I love them the same, abundantly.
And all I want is for them to have the best, both in Hereafter and this world, allahumma ameen.
Never ever I want to let them down.
Letting them down, means, they get upset and sad.
I never like it when I know one of them are sad.
It saddened me, although, it over not so critical matters.
Yup, I love spoiling them.
It just that, sometimes, I didn't tell them all.
I don't give in to all their request.
Especially when I felt, by allowing it, would lead to the possibilities of bigger harm which would upset them and make them sad.
They might not see it, but, I know, one day they would know why mama said, 'no'.
...
I was disheartened by Aimar last night.
He did what he didn't tell me he would of what he knew I would say no.
and I found out.
So, the damage was done.
Mending it is nothing but to forgive him when he seek forgiveness, and let it be a life lesson to him.
...
It's not easy to be his mama ~ Aimar's mama.
Just as much, it's not easy to be Aimar, a young energetic good teenage boy who couldn't resist temptation easily.
I know that teen ~ I was him; or maybe I wasn't as 'adventurous' as he was.
But, as I'm reflecting, I knew how it felt to be in his shoe.
Because, I'm his mama.
...
And I only got to know how my parents felt when I was their age, having a teenage daughter like me.
...
Last Friday, I was disheartened when I got to know my dad had minor injury as he was trimming his moustache and the scissors fell down and 'stabbed' his feet. There were blood all over. It just that, instead of calling me, who is a non-working housewife staying-at-home mom who live the nearest to my parents as compared to others, Aboh called my sister, my working sister who was in her office attire, came and picked him up to bring him to the clinic.
I was just left speechless.
...
It took time for me to ponder ~ is it fair for parents to not 'love' and 'trust' their children the same.
I do not have answer on behalf of my parents.
But I know for sure, I don't want my children to ever feel that!
It has always be my concern when I had my second child, and the concern still valid throughout their life.
I just love them the same, lillahitaala.
I love them for Allah's sake.
...
Should they are reading this, I just want to tell them,
'kalau ada apa2 yang mama buat, buat Aidan, Aimar, Aivey berasa hati dan rasa kurang kasih banding dengan adik-beradik yang lain, please don't feel such way.
Mama tak pernah belah bagi kasih antara korang tiga orang.
And do know, kalau ada korang rasa begitu, shoo it away!'
And that's how I would shoo away the feeling I thought about my parents.
...