Monday, July 26, 2010

the losing battle

he told me to pick the battles that i could win.. strategic thinking.. but, this time, i knew i will always be at the losing ground..

to console me, i would say i was blessed and i thank Allah for i was offered the job that i've been dreaming of.. not really the job i was wishing for - if i were given the option, i'm not so looking forward to be a buyer. it would be a routine job and with the 'forced rank' imposed in the (new) organization, i must be very very good to stay competitive and be wanted in their organization. no doubt that i will meet so many people who want to befriend me, and bite me if that they really want to be my friend, but just because my new business cards would flash the word 'opportunities'.. i'm not even in the new organization yet, still, i'm getting a text message "please keep in touch. i'm sure we can do some business..".. o my, o my... i'm definitely changing my numbers and not annoucing it to the whole world. 

i submitted my resignation weeks ago. of all three companies i've been working for, this was the longest.. and of the longest,i technically learned the most, i created a monster of myself, and i made (internal) friends the least. so, did i feel happy leaving the company or did i fell happy to be getting the offer? not a pinch teeny weeny tiny bit that i felt sad leaving the company. nada, none,non! and after what had happened, i hate it to bits that i'm thinking of all the worst horrible terrible sweet revenge that i can think of.

i found out that, after five and half years, the time spent in this company would br the much avoided time in my life that i would pick. of course, i met few, very few, good friends, working here... and only that is left to treasure what i have with the company. as i'm counting my days, the hatred is getting even worst. i knew, for fact that after working every single details on the price agreements (PA), and took me two and half years, with the management keep changing minds and literally changing person, i stuck by. and today, i was told that the PA coordinator will be going to Japan to discuss on the PA.. of course that won't send me as I'm leaving... but, what hurting me the most was, i was there for the two and half years, i proposed for discussion one half year ago, and one year ago.. i still failed to convince them that i deserve to go to factory and discuss the matter.. and today, they can simply decide to send the two-week newy-hired coordinator to discuss. 

i've been handling the east coast account for the past four years, at least. i was dumped into that odd place in kemaman, and was asked to go and see the users, to discuss technical issues. and as i've transfered my account the new sales force, never had they care to ask me about the customers... and the outstandings and anythings... they went and see the users, and they will always be two or three of them... i was there, alone, by myself, knocking doors...and customers were wondering what was this silly red-hair green-eye lady trying to do... all alone by myeslf.. and today, there three, four of them.. 

i'm sure there'll be no legacy of me when i leave the company. those customers that i've made friends of, will remain my friends.. apparently, there were more than i've expected.. i started with one customer in MTBE, and now, i have more in my FB list. but, i'm sure, that blardy old bugger that sitting in that big spacious room (and just because you got the biggest room, doesn't me you are the boss, idiot!), i'm very very much sure that he will tell everybody that i deleted all the important files (i wish i could, or maybe i should!), i made the company wasted by giving such a big discounts (why didn't you checked my work before?), my work was a mess everywhere (because you don't even know how to pronounce the product name, how can you understand technical paperwork?), and all those big fat lies..... my friends told me, i might want to leave the company with good names.. i might want.. but, thinking back, do i really need to? it will still be a losing battle for me. the stupid idiot i'm dealing with, while others knew i'm leaving to join the user, he can proudly tell my boss that i'm leaving for the competitor... this stupid idiot i'm dealing with, he can say i claimed my parking while i was on sick leave and when i confronted him he can simply say "you can't listen to gossip".. this stupid idiot i'm dealing with, he can tell us that his so-called close customer is now assigned to carigali, and this is very very close customer of his, while when we found out that the customer was not in carigali but elsewhere...this stupid idiot i'm dealing with, is pure stupid, and he is the senior sales manager for the MRO business for malaysia. 

well, it will still be a losing battle for me, but, thinking back, i do sympathise with those who still need to deal with him for next how many years to come.. i'm sure he won't be leaving anywhere sooner - who would want him, anyway?

so, me, losing?...nah... am so looking forward to leave.....


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

the proud mama

the doctor called for the nurse assitance.. and this little boy, he went in to the room, following the nurse, while his mum was still busy talking to the doctor, getting the consultation... and five second after that, the mum heard the nebulizer machine was running, while the nurse walked passed them.. the mum immediately jumped off her feet, went to the room, and saw her three years old holding the nebulizer, steadily, enjoying it. the doctor was impressed.. "you are lucky to have him as this is the first three-year-old child i've seen not jumping, crying, yelling to get him neb," he told the mum.. and the mum still didn't understand how can the nurse left her son with the machine with no adult supervision... insanely stupid. 

the notes left on the book 'dear parent, there'll be spelling test every Monday and Friday. please revise with your kid on the words learned'. his first test, the very first test. and guess what, the mum was worried sick after reading the notes, and still worried sick till now. and he hasn't got a clue what test is.. he took it easy, and proposed to his mum that she has to take it easy too. somehow, her mum is worried for more 'severe' things.. if she is worried sick for a five-year-old spelling test, what will happen when he is in the primary ..secondary..

lately, his aunt found out that child labour was fun. she asked him to get the lotion and massage her big fat leg. he did it, once, twice and more. then, his mum told his three-yeal-old boy, "if anybody asked you to massage them,asked for the money first".. and now, what he did was carrying the coin box and lotion whenever they asked for massages.. young entreprenuer.

his mum can always depend on them. it was ten o'clock at night and she knew her body clock was always. and the boys, with sympathies eyes, asked "can we watch tom and jerry for a while?".. those eyes...agghh... but then again, she knew she can trust them. she said "only one tom and jerry"..the next fifteen minutes, they shut off the set, and came in crawling next to her.. and though she can't see them in the dark, she can always tell who is who from the smell... and the litle brother will always try to squeeze in to sleep next to his mum, while the big brother will give way to his litle brother. 

kids, they are so exhaustively charming.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


sigh.... for months i've been waiting for the official offer to come in. and finally, it landed. it does take forever, and alhamdullillah, i finally got it. am not going to talk much about how i feel bla bla bla.. i have so much issues with the current company, which i'm so looking forward to quit my job instantenuously..of course, that doesn't happen.. after 77 months, i officially tender my resignation.

am writing this posting, just to share with the future candidates on the interviews.. it was not an easy one, and i was impressed with the very structured interview.
as i was considered as an experienced candidate, i got an invitation for the first technical interview. wasn't sure why it was called technical, as i was fully aware that the position that i was 'eyeing' for won't be so much technical. my background has always been 'technical' .. i was the project engineer, product engineer and application engineer. and as i 'desparately' need to join Petronas for the benefits and desparately need to go away from the wierd company i'm currently working with, taking up the non-technical position won't be as hard as i might have thought.

i came fifteen minutes early, and there was this one guy in the room, being interviewed with two smartly dressed managers (who might be my future boss). i, as calm as possible, was very much ensured that i was prepared for the interview. and when i was called in, i was prepared to hit the road. technical interview is a stage where the future boss wanted to find out our career background, to understand our working experience, so that they knew they can fully utilised that for the vacancy they currently have in their organization. i explained, and apparently, my technical experiences seems to be a disadvantage to me. at least that was what i felt after the forty minutes chit-chat session. i was trying to impress the interviewers on my technical while they have no interest on it at all. of course i did read about the supply chain management etc before coming to the interview. when i describe about supply chain, i frankly told them it was based on my collegues (who supposed to do what they were supposed to do) experience and the what was written on the wikipedia. of course i did some scm, but, that was because those who was supposed to do their work didn't do their work that i need to unofficially 'intervene' and do it.. that was how i got the experience.. after half hour, one of the interviewer asked me, bluntly, 'what actually you do?'..... and dush, dush, dush... that was it.. the most irritating insulting question that made me think i won't get to the next stage.

i was heart-broken. to me, the interview failed, miserably.. i got one chance, only one.. and i blew it.. nope, i didn't blew it.. it just that, on paper, i might not meet the expectation!
it was four weeks after that i was given the news that i was shortlisted for the structured interview (SI)..yup, another interview. and before i went for the interview, i need to submit more than hundred online questions that they called it OPQ - some sort like personality test to evaluate what type of person you are like.. which, from an insider, i was told that my online test was so bad.. they can't make any firm conclusion about me as my answers were an average threes and fours, not a strong tens! two days before the SI, my throat got infected... i was so panicked as i could hardly speak.. how do one goes for an interview and don't speak? i requested the doctor scooped out the thingy inside my throat, and that was bad... but, i was prepared to face the music.
there were few candidates, but there were only three girls, which later i found out that one was fresh grad and two (including me) were experienced candidate.. frankly, not that i intend to bitch about the other girl, but for an experienced candidate, she didn't show that she's all prepared for the interview.. she didn't even know that it would be a one-to-one(two, actually) session.. she thought it was a group interview... huh, which year are you living on girl??? you should google up structured interview petronas.. and wham bam.. you might not be so clueless as you were.. so, this definitely boost my confidence.
anyway, i was a given two piece of paper, one blank paper for me to jot anything.. and another one writted "case study: effect of science".. i read the article, trying to comprehend it, and wrote few notes on the given paper.. i,thankfully, wrote notes and points that i may want to highlight on the articled, and luckily it wasn't junks bitching about the blur girl who was so berlagak as she didn't even care to smile at me..why is that? i'll tell you later..
and so, after ten minutes, i was called in. my accessors (as what the HR been telling us) were a couple - En M, a nice wise gentleman from PMU and Pn S,a smartly dressed lady from (.. i forgot, oopss). As expected, the session started with En M explaining to me how the interview be.. 
"..there'll be a two hours get-to-know session, which we will go through on the given case study, and Q&A session, and if we got time, maybe some role, why don't you start with telling us about yourself.." 
with that, i opened my mouth and somehow, there was no the confidence me in the room. i can hear my voice shivered and as hard as i tried to sound calm, it got even worst. and En M was such an easy person that he calmed me down with his pleasant smile and the next five minutes was history.
The case study
The article given to me was the 'effect of science' which, if i could remember correctly, talked about a medicine that was still not been medically proven which has given a pre-mature insenility though it meant to help woman who has difficulty to conceive. 
En M: So, what do you think about the article?
Me: It's not fair that the UK government decided not to pay the compensation as they were supposed to approve the medicine before it can be used on human. 
En M: If you the government, you will pay the compensation?
Me: It least, i'll make sure that all the safety measures has been taken care before anything.
En M: Let's look at current scenario. The H1NI case.. it's a plague, and we need to medically cure them fast.. the vaccine they've given, am quite sure is not 100% tested on human and we might not know the side effect in long term. do you think the government need to the responsibility?
gosh, this guy is good.. i hesitated but still manage to answer him.
Me: At least, for this case, the government should take close measure to ensure the rakyat is well-informed, and should offer long term medical check-up what-so-ever, if they think it is possible..
En M: So, what if you are the PM? what will you do?
o my, o my, it was easy to answer if i was the rakyat.. now, i have to think as the PM, to look in to the cost, effect, popularities all those things....
Me: I will take full responsibility..hahaha..i knew they were smiling, just as i did!
En M: Let's go beyond that.. even if you will pay for the vaccine, as the whole world being infected with this plague, and i, as Obama told you, the PM..'why must i give you the vaccine. i need it, my alliance need it. why malaysia'?
with hesitant.. my answer was
Me (as PM): if there's not enough vaccine for everybody, sell us the formula, let us build it ourselve here.. and in the meantime,we will ask all our R&D to explore any traditional medicine that we may able to use.. 
well, he counter attack, and i took his service.. i was impressed with my ability. 
The Q&A session was more like
"tell me a situation when you dealt with difficult customer, and how you encounter that"
"if you were given to choose between money and position, which will you opt as priority"
"tell me how you've been given a task that you never did before, and did you complete it"
"you have an appointment at 3pm that you cannot miss, and you were 5km away from the meeting location when you were stucked in a massive landslide traffic. what will you do?"
and few more questions...
then, i realised that we were one and half hour in the interview room... and the accessors asked if i got any question for them.. i got a few.. but the one thing i remember asking was "if there were no wrong or right answer, and we've spent nearly two hours chatting, does that mean i will get the job?"... they smiled. 
it was a good experience. I didn't know how well i did. but i damn sure it wasn't as bad as the first one. on my way out, i was asked to leave all the papers, including the notes that i wrote... told you, thank God i didn't write nonsense or i'll be dead.
well, i waited for so long...... but, i finally accepted.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

breath in, breath out...

waiting is never healthy... not healthy at all.. your heatbeats getting faster and  faster that you could hear them thumping in your ears, your migrains visit you often and you couldn't tell the doctor whether it was pure migrain or just the anxiety talking, your mind strays to stretch trying to figure when it will end... waiting is sickening.

i've been waiting .. seems like forever.. but, actually,my wait started two months ago. last week, i thought my waiting has ended. i was wrong, no doubt. as i'm writing this, i still need to wait. aggghhh... it's like the ulcers i had in my mouth, two of them, on the left and on the right side.. its hurt when i want to sip the water, and its so painful when i chewed my food, and its stink when i applied the oral aid on them... and all i need is to wait for it to heal.. and everybody knew i had this ulcer, and everybody knew there's nothing much that they can say but 'sabar'...

until i got everything settled, my posting will be very very very boring...dead boring..hmmm