Everybody is so proud of the company, and I felt kinda weird ... Why?
hmm...
where do I start?
...
I wanted to join The Company even after I finished my SPM. That was waaaaaay back, ages ago. The was 1994. My SPM was not 'as good as I expected' it too be! Back then, I put the blame on abah & mama for forcing me to take Bio as they really wanted me to be a doctor, while I know I prefer account (masa tu la) than learning to disect a frog. So, the result was not as 'flying colours' as I wished it turned out and so my application to be The Company scholar was merely 'try-try nak apply' je. I wasn't even shortlisted for the interview and so I understand. I really wanted to go the UK back then. And I really didn't want to wait for the two-years A level program to be done in Malaysia as I want to go then and then. We opted for MARA.. I was the lucky one sebab mama memang kerja MARA. So, I said lucky bukan sebab mama ada cable. Mama memang ada cable, cable telefon. She was the phone operator since...forever?!.. ingat lagi masa primary school, lepas kelas hari sabtu, gi bangunan MARA tengok mama kerja...bila orang tanya, 'mama kerja apa?'.. I would say 'jawab telefon, sambung telefon.. dia pakai earphone lepas tu dia tekan tekan teet..teet..mara.'Operator ni kira atas sikit lah pangkat dari tea lady tapi masih bawah daripada clerk time tu.. and i am still impressed with mama's number-memorisation skill sampai sekarang. Sebab mama ada access to MARA's opportunity (time dulu mana ada FB semua ni..nak tengok iklan, beli semua utusan, berita harian, the star, nst... hari-hari, baca iklaneka diorang).. I found out that I am eligible for accelerated A level.. buat setahun setengah kat Mesia, pastu fly. Tapi, with the result, I can only apply for accountancy. But then again, time tu dah lambat dah nak tanam rasa nak jadi account... basic bukan ada pun..bebudak yang dapat offer accelerated tu pun sure semua ada background belajar accountancy masa form 4 form 5. So, I declined the offer. Few weeks after that, mama said MARA ada nak hantar budak pergi buat IB kat oversea terus. IB was so foreign at that time. Kitorang (budak MRSM) lebih familiar with A Level instead. Tapi, nak pergi oversea punya pasal, I went to the national library, try to dig out information about IB and A Level. Masa baca tu, panik gak rasa..A Level suruh belajar 3 subject je, IB nak kene minimum 6 subject plus nak kena buat extended essay plus nak kena buat Theory of Knowledge plus nak kena ada social service and activities...hamboi... tapi, masa tu memang fikir nak keluar Mesia je.. and so, I filled in the form, tulis panjang lebar essay about meslef and my dream to the world. I was shortlisted for the interviews, dan dipendekkan cerita, I was selected to join the program. Syukur sesangat. Time tu nama naik kena gi Canada... ha..masa tu Mama memang guna cable suruh tukar gi UK.. I was prepared to go to Canada, though!
Ok, back to cerita of The Company... masa gi UK, belajar and bercampur dengan kekawan yang sama-sama merantau belajar kat sana... masa tu lah nampak 'kasta hebat' scholar-scholar PETRONAS, Bank Negara, PNB, SHELL and some others. MARA ngan JPA ni memang scholar kasta bawahan la kan. As some of us opted to kerja, I was, alhamdullillah, being 'able' to finance myself on shopping and food without kerja... La ni, baru lah timbul rasa bersalah kat mama abah of how spoilt I was back then... duit kerja gaji gomen as an army officer ngan MARA telephone operator tu lah dok support tiap-tiap bulan untuk anak hidup mewah berhedonistic kat UK..uwwaaa!!! Scholars Petronas, in particular, dapat duit banyak... huntung lah saya sebab ada boyfriend scholar Petronas nak ngurat masa final year ... semua dia sponsor... candle-lite dinner, tiket train bla bla bla.. (tapi, rugi gak jumpe masa dah final year...kalaulah jumpa masa first year ke masa IB itself ke, lagi bahagi..hahahaha).
So, lepas grad, balik je Malaysia, terus buat CV ngan copy semua sijil-sijil apply kerja PETRONAS, walaupun masa tu I was much aware diorang ada scholar diorang sendiri! Tapi, kot-kot lah...
It took me ten years to be accepted.
Within the 10 years, I never stopped applying and hoping. Memanglah takde satu pun application mengena, but I never stopped! In the meantime, I was blessed dapat lots of experience, kerja dengan local company Digital Aura was the best experience ever! Sampai hari ni, kalau nak cerita, tak habis cerita. Banyak belajar, tentang hidup, tentang engineer, tentang being muda and all from DA. Bos-bos sangat-sangat pemurah ilmu duit dan masa, kawan-kawan sangat-sangat penyayang tak kedekut kongsi semua...no dengki, none so whatever! Company kecik tu lah yang bawak myself to Iraq, masa zaman Saddam Hussein masih hidup and it was so sad to see view of Baghdad nowadays as compared to 2002. Lepas DA, merasa jadi minah kilang setahun kat Western Digital. Nothing that I learn except kilang is always a struggle! Then, rezeki masuk Penaga Dresser. Lepas kahwin, mintak bos transfer ke Kemaman, masa tu lah belajar pakai helmet, safety boot, coverall, masuk plant tengok apasal lah SVI ni tak bagi signal kat control room.... hmmmm... masa tu pun, masih tinggi cita-cita nak join PETRONAS ..nak jadi engineer yang pakai coverall kuning instead of hijau!Kasta lagi!
isshh... panjang lak citer...
ni baru mukaddimah ni!
aiyyoo
....
And so, I was in The Company system!
Frankly, I didn't like it then
and I don't like it now.
The only plus point with The Company was the gaji (wuuhuu!!! it was 200% increment from my previous company when I got the job) and the bonus (melampau lampau banyak... terus lupa diri masa dapat... kerja 10 thn 'kat luar'pun tak leh sama banyak dengan duit bonus tiga tahun!).
I didn't stay long in The Company. Lepas 4 tahun kerja, I was diagnosed with cancer, and took unpaid leave. Lepas tu, I decided to resign and my husband was the happiest man ..
And so, what did I see in that mysterious tallest twin towers for that short time?
Not as much.
...
This is purely my humble opinion.
Despite the fact that Petronas memang 'partly'accountable to play the role menaikkan taraf orang melayu, agenda bumiputera and so on... it is sad to find out myself, jauh lagi mereka nak capai tu! I am refering this to KLCC sebab I am not being fair untuk mereka-mereka yang kerja with PETRONAS di luar KLCC...for I see how ikhlas and truthfully mereka-mereka yang bekerja kat plant Kertih, kat PMO, kat transmission line Gambang and all. But I didn't see that in KLCC.
I am generalising everything and not being fair to those yang betul-betul nak kerja dan menjayakan agenda PETRONAS nak memajukan bangsa dan negara. And so, please forgive me for that.
My writings are clumsly composed and didn't refer to any facts from the overall picture, but purely from my personal experience.
As I'm writing this, I reflected, and I couldn't see 'kenapa ramai sangat yang so proud wishing PETRONAS happy birthday?'apa yang PETRONAS dah bagi?
Ye, betul, saya kesian kat kawan-kawan PETRONAS yang bila hujung tahun je kena bash ngan orang luar PETRONAS sebab diorang nye bonus dipersoalkan, diorang punya untung kena bagi kerajaan and so forth. That's politic.
But on the other hand, saya pernah kerja dan hanya dapat 1 bulan bonus and increment cuma RM84 anually and I was in oil & gas industries yang masa tu, Alhamdullillah, my husband got a year bonus maka boleh lah bini dia merasa... though kalau tak dapat pun, bini dia dia masih tanggung sepenuhnya!
I remember the first time I got my bonus, I met my ex-colleague and shared with them the news. Kami semua macam tak percaya. Rezeki! But, that explained the Coach, Ferragamo, Michael Korrs and all .. while my friend back then were telling us she finally decided to invested in a RM400 Carlo Rino bag after years and years of kerja.
I remember masa mula-mula nak report duty kat KLCC, and how nervous I could get .. kawan-kawan masa tu was wandering, 'can you cope, Ain?'.... i remember telling them 'i have a lot of baju kurung to wear to kerja!'.. itu pun dah jadi satu issue. Coming from a company yang memang gi opis pakai lah ikut suka hang, we rarely wears baju kurung unless it is Raya Celebration and that was it la, kan! hahaha.. how i love the casual friday.. hari-hari lain memang dah casual dah pun, and then depa pi introduce casual friday pulak.... tell me about it!hahaha
Working as an experienced senior exec in SCM was ...................
entahlah..
tetiba speechless..
I wanted to remember all the good times. but, my brain went blank!
I remember the first 8 month was not so good experience. Most of the staff working in PETRONAS memang scholars or yang memang first adn ever experience kerja with PETRONAS. Depa tak nampak dunia luar. Despite of being proud as part of the Fortune 500 company, I didn't see the 'culture'of 'multinational' 'Fortune500' punya culture.
It was sad to be reminded I was being paid doubled than my previous company, just to sit at the workstation, betulkan typo and grammar orang, buat email bodoh-bodoh, jemput orang datang meeting and all those remeh-temeh things. Sebab? Sebab bos masa tu macam rasa I'm a threat kot.. kerja dari luar, ada experience, nanti kang bagi job besar-besar, dia jadi lagi hebat dari aku. Or maybe, bos masa tu rasa 'ah, bagi dia kerja besar-besar, kang aku yang nak kena ajar, and if she ever screw up, aku gak nak menjawab!'. I don't blame my boss masa tu.. I didn't know if my assumption was true or not. But that was what I've picked up. Lagi pun, budaya blame-memblame ni terlalu banyak, and I can say, after working with 3 companies which 2 of it was multinational companies, I never see that culture elsewhere but in PETRONAS.
Sapa yang buat memo?
Sapa yang hantar salah fax?
Sapa yang tak letak tarikh?
All that silly minor errors will start with siapa than kenapa and how can we solve it!
I remember when I was with my previous company, and screwed up quoting few hundred thousands of spare parts resulting to very low margin by the company. Client dah issue PO and I was panicked. I remembered how my chinese boss talked things over, 'it's okaylah. you bukan malaikat. we are all human... kita bagi je lah ikut apa kita quote. when i go to kemaman, lunch on you!'... cam tu je..
Tapi, kat PETRONAS, kau buat email, invite meeting...kau type 'meeting will start at 10pm' habis lah kena viral..bodohnye staff dia ni.. meeting kul 10 mlm? lepas tu, dapat lak email tu kat bos atas, dapat lak kat atas bos atas, and more... terus lah keluar task force study kenapa staff kita cuai, kena staff kita tak pandai... teruslah keluar memo semua staff kena gi kelas matematik belajar chapter jam... lepas tu, staff yang typo AM PM tu terus kena dapat rating 3L and duduk lah jadik cold storage through out the year, sambil tadah telinga dengar kena caci setiap kali bos mention dalam meeting ke apa ke...
Task force... itu satu lagi. Asal ada isu je, depa buat initiative, buat task force. Lepas tu, outcome of twenty meetings with lavish food, depa decided ' kita hire consultant omputeh. depa ada experience.' Pi hire consultant, consultant kata kena interview staff nak survey dulu. Bila interview staff, dia tanya what went wrong, and how you think we can make it better..lepas tu, idea staff sendiri depa present comei-comei bagi kat boss..and so we propose... ok, job delivered, bayar lah USD1million for the consultancy fees.
Haaa!!! Tepukk!!! (ok, i don't approve that tag line. I hate it!)
As I'm writing this, I am still thinking of one good thing I could see while I was in THAT greens.
And that is a hard thing to see.
Petronas ada gak orang cina, india, vietnam and so forth. I worked with them. And I saw the different, if not all, but mostly.
I saw how struggle a non-malay colleague nak adapt, gi la makan sesorang sebab geng melayu tak ajak pun dia lunch sama.
I saw how rajin a non-malay engineer nak settle kan issue berbangkit walaupun the scope was not bound by him to buat... itu kerja SCM sepatutnya.
I saw how sexist lelaki-lelaki melayu, suami-suami orang, bapak-bakap orang yang memang tanpa segan silu tengok pompuan-pompuan melayu dan bukan melayu, atas bawah atas bawah sebab awek tu pakai skirt bawah lutut!
I saw how degrading pandangan mata staff-staff pompuan melayu bila tengok pompuan tak pakai tudung, pakai skirt, pakai heels 3 inch, masuk surau nak solat.
and I saw a lot of mindset, sad mindset.
Again, bukan semua, tapi terlalu ramai yang macam tu.
Petronas yang saya tahu is full of greed. Greed nak dapat pujian bos. Greed nak naik jadi bos cepat-cepat. Greed yang memang nak bash staff supaya favourite dia yang naik. Greed nak kiasu. Greed sampai sanggup menipu kerja orang dikatanya hasilnya.
Petronas yang saya tahu is full of lies. Nak jujur sejujurnya buat governance, alih-alih ada 'wahyu'suruh ikut perintah yang diturunkan... Nak ikhlas seikhlasnya amik keputusan, alih-alih ada tangan dekat belakang tolong hunus pisau bertubi-tubi.
Petronas yang saya tahu is full of deceptions. Kene make sure presentation power, KPI met sokmo, bla bla bla... how? let's play with numbers, will ya?
Petronas yang saya tahu is full of malays. Melayu yang terlalu dimanjakan dengan kemewahan, hingga terkadang lupa nak cuit diri tengok keliling, apa dah jadi?
Petronas yang saya tahu is so full of who can bodek your boss better will be the next GM!
fullstop, no explanation!
Petronas yang saya tahu is full of perceptions. Mak-mak yang membuyung, harus dapat 3L biar pun lah baper banyak issue diorang closed. Dah asik MC sokmo. Mak-mak yang ada anak, harus tak score PPA sebab asik EL jaga anak sakit walaupun KPI meet excellently. Bapak-bapak yang balik awal harus takleh naik pangkat sebab banyak duduk rumah dari buat kerja walaupun settle dah semua action items dalam MOM.
Ye, Petronas jugalah menaikkan nama negara. No doubt!
I am proud to see so many successful malays from Petronas.
I am lucky to know lots of them.
But, even after 44 years, jauh lagi perjalanan The Company.
Selagi kita tak mampu nak ubah mindset, selagi itu lah kita jenuh berkayuh bertongkah arus.
Selagi kita masih rasa staff kena cukup 8 jam, kena bagus update system yang dah di invest berjuta-juta, kena sokmo cakap 'cantik beg kasut bos', selagi tu lah kita maintain to where we are now.
If PETRONAS is happy with what the have now, than be it.
Kalau rasa jauh lagi PETRONAS boleh pergi, ubahlah mindset.
Semua orang kena stop judging, semua orang kena start self-evaluating.
Lepas tu, judge diri sendiri.
Kalau rasa memang tak mampu nak contribute, baik undur diri.
Jangan waste rezeki Allah bagi.
Jangan jadikan yang halal jadi haram!
...
But I guess, mereka yang di dalam sana nampak apa yang kita tak nampak.
Bear in mind, this post is just IMHO je....
Ramai geng-geng petronas yang hebat-hebat! Please be proud of yourself!
I still remember how all of you were sad and cried and worried when you guys heard about the news of me being ill. Masa geng-geng citer ramai dok buat solat hajat and all.. rasa terharu sesangat..and sampai la ni rasa terhutang budi... So, jangan disheartened baca post ni ek.
I don't mean you, kind people...
haha..
mindset saya pun sama gak:)
love-hate relationship
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