, he was there, tengok mama dah pecah air ketuban and calmly asking if there’s a nees for him to call 999.

he has always been there
the first time gi tadika naik beca sebelah yaya yang tripple his size.
the first time grad tadika, masuk sekolah.
the first time amik exam besar.
the first time gi interview.

abang dan,
i know we were hard on you, so hard, indeed.
we shouldn’t. but we did.
please know, it was our first time too.
and please forgive us if we were below expectations!
you are definitely a stronger one to being our first son than we being your parents.

takde doa melainkan doa yang terbaik untuk anak2 mama, and for today, i know, you made it great to come this far!!!!!
you made us proud

He blessed us with you in our life!
Moga abang besar lagi dan lagi, nak makan sihat2, nak belajar semua untuk hidup dunia akhirat, nak jadi khalifah Islam yang berjaya.. dan pastinya akan jadi anak soleh yang akan berbakti dengan mama aboh & adik2.

happy 12th bday, muhammad afieq aidan bin mohd ashraf

Even at my darkest, they never fail to be the one who put the little lights that shine so bright..
My hope🌹🌹

we made it for breakfast πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜

Dear anak3 aboh mama,
Wherever your journey in life may take you... 
we pray 
you’ll be safe,
never forgets your roots,
cleanse yourself with lots of istighfar and amal ibadah,
enjoy the ride,
and don’t forget to come home!

he said something 'harsh' to me in his sleep! and the words were the sweetest any wife would want to hear from a husband.(He said "move away, find your own man"..coz he's taken *wink*)
too often, we underestimate the power of touch, a genuine smile, a kind word, a listening ears, an honest compliment and the smallest act of caring.
we have to start counting our blessings with all these small things!

Love you too

We shed tears when we left her all alone.
Just like others, we left her by herself.
All alone.
It was a sad scenario and how I wish we could do more than just visiting.

I may not be as close as I should to being a granddaughter to her likd others, but she’s my nanny.

It is sad to see the ujian that is bestowed upon her, but of course, Allah knows best.
And I pray for her well being, dunia akhirat.

And I remember telling my boys ‘mama mohon anak2 mama, please take care of me when I’m old and senile. please don’t let me be alone and please know i never let you be alone!!’

When he prepares breakfast for you as you are still lying on the bed, fight for him!


and can't wait to welcome 2018 and make the best of what's left in 2017!