Thursday, April 23, 2015

An-nisa

This morning, as I was driving opposing the traffic (heaventak? the perks of not worrying going to the office to clock in just in time..).. the song 'chantek' was aired on the radio...

alalalala, tetibe angau la kan. my hubby, truth is, he can be very annoying at some point.. he can just give a direct remarks like that can really hurts a woman heart. he can just ignore his lady who needs his attention badly. he can be coldhearted and just let her be. but, that husband of mine can also be the highest gentleman of his kind. he has been the best security i've ever had. and he has always be, insyaallah, there for me as long as i'll be there for him. 

Lagu chantek ni, dia pernah 'dedicate' kat manje dia.. masa dok dengar2 dalam radio masa famous2 dulu, die cakap lagu ni untuk saya... tadi, terangau kejap. Dia suka buat benda2 sweet cam ni.. the small things that counts. 

Song / Lagu : Chantek - Altimet Feat Adeep (Fabulous Cats)
Lyrics / Lirik Chantek :
Hey wanita
Gembira dapat berjumpa
Teringat kembali kali pertama kita bersua
Ingat bila kita bersepatu serupa
Tak lama dahulu jangan kau kata kau dah lupa
Kau bersama kawan-kawan muda yang nyata
Kau paling menyerlah di antara mereka
Rambut hitam warna cokelat anak mata
Membuat aku kurang fasih bila bicara
Apakata kita ambil sedikit masa
Untuk mengenali sesama kita dengan lanjutnya
Dan jika kau rasa apa yang ku rasa
Ayuh kita ke bab kedua dan seterusnya
Chantek
Dirimu buat ku tertarik
Menghilang segala prasangka
Di jiwa
Ohh chantek
Sungguh aku cinta kamu
Dia
Pandai menjaga hati ayah dan ibunya
Kelakuannya sama dengan orang tuaku juga
Dia
Bisa cipta yg gula dari yang cuka
Pandai menukar yg duka kepada suka
Dia
Bijak mengatur acara dan juga masa
Cekap memasak garam gula secukup rasa
Dia
Pandai menjaga harta dan juga duitnya
Tetap anggun tanpa mendedahkan kulitnya
Dia
Setia pada Yang Esa satu-satunya
Memenuhi tanggungjawab 5 waktunya
Dia
Punya tempat dalam rancangan yg ku rangka
Tak usah lengah
Ayuh kita berumah tangga
Chantek
Sechantek suria menyinar
Seindah bunga yang di taman..mekar
Chantek
Dirimu buat ku tertarik
Menghilang segala prasangka
Di jiwa
Oohhh chantekk
Sungguh aku cinta kamu
Aku
Melihat kita bersama di hari tua
Dia
Masih satu tiada empat tiga atau dua
Dan walaupun kau sudah kepudaran rupa
Kau tetap cantik padaku aku tak lupa
Kita bersama di anjung luangkan masa
Kewangan kita merdeka mampu bersara
Hasil usaha kita dari masa dahulu
Cukup untuk mengisi perut anak dan cucu
Hidup santai tak perlu terburu-buru
Punya masa kerja ibadah dan juga ilmu
Anak kita dan ayahya semua sebulu

Aku bilang kau chantek dan mereka setuju

Tetiba, time nak tulis post ni, teringat ayay an-nisa yang dia share. One of the small things that counts.

 Well, cakap pasal ayat an-nisa ni, biasa la kan..rasa memang 'favourite' ayat of most men...
 

Ayat no 3, wahyu Allah yang membenarkan lelaki untuk berkahwin 2,3,atau 4.. KALAU boleh berlaku adil. Lepas tu, kita, sang isteri, sure akan highlight balik "kene berlaku ADIL, bang, maka berkahwinlan seorang sahaja"..

Tapi, biasa lah, people, everybody, are selective.. they just want to listen and believe what they just want.

Bila encik suami dah tunjuk ayat 3 surah an-nisa ni, berdebarlah pulak.. He's only on his second month working in the office onshore (yup, after nearly thirteen years offshore, and he's just as new as a fresh grad having to work in the office!), and now that he told me about this surah.. takkan dah ada awek muda cun seksi keje opis dah sangkut dah, bang?

hmmm...

And before I could say it outloud, and I guess, after a decade of marriage, he read me well.. he showed me this ayat 129 of the same surah, an-nisa..



Allahuakbar.... Allah cakap dah tuan-tuan suami semua, Allah cakap dah, of the same surah... "..dan kamu tidah akan dapat berlaku adil di antara isteri-isteri kamu sekalipun kamu bersungguh-sungguh.." Allah cakap dah... Subhanallah!

Trust me, Of all, I'm 'opposing' polygamy sebab banayk sangat case yang tak boleh buktikan any man can be fair..yang jadi mak abah ni pun belum tentu boleh adil-seadilnya antara anak-anak..inikan pulak hati suami dan isteri-isteri... hmmm. Don't get me wrong. I'm a firm believer. I trust apa-apa takdir dan qada-qadar yang Allah tulis untuk seseorang memang yang terbaik untuknya. He knows best. No doubt.

And don't get me wrong by sharing this post, i'm trying to give reason to stop polygamy. Bila Allah dah tulis dalam buku itu lah cara kita, kite kene redha. Mungkin memang takdir kita berkongsi suami.  But then, this is a stern reminder, a wake-up call to us..

1. Untuk mereka yang bagi alasan nak kahwin lebih dari dua, dan mampu untuk lunaskan segala tanggungjawab dan yakin boleh berlaku adil, dan pegang kuat dalam ayat Allah surah an-nisa ayat 3 ni, tolong baca juga Al-quran, ayat Allah surah an-nisa juga, ayat 129. Evaluate. My husband told me "I don't believe i can even be fair to myself, how could i be fair to others?". Well said, mister :)

2. Betapa indah susunan Al-Quran.. takde ruang langsung untuk dipersoalkan... Bacalah saudara muslimku..hayatilah... ayat-ayat itu penenang dikala duka, ayat-ayat itu penerang dikala gundah, ayat-ayat itu penguat dikala lemah, ayat-ayat itu ilmu tersurat dan tersirat dikala buntu... Bacalah. Sikit-sikit pun takpe, lama-lama jadi bukit. Banyak alasan yang kita boleh bagi, tebal, takde masa, tak paham.... cuba lah.. hari ni, buka Al-Quran, baca satu mukasurat..tak dapat satu mukasurat, baca separuh muka, tak dapat separuh muka, baca lah 2-3 ayat... bukan untuk sesiapa pun, untuk diri kita juga.

3. Seronoknya Al-Quran... kalau ada kelapangan, bacalah tafsir. Macam-macam cerita ada.. first-hand Allah cerita kat kita. Nak cerita sejarah, nak citer sexism, nak reminder and reflection, nak science fictions and all... semua ada... I'm still reading it, and no matter how many times i read, even as simple as tafsir fatihah, always find it such a fun book to explore. Kalau ada kelapangan, start la with the surah yang pendek2...

Ok.. dari citer jiwang encik suami, sampai ke polygamy ... what more, i just want to share.. I can never write a book review titled Al Quran.. but, really, start reading it. and you'll get what you want, Insyaallah.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

book review: catatan mat luthfi

the conflict when i started picking up my long-lost favourite past time i.e. reading is that i couldn't pick what to read first, which to start from and how to end it.. truth said, to the extend i would stop going to the bookshop and stop buying books, just because i've run out of shelves and there were so many outstanding books yet to be read. 

from parenting, to soul searching to health care to learning english; there were piles of books in my collection awaiting to be explore. 

anyway, i did bought this book titled 'catatan mat luthfi'.
i did not religiously followed this famous young chap though he was so famous and actively involved in his youtube channel. but, i always think it's a kind of returning back to the society in helping these young entrepreneurs. afterall the book is not that expensive and the cover is quite interesting (yup, i do judge a book by its cover, and bear in my mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder).

actually, the idea is to 'lure' the boys to read books. they were so into youtubes and so forth, perhaps, getting them a book from one of the famous youtuber would entice them to read.

i was locked with the book when i decided to read it first before i'd handed it to the boys. and i guess, it's quite 'high-end' for primary boys, but, parents with teenagers might want to try to buy a copy. it's easy & light reading. it's not a story book with a plot and storyline. it's just ramblings. most of the materials are funny. i laughed to most of the jokes and just couldn't stop turning the pages. it may be here and there, unstructured, the language is nowhere anywhere, but there are some points that he should get credits for. the author successfully sarcastically includes some values such as family values, religion's practices, inter-races unity, world peace in his jokes. some are deep thoughts and some are straightforward. to me, personally, brought back the memories of being a student far far away from home, in a different place, different country, different cultural and still learned the survival tricks just to live the days. it was good memories that comes with great experiences.

one of his many jokes, if i may quote:

Trust
Yesterday I made a promise to myself I'm going to get this model done, but it's still ongoing.
Ladies, don't trust guys. I'm a guy and I don't trust myself.
Well guys, don't trust ladies either. Dulu mak aku mintak toling belikan bawang sahaja dan bila aku sampai kedai dia text lagi 10 barang.....

hahaha

Monday, April 13, 2015

nope, it's fine. it taste good. great, actually.

"yang ni pedas sikit"..it has been a norm for the past one year for him to taste the food first before i could have it for my own tasting. 

the 33 times radiotherapy held surely had damaged my sense of taste. i told this before, and i will never stop telling how i really mean it when i said my food taste like piece of cardboard. it was one of the difficult times that i could never erase from my memory box. the radiotherapy meant to 'burn' all the cancer cells and target at the area where it resided. i have no rights to complain about it. the machine i was on was one of the best machine that we currently have in malaysia. unlike the usual radiotherapy machine, tomography machine is able to 'draw' and focus on the density of the radiation on the area that we need to focus, and that is the oncologist job to map it out. so, should i have any complain about the side effect, i should never forget to be thankful that someone had it worst. 

but the radiation did damage my taste sense. i had it bad at the few last sessions of the therapy as expected. i remembered how the therapist never failed to remind me and my family of feeding me lots and lots of food at the early stage so that i could last till the last few sessions. it was horrible. i couldn't take any solid, and i was depending on purely protein milk. to some extend, i failed to consume anything for my body for five days i left the doctor no choice but to 'force' it by inserting a tube through my throat and right straight to the stomach. wth! that tube lasted just for the good fifteen minutes, and as i was losing my strength, i was still able to pull out  the tube all by myself from my throat. after what i've gone through at the moment, who would have cared if i could hurt my stomach or throat or anything. i was ruined, already. 

my dad never stop brewing soup for me. i didn't eat. but he never stopped. my husband never gave up forcing me to drink the 'smelly' protein milk. i would take a sip and left the mug as it was. but he never complained and kept on making the milk for me every morning, afternoon and night. 

it was bad. i lost 15kg in weeks. 

as i've started picked up some taste, i started enjoying plain fishball soup with steam fish.  and gradually, it improved. after three months during my recovery, i ate only watery, plain food..no spices, no chillies, no curries, no anything but soup and soup and soup. i gave up. 

when the doctor told us the cancer cell has all gone in june 2014, i cried, of happiness and thankfulness. i was okay with not being able to taste good food as long as i'm cancer-free. 

but whom am i kidding?

it's horrible when everybody surroundings you were enjoying your food while you couldn't do much but ask 'is it hot? is it sour? is it spicy?'... i remembered asking the doctor 'when can i have my first bowl of laksa?' and he answered me ' not to worry, that won't be long, perhaps six month or up to twelve months.' i cried at his remarks. i missed laksa very much. i missed good sambal. i missed asam pedas.. and at that point, even having half-boiled egg with pepper was a torture to my throat. 

my family and friends saw me jumping for drinks when i had anything spicy. some would hide the food from me. some would just stop me from 'tasting' it. some would yell at me for my stubbornness. and i knew for a fact, when i was jumping for drinks, and managed to fuel up the whole bottle through my throat in one sip, i saw sympathy looks on their eyes. i pretended i was ok after that.. what more can we do at that time?

it has been a norm since then that my husband would do the QC check before we ate anything 'spicy'. the threshold varies.. my husband was always has a lower threshold of spicy food as compared to me. and i knew it was heartbreaking for him to say 'tak pedas' and saw me jumping for drink when i tasted it. 

last few weeks, he tasted the food and told me 'pedas ni'. and i tasted it, mentally preparing myself for any stunt i would pull. 

'sedap, tak pedas pun', i said. 

as i'm writing this, just as much as i was at that point of time.i'm still thankful to allah for the grace he blessed upon me. 

nikmatnya dapat makan sambal, dapat makan laksa dengan cili, dapat makan bihun goreng dan banyak lagi macam 'orang biasa'. 

i haven't had the courage to take cili padi or sambal belacan yet. but, what i'm having now it's a blessing already, alhamdullillah. 

it's a reminder to myself and others, insyallah. 
never stop appreciating the small things!
never take anything for granted. 

to my 'mister taster', don't stop tasting my food - i love it and i promise i will sometimes pretend 'a ah la, pedas' when it is actually tak pedas...

book review: rumah kecil di jabal uhud

i've picked up readings quite a lot lately.
i've always believe it's a good habit that i want to encourage my children to be doing it. and i know, it should start from me.

one of the book that i couldn't stop reading is Rumah Kecil di Jabal Uhud, nicely written by Pn Roza Roslan and published by Galeri Ilmu Sdn Bhd.
...
the book is inspirational.
i couldn't stop reading turning the page after one another.
i have never been a 'good' muslim. trust me, i'm still not. but, one thing that i believe so strongly lately is to keep on trying to be the best.

i knew that one day my hubby and i will surely go to mekah and madinah to fulfill our obligations performing haj and umrah.
i knew that i wanted to perform my haj when i'm all 'prepared' and 'ready' and will ensure i'd be a 'strict' muslim once i'm a hajjah.

how wrong have i been. and i believe many others, too.
we could actually afford to go and visit the birthplace of Rasullullah SAW, the place where Islam begins and its all-abouts, but i keep putting it on hold as i would prefer to spend the money and time in a 'better' 'interesting' place like the Europe.
how wrong have i been.

wants and perceptions change. this is no longer a want or an affordable luxury, it has turnef into need.
i'm putting on hold of any oversea's family holidays, until we could confirm on our trip to mekah & madinah.
insyaallah.
i'm very much wanting, in fact, i'm dying to  go there.. with my husband, with my boys (putting aivey on-hold due to her age).
and reading this book made missed a place i've never been so badly.

the book is written in a beautiful malay language, and best to be described in malay itself. 

buku ini satu harapan. harapan yang pintu taubat tak pernah jauh jika kita cari dan mencari tanpa lelah. harapan yang kita tidak sendirian dan tidak pernah lewat untuk berubah mengejar kebaikan. harapan yang semua insan ada kelemahan dan semua dugaan memang tersurat mengikut kemampuan, selagi kita percaya. 

buku in satu lukisan. setiap bait bagai meletakkan si pembaca berada di tengah kota berkembangnya islam. setiap perkataan membuatkan hati semakin rindu untuk terjah menziarahi kota kemegahan islam. setiap perenggan memberontak memujuk hati untuk terus berdoa agar bisa mengutip langkah yang pernah rasullullah saw susuri.  cantik sungguh lukisan itu, hingga menitis airmata kerisauan selagi tidak kesampaian hajat itu. 

buku in satu kenyataan. kenyataan hakiki yang manusia ada pelbagai rupa pelbagai cerita.. yang baik kita ikuti, yang salah kita teladani. 

sungguh, buku ini istimewa. 
...
for those who would want an 'easy' reading non-fiction book, with simple and sweet messages, get a copy of this book. 

trust me, it's fulfilling. 

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

lagi lagi nangis

hmm.. the most favourite topic for the past few days, weeks and months... today is d-Day. and so, how long will people talk about it?

i'm not going to talk about gst..nope, not in single mind. i do know about it, but not to the extend to talk about it. me no expert. and yup, i will be bias, just like the majority (i guess).. if only the government can really use all the collected money from the gst to the good use of every rakyat... if only..

hmmm...

well, that's a lot of hmm...
...

i'm on my fourth month of the unpaid. and two days ago, i 'broke down'.. who could have thought. perhaps, that's my check-and-balance of myself telling me i'm just normal. 

aimar's class teacher is leaving, and as i just took up the parents' rep for his class (involuntary), i have to lead the surprised farewell party we are throwing for the teacher. it was such as sudden and we were given such a short notice. 

as there were no mothers who were available to help with the food and everything, the expectation was for the not-working mother. guilty as charged! i was in Giant buying some drinks, then Pizza Hut for the food. fact is, I always love planning events, but when it comes to the last-minute arrangement, i just don't like it. but, one got do what one had to do. i was rushing here and there. the traffic was not helping. and as i was ten minutes late, i received a phone call asking where was i. nope, it's not funny when you were religiously time your activities and it slipped beyond your control. i was sending my hubby before i rushed to Pizza Hut. i knew i was late, and i panicked. my hubby wished he could help, but of course, if only he could. i missed him being my daily weekdays chauffeur! i cried when i told him "i'll be fine."

and i thought that was it. i'll cry and let go. 

but as i picked up the boys, i cried again. i was actually tired running here and there. after four month, i still not getting used to this SAHM work... it's all a SHAM! yup, of course i have extra time at home when all were gone to school and work. but that is the time i will try to do the laundry, iron the clothing .. ok, i don't clean the house. i let the weekly maid do it. but still, i'll just get busy too realized it's noon and time to pick up Aivey. Then, of sudden, picking up the boys and my hub. i was so hooked up looking and preparing revision materials for the boys and it could take hours. and i did go to the school for mothers' meet up quite often. 

somehow, it's a bit tiring. 

my hubby told me i could just say no to being the parents' rep.. but then, there were no one free enough to do things and i believe it does good for my boys for having a mother who could assist in their school activities. i couldn't keep telling people about my remission period. not that i'm always sick, but i just wish people would understand, my self-battery is not as strong as a normal person has. on the other hand, even the slightest request such as "could you get this for the school" or "could you sent that" or "could you fetch them" and many more sometimes are overbearing! i felt guilty if i have to say no, just because i'm not working. 

it's horrible, sometimes. 
i just wish i knew what is a mother's kpi so i can just get it right and i wouldn't mind just being an average achiever.  so, will i get fired if i don't perform? cry!
i just wish it could be treated as a normal 8 to 5 working hours of no kids around and i can have a peaceful lunch by myself. i do miss gossiping over lunch, and still couldn't find time to do that till today! cry!
i just wish i could have the nights and weekends all by myself instead of running here and there for kumon, computertots and art class. i have it all planned for the kids, so, good or no good?cry!
i just wish i could have the annual leave and can just simply take an EL anytime whenever i feel like it. where do i apply for my leave?
i just wish i could say 'sorry. i can't get the things for the class just because i don't want to' and won't feel guilty and conscious of people might think "she's a housewife, what else she could possibly busy doing? that's only a half hour task!'. and so, i cry and do the work, involuntarily and best i could get is "thank you". cry!
i just wish i could learn to  ignore the remarks my boys were saying "mama tak kerja,kan?". mama ada degree oversea tau! ingat mama tak kerja mama tak pandai ke? "position mama apa?" cry!
i just wish i could be a better mother and not feeling guilty when  i think my kids are getting into my nerves! 
it's horrible, sometimes. 
and all i could do is cry.. 



and yes, abang, i've bought the green MK just to comfort me. thank you, darling (in case you're wondering the cash withdrew is less then the expenses i told you) :)