Thursday, July 28, 2016


we are dead bored. it's aidan day 3 warded in PHKL and he was supposed to be discharged today and yet we have been waiting since morning and still waiting for the paperworks and documentations.

aidan asked me, have you ever been warded because of other reasons than cancer?

yup, for delivering you, aimar and aivey.
i never liked the thoughts of me being warded because of my cancer. it wasn't easy, for sure. and thinking and talking about it wasn't easy as well. 

my chemo and radio didn't require me to be warded. it was then i was introduced and got familiar with the terms 'daycare', 'homeleave' and 'day surgery'. 

however, during the treatment, there were times that i needed to be warded as i was infected with bacteria, i was too weak, i wasn't eating, i needed more blood.

it was tiring. for me and for the loved ones. everybody lost their patience at some breaking points. i was mad at my hubby and dad for leaving me all alone at the hospital while they were running here and there taking care of my children and the day-to-day routines. my hubby was angry for i refused to eat and i cried for i was sad when he was being insensitive while i forgot how uncomfortable for him to be sleeping at the make-do sofa turn bed for nights. i was mad when the nurses put in the tube from my nose down to my throat as they were trying to feed me. i was pissed as they told me it won't hurt but it was horrible horrible pain that i wouldn't mind being in labour for the fourth time! i was mad when i missed the children when I was warded and i screamed and asked them to go back home when they were making the hospital room too comfortable for them to play.

it has never been pleasant though people tried hard to accommodate me.

now that i'm reflecting back of what had happened, i just couldn't thank Allah enough for the abundance love He gave thru these beautiful people who matters!

thank you Allah 
thank you all and all.

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