Tuesday, January 20, 2015

so, it was supposed to be easy?

it has been a week since my husband is off for his routine work duties. that means, it has been a week that i became a 'full time 100% mom' taking care of the kids. and today, i am posting to blog how ashamed i am to myself!

after a decade being a mother, appreciating motherhood and what-so-ever, i broke down!

as i've been telling people (and maybe it was for myself), i have always been good in whatever i do. i was a start student and an excellent employee. but, after one week, taking care of the kids, and trust me, i do cheat and let them stay with their grandparents over the weekend so that i could have a night alone for myself, i still posting this!

no pun intended, but i always thought committing 100% time being a stay-at-home mom will kill any decent lady. what will you do when the kids are off to school, the laundry are done, the house is cleaned by the weekend helper and you can opt to buy your food just a five-minute drive away if you don't want to cook yourself. and this is almost an everyday routine. of course, one of the day, you can go shopping, meet your friends over lunch, go for another shopping, bloggings, on-line shopping, FB, TV, reading and many more.. but, what's next?

somehow, after a week, i was haunted with my own shadows.

before i could realized it, instead of opting lazy time on the bed after the subuh prayer, i had to wake up, took my shower (or maybe later), got the boys ready for school and off we went..faced the horrifying traffic no matter how early we decided to make our move! and once they were off to school, stopped by the nasi lemak stall for quick breakfast, back to home for few minutes naps, and before i knew it, it's another half hour to boob. there were zuhur, lunch and few hours of reading or blogging and zap, time to pick up the kids. reached home, prepared dinner if i felt like it, or just lazing around with another round of my e-book. maghrib, recited quran with the boys and off for dinner if i didn't prepare any homecooked. worked on their homework and some revisions. and it was time to sleep. shut the kids off, and i tried to get some rest myself, and without me noticing it, there goes my 24 hours routine.

the kids were kids, and to add the drama, there were two of them, and they were boys! i have to constantly told them 'stop giving mama headaches, please', and two minutes right-after, i have to mutter the same sentence again. having a toddler is an additional 'advantage'. she would whine, she would charmed her way, she would want all the attention on her.

and being ambitious is unhealthy for someone in remission. aidan need a UHU glue, a box and coloured paper for the art class, and dang, i still hasn't bought it yet.oh no, i went to the bookshoop and didn't get it for him! aimar is eight year old and still struggling with the articles a, an and the.. oh no, is he been missing in class? aivey is going to four, talks a lot and still struggling with potty train. gosh! and i couldn't get the printer to print out aidan's history homework!!! i need my man!

this is the start..

somehow, i still think a fixed office work with complete job description is workable for me rather than a home-maker trying to figure out everything and pretend to the stakeholders that i know this is the right way 'coz i'm a mother!

what was i thinking?????

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