hurt

wise men say, being strong doesn't always mean you can handle what's thrown at you. it just means you're prepared to ignore whatever it is that hurts you. at that statement, i paused. it was very wise of those wise men, and unfortunately, as i'm writing this, i just realized how weak i am. how can i prepared myself and chose to ignore whatever is hurting me the most? i know i'm not perfect, but i always believe i am the best of me. nothing else matters, but what matters are the people who love me and the people i love. so, when they thrown something at me and it's just too much for me to ignore, that\'s what hurts me mooooorrreee... aiyyo, chill la.. i know, i know, i know...

suker sangat

never i want to give the impression on how berlagak a mother i am for having two smart boys of my own. but, i just can't help to post this blog telling how proud i am. yup, they are only 5 and 7. yup, it was only a midterm. but what the heck. these boys had made me proud and i just can't help it from smiling thinking about it. it was aidan's report card day yesterday at his school. while waiting, a mother approached me 'your son got 100 for his english, right?'.. i was like errrrr... who is this person again? she seems to be so into my son's exam result, like i care her son's report card la kan.. i didn't even know who her son is!! i shut her off by telling 'he and hendri got 100 for english, i think that is hendri's parent'.. and as she looked, i left! then i overheard two parents conversations 'my son is the best in bla, bla, bla'.. and i decided to leave and came back when the teacher's around. when i came back, i can see parents, mostly chatting to each other and a few opted like me, just smile and didn't say a word. frankly, i was freaking nervous! so far, his result was superb.. but i remember how sad aidan was after his arab and agama paper and i owe it to him. it was my fault that he couldn't be so well versed in those two subjects. as his teacher greeted me and i took my sit, my head was thumping. i asked his teacher how was his agama and arab?..'i takde result agama and arab sebab itu not in the rated subject'.. i didn't know how to react. the teacher told me he got 4flat for oral and lisan. his teacher showed me his folder which in general he got everything right and nice. then his teacher broke the news 'aidan dapat overall 98.4% average, number satu'.. and all i want was to hug and kiss aidan right in front his class!!!!alhamdullillah. i can never thank Allah enough for the bright kids i own! number one!!! woohoo.. aimar got second in his class, and aidan is top in his class, 1 setia, sk st john!!! suker giler mama.. when we left the class, as all the parents were looking at us, i can feel how proud i was at that time. i doubt they knew aidan is the number one boy, but those faces who look, stares and even asked earlier can really tell the answer of what her son got for exam was my smile 'number one, y'all'.. ok, maybe not all parent care about others.. i know i don't..but as i blog this, getting good results from your kid's teachers are always something very satisfying. so, i must and need to reward myself ;)

so, what's next?

i haven't been writing stuff for quite a while. aivey dah tumbuh gigi.. yeah.. aimar, still as cheeky as he is the last time i check. aidan still belum dapat conclusion wrt his exam.. baru dpt paper english 100%,  bm paper 1 100%, bm paper 2 96% and kesihatan 98%..not bad.. and i've never been more proud of him as i ever.

kids - they are always a blessing, in disguise or not. they are pure. they are of the highest living form one can think of. i must admit, they are not cheap nowadays.. but, as we believe it's true, anak tu rezeki.

i had an emotionally-disturbed weekend! it's about this innocent child. she's innocent and no doubt about it. she's born out of wedlock. a mistake was done and no way in our super-human capacity to be able to back-space, erase and re-do everything. nope, we can't do that. the most noble man ever lived can't do that.. and no greatest scientist could think of theoritically formula to turn back time. Maha Besar Allah.  but then again, this child, is a child.. innocent, pure and is a blessing in disguise. she smile at us. she doesn't know how her life gonna be. she won't know how the world will treat her. and if i were to judge, she won't be prepared to life the world when at the age of four month the sitter is trying to hide her true identity from the world! the sitter, or should i say the adopted parent, told us nobody should know about how she gets into the world. her 'real' grandparents shouldn't know that she was the 'real' granddaughter, but instead she was adopted. the grandma is now 58.. do the math.. the kids will grow up as an adopted child in the family and will only know about her real life right after the gramps passed away! this child was born out of stupid crazy teenagers decided to bonked just because there were 'in love', and she was born not like all other kids who has parents, aunties, uncles, cousins, gramps who were waiting for the day she'd come out from her mum.... and now that she's born, she need to be hide away and have no rights to know how she should live her life! bulls!!!! what becomes her???

as i'm writing this, i cried. i saw this child's smile. genuine, pure, innocent smile. i was holding aivey. how different her path was, is and will be as compared to aivey.

a mistake was done. do we still need to add to more mistake? is it true, if you are consistently wrong, you are right? is really a matter of family dignity rather than a human life?

this is so disturbing!