When in trouble - blame others

 I have to stop being nosy and try to be helpful -  

It's annoying and feeling like sit when you are trying to be friendly and just extending what you think is right is the root on other people's trouble. 

It's a shame when other's being so selfish and never thought of other's and what make it worst, blaming other's for the cause of her being selfish. 

Yes, I am annoyed that I was being blame for no reason while I was just being there and friendly. 

The facts, how could anyone stop any other person to reconnect with her family??? 

hmmmm

Missing the boys

 I miss the boys.

Due to the MCO for the third wave, they couldn't come home and I couldn't meet them neither. 

I just missed them. 

Aimar was doing fine.

Alhamdulillah..he had his weekend with Yah and others in Bukit Kuang during the maulidur rasul break. 

Aidan is not doing as good. 

He was bitten with semut Charlie, he lost or misplaced his wallet with a RM40 cash and his bank card in it. The wallet was the wallet I bought for him, a green Coach, as a UPSR gift costed around RM300. It was something for me at that time, and even up till now. Aidan's phone was broken too.. so, communication is limited. 

Agghh.. I miss them!

I wish me strong

 I'm shivering in between being mad and being strong because I'm sad. 

it's not easy. 

but I guess, as I'm typing this out, I am more mad than sad. 

a person I happen to nurse when she was small is now a big girl. i remembered how I would put her on my chest while reading the novel I rented from CM during my summer break back in the 90s. she was just a baby. of course she's a grown up now. 

I'm not going to explain how it all started. I've hinted a lot on my previous writing. 

but, yup, she is one of those who swore at me, wishing me dead and was one of those who talked bad words about me. she is one of them, the clan. 

she wrote to aidan (ok, I have access to aidan's whatsapp from the laptop - he forgot to log it off the last time he logged in from here) - asking aidan for his bank account number. a gesture saying congrats for his excellent result in the exam. 

I'm proud of aidan. 

as much as I know how much they think we are struggling with money, we are not that 'low' to accept any from them. i just couldn't believe what I read:

"Ingat mama mmg la gaduh ngan org kat sini. Tapi abg dan takyah fikir sgt. Jgn lupa org kat sini."

how insanely stupid she could be to say such thing? who the hell she thinks she is? someone who own and raise aidan??? 

I'm going to swear! bugger off!

"mama mmg la gaduh ngan org kat sini???????????"

bullsssss!

Kami tak OK

 Kami sedang diuji. 

Rasa nak ngadu... dan tak pernah putus ngadu pada Tuhan Yang Maha Mendengar. 

Sedang dalam menaip warkah ini, masih dititipkan untukNya. 

Sungguhpun Dia Tahu yang aku akan menitipkan satu persatu semua yang terbuku, Dia juga Tahu aku tak mampu. 

Aku tak tahu haruskah aku marah. 

Aku tak tahu haruskah aku bersedih. 

Sungguh, aku lemah, lemah di dalam mahupun luaran. 

Aku letih untuk terus tersenyum. 

Aku sakit menahan sebak bila ada yang bertanya, korang ok?

Kami tak ok. 

Allah Tahu

Kami tak ok. 

Tapi, tengok abang, aku tahu, dia lagi-lagi tak ok. sampai aku jadi takut untuk tahu samada dia ok atau tidak. akhirnya, aku sembunyikan rasa. 

Sebab aku tahu, Allah Tahu. 

Alhamdulillah. 

Jaga kami Ya Allah. 

Jaga kami Ya Allah. 

Bagi kami jalan keluar Ya Allah, jalan untuk kami beramal beribadah untuk jalan yang Kau redhai, Ya Allah. 

Redhai kami Ya Allah. 

Back to Offline

 ok, when people tend to misunderstood what I wrote, even I've made it clear...it's my blow, it's my own reflection and it's none of your business...

but on the other hand, it was my mistake for using the photo that is not mine. 

hmmm

I wonder how much photos in the global internet served being used and reused and reuse and reuse and reuse over and over  and over again and we didn't know?

pastu, kita sentap. 

i know I would sentap!

my bad!!

so, am putting this blog back to offline.. takpe lah. 

just so nanti, aidan aimar aivey boleh baca je.

A Leopard Can't Change Its Spot

No matter how hard you tried, you can't change you, you can't change others and you can't change others' view on you until you change your views on others and you change you by not expecting others to know you've changed. 

A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots.

Fullstop. Back to Him!

Minta Tolong Kat Orang, Tak Mudah!

 Menyusahkan orang

...

I never like to have the feelings to ask people for help. Tak best rasanya. 

Bukan sebab sombong tak nak mintak tolong orang. 

Bukan sebab tak nak tolong orang, sebab tu tak mintak tolong orang. 

Bukan sebab terer sampai tak nak tolong orang. 

Cuma, tak suka nak menyusahkan orang. Kalau ada sesapa yang mintak tolong, malah kalau ada sesapa yang memang perlu ditolong, walaupun dia tak mintak tolong, I really would love to help. But to ask people for favours, selalu rasa berat hati. 

It's hard to accept, bila respond orang yang kita mintak tolong tu macam so-so je. 

Lagi tak best bila kita excited terpikir 'dia mungkin boleh dan happy to help' tapi respond dia macam berat hati je... with the pause phrase ..mmmmm... and stating all the obstacle yang mungkin membolehkan dia tak boleh tolong, yet end up with phrases ' takpelah, tengok camne, we'll try to help'..........sayup-sayup, I can hear 'walaupun ko menyusahkan, aku malas nak tolong.'

It's not the person's fault. Sesapa pun boleh reject not to help bila dia tak nak tolong. Dia tak perlu bagi seribu satu alasan. Dia tak perlu bagi sebab. Just say no... 

Orang yang mintak tolong, tak patut nak berasa hati. In fact, takut jatuh hukum berdosa sebab bersangka-sangka, dan sangkaan yang buruk lak.. pastu, sendiri nak emo!

Haippp! Tak baik tau!!!

But trust me, between me and myself... perhaps its because of 'our condition', I do sometimes feel like macam menyusahkan orang, I do feel like terhutang budi and people might think I'm just taking a free ride (which I don't) and I do feel hurt with some respond I got that was beyond my expectation. 

It never make me feels good. 

Selagi aku mampu, aku tak mahu mintak tolong kat orang.. aku tak mau menyusahkan orang. 

Alhamdulillah..that's why, I know I should resort to Allah directly before I asked others for favours. 

16 tahun kawen

 Orang tua bercinta - panjang citernya, kalau takmo baca pun takpe.. kalau terpaksa baca dan rasa buang masa, mintak maap ye.

Abang pernah cakap ‘main pos citer sweet2, nanti kang ramai awek sangkut, not my fault! pastu masa bercinta, pos mcm nak rak.. bila gaduh, hilang sume tersembur’

Ada betulnya..

Bukan nak citer baik bahagianya kita.

Bukan nak tipu kita takde stress and sad moments.

Tapi nak share kat sini, kot lah nanti anak cucu cicit baca.. diorang boleh feel ‘ooo.. ini cinta!’

...

Cerita cinta ni taklah hebat mana pun,

Takdelah sampai nak bermatian makan racun ala-ala Romeo Juliet, Alhamdulillah, cukuplah masa Julie dia kena racun dek ubat kimo tu, dia ada sokmo.. takdelah sampai nak makan racun sama, tapi dialah yang dok urut, basuh muntah, picit kepala, paksa makan, urus anak.. dia buatlah takat mana mampu.

Cerita cinta ni taklah seksa mana pun,

Takdelah sampai nak buta mata macam Kassim Selamat sebab cinta terhalang dapat mak mentua tak suka kat dia, Alhamdulillah, untungnya budak KL rambut blonde yang goreng ikang pun memang fail sokmo ni tak pernah kene kecam dengan arwah mak mentua sekali pun, yang memang jauh panggang dari api banding ngan Mak Leha 7hari tu.

Cerita cinta ni taklah bahagia mana pun, Takdelah sampai nak bersungguh si putera carik puteri idaman yang fit-fit kasut gelas macam Cinderella tu.. Alhamdulillah, bila dapur berasap ikut suka cik isteri nak masak (kalau tak makan kedai or ikut dan je) dan perut masih kenyang hari-hari ada cukup aje benda nak makan guana-guana pung.

Cerita cinta ni taklah tragic mana pun, Takdelah sampai nak menyampah kat Hariz dalam Ombak Rindu yang main suka2 nak assume bini dia ada affair sampai gi halau bini dia tu.. Alhamdulillah, jeles dia masih waras lagi - masih marah bini pakai baju tak

ikut spek, masih tak comfortable nak lepas bini sorang naik grab kalau tak terpaksa.

...

Alhamdulillah, saya rasa manis cinta yang Monica rasa bila Chandler renung senyum senget kat dia.

Alhamdulillah, saya tahu ‘lobster’ saya macam Phoebe rasa kat Mike, her lobster.

Alhamdulillah, saya jumpa favourite sandwich saya and will take a bullet for it macam Joey would do to his sandwich.

Alhamdulillah, kami masih cari each other walau macammana kami marah, gaduh, buat perangai, berasa hati.. macam Rachel ngan Ross last2 togeder-geder gak.

Dia suami, dia kawan, dia geng gaduh, dia cikgu, dia lelaki, dia councellor, dia psychologist, dia interpretor, dia driver,dia abang, dia dia dia dia dia dia sume

...

Bang, this post is not fair.. ada banyak lagi nak citer, ada banyak lagi nak cakap.. apa2 pun mesti tak cukup, tak lengkap - but am making up with you wishing us first, i wrote this longer post sebab mana aci Mje kalah.

Bang, doa Mje nak jadi isteri solehah ye.

Bang, thank you for loving me despite all the flaws.

Bang, thank you for not giving up on us.

Bang, i decided, kalau boleh mati, I want to die earlier than you for I doubt that I can leave a second more without having to have you around, so wait up a lil while!

Alhamdulillah

Happy 16th and to many more to come, Insyaallah.

psss ‘hei, rindu awak!’

‘if that is not love, i don’t know what it is’ #matasepetsenyumsengetbelikitkat

#sampaijannah

...

citer cinta sama:

https://classychattychic.blogspot.com/2010/08/ever-after.html?m=0

https://classychattychic.blogspot.com/2012/09/all-i-want.html?m=0

https://classychattychic.blogspot.com/2013/09/bestgiler-sgt-sgt-moment_15.html?m=0

https://classychattychic.blogspot.com/2014/08/all-of-us.html?m=0

https://classychattychic.blogspot.com/2015/08/my-kinda-guy.html?m=0

https://classychattychic.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-garments.html?m=0

https://classychattychic.blogspot.com/2017/08/13-tahun-kawin-love-is-in-airwuuhuu.html?m=0

https://classychattychic.blogspot.com/2018/08/belated-fourteenth.html?m=0

https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10157961473344272&set=a.107733279271

Aimar Homesick Tak Habis Lagi :)

Aimar baru lepas call. 

Alhamdulillah... while Aidan is currently on his third year in boarding school, Aimar is trying his best to cope with the asrama life. 

It's not easy. 

Tambahan lak bila nak jadi citer, dia masuk asrama bulan 1, homesick sampai nak rabak sebulan, balik PB in february, lepas tu mcm okay seminggu dua, then balik cuti half sem... boom.. COVID-19 attacked. 

Since 18th March sampai lah 8th August baru ni, duduk quarantined kat rumah, tidur kul 1 pagi, bangun untuk subuh, tidur balik, sampailah mama bebel kena bangun zohor. 

Online class?? hmmm..Aidan baik, Aimar baik... sume ke laut. 

Aiyyoo...

and at times writing this, both Aidan and Aimar tengah struggle dok perabis homework time PKP. Ada gak lah bunyi-bunyi 'susahlah' 'banyaklah' 'penatlah' 'ngantuklah'...

Alhamdulillah..anak-anak soleh tu tak cakap banyak bila mama cakap

"jangan nak ngadu-ngadu. you have been warned! masing-masing dah besar and I TOLD YOU SO. maka, hadaplah kat asrama... mama malas cara. but i pray for your easiness moga dapat siap ontime. ari tu, janji dah kan kat mama aboh..result exam kena cun.. nak buat cammana, pepandailah. kalau homework tak hantar jadi sebab markah rendah..tolong prepare your rebut kenapa tak result final tak comel!"

Alhamdulillah... the boys are complying. They knew it was their own cari penyakit, so, they knew they had to deal it themselves. 

Cuma Aimar ni, 'lemau' sikit... sebab baru kot masuk asrama. 

Masa musim PKP tu, told him how lucky he was - first year asrama tapi dah posa sahur sebulan kat rumah. Alhamdullilah.

Now that you had your rest, buckle up and kerja!

Lillahitaala

 Lillahitaala...

Susah nak mendalami sebenar-benarnya konsep lillahitaala ni. 

I felt like a failure when I knew tujuan hidup, nak buat apa-apa semua kena lillahitaala. Ikhlas-seikhlasnya, baru lah datang sabar, syukur, redha.. semua datang menderu-deru. 

Bila niat dah bukan kerana Allah, mulalah nak sedih, nak marah, nak geram, nak berasa hati!

Allahuakbar. 

Ya Allah, Ampunkan aku Ya Allah. 

Bantu aku Ya Allah.

Bersihkan hatiku Ya Allah. 

Pandu aku ke jalan sebenar-benarnya Ya Allah.

Jalan yang Engkau redhai, rahmati. 

Ya Allah, Ampunkan aku Ya Allah. 

...

Dalam aku cuba nak jadi 'kuat' .. tetap aku gagal nak terus kuat!

Satu-satu prasangka buruk menerjah minda. 

Hinanya aku!

Aku sendiri tahu yang berprasangka itu memang dilarang!

Siapa yang aku bersangka-sangka?

Benarkah mereka?

Atau diriku?

Yang baru kesedari dengan satu tamparan kuat, yang aku bersangka-sangka itu Allah Al-Mulk.. Yang Mentakdirkan segalaNya dan Yang Tahu apa yang terbaik untuk aku. 

Astaghfirullahal'azim!

Tak sepatutnya aku bersangka-sangka. 

Biarlah apa mereka nak buat. Mereka takde apa-apa hak atas aku, aku bukan hak mereka. Aku dicipta hanya untuk menjadi hambaNya! Wajib aku jadi hambaNYa sebaik-baiknya! Itu sahaja yang patut aku buat - menjadi hambaNya..yang lain-lain, Dia yang tentukan... bukak Quran, tengok surah adzariyyat. 

...

Alhamdulillah

An updated post on 23rd Aug (I've posted the earlier post on 14th Aug). 

When I wrote the post, I was doubting myself and questioning the AlMighty on why it is so difficult to have a true niat and how to be ikhlas in every arahan that He bestowed - the answer is not to question for He is the AlMighty. 

On my ealier post, I posted it with a picture that my niece sent to Aivey - it was misinterpret and I did not blame others for misinterpreting it.. I didn't ask permission to load it and people has all the right to misunderstood thinking I was talking about the picture - it has nothing to do about the picture! It was just something to remind me of how bad the situation I was when I wrote the post - I just want to run away!

It was my bad, the lesson I learned! 

Being rejected is bad!

 I'm not telling why I stopped writing for a long while.. but here I am, back to updating this blog. 

I asked someone I thought close to me for a favour. The request wasn't rejected, but a pause of "tengoklah nanti" and it sounded like I've burdened the person with (I thought) a simple request. 

She has all the right to say the truth and meant no harm. 

But I was so emotional with my own assumption. A'uzubillahiminnashaitonirrojim. 

I started to wonder. 

Is it because I am no benefit to her / him / them?

Is it because I was not like I before?

Is it because we are jobless?

I started to believe the truth behind those meme posters .... kalau kita senang, semua orang datang berkumpul dengan kita. bila kita susah, semua orang hilang entah ke mana. 

It feels bad and it feels horrible. 

Not that I'm not thankful for what Allah is giving us.. the test to hapuskan semua dosa, insyaallah, aamiin... syaratnya kena sabar and kena syukur. 

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal

Tapi, syaitan tahu dan bijak nak buat hati pompuan ni jadi kotor dan hitam... racun! racun! racun! 

May Allah gives us strength through this hardship. Aamiiiin