When I put the intention to start writing again, I hope that I could put down wise words for my children to read when I am invalid and gone.
I wish to write down about them - but then, I hardly have anything so strong that urge me to write down - perhaps I don't want to write things that I'm sure that it was unsure and if I were to write it down, i'd do more damaged that it has already done... like the story about Aimar, being denied from outings when all his friends were allowed to - it wasn't because the warden was being unfair, but it was his own mistake that the privilege had been taken away from him..... i don't have any intention to share it here or elsewhere about it - rest assured, things are back on feet, he's okay and he has always been in mama's prayer, insyaallah.
Only today, during lunch with my parents, I felt a bit 'touched' and emotional. My mom wanted to go to the textile shop after the lunch. She would go there if there were event she is planning to go.
'Nak cari kain nikah Ika.'
And that was it - that answer left me mute.
It has been more than 5 years that we had the disagreement between the clan and myself. Actually, it might be less than or more than 5 years, honestly, I lost count of the days... as I always felt that it was just like yesterday and it still hurt, no matter how much I deny it.
I know I did my part, my best part as what Allah said in the Quran, just like how the Prophet SAW been teaching - I did my part, alhamdulillah.
It just that, it felt sad when things were not like it used to be. I'm sure I would be super busy if we were like we used to be.
Alhamdulillah, I am super busy now. And I'm glad that I'm busy preparing my final semester assignments for the Islamic Studies degree I'm pursuing online.. I'll talk about it in my future posting, Insyaallah.
I have no issue for not being invited to be part of them, wearing matching dresses and even invited to the wedding. Alhamdulillah. I really don't.
But I'm not gonna lie, at time of writing this, I just feel like I'm missing something - and it just feel so horrible.
...
My dear children,
Don't ever do that to anybody! Nobody deserves to be excluded from anything. It wasn't the feeling of being forgotten that made you emotional; but the feeling of being forgotten by someone you can't forget for they were so closed to you that was horrifying.
So, remember dear children of mine,
Remember the feeling being excluded so that you'd remember to include everyone, no matter who they are. You never know, and you don't have to know, how significantly great that act could be to a person.
If you'd forgotten, remember those days when out of blue, during our prayers, you'd see me crying and I'd just stay in the room... Those were the days I missed them the most... and I'm grateful that myd ear husband has always been supportive and understanding with my conditions. Alhamdulillah.
Yup, once a while, I miss them, and I just want to cry.
As Laili would say, Allah musta'an, amiin
I know this is what Allah has planned for us, and definitely the best, Alhamdulillah.