Thursday, December 30, 2010

it's been a pleasure

been reading all my 77 entries... time flies, and we do know that. and having this blod, re-reading them again as the year comes to its end agrees with me that time shoot off.... before noticing it, am writing a farewell 2010 and welcome 2011.

nope, i don't intend to summarized the whole 2010 and no intention in listing 2011 resolution. i'm suck in summarizing things as i will write every single details of it, and i'm horrible in creating 'real' resolution and religiously follow through.

somehow, 2010 has been a blessing. it has. as there were pains and sufferings, i was blessed with great news and happiness too. sweet memories treasured, horrible terrible news buried. shuting off from those evil hearted people, bonding stronger with those who stayed next to us for the worst. struggling, be it or not, to let the boys bloom and groom, and never fail to smile just thinking about them.  it has been a blessing. alhamdullilah.

as for the coming year, am not sure the challanges would be lesser, the sadness would go away, the weight not getting any lighter, the burden would just vanished... but, for sure, joyous instances will be there too, proud moments are waiting, great achievements are not so beyond reach... we will do fine, as long as we remember to live life truthfully. 

significantly,for me; aimar is going to school; we are moving to that new house; i hope my hubby could get a job nearer to the family; if ada rezeki, it would be fantastic to have some dash of pinks on the kids wardrobe.. and i pray for my sis to have a kid too.. insyallah.

geng, have a wonderful 2011..xoxoxoxoxo..mmmuuaahhhssss    


they loss and they won

it was another boring entry to those who are not into sport...but am not into sport too.. am so lame in sport.. but still, it was something that i must jot down, so that i could refer back to this entry in the next fourteen years.... ok, that's a very cynical of me!

the harimau malaya did it ... after fourteen years.. they've made us proud. you don't have to be a sportman to appreciate that.

it was a moment that i wanted to repeat over and over and over again. just wished i could be in the stadium to cheer. we still cheer and loss our voice though. we were screaming at the top of our lungs, our palms were red from clappings, my head was thumping as if the migraine was about to attacked.. the nervousness, the excitements, the frustrations, the moments..we were estactic.. the adults, i mean.. my two boys were bored to death. they couldn't watch the cartoon, the adults were screaming like nobody's business, they were hungy and mama said they have to wait for another ninety minutes... but again, it was joyous moment. i remembered having fun watching Thomas Cup back in the 90s. and yesterday was fun. i bet the neighbours could have heard us, or they also were screaming at the top of their lungs.

i was not a hardcore malaysian fan. but sport can always unite us. different races, sex, age, background... when it comes to sport and the team you put your bet on, it will always unite us.

the game was beautiful. yup, it started all wrong. after the laser incident in bukit jalil, and harimau malaya scored 3-0 to bring to stadium bung karno, the indonesian been threatening us, malaysian. the harimau malaya end up with practicing in the hotel as they fear of their security. the malaysian reporters were advised not to wear yellow shirts. and as the game started, we could hardly hear the Negaraku were played as the noise at the stadium were unbelievable. there was no sultan or the PM watching the team at the stadium (and i personally agreed with that, to show our 'boycott' of the indonesian supporters). i doubt that there were any malaysian on the bench, except the players.. the malaysian embassy in indonesia had a big flat screen for malaysians to enjoy the game. 

it was not a healthy scenario for the harimau malaya.. they were nobody to support them, but they were mentally strong. they knew, they might not be 70,000 supporters in the stadium, but there were 27millions malaysians supporting them in their mind. 

they played hard. these youngsters... they are young. they are not the number one team. they were there by default. and they proved to the world. and they showed us, they played for the nation. never have i been prouder. 

i love watching them. the opponents were tough. and worst still, the ref sucks. we knew it it's gonna be hard for the harimau malaya when we saw that australian ref. the first fifteen minutes, the indonesian team was given a penalty kick. blardy bugger. it was bad. it was not good for the team. if indonesian scored the first goal, they will gain more confident, and the team morale might be down. but they failed!yup, firman, the so-called most valued player (and it should be given to fahmi la wei!) failed miserably. in fact, shebby was right to say that firman look so ashamed to be awarded such title. somehow, my favourite shahrul kicked hard ball, and safee managed to score the first and only goal. the first indonesian goal was because our defence were not there to assist fahmi, and their second goal, purely 'typo' error... but to think of it, if muslim didn't accidentally give the score to the indonesian, i bet the supporter would have gone mad. so, win to the indonesian but the AFF is ours with 4-2 aggregates. 

and out of sudden, fahmi, safee, syahrul, muslim, safiq, amri, and others are familiar faces to me. and i knew offside and what's not. and, o, as kak ita said it, we must be thankful to that gonzalez guy - the so-called hero for the indonesian.. whenever the ball touch his foot, he managed to kick it hard to make it offside... hahahaha..kudos to him!

the PM annouced public holiday on friday. it was a great to end 2010... and may i congratulate the whole team, especially that khairul fahmi, the hardworkin keeper who never stop eyeing for the ball....


Monday, December 27, 2010

harimau malaya

after a good long weekend, who really 'works' on monday morning.. it's not the monday blues, it's everyday blues.

i'm not a sport person..never have i been. i may consider myself an active person. i joined all the 'fun' activities in school. i represented the school for quizzess and so forth. i was the president of the club, the secretary of the society. those were my yesteryears. my passion with social activites stopped when i was in that boarding school.. when there's so many 'potential' leaders in the same school, i knew when my service as a leader was needed or not. anyway, no matter how actives i was, sport was never on the plate, never my cup of tea. i was the vice president as the school sports' team not because i was good, i just good of being a leader. i was in the school hockey team not because i was good, i just happened to be there to fill up the reserved seats. and i was fine with all. sports was never my passion. 

not like my mum and my sis, who was the 100m sprinter and the olahragawati up to the states' level. not like my cousin who manage the office futsal team. not like my hubby who is very good when he holds that hocket stick and dribble away the ball. not like everybody else in my family. sports was not my in thing.

somehow, when it comes to malaysian' team on the live telecast, i'm in too. perhaps, the mood surrounding. my whole family will be in front of that box, abandoning dinner and the kids, waiting for the malaysian team to score, strike gold. 

yesterday is one of the many occasions. those fresh meats of malaysians against that pschycotic indonesians. the glorious of football team in malaysia has long gone as far as i could remember. i remembered when the kl team was so good, and as all my family were supporting selangor, my aunt and i would be the odd one who was so loyal supporting the kl team. but those era has long gone. malaysian football, no offense, suck big time. it's like watching the kindergarden kids fighting over balls.. that's how they played all this while.. but yesterday was great. i must compliment them. again, i may not be the best comentator as it took my hubby six years to explain to me what offside is.. and i still don't understand why they have that rule in football. but today, i woke up with good feelings as malaysia won 3-0. the game was good. that shahrul guy, who saved the ball and help with the first score that burnt the whole team energy to max, must receive datukship. safee was ok as usual, but i guess, shahrul should get the compliment.. a newly-wed, he really have shown good spirit on last night's game. and of course, that young 21-yo keeper, fahmi. he did a job well done. he's been taking care of that post since the semi-final games with vietnam, and he did it well. kudos to him. of course, football is a team effort. the whole harimau malaya team did great last night. they impressed me, a non-sport passive supporter. they played all out, and they played hard and well. congratulation to them. 

i guess, that is how sports should be played. the team really shown that they played for the nation, not for the rewards. they really can unite the whole nation. 

and to add sweeter revenge on that, they beat the everlasting traditional 'enemy' of ours. no hard feeling markus ya, but, it just made us feel good to beat your team... 

of course, it was sad on the laser light incident. it shouldn't be. but somehow, though the malaysian team was not playing, the same issue is faced in this part of the world. the mentality need to be brush up. but of course, that players should be at fault for that. it's beyond their control. 

anyway, am not gonna blabbering about sports - i know, when i read back, it wasn't a great piece of blog post.. but for now, i just want to congratulate the team. they made us proud. let's pray for the win this coming wednesday,insyaallah. good luck guys.


Thursday, December 23, 2010

truth hurts

this ulcer is killing me.. they said it's either stress or lack of water..hmmmm

lunch was great - though unplanned one.still, it gave me this idea to blog.. been bogged down with work thing since morning, so, a litle break won't do any harm. after all, vetting the contract form is never a fun thing to do.

am not going to talk about lunch, but something that was splurt out from lin's mouth and backed by ija. i was different.. my appearance, my attitude, my remarks, my voice.. everything.. am a total stranger to them.. a stranger from the user.

gosh.. of all the fears, that would be top ten list i want to receive comment from my friends...

i hate the user. i used to think those bitches from the users are genuine bitches and i don't think i can cope. i know i can't. and i always thought i was not working with the user because never in a teeny weeny droplets of my blood i could be like one - the corporate bitch that talk sacarstically with that authoritive voice and with that head up walking style.. 

i know i can never be like that. but my friends denied it. 

i guess, God is Great.. i used to hate them, and now, without realizing, i am one of them...

but again, i'm blessed with good friends - do remind me if i once a while forgot where i belong to... but, that don't give the right for you to scrutinized my driving skill - though am sure Intan would be the queen when it comes to driving :)

love y'all..mmuuaahhhsss    

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

my superheroes

been a while since i last wrote about the boys update - time mood tengah not so good ni, the thoughts of those two boys of mine always bring the sunshine in my heart..

just spoke to them on the phone.. how time flies - months ago, i could hardly understand aimar's words.. and today he told me "okay la mama, aimar nak main game dekat laptop, mama pergi la buat work mama"... loud and clear, and i should be able to take the instruction - no arguments.

they have grow so fast. in a blink of eye, aimar has now potty trained - though once and seldom, he had little incidents before he could manage to reach the toilet, i'm still proud of his achievements! nope, he's not like his abang. the day i told aidan that he needed to be potty train so that he could go to school, aidan succeed with flying colours. never have i remembered he failed to do so, and till today, i am still impressed with that boy. somehow, aimar did not. i needed to change the sheets, i needed to change his underwear after five minutes he was using it. but it's no trouble.

aimar is all prepared to go to school next year. he looked forward to that time, but i'm still skeptical about it. he has short attention span, and he might throw tantrums when he hates things! he might be an eager beaver one day, and the next day decided that school is no playground. so, i'm not going to comment much about the school, though i am excited and looking forward to day his first day of school..... 

he still a good eater. he still whines and cries at split seconds. he still manje, very manje that everybody keeps reminding me that i should spoilt him less. i don't think i spoilt him much..but he always a what he did last night.. it was late, both myself and abang were on the bed, and nenek wanted to go to bed while he still insisted on watching the cartoon network. nenek told him nenek wanted to sleep. he went straight to nenek's room, get that huge thick blanket of nenek's and gave to nenek, and he told nenek to sleep at the family hall while he watched cartoons...

as for abg dan - he's the patience one if to compare with adik..but i don't think he has so much passion in anything except TV.. are all five-yo-boys like that? or is it only aidan? yesterday, as we were discussing about who will take care of aimar when he's at school next year.. we came to the subject who will wash aimar after he done his business in the toilet. i knew his face changed at an instance. he paused and took five to ten minutes to answer me "i will wash adik...but mama, there's no sabun in the school toilet".... i don't about other mothers, but me, listening to his answer, was a blessing moment.. he hesitated to do what he thinks he supposed to do, but he vocally admitted he will do what he supposed to do.. ... of course, i don't expect him to take up the task. i will surely ask the teacher to assist. but i am so proud of my elder son. 

he grows up fast too. last month, for the first time, i saw him dancing to the jingli nona song, singing the rasa sayang song, parading the ibanese costume.. he totally impressed me on that very stage, performing at the school's concert. of course he was shocked and shy. his teaches had to push him back to the stage as he moved slowly towards behing the curtain while dancing.. but, i saw my boy growing up.. he counted the steps, he memorized the lyrics, he is no longer three years old aidan.. 

talking about aidan, i must mentioned about his exam.. i pushed him hard during the revision weeks. yet, his exam results went beyond my expectations. i knew, we knew and he knew he can do better than what he did. he was just out of focus. i did go through all the questions with him, and yes, he proved me wrong. he could answer most of the questions correctly, yet, he failed to do so on the exam itself.

anyway, my friends told me "he's only five", i guess better luck next year.

whatever will be will be, i'm so bless to have them to cheer me up whenever wherever. love you boys..mmmuuaahhhsss    

your wish is my command

at points me writing this post, am not in a sane state of mind, am just pissed

fairness doesn't come hand in hand with power and authority. at least, that's what i think, and i have all the rights in myself to think such ways. sad but true facts!

a boss can just wrote a single line email ordering you to attend a discussion that started five minutes after you saw the email - and it was an urgent meeting with the management.

a mother can overuled an agreement that she had approved prior to her kids' request and when asked why is it so, she can just say 'because i'm your mother and i know what's best for you'

a best friend can just screw the dinner plan that you both been planning, just because she told you that her son was not well, and just have to 'buy' that reason - yup, you may not being fair for doubting the last minute cancellation, and maybe, maybe, maybe you are right.. but, what can you do? she has all the rights in her world to screw you up to the eleventh hour.

a husband can give you approval to do what you want to do as long as it doesn't goes beyond the boundary of you being a wife, and somehow, he can also sacarstically ask you 'you sure you want to do what you want to do' - with that authoritive voice of his!

a brother can just grab the key of your husband's car, without asking for permission, and took away the car off to miles away from home, leaving you wondering and trying hard to convince the logical reason to give to your hub.

a colleague who is few years senior can just keep everything to herself, and waited up to the eleventh hour to tell that she has the sample of the paper  you were looking for (since last month!)

a sister-in-law can just ask you to take leave so that you can come and visit her as her kids were missing your kids, obviously nobody cares about you la kan.

talking about fairness? huh, in your dreams.. you might not even noticed that, but once a while, that authoritive voices are yours too.when that authoritive voices were out, you just can't say no.. because they said so. you just have to bow and like the genie prompted "your wish is my command, your highness".



i miss him..gosh.. i might have bored those loyal readers of mine, which am sure that ninety percent of them happened to be my bffs.. still....

i do miss him. i can't get in touch with him. the server was down, am guessing. no email, no phone calls.. been refreshing the desktop every half hour, been checking the phone to ensure the line is fine.. and yet, still no news from him..

waiting is never been good


Friday, December 17, 2010

shame on you

i have 'manners' issue... at least that's how it was implied to me.

i gave my seats the eldely and pregnant ladies. i hold the doors for the person behind. i queued without complaints. i asked things politely. i say thank you, excuse me and apologize if i was at fault. and i teach my boys to behave in good manners.. 

and my mistake was not to address a person properly. a person who i occasionally have spoken to and bumped into once or twice. a person who i knew younger than me. just because she holds higher post (maybe), i need to call her 'cik'. and sadly, she never complaint (not as i know) when i don't address her properly..but somebody else did. somebody who might have intention to teach me manners..but somehow, the way she address it to me with no manners.. at least that's how i felt. 

i blame my years in UK. i stop calling people kak or abang or puan or cik or tuan or sir or whatever. i even called our principal by his first name.. Mr John - that sound sooooo wierd. 

somehow, i was reminded to address people 'politely'... how i was reminded? the rude way. as if i've done the biggest sin ever.. to that person, perhaps i did a sin, the biggest one. but then again, if i could, i would want to remind her, 'you might want to re-remind yourself good manners before you try to help people'.. the intention might be good, but means don't justify the ways!

anyway, welcome to the what they keep promoting  'mindset-change, everybody!'.. if the leaders could hardly define that, i doubt that the followers would even bother. 

it's a sad racist remarks, but i must say that, if i'm a eurasion, i will get away with this easily and nobody will be offended and i was not considered as manner-less.. too bad, i came from a different clan!

but i did put "Dear .....,"  
and please drop the Puan.. i don't mind with just 'Ain'..

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

and they said, 'it was puppy love'

'twas a silent night, boys were off with their aunts and first wives' club was on the box.

we, ladies, are suckers when it comes to compliment. history been told, mothers been reminding daughters over and over and over again, girlfriends been consoling their bffs not to listen to those guys' sweet talkings..but we suck big time! we still  never learn.. and we can't take all the blames!

coming from an all-girls's school to the co-ed boarding school, i didn't get used to having boys around easily. to make it more dramatic, the boys-dominations were too strong that we could hardly do lots of things, and i did miss the freedom when i was at junior high. i was not the popular one. i tend to secretly admires boys from distance, as most of them were forbidden ones - either they were going out with others or they were admiring other girls. but of course, i was not that bad-looking. i may look not as classy as now, but i still have few admirers too. apparently, when i first heard the three letter word, though i could hardly understand the meaning at that point of time, i got goosebumped. to make it worst, i had to say no as the whole world (our world) knew that my good friend was madly in love with him. it was taboo to like him back, though, deep inside, i did. then, they was these two guys, who never directly confessed to me, but their actions made me blushed. the wooing sound everytime i passed, though somewhat annoying, did boost up my confidence. the secret notes on the tables wishing me a good day. those small remarks, may not be significant, but, as a girl, i was swooshed away. then, there was this boy across the class who he never stop staring at me. and after months of staring, he finally had the guts to tell me that he liked me. well, it lasted for a while until i decided to broke his heart..

then, there was college. i was a loyal girlfriend. i left my heart to this boy (who at point of writing this, i keep wishing he was dead, and i was not sorry) back in kl. i was miles away from home. i was young and restless. of course, i was not the popular one. i cried so hard as i missed my boyfriend back then. i saved money just to spend on long-distance calls. but, through out the times, there were attempts by others too. a five year senior who wrote me a long letter telling me how he was smitten by me (and i had to look up in the dictionary what smitten meant). there was also one time, when i was having my lunch at the msian student hall, a guy approached my table, handed me a piece of paper - his email add (sacarstically, at that time, the only email id i had was the general college add for public use). he was a bruneian, so i was an international preference, hahahaha. we were actually 'there', visible to the boys - we might be just a college students, but we knew whenever we went to those students' meets ups whatsoever, we were visible, though we had to try our hard not to notice that. 

next, the uni life. i was still a loyal girlfriend (to that bastard!). here was i, and there he was, miles apart. i must admitted i was so envious when my bff was swooshed away with flowers, nice gifts and perfumes.. i did asked her why didn't i get the same attention she got. she gave me a valid answer "tell me who in this world didn't know that you are attached..".. but of course, there were boys who still tried their ways in. i somehow let them, though i tried hard enough to stay loyal. i was loyal. but of course when other boys asked me out for quick snacks, movies and others, i sometimes said yes.

then i met him. my best friend, a boy, did mentioned his name several times.. way before we first met. this best friend of mine been trying to arrange for us to meet (not to hook us up, he just thought i should meet up with his best mate), and only after two years we actually met. it was brief, the first time we met. he knocked my house door, and i thought he's chinese. i never fancy a chinese-look guy, was not into oriental all this while.. and i was pretty sure it went the same to him. he's not so into this plain jane, i guess. it was definitely not love at the first sight. perhaps i was still hooked up to that bastard back home.. ok, i need to explain more about this bastard.. after five years being loyal to him, rejecting all the potential love calls, denying all his good friends (not mine, mind you) advices..only to found out he just couldn't stop cheating - it was like an addiction for him to spend times with girls, and he specifically told those girls he just want to have fun cause he knew he already has a good loyal future wife. that was a bastard, right? and i keep wishing he's dead, and still wishing, hard!

what i'm trying to say is that,we, ladies are suckers when it comes to compliments. a guy serenades us a song, it's heaven. a guy copy-paste nice romantic ode and email it to us, we could fly. a guy stands by the elevator with bouquet of red roses, we melt away, though that bouquet is not even for us. a guy turns around when passess us, we will try to walk steadily, though we could hardly control our beauty ego. a guy says he's sorry, we said it's ok if he promise not to do it again. a guy, just look at us deeply, we strongly believe he loves us.

guys know that fact. some may use it to their advantages. by all means, it is beyond our control... no matter how cautious we are, no matter how vigilant we try to be.. there will always be a teeny tiny weeny place in that big heart of us will be touched - no matter how much we've learned, we will still be a sore loser when it comes to love...and nothing wrong to lose, especially when the winner is the one and only truly love of ours... if and only if we knew that he's the one when he come knocking the first time. i guess i was one of the lucky ones.


Monday, December 6, 2010


before you are thinking of accusing me for being paranoid or a control freak, hear what i have to say .. once a while, when it's reaches the tea time and you are trying so hard to focus what's in the desktop, you tend to find a stimulant so that can make you stay awake..

i was sleepy, so, i browsed my hubby's fb profile.. there's nothing wrong of doing that, and i'm not  stalking him. as a wife, i'm obliged to do that. i've been doing that often, but, today, i discover one thing.. actually, i've discovered this earlier, but didn't make any comment on them.. my hubby just started to have his own fb way months later than i did. somehow, today, i realized that he has 25% more friends than i do.. and of all those in his friends' list, only 17% are mutually connected with both us, and am sure two third of that are families, cousins and siblings. i would want to count how may girls that are not mutually connected with me is in his list, but i guess that would brings us to nowhere.... not that i'm doubting him or anything.. after all, he told me himself not to be too complacent.. i need to keep myself updated with his networks.. men didn't talk, and when we found out something shocking, he would deny that he lied, but in fact he would say he just didn't tell us... and that is why most women will ask tonnes of questions, so that  the 'didn't tell' reason will be overruled. and men need to know, when we ask, not that we are trying to take charge or control over things, we just want to ensure we are in same page, and we won't be discovering things that may shocked us. and also, i do believe that God is great.. if i were to cheat, i'm sure my hubby will have the intention, men, if you are cheating your spouse, chances are your spouse might do the same thing too. 

ok, am not sure what and why i'm posting this - honestly, i'm just sooooo you think my hubby will put some privacy limitation on his fb access page after this?


at one instance the site was block, and today it wasn' might take this opportunity while i can. the bottom line is L.U.C.K


i could hardly sleep last night. he already left for work, though while writing this, he is still on transit. and somehow, with both the boys next to me, i still feel the bed is half empty. and as i woke up this morning, getting myself ready for work, i miss him.

you know, it's true when they say love hurts. i've been going through these routines for so many times. sending him off at the airport. hugging him tightly, getting all tears up. awkwardly driving back home with the boys - it was him who'll be doing all the chauffeuring when he's around. goes to bed, and waking up realizing he's not around. grabbing the iphone to check on the emails. the boys had their fight and ask mama to take some videos as evidence to send to aboh's inbox. and then, as the time up, he comes back. getting fairer and skinner as compared to previous trip. he's home, sorting things out, the bills, the home, the cars.. he sleeps, spends time with the boys and the wifey and occasionally meets up with his mates. and without realizing, it's time to send him off again...gosh, i love him so much and its hurts whenever he's not around.

you know, it's true when they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. even after one and half year, i still miss him when he's gone. i remember missing him when he was miles away at london and i was in kl. back then, we were madly deeply in love. and as i miss him now, i knew i still am madly deeply in love with this guy i married, and i thank God as i still can own that feeling. every single seconds, i just wish he's nearer, and i know all i want is him.

you know, it's true when they say don't take things for granted. we tend to be complacent on things only to realise we missed few little details in life. time spend is too limited, and we should cherish every moment possible. and even with twenty four hours a day, we still knew it was not enough. 

you know, it's true when the say if you love somebody, let him go. if he's yours, he'll come back.. and i know, every twenty eight days, he is singing happily coming back home, so that i can comfortably doze off on that muscular arm of his.

you know, true love does exist.. if you found one - tolerate, listen to each others' heart and trust. if you are still looking - it may take a while with few mr wrongs, but you'll get there someday. if you are not looking - not because you don't believe in true love, you just love yourself too much and nothing wrong with that..