Cari bila perlu

 Dah banyak kali dah kena ~ bila nak mintak tolong, laju je call, message tanya manis mulut. 
Lepas tu, buat macam tak kenal ... ajak lepak pun, tak tanya direct ~ siap ada disclaimer, 'tapi jauh.. takpe je kalau tak join!'

Nak aje kucarutkan dalam group.. tapi sebab rasa respect kat orang lain masih ada, maka, kita makan hati sakit hati... carut aje dalam tulisan ini...
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Masalahnya, dah banyak kali terkena.. tiap kali terkena, simpan niat dalam hati... pasni ko mintak tolong, boleh blah! takdenya aku nak tebal muka tanya member aku camtu camni sampai member rasa awkward, takdenya aku nak reschedule semua benda, gi kedai cari barang yang korang nak, takpelah plan aku cancel.. 

Bila jadi benda sakit hati camni, rasa macam bodoh, rasa macam tunggul.. 
Rasa macam, ko ni dah kenapa? Dah tua bangka pun masih bodoh? Kata belajar agama sampai dapat sijil bagi. Iktiraf mana ko dapat ni? Betul ke sohih? Ke memang betul cuma hati ko sebu sangat...  memang suka nak nyusahkan orang asal ko senang, lepas tu, jangan nak ikhlas sangat sebab nanti ko sendiri yang susah... 

...

Banyak kali aku janji kat diri aku.. pasni, apa-apa ko mintak tolong, aku nak buat bodoh, aku malas nak layan.. kang aku layan, aku gak yang baran. 

...
Rugi je sume aku kekonon ikhlas tolong ko! Penat tau! 

Kot ye pun..... 

The algorithm is simple; ko rasa byk masalah kat anak ko sebab apa? ada tak sebab ko sendiri jadi punca asbab? 

Dang!!!! 

Berhati-hati dengan perempuan

...

Mama nak berpesan tentang perempuan ~ mama tahu anak-anak Mama ada mentor (read: Aboh) yang terbaik, nak amik contoh macam mana nak jaga perempuan (read: wife).. tapi, ada banyak lagi benda hal perempuan yang Aidan dan Aimar kena tahu. 

Memula lagi ~ just be mindful of them. 

Masa al-'Aziz, tuannya Yusuf AS, kantoikan isteri dia, cuba nak goda hambanya itu semata-mata nak memenuhi nafsu serakah dia, apa yang mampu suaminya buat? Dia cakap, seperti yang ada dalam Al-Quran

[Yusuf 12:29]

يُوسُفُ أَعۡرِضۡ عَنۡ هَٰذَاۚ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرِي لِذَنۢبِكِۖ إِنَّكِ كُنتِ مِنَ ٱلۡخَاطِـِٔينَ

"Wahai Yusuf, lupakanlah hal ini. Dan engkau (Wahai Zulaikha), mintalah ampun bagi dosamu, sesungguhnya engkau adalah dari orang-orang yang bersalah!”

Untuk seorang pembesar hebat berkata-kata begitu, pasti ramai (termasuk Mama) yang tertanya-tanya.. itu je pesan dia??? itu je hukuman dia??

Kenapa ek.. mcm senang aje nak lepas.. 

Hebat mana pun seorang lelaki itu, penuh kuasa, kaya-raya, ternama... al-'Aziz pembesar Mekah itu sedar:

[Yusuf 12:28]

إِنَّ كَيۡدَكُنَّ عَظِيمٞ

sesungguhnya tipu daya kamu amatlah besar pengaruhnya.

...

Hari ni, Aidan Aimar masih remaja ~ masih zaman seronok berkenal-kenalan. 

Mungkin dalam berkawan, rasa ingin berteman. 

Tapi, sentiasa ingatkan diri, perempuan lembut, ayu, bersopan-santun itu, bukan kriteria utama untuk jadi pasangan hidup kalian. 

Rasulullah SAW pesan, 4 kriteria nak cari pasangan hidup: harta, keturunan, cantik dan agamnya. Cari empat-empat tu ~ moga bahagia hingga ke dunia abadi. 

Buat masa ni, mama nak peringatkan ~ jaga Allah, jaga diri, jaga agama. 

Syaitan paling mudah cucuk jarum dan lelaki selalunya akan tewas dengan perempuan. 

Bergolok-gadai untuk perempuan. 

Bergaduh sesama sahabat-handai sebab perempuan. 

Jiwa serabut, hati lagha dek kerana perempuan. 

Tapi, kena ingat gak ~ tak semua pompuan tu 'scammer'.. dan tak semua lelaki itu 'victim'.

Hatta, semua balik pada iman. 

Kalau nak buat naya kat hati pompuan, ingat anak-anak.. kenang balik mama dan adik mu juga pompuan. 

Ittaqullah ~ jaga diri dari azab Allah, jaga iman. 

Happy 19th

been writing a lot ~ well... yet, I still complaining to myself that I didn't write much... 

hahaha

manusia memang tak pernah puas. 

...

it's our anniversary today. 

alhamdulillah.

of course, i have so many things to write and talk about it.. 

but sometimes, when every thing is too much, you just get overwhelmed.

and when you get overwhelmed, you just be thankful. 

mashallah...

hadis Rasulullah SAW ada cakap, 

Narrated from A’ishah radi Allahu anha, “When the Prophet SAW saw something that pleased him, he would say: Alhamdulillahil lathee bi ni’matihi tatimmus saalihaat, and when he saw something that displeased him, he would say: Alhamdulillah ‘alaa kuli haal. [Sunan ibn Majah]

for whatever conditions and circumstances you are, just say Alhamdulillah ~ the answer when you get overwhelmed. 

subhanallah. 

...

Abang, 

kita tahu, lepas 19 thn, sume benda kita dah went thru... 

baru-baru ni, when I lost my voice, when people was shutting me off... 'hilang suara biasa je, sakit tekak je tu'.. I know ada sorang yang boleh faham how genuine my concern about it.. hilang suara, tak batuk tak sakit tekak... orang cakap, minum air je.. 

Abg cakap, before i could say it out... abang risau satu je bila Mje hilang suara ni... and our conversation stop ~ I knew, kita masing-masing sambung sembang dalam hati... 

Alhamdulillah.. 

I'm preparing any fancy celebration or long FB-post to thank Allah and thank you for the great 19 years and many more, Insyaallah.. 

but, when you know you get to overwhelmed, you praise Allah for the feelings, and you rush to the only one that you can trust more than you could trust yourself ~ 

I know, that is more than love. 

Alhamdullah... 

All praise to Allah for allowing me to know that I am loved and still your love, and all praise to Allah for letting me share my love to one who really really love me for who I am (and who I am not). 

Abg, 

the pact is real. 

till Jannah is just not some sweet slogan we could simply throw ~ it is something, we mutually agreed that we are going to hold up tight, to drive us to be the better us, the better 'abd Allah, for His Jannah... allahumma ameen... 

If I get drowned up, save me. 

If you get drifted away, I'll pull you through. 

For whatever, we know, it's not a one-person work.. It's all ~ me, you and anak-anak. 

Thank you for the great 19 years and many more.. 

Love you more

xx

Mje

His College Life Began

Alhamdulillah 

AbgDan masuk MFI 2 weeks ago.. 

He definitely has set high benchmark for his adik2.

A boy who always knew what he wanted ~ to some extent, he was 11 when a government officer came to the school and he was in-charged to give them a tour to the school and the officer concluded the tour with ‘uncle doakan kamu jadi PM Malaysia nanti!’

Itu dia

(disclaimer awal: mama dah warning depa, takyah lah masuk politik)

…

He knew he wanted to join MRSM iGCSE and that was why when he went to IMTIAZ interview he told the interviewer ‘mama yang suruh mari hari ni. saya nak masuk MRSM’

…

His MRSM journey ~ ahh.. there were bittersweet memories and I’m sure he will one day remember it and smile, being grateful to all the rezeki Allah had bless him and us upon, Alhamdulillah 

…

He excelled in both his iGCSE and SPM, alhamdulillah.

Kalau ada yang nak tau whether iGCSE helps for their kids future; I would have some reservations and opinions ok it.

1. Would IGCSE helps in getting in IPTA (lower cost compared to IPTS)? Kalau nak amik iGCSE  privately, standby budget (exam cost pun dah mahal) utk anak sambung belajar uni etc sendiri gak.. big possibility you need to have money of your own rather than hoping for IPTA sebab most IPTA would require SPM, tapi boleh je amik SPM basic papers ~ cuma SPM mmg kena amik umur 17thn (kalau tak silap), while IGCSE boleh amik masa form 4 (or ealier kalau anak dah ready) so express sikit. 

2. Would IGCSE helps in getting good college lepas SPM? Honestly, kalau nak mintak scholarships or MARA loan, they would require SPM, iGCSE tak dipandang.

3. Would it do any good amik IGCSE? Kalau dapat MRSM yang offer IGCSE, I would recommend it. Bagus untuk anak-anak sebab by form 4, diorg dah cover most subject utk SPM, so, form 5 memang mostly ‘revision’ je..

Untuk SPM tips ~ Aidan didn’t join any seminar or whatever unless apa yang MRSM anjurkan.. itupun, masa COVID, dia sign in Teams, and sambung tido sampai mama tak larat bebel dah.

Tapi, as a cliche, nak excel apa2 pun, need practice and practice and practice.. gugel je soalan exam lepas2, semua ada! 

…

With his SPM results, since dia mmg dah fixed takmo buat benda lain but mechanical engineering.. so, scholarship yang tak offer mechanical engineering dia tak apply... JPA-Mara program dengan Khazanah dia tak leh nak apply sebab tak meet BM (diorg nak A+/A je). 

He got for the interview invites from PNB, Petronas and YTP Mara. 

PNB tu, ada 4 stages. 2nd stage punya online assessment dia memang mencabar… and the 3rd stage which was a one-day session pun bukan kaleng-kaleng. Dia dapat soalan ‘is culture preservation relevant in today’s globalisation environment?’ Dia siap mention pasal issue Bak Kut Teh lagi ~ mama pun tak tahu pasal issue tu. Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli haal, he didn’t get to the the 4th stage. 

As for PETRONAS, we were hopeful that he got through. He did well masa interview. At least that’s what I thought lah kan.. Diorang kena discuss pasal future skills, and he volunteered to be the scriber masa the discussion among his teammates. Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli haal, masa result keluar hari tu, he was put in waiting list ~ sampai hari ni. Rasa mcm semua candidate yang tak dapat offer was given the same notification.. kalau by 15th takde offer, means tak dapat.. cuma rasa bab tu, PETRONAS belum professional and gentleman enough ~ no harm of sending an email or notification that the application is unsuccessful rather than bagi harapan kat semua orang yang tak dapat.. tak baik tau! 

Alhamdulillah, he got himself the YTP-Mara MFI program. Insyaallah, he has to do well, meet the score, lagi 13 bulan bolehlah naik kapal terbang gi France, allahumma ameen. 

…

Alhamdulillah, dalam Aidan dok compare kekawan yang ada dpt result tak baper best dpt Petronas, or kekawan yang mmg bagus dan dapat semua offer… mama suruh dia tengok kekawan yang matriks, ipta pun tak dapat apa yang diorang nak. Ada kekawan yang tak dapat offer memana. Ada kekawan yang mak abah kena keluar budget sendiri. In fact, as I shared with him the stories of few others anak-anak lepasan SPM yang mmg kena jadi independent, takde guidance dari awal sampai ke hari ini (and it is so heartbreaking.. kena doa bebanyak, agar kita ada ramai orang kaya muslim yang cakna dah dapat bantu anak-anak ni)..

Alhamdulillah, Allah tetap bagi rezeki bebaik untuk Aidan. Alhamdulillah. Tak pernah Allah bagi yang tak baik untuk kita. Kita ni tak tahu menda.. taqdir kita, dah tertulis 50,000 thn before alam semeste ni Allah ciptakan. Allahn al-Hakiim, al-'Aliim. 

AbagDan, nanti lepas 6 bulan, you can learn french… lepas setahun dua, you can speak french, lepas 5 thn you’ll be a mechanical engineer who speaks french… Allahumma ameen.

Learning french is not because you love the language or you just want to have a third language or whatsoever.. but as Aboh said, to prove to yourself and everyone else that you can take any challenge on your plate, you work and adapt with it, you pick-up fast and excel, insyaallah ameen.

Apa2 pun, pegang agama kat mana2 pun kamu.

…

Mama simpan gambar2 and cerita2 ni just to remind us on one of my and most of us favourite ayat: 

Al-Baqarah 2:216

كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ ٱلْقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرْهٌ لَّكُمْۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُواۡ شَيْـًٔا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تُحِبُّواۡ شَيْـًٔا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْۗ وَٱللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُون

Fighting has been enjoined upon you, even though you dislike it. But it maybe that you dislike something which is good for you, and you like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.

May you be steadfast in your jihad, lillahitaala.

Ya Allah, mudahkan perjuangan anak-anak kami dan kawan-kawan mereka dan anak-anak kawan-kawan dan jiran-jiran kami, agar mereka sabar menuntut ilmu bermanfaat untuk mereka amalkan bila tiba masa mereka memimpin ummah ini, Ya Allah.

Allahumma ameen.

…

p/s: kena bagi kredit kat duit belia yang PMX bagi hari tu - baju and seluar nak gi interview sume duit sumbangan belia.. alhamdulillah

simpan sini jap

 

When I Decided To Quit..

am keeping the first version wrote by Aimar for Kem Daie Pena Muda 2022/2023 submission >> qualified to represent Daerah Kemaman and States of Terengganu, Alhamdulillah

...

by Muhammad Aqiel Aimar Bin Mohd Ashraf
SM IMTIAZ Yayasan Terengganu Kemaman

I was having a great time with the family, the chat and the food. All of the sudden I got a call from my friend telling me to check my Whatsapp messages. To my surprise, I found out that I've been selected for a campaign "Kem Daie Pena Muda" but needed to submit a story by midnight. 

In less than 6 hours??? Really?? It’s almost impossible!! I was all stressed out. Not that I was complaining. I know I should've been grateful I was selected. I felt upset due to the delayed information I got. The news was supposed to reach the contestants 2 weeks ago! I'm not the brightest tool in the shed, so how could I write a story in a day nevertheless 6 hours??!! I guess maybe this is not my time yet to shine. Maybe I should just give up. It seems to be so farfetched to achieve.

I told my mom about it, and she reminded me not to easily give in and follow the whispers of syaitan. Because that is what syaitan will do, ask you to give up before you try. 

Only then, I remembered my dad and the tragedy that happened and affected our family, deeply. A story of an unemployed man with a wife and 3 children who was doing all his best to bring food to the table for his loved ones. 

Back in 2017, the company Aboh worked at was badly affected by the oil and gas economic crisis. Many had lost their jobs.

One night, Aboh came back from work, he looked super tired and sad. He said he was okay. He didn't break the news to us right away, but we knew something was wrong. It was after 2 days, he finally broke the news and told us “The company is downsizing and I lost my job.” He was fired after working for 14 years. 

My siblings and I didn't think much of it, but my mom was worried about our wellbeing. My dad assured my mom that everything is going to be okay because Allah will never test His servant more than he could withstand (QS 2:286). 

Several months passed by and Aboh was still trying hard to get a job. It was hard for him. The economy wasn’t improving. Small companies couldn’t afford to hire him, meanwhile, big companies were not hiring people.  

Although it was difficult, Aboh never lost hope, especially in Allah. He would always make it to pray 5 times a day at the mosque, do qiyamullail, and increase in sadaqah even though he was jobless and need the money himself. He always reminded me to keep on doing good deeds no matter how hard it gets. He would also tell us to ask Allah especially when we are in hardship because Allah is always close and prepared to accept His servants' prayers if we call for Him(QS 2:186).

It was nearly four years of no good news, savings ran out, and Aboh had to owe money from his siblings and friends. But I never saw him giving up. 

He went for interviews but didn't get any job. Of course it frustrated him. I saw sorrow on his face yet he still kept a smile on his face when he was around my siblings and I. He said that Allah is the best planner and we must be grateful and accept whatever we go through in life. He told us, we might not like what he got and we might want something else, but we Allah knows best (QS 2:216)

Our worries worsened during COVID-19 and the whole country on movement control order (MCO). Even before MCO was hard for him to get a job, can we imagine how it would be possible to get a job during the MCO? 

But how wrong was I. In December 2020, Aboh got an invitation for online job interview. He was praying for the position, all of us were. I remember how my mom and dad kept on asking us to make lots of du’a, especially during the mustajab time; be it when it was raining, late Friday noon, late night, after all the prayers and all. My dad always encouraged my siblings and I to pray 2 rakaat before Fajr for the hadith saying it is better than this world and its contents.

And on one Friday, when it was about time for Maghrib prayer, my dad received a phone call.
“Alhamdulillah, thank you. I’ll wait for your email.”

After four years, that was the most awaited call he was waiting for. He got a job and we can never thank Allah Ar-Razq for the rizq He blessed my dad with, that day. Alhamdulillah.

Aboh is no longer jobless. Of course he has to start saving again. But reflecting back, Aboh has shown us the real example of to never give up.
“ My dear children, as long as we remember Allah, Allah will remember us. Never forget Him and never leave Him!” 

That was what Aboh told us when I asked  him how he did it. And that’s how I remember to never give up, when I decided to quit..
...

Berharap

Susahnya nak 'let go'

Susahnya nak redha

Susahnya nak terima kenyataan. 

Walhal kita tahu, itu semua ketentuan dari Yang Esa

dan kita tahu, yang dari Yang Esa semua yang terbaik. 

tapi, kita masih rasa hati tak senang... 

...

One after another cerita bertimpa-timpa menjenguk jiwa. 

Aidan register MFI 1st August - tarukh yang sama, result PETRONAS scholarship keluar.. 

We put high hopes on it. 

Belum ada rezeki Aidan sampai hari ini. 

He is being put on waiting list, and if by the 15th takde result, considered tak dapat.

And so, we are still hopeful. 

I was hopeful sebab I saw the hopes that Aidan have in his heart and mind. 

He said he was ok, but I am his mama for 18 years this year.. I know my son!

I don't think any mom could bear knowing her anak was tearing apart deep inside, not sharing how he felt... 

Just when he was heartbroken masa dapat result sebab masa tu dia 'gaduh' ngan girlfriend (now ex) dia. 

He didn't say a word masa tu, but I can totally understand how he felt.. 
Not just I could empathy.. I sympathize for I know only Allah can mend his broken heart and I made du'a for that. 

So, as am writing this post, masih belum ada news on PETRONAS waiting list. 

Jauh dah rasa nak grab. 

I am beyond hopeful.. I know if it happen, it happen ~ semuanya nikmat kuasa Yang Mah Memberi. 

Apa-apa pun yang Allah beri lepas 15hb nanti, kami benar-benar syukuri.. 

I definitely know, itu yang terbaik untuk Aidan. 

Abang was telling me last night ~ "Abang dah nampak dah how great Aidan would be, speaking in French"

Knowing that he scored first in his Kahoot Math yang memang mencabar soalannya masa induction kat MFI baru ni... I have strong feelings he would fly ~ definitely with Allah's will and help. Ameen

...

Feeling hopeful is something I could hardly tell how ~

Aidan was telling me "nenek atok gi Shah Alam semalam, dengan Ma Yeen kot".. 

I am still hopeful that things between me and Yeen go back to where it used to be ~ so far... hmm.. it might takes 'a little more' time.. 

how little and how more... Wallahu'alam.