Sorry

I planned to just share an FB posting on Aimar's yesterday.
I realized I didn't 'talk' or share much about him as compared to AbgDan and VV.
I felt so bad.
I was such a horrible mama!

But then again, I realized that whenever I wanted to share news about him, I'd have such a long posting and explanation which resorted to me blogging ..

and today, I'm doing the same thing, blogging about him.
...
I don't really know how to start.
I wanted to post pictures on the notes he made and pasted on his wall... but I always wanted to find 'the right time' and it seems like it never came.
Yesterday, I received a text message from his teacher.
I was at the neighbourhood mamak with my dear husband, and as I read the text, I was teary.
A feeling of 'terharu', grateful syukur, happy, confused all mixed up as one.

His teacher wrote to me, telling what he did.

His teacher saw the need of telling me this because she knew her student so well! 

Aimar has always been an 'active' boy who couldn't sit still in a long time. 

He always love to help out. 

There were few occassions when I waited for him by the masjid lepas solat jumaat dan dia tak muncul-muncul lagi while para jemaah semua dah clear balik. 

'Kenapa Aimar lambat?'

'Aimar tolong lipat sejadah tadi ma. Ada pakcik tu bagi Aimar RM2.'

'Ok. Dah tu, mana duit?'

'Aimar masuk dalam tabung masjid'

Masa tu, hati mama yang tengah panas rasa nak bebel tunggu dia tak muncul-muncul, terus rasa bersalah dan terharu. 

Alhamdullillah, Allah bagi mudah untuk mama dapat anak soleh macam Aimar, ameen.

Masa dekat sekolah, he would be the first to help his friends when they have 'toilet incidents'.. 

I remembered when he was in Std1 and one of his friend's mom texted me asking, 'you mama aimar ye?'... Masa tu, mama dah panik dah ' apalah aimar buat kat anak orang ni.'

And the mom was asking when was Aimar's birthday as she wanted to give Aimar a gift for being so helpful with his son. Apparently, his son did have problem adapting with other friends and Aimar was so kind to approach and befriend him. Alhamdullillah. 

So, back to to the message from his teacher, hari tu ada 'sembang' ngan teacher dia masa PTC.. and we both agree that Aimar ni 'susah' nak mintak maaf... even for obvious mistakes he made. My husband and I have been highlighting this issue for quite a while. We tried our best to address it at our best to encourage...not to ensure that he learned to accept his mistakes and apologize. I even personally doa in asked 'Ya Allah, mudahkan Aimar untuk melihat dan mengaku kesilapan2nya'

And apologize is not simply and apologize. 

We do take an act of apologizing seriously. 

Orang kita, kekadang nak tutup citer takmo drag pepanjang, mintak maap je lah. 

Orang kita, bila ada tak puas hati ke apa ke, masa raya salam ' maap ek, 0-0' and that's it!

Kena ubah mindset ni. 

As we teach Aimar, and also AbgDan and VV, mintak maaf ada adab dan caranya. 

Maaf is understand what you've done wrong, admitting your mistake, learn from it and promise not to do it again. 

Itu baru betul mintak maaf. 

(and that is why, bila orang mintak maaf or request for us to mintak maaf tapi tak nak bagi tau for what, kami tak boleh faham)

We will usually asked our children what and why they are sorry for when they were apologizing. 

Untuk Aimar, dia memang jenis susah sikit nak mintak maaf. Jenuh lah kitorang paksa dia mintak maaf... And I guess, when he did what he did to his teacher, admitting his mistakes, mintak maaf.. made me all teary! Alhamdullillah. At least, benda yang berbulan-bulan kami tarbiah, ada nampak improvement. I thank him that night for apologizing. 

(So, next, nak shape dia suruh take instruction and ikut.)

Lepas AbgDan dah masuk asrama ni, he's responsible to a lot of things. 

Kalau tak, semua dok suruh AbgDan je. 

Bila dah suruh tu, bila dia buat, his tendency is to be so kelam-kabut and end up mission unaccomplished. Lepas tu, mulalah aboh mama bebel kat dia... nak betulkan benda yang salah. 

Last few weeks, I decided to read what was written on the paper he pasted on his wall. Reading it one by one, I cried. 

Semua anak berbeza. 

His achievement is different, and so does his struggles. 

My hubby is the wise one to be able to identify and highlight this to me. 

For me, I have always believe anak-anak ni semua perlu dibentuk didisplin. 

I got it well with Aidan, and I believe it won't be difficult with Aimar and Aivey. 

Cuma silapnya, I never want to accept that they are struggling in their own battle. 

Malam lepas baca all those notes, nangis tak sudah mama. 

I felt bad. 

I felt such a horrible mama. 

Aimar, 

when you read this post, I want you to know how special you are to us. 

being born so tiny, and grow up such an active healthy boy, you've gone so far. 

and I know you will go far. 

tak putus mama doa untuk Aimar, AbgDan & Aivey.. jadi anak soleh solehah, jadi khalifah Allah yang akan mendirikan amar makruh nahi mungkar, Insyaallah. 

and I know you will, Ameen. 

Aimar, I love you the same. 

Tak kurang tak lebih. 

Sayang yang amat sangat, yang kalau harus kita ganti nyawa untuk selamatkan awak, mama sanggup. 

Moga Allah permudahkan untuk kita. 

And before I end this, I just want to tell you about the note you wrote on 'sebelum tido, salam mama, tak yah peluk'

You have always been such a wonderful anak. 

You showed your love intensely. 

And by that, I mean, you couldn't control yourself when you hug me tightly, really tight... 

Aimar, mama nak Aimar tahu, not that I don't like you hugging me... but most of the time, bila dah besar2 ni, Aimar hug me too kuat sampai berbekas sakit badan mama. Mama tak kuat tak sehat. Bukan mama tak suka Aimar peluk mama... you just have to know, I love you. 

Ok, mama dah nak emo balik. 

That's it.

Out.