Thursday, July 28, 2011


the harimau malaya is fighting against the lions later this evening. well. am not into football, but then again, with the FB shoutouts, the huha in the radio, the everything about we gonna qualify for the pre-qua stage, am suddenly so can't wait for the game tonight!

well, i'm not so into football. i didn't even know what offside was, and i agreed with my girlfriends if we were to watch the footies, it would merely because we wanted to satisfy our animal female instinct enjoying that delicious yummy footballers.. and that's it..

but somehow, my mum was always a sports fan (she can even enjoy watching that lawn-bowl if her team is playing!).. so, whenever there were game, especially m'sia is on the card, she'll watch. and then, we got no choice but to watch rather than wandering what she was screaming about..

then, earlier this year, the harimau malaya team been performing well..with the AFC.. and of course i still wonder is Mat Yo really tonggek or he's been trying hard to look 'that' tonggek in the field.. and Apek is a fantastic keeper.. his eyes has always been on the ball, no others.. and safiq is not bad. of course that zakuan boy mmg undeniable comel. and safee was good striker. and so, the team is worth the time to spend on!

prayers and lucks for them tonight. that 2nd keeper suck and had let go five goals during the first leg in s'pore.. but, we were not bad with three goals.. so, go harimau malaya..

as they all been singing "in the jungle, the might jungle, the Lion sleeps tonight".. we are all in for the win!

kesian itu budak

not that i care so much, especially on celebrities' life & lifestyle.. somehow, i felt like expressing my opinion on this Jimmy Shanley's issue.. from what i gathered, he was having a marriage issues, ten days after they were married. somehow, within the ten days, he still managed to get his newly-wed wife pregnant.. bravo! it took seven months for my hub & me.. anyway, we were on weekend couples on our early marriage life, so, ok la tujuh bulan tu :)

and now, the wife has given birth to beautiful zahrah shanley, macam2 lak citer...
all this while, Jimmy, been showing to the media he sufferred.. the wife hates him and don't want him to be involved with the pregnancy. well, the wife, coming from orang kaya punya background, didn't say much during the pregnancy. then, bila dah beranak, baru nak bersuara. die ckp jimmy was an abusive hub, which jimmy did not deny being 'abusive' (in what sense tak tau la kan).. then, ada lak ura2 saying that jimmy is a sex-maniac, and even requested his wife to perform sexual acts not like other would ask! then, today, i read an article, the cukur jambul event of the newborn, canteek and very very posh and rich. and no jimmy, the father.

again, i'm not into celebrity, much about their sex life. but somehow, these people have bought an insan to this world.. a beautiful pretty baby. as much as they don't want to comment and talk about in the media, the media will keep on looking for the news. and the news written were intepreted, the way the reporter intepreted them! and the only victim is that little tiny princess who hasn't got a clue on what becomes her!

i don't understand. i really don't. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


damn sleepy!!!! very very very much, indeed..

yup, i have piles up of things-to-do, but, would rather hold it to the list than trying my hard to understand the procedures and guidelines in ensuring am doing the right things!

damn sleepy!!!!

aimar was not feeling well.. with fever and athma, his sleeps was a disturbed one, and so did mama!

the baby is not giving me any chance as much! she just moved and moved, and when she stretched..ok, am not sure if she was stretching, but when she did moved, and my whole tummy felt like being stretched to the max, i just couldn't take it.. my front felt uncomfortable, my back ached!

and on my 30th week, i still puked! yup.. every morning, that is a routine.. and today, i threw up my breakfast! darn.. at this instance, i wish i could speed time!

o, and i hate my auntie. this particular auntie. i must pray hard enough so that there's no resemblance of her on my newborn! ok, people said blood is thicker than water. but, officially, she was related to me on paper - not by blood. my mum's lil brother decided to be a fool and fell in love with her and married her. so, on paper, yup, she's related - but not by blood.. i guess that is why i never understands things she did and said.. tapi, orang cakap 'sabar' je lah.. how i wished! being me! here's the thing.. things were fine. there were family fued years ago, and they 'isolated' themselves by not keeping in touch with us.. how i wish they kept 'isolating' themselves! my mum is the eldest of twelve. as my gramps had all lone gone, my mum is the eldest in the family. and when my sis decided to get married, everybody's aware of that would be wedding of the time as it would be the last wedding in my mum's family, insyallah (touch wood la kan) mum never carik gaduh and carik pasal with that 'isolated' family, so, when my mum called so many times (god knows how many la kan) asking her lil brother to be there for the wedding, i expected them to be there! my sis even bought dressess for the girls, and matching baju for our uncle. but they did not turn up! nada! sebab gaduh adik beradik.. and that was when i have to admit how foolish my uncle was to listen to his wife, and how hati jahat his wife was.. c'mon, you were first class degree holder from the UK, and the best advise you can give your hub and kids were not to go to the wedding that you big sister-in-law was having! rude! very rude! anyway, that was years ago.. two years ago. now that they've realized that there were pointless to fight over things, they came back into the picture. but to me, she still not worth the trust! she could bitch about my cousin behind her back, she used her kid FB id and commented 'rude' remarks (and that makes me think how rude a twelve-year-old girl can be), and when i shut her off, she said my preggy's hormone has gotten into me! stop playing victim. i just hate you, fullstop..

gosh.. that is my pregnancy hormone's rambling. i guess, i love to talk about intimate things lately, rather than general stuff.. i know, i shouldn't, but i couldn't. 

and when i thought this pregnancy would be different, my sickness is coming back to stay.. ten more weeks (or less, hopefully) to go, and i have to bear the vomitting again... hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Monday, July 25, 2011

c'mon neigbour!

was listening to the radio, and a segment "tak tahan" was on air. a lady caller, called in.. and seriously commenting on her neighbour "saya dah tak tahan dah, rimas.. isteri die pakai seluar pendek, singlet tak berlengan... seksi memanjang. anak ada sorang. yang suami pulak tak tau nak buang sampah betul2 dalam tong sampah.. bla bla bla".. as much as the deejays trywing to make fun about the hot mama, the caller kept telling the listeners how annoying she was.. 

and i shut off the channel! 

ni la melayu.. frankly, memang melayu punye issue. and i hate it.. hate it to every bits! so, what if that hot mama decided to wear just a singlet with hotpants at her own home-ground? it's her house, kan? and she knew she got the bod! and if anyone should care, it would be her husband, not others. okay, so what if you just can't stand the view? for godness sake... just because you don't have the gut, don't blame others who has! and, if you really have a problem, do you really need to call in and complaint? boo-hoo, shame on you. and this is not kampung mentality. trust me, it's not! i was in kemaman for the first five years' of aidan's life. living in the two-season area i.e. draught in the first half year, and monsoon for the next six month, i must admit, i have difficulties adapting with the hotness during the 'summer' season. i wore singlet and shorts.. i tried to avoid from the neighbour's view, just because i still respected their views..but once a while, i just couldn't help it but to go to the porch with just sleevless shirts and shorts.. but then again, my neighbours never gave me 'that look' or boycott me or what-so-ever.. they might feel uncomfortable, but not up to the extend to make me feel awkward... but this lady caller, i'm sure she is overreacting. very much indeed.. c'mon ladies, if you have a problem with someone, why don't you just talk to their face? and if you don't have the gut, just shut you mouth up, la..why bother? your lost kan for not telling them. and u can't expect people to know how you felt!

yup, you can't expect people to know how you felt. even if people are wise enough to know how you feel, by not telling, people will try to ignore how you feel. so, stop being typical malay yang nak jaga hati orang. so what if after telling, they will think you are a bitch.. at least, you are a bitch with class!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

so, be it

Quote" All good writers rewrite, several times – the words seldom appear on the page the first time around in a way that says what a writer really wants to say, so they keep rewriting until they get it right" Unquote - from  my favourite columnist, Mary Schenieder.
i was bitching about my superior, and as re-read the post, i knew i was not wrong publishing it at that time, and meant every single word i wrote. at those incidents, i still stood firm that what she did was not justifiable and she was the bitch!. somehow, today, i have to admit, i must change my perceptive on her. not that i got to know her a little closer. nope.. i still don't feel comfortable calling her 'kak' though that's what she address herself when she called me. but then again, i guess, she must has her own reason to react the way she acted, and being a perfect human being, she's just another example of 'nobody's perfect'...

in fact, all of us are! we might think what we did and said was sane, justifiable and for everybody's interest. nope, we never wrong in judging things! and once a while, even how hard we try to perceive things from other's point of view, we still stand where we stood, firm!

and so, be it. it may hurt our pride, but it won't kill us!

Friday, July 15, 2011

boy o boy

o my o my, i miss my boys, so much! it's been two nights in a row..i couldn't sleep! i never have problem with sleep.. nope! nada! somehow, now that the boys are not around, i missed them so much, and feel so awkward having the bed all by myself! i can't imagine how mister aboh felt everytime he needs to be away with the boys after being attached with them four weeks before!

one day, they all will be gone.. gone to the boarding school. off to universities. build their own family. gone away from our lives, physically..

until then, lemme cherished the moments we had, and more to we gonna have. 


a message was in my inbox.. as almost everybody decided to go to bandung, leaving just me, and two of my cousins.. that cousin of mine, who was still in school need to stay overnights with me.

an auntie, who supposedly to be 'adult' enough, besides calling, and  is fully aware where my my cousin live, thought the idea of inboxing me thru the FB message (i blocked her from writing on my FB wall) and asked who is taking care of that cousin of mine.. and she has the courtesy to tell us off "kalau nana nak tumpang rumah auntie, boleh je, tapi nak pergi/balik sekolah tak tau cammana sebab kerete dah penuh".. and here's the scenario, she has four girls of her own.. a 12yo, 10yo, 4yo and 1yo.. the 12yo and 10yo went to the same school to that cousin of mine.. she drove a wira, not that small fit kancil car..and she have the decency to tell us off that her car is too small to fit all the girls!

kalau nak tolong, biar ikhlas.. just because you inbox me, doesn't mean you care.. and what's with this inbox thru FB using your 12yo kid userid? can't you just ring us! for godness sake, you are our auntie! if you think so la. 


after 37 years breathing, my cousin still have issues taking care of herself. last month, she nearly lost a wallet with RM700 cash. a good hearted chinese family took all the effort, calling everywhere to look for the owner of the lost wallet.. she got all her stuff and cash back, untouchable. somehow, last week, she still didn't manage to find mykad.. and the morning before they were off to bandung, she lost the wallet again, for the 576th time, with RM500 cash in it.. we are definitely sure she won't be getting the wallet again..not this time.. and this is nothing new..

sometimes, people just never learned!


my niece didn't follow the family, and her mom has the gut to write on my wall "edleen said it's not fair that she couldn't join the trip"...

one - nobody stopping your daughter to join your trip.. all you have to do is pay for the ticket! don't expect free ride la, c'mon!

two - i must remind myself to block my SIL from writing on my FB wall too, just like that aunt of mine!buweekk


my sis, she promised to stay with us when my parents off to bandung with the boys. she lied.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

love after marriage

i was rushing when i woke up this morning. my hubster called me up, all the way from FPSO Roncardo, Brazil, but i have to turned him down and didn't even bother asking him to call back. somehow, when he called, my head was spinning that i needed to vomit (like a normal morning routine for the past seven month!), and my stomach was screaming for that nature's call. hence, i hang up on him. of course, he didn't call back. i didn't ask him too, and i understand that it's not easy to get through the line if he was to call back. plus, with the different timezone, i'm sure that he's all worn out after the shift work and needed a good rest.

well, as i'm done for work, driving up to the office, i realized i missed him.

when he was courting, he stayed up and picked up flowers at the park, just to decorate that handmade card for me. and now he's married, he stop courting. but he still stayed up. sometimes, he even did the laundry and that minus one of my chores and i'm fine.
when he was courting, he bought gifts and bouquets  to his 'sugar'. and now he's married, not that he stop buying, he will still buys, but of course i have to ask!
when he was courting, he would stop whatever he was doing including playing playstation with his buddies when i called. now he's married, just like what i will do, he would say "i'm in the middle of something, and i'll call you back, kay?"
it's good that he still call me 'manje' like he used to call me eleven years ago.

reality checks - he's not that perfect guy i thought i knew. but i'm not complaining! i 'changed' too.. to fit in with one's and each other life. we learned to compromise. of course, we must keep reminding ourselves not to be complacent. and i guess that would be one of the reason he would still call everyday when he's away, even for five minutes.

we both have our expectations on each others. we can't stay the way we were though i'm pretty sure before we were married i did express my fears on 'things will change'.. things definitely change.. and it's not bad. am thankful to have him as my husband, a responsible one. once a while, it's still okay for me to leave him with the boys while i hang out with my buddies (though, most of the time i would hang out with the girls when he was not around, and i still asked for his permission). he doesn't complain much when i decides which place shall we go for dinner, rather than me preparing the home-cooked dinner. he will sacarstically wandering where my salaries gone when i asked for money, and i will give him this look and said "takpe lah kalau tak nak bagi".. and voila, he still gives.

and me no purr-fect either. if most of the cards to him were handmade before, now, my occasional cards to him came from the 7E rack. as a mother of two (plus one), i still woke up at ten on weekends, and hub doesn't complain much. and , like what i did this morning, a long-distance phone call just need to wait as the nature's call.. though i remembered talking with him on the cell while i was in the bathroom doing my business eleven years ago.

it's true, when you got married, things do change. it's up to us to make it better or worst..

all in all, i'm happy to know, no matter how, no matter what, when i feel like missing someone, i have someone that i love to miss.

Monday, July 11, 2011

building a life

my sister has moved out from our parent's house months ago. her new house was like fourty five minutes away from the city. when she started to move out, it was an abrupt move. at least that was how i felt. out of blue, they loaded everything in their MPV and off they went.

looking at current circumstances, her being pregnant and the it was only ten minutes away to and fro my parent's house and office, we were under the impression that she would stay at my parents during the weekday and only spend their time at their new house during weekends.

anyway, as it has been months... that has not been an option. not that i care. she's married, own a good big house, and has a husband who can decide whatever whenever. but on the other hand (and again, maybe its the pregnancy hormone in me), i was saddened by her (or their, to include the husband) arrangements. with her being pregnant for the first time, deep inside, i knew my mum and dad wanted her to be around them. she's the youngest.. she might think dad loves me more and mum loves her brother more, but truth, she's the closest to them compared to both of us. my dad keep telling me that she is always prone to casualty and need extra monitoring, and with her current condition, i knew how dad and mum wished she's around more often than she did. maybe all my dad can prepare was that simple fried vege and fried chicken, but, i knew he wanted to fry it for his expecting daughter!

but then again, it's not her fault if she and her hubby decided to spend more time together in their new house and that far-far-away land. it just that, i found that it's unacceptable.. if they could spend full two days+nights in malacca over the weekend with her hubby's family, and only opted to stay overnight for one night in my parent's in a month, and as much as my parents did not show it, i can feel them! 

she screwed up our 'family' outing yesterday. she was the one who was proposing for us to have nice comfort hi-tea at the double tree while waiting for my mum to finish her events there.. at the end, it was only me, my two boys and my dad.. of course my mum join us half hour later. i was angry with her. of course, she said she was tired.. but on the other hand, she's not being fair to my parents. 

to make it up, this morning, she was telling me she wanted to sell the house, and she wanted to buy a house nearer to the office. as it is as simple as selling that baju kurung collections of hers! this is my sister's major problem - she's a people pleaser.. she tends to cater for everybody's needs and wants, and when she fails, she would try hard to give illogical reasons rather than explaining the truth that she couldn't fulfill the requirements.. 

my mom and dad never objected whatever she wanted to do. after all, she's married and her life now belongs to her hubby. and i was wondering if my mom and dad felt the same when i moved out from the house - like i'm totally shutting off my life with them. perhaps, my situation was different as i moved out to other states, and i didn't have much chance to spend time neither with my parents nor my in-laws.. 

on the other hand, this makes me think.. how would i react when the times come and the kids are married and ready to move out from our house? would i be happy? would i be sad? would i feel isolated? would i feel proud? of course, how i wish i could have them all by myself for the rest of my life. and of course, i can't be selfish in that sense! the kids will grow up. meet someone they love. decided to have a family of their own and will have their own mindset how to live their life. of course they never intend to shut off their parents.. but, in a matter of time, that how parents will feel.. and for now, am not sure how long it will lasts.


Friday, July 8, 2011


here's the plot:

four men - rich, handsome, near-purrfect, close buddies, own a successful business - one is the CEO, one is CFO, one deals with the marketing, and one can have any good post in the company!.. super-rich..o, i mentioned that..
the CEO has a beautiful girlfriend, who has an affair with the marketing guy, and the CFO knew. the CFO swindled the company's money, and the marketing guy knew, and so both of them betrayed the CEO and not that they agreed with the betrayals, but if one secret is out in the open, the other will burst too.. the CEO suspected another friend was having an affair with the girlfriend, though. 

now - turn the plot around - change the men, to ladies.. woo hoo... to add dramas, instead of affairs, the CEO is married and her husband cheated with the marketing babes and even practise polygamy. 

well, that's much more complicated and more drama for the telenovela slot in our local tv. 

it was fun watching annisa.. but, i just don't understand, how can the CEO can't 'catch' her husband is two-timing her, with her own bestfriend! and how could that bitch bestfriend betrayed her? and money may not buy happiness, but money can make you bold enough to kill others.

sometimes, i thought the drama is too typical malay drama.. but then again, i'm not surprised if this is based on true stories..of course the script has been dramatized!

real life, huh...

Monday, July 4, 2011


been tied up with things, lately. well, not much of a thing as i still can go back from work on the dot to ensure i managed to take that half hour nap before dinner. (then dinner, then sleep)

anyway, there were commotions at school last week. nope, it wasn't aimar! the principal called me to tell that "daniel's mum told us that aidan bit daniel!".. o my, o my. being a mother, i became defensive instantly. i knew what aidan did was wrong, but, i refuse to admit immediately. i remembered aidan telling me the day before about the pencil's issue. 

there was this one funcky nice straw-like pencil that he got from the 7E and he requested to bring it to school. i said no the first time. but this 6yo boy has his own way to win mama's approval. he told me "but i ask for your permission. can i bring it mama?".. with hesitation, and thinking that he was partly right, i said ok, only if he promised to take care of the pencil. not that it matter so much, but, as aidan been losing his stationeries everyday, i guess it would be a good practise for him to take care of his stuff. however, as he came back from school, he told me that he lost the pencil. he said "daniel asked for the pencil." and i interrogated "did you gave daniel?". he said no, but he put the pencil on the table and when we wanted to keep it back in his bag, the pencil was gone. and so, it ended there. i said "that is why i said not to bring anything to school". 
and when ms hana called me and said "aidan bit daniel", i knew he has his own reason. unlike aimar, aidan would get aggressive when he's been provoked. he would bit, hit and do all those beyond thinking, in a blink of eyes. anyway, as i told ms hana what i knew, ms hana was telling me "daniel is a very cheeky boy. he has this habit to take things from his friends, but, his mom will always check his bag" cut it short, i asked for daniel's mum contact to apologize (though i must admit i did hesitate) and called her to say sorry of what had happened. 

back from work, i asked aidan the whole story... just to found out, my hesitation about daniel being cheeky and took aidan's pencil that resulted in aidan's biting him was all me wrong. i was playing the very defensive mother, and i should have not. but tell me, who's mother won't? apparently, daniel did not take aidan's pencil, it was nadia and she admitted and gave the pencil back to aidan. poor daniel, being the biggest boy at school, got bitten by aidan was not something he would feel proud of. and he was not at fault at all.... gosh! i texted his mum and apologized, again. 

and that night, aidan was different. he refused to talk. he went to bed early, out of norm. he wasn't talking and explaning. and i knew, him misjudging daniel and it went all the way up to his beloved principal's knowledge was not something that he was proud of. aidan never cared about others, but he was selective enough to get approvals from his mama, aboh, atuk and teacher hana.. he was always at his best behaviours, and i'm so thankful for having such an obedient boy like him.

i thought the biting issue stopped there.. only to find out that he pinched daniel on friday! gosh! and i thought everything has over! i asked aidan what happened and he told me "he was cutting queues in front of me".. silap besar la kan.. he was so full of grudges over daniel, and daniel carik pasal cam tu.. gosh!!!!

me - as time writing this still speechless. frankly, i didn't know how to deal with these kind of stuff. i can just let it flow, and told him this is part of life learned and he shouldn't do what he did. i did that. and was that enough? hmmmmmmmm