Thursday, April 18, 2019

Pak Ngah - the mistaken one

This worth a post.
We accidentally met Pak Ngah this morning.
It was horrible.
It was bad that after all these years, I have been wronged all about him.
I sinned.
I assumed and I was so very wrong.
It is so bad that it just spoiled my whole day.

So, let me list it a bit, and I'll provide the details little later (maybe)
He didn't run away from the family.
He was just not happy to be with the family who abused him mentally.
It wasn't nenek and atuk.
It was the Ibrahim's.
And all this while, I was told he ran away from home because he was ashamed of the wedlock child born in the family...
Which I found out that it has got nothing to do with it.

I also find out how he cared about his children's education.
He was proud of his eldest.
He was sad about his only son who seems to be in trouble all the time.
He was worried for his youngest who had been so cheeky even until today.
I regretted it my whole life for I never care to care about them.
I regretted that I never asked how they were doing and how can I help.
I regretted that I assumed they were just bunch of losers whereas it was me that was losing.

Today, I found out, he did has a problem with his marriage, but I don't think they were divorced like what others claimed.

And I also found out how mistaken people who has put him aside and ignored him because he was a piece of shit and trouble, while he was struggling.

This morning,
at Rasyid,
with him having breakfast with us as we bumped into him,
I cried in front of him,
I seek for his forgiveness.
It was just sad that I had to find out these dark family hidden secret THIS way,
the horrible way,
the too late to do anything way,
the way when I was now like him, being ignored and shooed away.

Please forgve me, Ya Allah.