Monday, March 26, 2012

a dozen of abundant love

i may not have a tragic love story. my love didn't have critical illness neither he died from a tragic accident. but he is my love, my life, my soul. i don't need to go through torturous moment, lost my love, just to realize i have the love of my life.

they said, rebound love don't last. they said, mine was a rebound! yup, i knew my then-boyfriend was two-timing me. he admitted and he begged for forgiveness. he cried and he wanted to make amend. i kept him on hold.  but when my then-boyfriend decided to screwed up my relationship with another girl, i knew instantly that i shoud pursuit my so-called fling. i must admit, i did feel guilty. the loyal me consciously told myself, i shouldn't threw away that five-year relationship to thrash just because he slept with someone else, ha! listen to myself, how can any girl justify to oneself of what he did to me? and he made it easy for me to decide. so what if we have five years to waste? if he couldn't respect that, why must i give a damn. and i can never thank God enough for showing me his true colours before too late.  i was at my happiest moment, and was smiling day in and day out the day i told him things were over between me and him and i didn't want to have anything to do with him.

i met this guy. his eyes squinted, he wore the same bulky jacket everywhere he went, he did not take that green cap off his head. he's nothing but ordinary. i was still 'in a relationship' and i was head over feet over this apek guy! few close friends told me i deserved to be happy that i shouldn't feel guilty. in a way, this apek guy was God's sweetest gift to me. he opened my heart and i don't need any reason to convince myself he is the one. as much as my friends were happy for me, they reminded me as well.. perhaps that's just rebound..

whatever people would want to name it, by all means, just do. if that is rebound, it had been on rebound for the past twelve years! and more and more and more to come. the joyrides, i can't deny, were mixture of ups and downs. the roads were not as smooth as silk, there were bends and bumps,  and all in. but tell me, bumi mana yang tak ditimpa hujan?

i hate it when we fight
i hate it when i cried, makan hati with his words and actions
i hate it when i have to swallow my pride just to make peace
i hate it when we were rude to each other
i hate it when he decided to overwrite my rights
i hate it when he failed me
i hate it when it times to face the bad times

but then again,
no matter what no matter how,
when my cousin was struggling to get her passport done because her dad's gone 'missing', i'm glad i have you as the responsible aboh of my kids
when my car is due for insurance and roadtax and i have no saving to even pay that, i never thank you enough for being my banker
when my friend was complaining how lonely she can be, i keep forgetting how lucky i was to have someone who is there to give that big warm hug when i need it
when some wife was crying over a cheating husband, insyaallah, that would be the least i should worry of

so, if this is a rebound love, i am soooo greatful it happened with you! this end of march, it's gonna be twelve years us being an item. at times me writing this, all i want is you hugging me as tight as you always do. and knowing that i still miss you makes me feels good - i know, you are still crazy about me and i'm still the one for you. thank you for believing in love and believing in us.

love you, mmmuuaaahhsss...

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