But then, my parents always wanted me to be a doctor or an engineer.
The sent me to the MRSM, and they encouraged me to go to the UK right after my SPM.
I had my fare shares.
Last Saturday, I was reflecting about myself.
Alhamdulillah.. started with a friend asking for help with copywriting, I found passion and rizq in writing.
Nope, me no expert, and no matter how others been telling me that I am good in writing, I still am not convinced.
Allah SWT was so kind that my weaknessess and aib was hid perfectly, I knew, He knew.
Truth is, I suck in writing.
I may good with words, but nope, my writing was bad.
Insyaallah, I hope it get better in time, and by that, hopefully I do pick up the phase fast enough.
Last Saturday, as I was thanking Allah on the 'talent' He bestowed upon me, I wish I could have a different ambition.
I wish I could be an ustazah, like my mentor, Ustazah Norhafizah Musa...
Lembutnya berkata-kata, penuh hikmah, penuh ketenangan.
I can never get enough of her words of wisdom and all...
Cemburu dengan dia.
I wish I could have the ilmu she have.
I wish I could understand Allah, Islam and all as deep as she did.
I wish I could be an expert in Arabic and can memorize all the words in the Quran.
Nope, not that I'm not thankful with I able to do now neither that I'm complaining of my lackings.
I'm jotting this down so that I would be able to remind myself that this is what I want, nope, what I NEED to do.
It may take forever.
Robbi yassir wala tuassir..
I want to be a pendakwah.
I want to start with my husband and my anak-anak.
I want to spread it to my dear parents and all.
I want everyone to really know that azab Allah itu sangat sangat sangat sangat (tulislah banyak mana sangat pun, memang takkan cukup kiraan sangatnya) berat!
Not that I won't be diazabkan, Nauzubillah, I don't want to, and I know syurga is not something that I'd be guarantee of.. tapi I have faith. I believe Allah ar-ghaffur, Allah ar-rahim, Allah as-sami', Allah al-'alim.
And I believe Allah al-mulk, Allah al-'aziz, Allah al-qahhar, Allah al-muzil, Allah al-khofidh.
Bahagia bila mendengar salam dari Allah.
Hina bila bayang aura Dia sikit pun kita tak layak tengok.
Seksa yang amat sangat kalau azab Dia yang kita dapat.
I want everyone to know, I am truly true when I said I want you to know the truth, be in the truth and do what's true.
Kalau kita rasa berdosa itu takpe sebab nanti Allah Maha Penerima Taubat, meh ingat balik, hebat mana kita yang kita tahu bila 'nanti' kita tu nak sampai? malam kang? esok? lusa? next month? dah, kalau lepas abis baca blog ni, terus Malaikat Maut sampai kat kita, cammana malam kang kita nak taubat tak sempat?
Tak logik eh lepas abis baca blog ni Malaikat Maut sampai? yelah.. takde pun tanda-tanda 100 hari nak mati, 30 hari nak mati bla bla bla..
sombong tak bertempat
bodoh tak terajar
perasan tak beringat
bangga tak tergambar
riak tak mengaku
takbur tak terkira
meh la semua.
kita ni, fitrahnya suci.
rezeki kita, celik mata dengar Allahuakbar.
mati kita biarlah berteman Lailahailallah
akhir doa kita biarlah Alhamdulillah.