How to: 'The Travellers' Bouquet

Posting it here

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Few nights ago, masa berkumpul kat rumah abah, my cousin bought a chocolate bouquet of a dozen i-dont-know-the-brand-choc for his new girlfriend.. orang tengah nak mengayat, kasik chance la kan. 

But what was surprising, those chocolates, which could easily bought from Giant or Tesco and might cost less than RM10, plus the deco and wrappers and a teddy cost him RM100!

Am I shocked or am I shocked?

Lagi ter-inspire mama nak bukak kedai gift, tapi nak jual murah-murah. 

So, let's see if this would work. The bouquet below could be as cheap as RM35 onwards... a dozen  chocolate Kit-Kat, M&M and Snickers/Mars.Siap ada bunga and teddy bear comel lagi... 

RM100? for real?

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How to: 'The Travellers' Bouquet

Why do I name this 'The Travellers'? Because tourist goes for sight-seeing and traveller go for adventure. And in this bouquet, there's more to experience and discover, truly from the giver to the receiver. It's spread curiosity! 

1. An A4 EVA foam paper, cut into 6 squares

2. Use double-sided tape, tape it on two sides/corners

3. Fold it (as in the picture)

4. Attach it with a stick, use floral tape.

5. Combine those foam petals.

6. I pick to combine the petals in 6. We can also opt for combination in 2 or 3. 

7. The combined petals, the miniature foam bear and I picked hydrangea for this deco. 

8. Combined them, use floral tape. 

9. The chocolates - 6x2-finger KitKat, 2xSnickers, 4xM&M

10. Glue them on each foam petals using hot-glue.

11. Prepare to wrap them.

12. Voila!

....

Senangkan? 

And it's not expensive!

Of course, you can add more than a dozen choc if you want to.

Selamat hari raya

Raya was a bit 'different' this year.
How 'different'?
It's an inverted comma's 'different'.

Not that I can't describe it.
I just don't want to tell it here.
...
Alhamdullillah for the gift of my love, my dear husband and my life, anak-anak yang baik2 belaka.
...

Raya, is all about celebrating relationship.
The time we meet and greet.
The time we gather and bother.
Yang jauh kita dekatkan, yang dekat kita mesrakan.
Raya, masa untuk kita menyambung silaturrahim yang putus.

I don't want to be the one yang memutuskan silaturrahim.
Allah berfirman, Nabi SAW berpesan...
Hina sungguh if I'm the one yang putuskan silaturrahim.

Yes, there were conflicts between me and few others who are so dear to me.

Teringat pantun lama;

Nasi lemak buah bidara
Sayang selasih hamba lurutkan
Hilang emak hilang saudara
Kerana kekasih hamba turutkan

But again, I realized pantun ni, bila dibaca orang, will brings different tone to one's ears.
Ada yang rasa 'dasar anak derhaka, tak kenang budi. Dah kena bomoh la tu'
Ada juga yang yakin ' Allah tahu. Allah letak dah tingkat-tingkat sepatutnya... bini taat kat laki. laki jaga mak abah. Kalau 'terpaksa' hilang emak hilang sedara, kalau tak langgar syariat Islam, ikutkan je lah apa yang Allah suruh. Janji Lillahitaala.

Back to citer raya, bila dah ada masa terluang tu, kunjung-mengunjunglah.. itu anjuran Nabi SAW. Suruh mengeratkan silaturrahim.
Kalau ada yang merajuk berasa hati tak bertegur-sapa... mohon maaf dan beri maaf.

I did.
I texted the one I've hurt. Sorang reply and seeking the same. Sorang buat senyap.
Tapi, rasa lega, rasa syukur ya amat sangat bila message were sent out.. sebab rasa takut sedih sangat kalau nanti dari jauh nampak Nabi SAW kat akhirat, dia buat2 tak nampak kita... sebab apa? sebab kita penyebab terputus silaturrahim. sebab kita tak usaha nak sambung silaturrahim yang terputus.
ish..nauzubillah.

And another point to ponder..
Bila nak mintak maaf tu, mintak maaflah betul2. Ada adab dan cara yang Islam ajar..bukan yang orang Melayu ajar.

1. Rasa menyesal. Fikirkan apa yang telah berlaku dan perbuatan apa yang anda mahu dimaafkan.

2. Nyatakan dengan jelas perbuatan yang anda mahukan kemaafan.

3. Mengakui perbuatan anda tanpa mengemukakan sebarang alasan.

4. Berkongsi perasaan anda mengenai apa yang telah terjadi - elakkan daripada menyalahkan orang lain, membesar-besarkan cerita atau menyebut kata-kata yang sia-sia.

5. Mendengar respon daripada orang berkenaan tanpa mempertahankan diri.

6. Janji untuk cuba tak ulangi. Tawarkan diri untuk memperbaiki keadaan sekiranya sesuai.

7. Teruskan kehidupan. Apabila anda telah meminta maaf, lupakannya dan biarkan ia berlalu.

The least we can do, pohon maaf dengan ikhlas, bukan sebab orang tu ada tepi pintu dan kita nak lalu masuk dalam rumah, so, kita salam, ucap selamat hari raya, and cakap 'minta maad KALAU ada salah silap' dan tak perlu eye contact. Cara tu, cara tak betul, tak ikhlas.

For whatever, a note to my children, setiap kali solat, setiap kali berdoa, mintak lah Allah ampunkan kita, ampunkan mama abah kita, ampunkan orang yang kita sakiti... Sebab, kalau kita sakitkan hati orang, masa kat akhirat nanti, pergi gitu je amalan 1000 bulan kita masa Ramadhan hari tu... so, be it!

Maaf Zahir Batin

p/s: nak up lah gambar ni... cantik and classy kan? 

kalau terasa nak bagi tuan rumah yang buat open house raya, tanyalah kita.. 

kita jual murah je ni... less than RM50. caya tak?

Same League

We've been a couple for 18 years (wow!) and gonna be married for 14 years this August (for real???)

Bila cakap pasal rumahtangga ni, sure teringat lagu P.Ramlee 'Sedangkan lidah, lagi tergigit..Ini pula suami isteri'

Wuuhuu....

...

Gaduh... tell me, sapa tak gaduh dalam rumahtangga? Macam tak logik je takde gaduh-gaduh. Nabi SAW pun ada gaduh marah dalam rumahtangga dia... ingat tak hadis yang bercerita betapa Nabi SAW tahu bila Aisyah r.a. marah atau senang pada suaminya tercinta? Kata Nabi SAW, kalau Aisyah tengah bahagia tenang ngan suaminya, dia akan berkata 'demi Tuhan Muhammad' tapi, bila mood tengah marah, she'll uttered 'demi Tuhan Ibrahim'..cute sungguh couple karimallah ni :)

Dua tiga hari lepas, I did have some arguments and misunderstandings with my dear abang. Selalunya, I don't share and talked about it in any social media or even in this blog, despite of how sad and how I longed to talk about it.... but then, we all do know that this won't be permanent kan..gaduh-gaduh manje..nanti kang, citer kat FB 'sedihnya bila madu dibalas hempedu... sob sob..feeling depressed sad and teraniaya'... pastu, kuar FB memory a year ago.... sapa yang malu? mereka dan keluarga mereka yang malu... tambah lak bila ramai yang komen 'naper beb?' 'bersabarlah' 'hope semua okay' 'memang dasar manusia tak kenang budi' bla bla bla..... gosh! dari bebaik ngan laki, baca balik memori tu, tak kita cari gaduh balik sebab baru teringat benda tak setel lagi, or laki naik hangin dah kenapa semua nak citer????

So, what make this post different? 

Bila baca nanti, bila anak-anak baca nanti...'yeww... gaduh ngan laki pun nak citer ke?'...

Nope, we are okay.. kami gaduh civilised!!! kami setel dan-dan tu gak... ni ada yang kena bahan lepas-lepas ni... bila gaduh balik pas ni, sure ada yang ungkit 'citer dalam blog loving-loving sangat'... hahaha.... tadah telinga je lah!

...

Masa ada selisih faham baru ni, I was totally lost. My husband, I love him to the moon and back. Alhamdullilah, I knew he loves me too.... And he is my bestest friend. I told him everything..so, bila kita dah gaduh ngan BFF, memanglah hilang akal nak sembang ngan sapa kan... bukan dia boleh tukar terus mode hubby ke mode BFF... 

Yang paling best, sembang dengan Si Pemberi BFF tu kat kita.. yup, Hasbunallah wa nikmal wakeel. 

Yup, Allah is Sufficient and He is the Best Disposer of affairs. Dia tahu sedih marah geram kita. Dia tahu kita cuba takmo derhaka dan takmo buat laki kita marah kat kita, Dia tahu. Kekadang, kita sendiri tak tahu, and we can't expect our spouse to know either. 

Benda simple... like for my case, sedih je bila kena tinggi suara dan tak baper dengar apa abang cakap... Abang lak, jadi stress and letih... dah cakap baik-baik, tak dengar, pastu takmo make effort nak datang dekat untuk dengar... Kita lak rasa benda tak penting sangat pun apa dia nak cakap.. Abang lak terus jerit, dengar tak? Pastu, kita buat sinetron 'ye lah, orang pekak... sorry lah'... saja buat citer sedih nak buat laki rasa bersalah... memang saja lah kan...

Bende kecik je. 

Bila masing-masing dah sedar, back to the earth, baru tahu benda takde mende pun. Mulalah rasa bersalah. 

Tapi, masa gaduh, drama tak hingat. 

I happened to read surah an-nur two days ago. Ayat yang perempuan jahat untuk lelaki jahat, perempuan baik untuk lelaki baik. Pang!!! Masa tengah hangin, tengah stress, rasa macam terpanggil nak sembang dengan Si Pemberi Jodoh... Masa tu, setan mulalah tiup api derhaka kat laki... mulalah dia bisik 'laki ko ke jahat ke ko yang jahat?'.... sajekan..nama pun setan. 

Lama fikir... 

Alhamdullillah... seronok bila baca tafsir-tafsir and tadabbur-tadabbur yang ada dalam internet. 

Allah bagi jalan. 

An-Nur ayat 26.. Sebab turun ayat ni bila Aisyah RA kena fitnah ada affair.. sedih bila baca citer ni. Tapi, Allah jaga couple idola ni. Alhamdullilah. 

And back to my tadabbur... frankly, masa nak kawin 14 thn dulu, I didn't do any istikharah. Masa tu dok sakan bercinta. I just love him for him and I love him because I can feel he loves me more. Kekonon nak kawin, till jannah.... Harem tak paham mende till jannah... cakap tak serupa bikin. Astaghfirullahilazim. 

I do love him, for real. Cuma masa tu, I didn't really feel the idea of loving him lillahitaala.. teruk kan?

Alhamdullillah..bila dah sakit, bila dah lama, bila dah gone thru mcm2... it feels good that I do love him lillahitaala, and I want him for me and I want him till jannah. Sampai ada gak terfikir kiasu..mana boleh nak kasik bidadari reramai share laki kita dalam syurga nanti.. Abang nak 'memujuk' mula guna ayat pancing 'tapi Manje nanti jadi ketua bidadari'... then kita lak dalam hati teringat janji Allah..kita boleh dapat apa kita nak dalam syurga nanti... and I want him for me only... hahahaha.... 

Back to the ayat... kalau baca tak faham mende, rasa macam stress sgt bila time mood marah gaduh ngan laki.. rasa dia jahat sangat mainkan perasaan kita... pastu rasa kita ni jahat sangat sebab dapat laki jahat....

Aiyyooo... missy.... fuh fuh fuh... buang semua rasa tu. 

Alhamdullillah...

Allah bagi inspirasi dan motivasi dalam ayat ni. At least, that's how I felt masa gaduh bebaru ni adn terbaca lak ayat ni time tu (selalukan, bila tengah rasa sesuatu, bukak je Quran, mesti rasa ayat Allah tu kene direct kat batang hidung). 

My takeaways... ye pompuan jahat untuk lelaki jahat, pompuan baik untuk lelaki baik. That's how relationship works! Mirrorring..... Kalau kita rasa our spouse is not being fair to us and was being so evil to our feelings, think again.... was it him or was it me? It takes two to tango. Kalau jahat dia, jahatlah kita. Therefore, always try to be the best in the relationship. Kalau terbaik kita bagi, terbaiklah kita dapat. Kalau dia baik, pasti kita akan baik.. dan kalau kita baik, gila apa dia nak buat jahat kat kita?

See, jangan nak drama sangat! It's all back to us. 

Try to be the best in us so that we could get the best in return. 

Benda ni bukan gaduh laki bini je.. Is applicable to all... relationship ngan adik-beradik, kawan-taulan, jiran-tetangga....

Kalau rasa nak kecik hati sebab orang buat khianat kat kita, amik cermin, tilik dulu apa yang kita nampak.. then start 'judging'.

Yang terbaiknya, bawak cermin tu di tikar sejadah, sama dengan Quran as reference. 

Insyaallah, Allah bagi tunjuk jalan. 

PRU14 - not really..

And so, cerita tentang PRU14 tak habis lagi.
I just need to write this post, so that, nanti bila anak2 dah start nak follow and baca blog mama, I want anak2 mama to know, this is meant for you to read and understand kuasa Allah.
...
Semalam, Tun M angkat sumpah for the second time as the PM of Malaysia.
...
Ok, I stopped writing and I don't remember what I want to tell my kids.
For whatever, I remembered telling the boys how proud I was being a Malaysian when Tun M was the PM. And yes, I was ashamed of Najib's 1MDB agenda and his China's pact..for what ever!

I was telling them, the struggled I went through in explaining where Malaysia was when I was in the UK for the first time. It was 1995. My college was an international college that have students from all over the places. So, Malaysia was no strange to the students. There were 11 of us and we have about 10 senior students above us. I remembered how colourful and joyful the International Nights we had in the college. The kitchen lady picked laksa as the soup of the day for dinner and we, Malaysian, performed some Malay dance and sketches proudly and hit the floor! It was fantastic. But, the college was the only place who knew who and where Malaysia was at that time. The college was located two hours away from the city, in the deep end of a Bristol Channel and in an isolated castle-turn-college in Llantwit Major (yup, even pronouncing it the first time was weird). The college encouraged students to get involved with the communities. We have children came to the children's farm, where I was in-charge as I was in the Estate Service. We went to the nearby school to tutor students and we also went to the old folks' house to entertain the retirees. I remembered it wasn't easy explaining to the local where Malaysia is at that time. They knew Singapore and Thailand, but Malaysia?? They gave us a blank stare. I remembered being thrown oranges peels by local high-schoolers in a public bus. The bus conductor saw and told them to apologize. They did and one of them asked me 'are you Chinese?' I said 'No, I'm a Malay Malaysian'. They said they were sorry as they hate Chinese and thought I was Chinese. And the next question they asked 'What is it you were from? Malay-something?'

I saw the different in less than 2 years in the UK. In 1997, most people knew where Malaysia is. 'O, the Twin Towers!' And that was enough!

It's sad when we read in the news, bits by bits, on the corruption done by 1MDB, the 'land sell-off' to PRC, the debts the country is making, the MO1, the Jho Lo and all... It's very distressful.

Yup, just like 1997, in 2017 Malaysia made the news again... the country who has such corrupt leaders.
...
My dear anak3 mama,
When I started this post, I want to write about legacy, about victory, about orang betul akan menang juga akhirnya..

But not now.
I'm not writing it now.

Nanti, if you've got the chance and time, learn your history. Learn who is Mahathir. Know who is Najib. Understand who is Anuar.

Being a Risik-5 daughter who read so many reports from the Raja Bahrin's, Memali's, PENGKOM's and all.. I heard so many stories first-hand from my dear abah. He's a walking library for me who has so many 'interesting' stories to share. We (the family) was once being 'paid' by CIA to become the government baits, which of course, at the end, the CIAs officers failed in their mission and was turned to the government for action to be taken lah kan.. Our life then was so lavish. We went to most of the 5-star ratings hotels for dinners and lunches. We checked-ins for the pools. We even became the member of the prestigious club house in KL. We live the rich lifestyle. Until my dear abah has sufficient evidence to turn the culprit to the government, we were back to 'normal' life. In his position, my dear abah can be as corrupt as he wanted, or as we wanted.. just to fulfill our lavish lifestyle. I remember asking him when I understand the whole scenario, 'kenapa abah tak amik je offer diorang...boleh duduk kat oversea lepas tu..glamour oo'... and his words was deep, 'Ain, rezeki ni bukan depa tentukan. Kalau makan duit haram, memang sedap, tapi jadi darah daging. Tanggungjawab abah bagi rezeki kat anak bini. Kalau haram abah bagi, haram lah yang mengalir dalam darah daging ain dan adik-adik,sampai bawak ke anak cucu cicit. Nauzubillah! Biarlah tak dapat gi hotel selalu, janji rezeki kita halal. Sebab rezeki halallah, Allah mudahkan anak-anak abah. Ain boleh belajar sampai oversea. Semua anak-anak boleh hidup dengan selesa. Itu cukup dah.Lagipun, abah tak sanggup jual negara. PM kita dan yang lain-lain banyak berkorban naikkan nama negara..hina paling hina kalau kita jual negara kita'

Itu pegawai kerajaan yang ikhlas makan gaji masa zaman Mahathir.
And yup, he was good in his work, but he didn't retire as a general.. I told him, he worked hard but not smart! He said he would rather not get the rank than had to 'polish' some politicians' ass. Not that all generals polished the higher-ups' assess..but we knew how it's like, then and even now. Itu manusia.
...
For whatever, we picked our path.
Nak yang baik, kita dapat baik.
Nak yang senang, Allah bagi senang.
Ingan ayat Allah. Ash-Shams ayat 8-10.
Faalhama fujuroha watakwaha. Serta mengilhamkannya jalan yang membawa kepada kejahatan dan membawanya kepada bertakwa;
Qod aflaha man zakkaha. Sesungguhnya berjayalah orang yang menjadikan dirinya yang sedia bersih bertambah-tambah bersih.
Waqod khoba man dassaha. Dan sesungguhnya hampalah orang yang menjadikan dirinya yang sedia bersih itu susut dan terbenam kebersihannya.

...
Nanti, when you understand politics, baca sejarah 9th May 2018..PRU14.
Baca struggle nak jujur.
Baca halangan nak menang.
Baca dorongan nak betul.
Dan faham kuasa Allah.

Hasbunallah wa nikmal wakiil...

For whatever, ingat, Allah As-Samii Al-Basir.
Waasirru qaulakum awijharu bih. Innahu alimu bizatis sudur.
Dia tahu. Kita sembunyikan, kita suarakan, Dia tahu apa yang ada di dalam dadamu.

Jaga hati biar bersih, niat betul..
Jadilah khalifah yang sepatutnya kami jadi.

hypocrites

indeed,
we are all.

we wanted people to be treat us good
yet we are the one who was being sarcastic to others,
and when we were told of why we did what we did
we blamed others they were being too emotional;

we told people to respect our opinion
yet we are the one who mocked others' view,
and when we were told that we shouldn't do what we did
we started to respond with the word 'but';

we criticized people for not being in the same page with us
yet we are the one who was looking at a different page at a different time,
and when we were told that we got the wrong page
we got defensive and dissatisfied over things we don't really understand.

and the list goes on.

hidup,
jangan sombong
jangan takbur

hidup,
watawwa saubil haq
watawwa saubil sobr
watawwa saubil marhamah

tapi sebelum kau nak nasihat dengan benar, dengan sabar, dengan kasih;
nasihat diri kau dulu.

Just Part 4

Just Part 4...No MRSM TAR - Part 4

I'm not sure if I'm putting MRSM TAR in our past now that Aidan is fitting in in Alor Gajah... deep inside, I still wanted a closure for all that had happened.. a closure for Aidan or perhaps, just me being selfish, a closure for myself.

I still wanted MRSM TAR to tell me what was the outcome of their investigation so that Aidan could understand he was not alone and he was not at the wrong, he was the brave one who spoke out! I still wanted those rude boys who texted me and swore at me with vulgar words to apologize, so that they learned, rude is a no-no. I still wanted the parent who made report on us publicly, or at least at the WhatsApp groups of where they had bashed us, apologize publicly and said they were making up stories, bad stories about us!
I still wanted...

Yesterday morning, I got a photo from the warden in his hostel... He was making his morning rounds and I was impressed. Congratulation MRSM AG! You guys are working in helping and guiding these teens boys to grow up and live like a man. Thank you for doing such a big favour to us, the parents. We should be teaching and guiding them, and you took charge. Alhamdullillah. Thanks a zillion MRSM AG!! Thank you Cikgu!

Aidan does has difficulties adapting with MRSM AG. He was so comfortable with the friendly environment from the seniors back in TAR (the seniors in TARs are so good and it was his lost... it is sad this batch was not being guided to follow suit!). He didn't get that in AG. But as we kept telling him. You can't get the best of both worlds. Lain padang, lain belalang. Pandai-pandailah nak hidup, bang. Masuk kandang kambing mengembik, masuk kandang lembu menguak... We are pretty sure what he's facing in AG is totally a different scenario. We can definitely identified him being bullied versus him being a whiner. 

But dealing with this boy, a teenager away from home, taught us to discover our sabar, our syukur and our iman. He taught us a lot while he's learning how to live. 

I got these type of messages for the past two days. Alhamdullillah, two days in a row, dia berdhuha. And he just texted me today telling me he just completed his dhuha for today. You know what AbgDan, bila AbgDan besar and baca blog mama ni, dan AbgDan belum berdhuha sebab sibuk urusan dunia, starts again! You did it when you were only 12 years and 4 months... you can surely do it again when you are 26, 34, 48 and on and on. And not only Dhuha...

 Aidan, do know, I only knew what Dhuha was when I was 33 years old.. Itu pun sebab mama pelik tengok nenek solat tiap kali dia nak keluar rumah gi MARA. Selalu mama ingat sebab nenek lupa subuh... but how wrong I was! Mama sangka buruk dengan nenek.. astaghfirullahilazim. 

Aidan, untung kamu, sayang... baru umur 'setahun jagung', dalam sunyi rindu nak duduk dekat kat rumah... you resorted for Dhuha. Quran pun kamu masih mampu beristiqomah. At times me writing this, you texted me yesterday that you've started reading Al-An'am. Solat, alhamdullillah.... kalau keluar berjalan pun, I knew you would want to find the surau so that you won't missed it. And last saturday, you've slept in surau, prepared yourself for qiyammulail which was an optional activity in the school. 

Allahuakabar. I'm not posting this to write about anak mama ni bagus dan baik. Mama taknak jatuh taraf ujub, riak dan takbur. Nauzubillah. 

I'm writing to remind me and you.... I'm writing to tell you never to do my mistakes and please never stop trying your very best to be the best khalifah for this world and jadi anak yang soleh dan bertakwa pada Yang Esa. 

Aidan, 

Mama went to the hostel in Perlis when I was 16. I never liked the place. I could never suit in there. Masa batch mama dulu, MRSM Beseri was the Serambi Mekah.. orangnya alim2. Mama was struggling. Mama ngaji and khatam quran masa darjah 6 pun sebab arwah nenek mama (moga dia diampunkan dosa) paksa gi ngaji. Mama masuk form 1, sekolah st mary, pakai skirt pendek atas lutut sebab mama pengawas. Comei je mama masa tu. Bila masuk Beseri, mama taknak pakai tudung. Panas! Tapi, dok kene kecam dengan senior je, mama gave up. Mama pakai tudung, tapi bila naik je bas nak balik KL, keluar je kawasan maktab, mama tarik tudung tu. Masa wajib gi qiyamulail..mama tak  tahu apa mama buat.. mama pergi, tetibe je orang dah angkat tangan baca doa qunut subuh,.. I was sleeping all the way dari tasbih, hajat, taubat, tahjud.. wallahualam... 

Aidan, 

Mama was such a sinner back then. I hate the place yang bawa keindahan dan kemulian Islam, just because I listened to syaitan's orders. I stopped reading quran sebab mama dah khatam and that was it. I fast for the sake of fasting (and I only knew fast is sawm when you and aimar told me in 2014), i wore tudung just to stop people from bitching about me (and that was it..no more tudung after two years in Perlis), and I did so many wrongs. I didn't stop right then. Habis SPM, I got to fly direct to UK. I was no sane at all.. Orang nak bertarbiyah, I ran away. Orang datang nak bertabligh, I shut the door off. And I did so many wrongs and sins. Bila start kerja, nothing changed. I have my own money and that was the life I knew. 'Heaven'!I thought.

and the stories go on. 

sampailah Mama tahu Mama dapat cancer. Masa tu, mama masih liat merangkak nak tutup aurat. Mama cakap kat aboh, 'seganlah nanti orang cakap, dah nak mati baru nak pakai tudung.' and tertampar bila aboh jawab, 'lagi baik nak mati baru nak pakai tudung, dari sampai mati tak pakai-pakai tudung!'.. Pang!!!!

Aidan, your mama is no sane.. no sane at all.... we've sinned and still couldn't avoid sinning as much as we tried.. astaghfirullahalazim. 

Tapi, inilah kasih Allah dekat hambaNya yang hina. Jahat-jahat mama, Dia kasik mama jodoh baik dengan aboh, dia kasik anak-anak yang bagus-bagus, dia kasik mama jumpa bergaul dengan orang baik-baik... Allahuakbar. Alhamdullillah. All praise to Him. Semua yang bagus-bagus ni, pujian untuk Allah semata-mata. Bukan untuk mama, bukan untuk awak, bukan untuk kita. Syukur, sujud, redha, takwa kita pada Yang Esa. Subhanallah. 

Aidan, 

I know. You are still struggling adapting to the hostel world. Nope, it's not TAR or AG or anywhere.. It's a change process that you are learning and Insyallah, will steer it well. 

Aidan, 

ingat tak last week you called me and cried because you were mad at Aiman, your dormmate , sebab dia letak dustpan berhabuk dekat baju Aidan because you don't want to hold the plastic as you knew he could just do it himself. Mama was defensive at that time. We asked you to go and talked to Aiman. Nope, we asked you to warn him. Masa tu, Mama was so traumatised if what happened in TAR will happen again in AG. I was becoming such a defensive mother. It was me who asked you not to react bila budak-budak nakal kat TAR tu start 'usik-usik' Aidan and I even scolded you not to be too manja! And this time, I won't allow anybody to touch you. I forced you to talk to the boy and tell him your boundaries and you mean business.  Did you still remember what you did after that? You were rushing nak gi tidur kat surau for the qiyamullail, so, you went to him and told him 'aku tak suka apa kau buat kat aku.Next time jangan buat lagi.'And you told me (the day after) that Aiman mintak maaf masa tu jugak and you boys were ok. I asked' Aidan taknak ke letak dustpan tu kat dia pulak?'

Your answer to me made me cry outloud in my heart, "takpe lah Ma. tak baik. lagipun kitorang dah okay. Dia dah mintak maaf pun." Baiknya hati awak, nak. 

To my friends who are reading this post. Please don't get me wrong in reading this post. Ini bukan nak puji diri atau nak naikkan semangat... Ini post nak share untuk kita sama-sama ingat kasih Allah terhadap kita semua. Cari dan cari dan minta dan doa padaNya. Kasih Dia tu terlalu banyak ..yang amat amat sangat... 

As a mother, jangan putus harap. Teach and guide them well. Ajar anak-anak ilmu Tauhid. Ajar kasih dan sayang Allah. Cerita susah payah perit jerih Rasulullah nak sampaikan Islam sampai dekat kita. Bacakan AlQuran yang indah-indah bahasanya. Ajar. Guide. Paksa lah masa diorang masih muda dan mudah. Marahlah masa kecil-kecil ni. Tell them the ideal world and ask them to adapt in the real world. The ideal world of being a great khalifah, towards the everlasting jannah, amar makruf nahi mungkar. 

Kita mungkin tak ada ilmu mendalam, tapi, pengalaman kita dapat jadi alat bantuan mengajar what's to ikut and what's not. 

Jom, kita try sama-sama.

AbgDan, thank you for the lesson. 

Alhamdullillah, all praise to Allah in every single thing that happened. 

Hasbunallah wa nikmal wakil.

  

TAR 2018 - Part 3

So,to-date.. Aidan is now safe and sound in MRSM AG. Alhamdullillah.. Ibu pejabat MARA was swift and made it easy for us.

So, why am not letting go?

Here's why:

1) To-date, Aidan was transferred and we haven't heard anything official from MRSM TAR. In fact, since day 1 we've reported about the case, we didn't get any feedback and when we insisted, all we got was "Biar kami uruskan masalah ini. Kami ada sistem kami tersendiri."
-bear with me on this and I shall elaborate.

2) Aidan is still figuring out, "Aidan ke yang salah ma? Aidan yang pindah dan budak2 tu masih ok kat sana. Ada kawan2 cerita diorang masih gak kacau orang lain. Memang diorang tak buat apa2 salah ke Ma?"
- if only i can answer that truthfully-

3) After we went home, I received missed calls and messages from one of the bullies and their parent. My husband got it too. Si pembuli mencarut-carut memaki hamun saya... He called me which I didn't bother to answer. We were told that we've damaged his stuff by putting glues and sabun in his basket... and unbelievably, he was so distressed that night and cried...  We were threatened that a police report was going to be lodge on us, which they did.

First, let me clarify that anyone can put glues and sabun - can be the other bullies (who just wanted to prank another bullies)  was taking advantage over the scenario that night, or can even be the boy himself who had definitely lied to his parents... but then, he suffered that night, while my son had put up with their antics since mid feb? and his parent was calling my son a sissy, anak manje mak?

hmmm....

I wish I could share more of the conversation on the messages and the WhatsApp sent to me on the aftermath... but as they've lodge the police report, and after being briefed, we decided not to lodge any report YET. I'm holding a lot more evidence, caci maki dan tohmah from them and all I want is a public apology from the boys, the parent who went to the police at 3 am and made a false report, the teachers who couldn't care less on what should be done...nope, I'm not blaming the school.. we have our own side of stories too..which I couldn't explain the details here as the police is investigating the case...

I've prepared my own version of report which I intended to submit to the police, but I haven't YET as I trust the police force is working at it on their best...I guess it's no harm sharing it here, though..just so everyone knew and understand our side of stories.

                                                                                                                                         :
1. Pada            , kami telah pergi ke  TAR untuk membawa pulang anak kami, pelajar tingkat 1 MRSM Tun Abdul Razak (TAR),                                                            Kami memohon menukarkan anak ke             atas sebab anak saya telah dibuli secara mental (‘mentally’) sejak dari pertengahan Februari 2018 dan pihak MRSM TAR tidak mengambil langkah-langkah pencegahan serta-merta walaupun setelah kami melaporkan kepada                       , tentang kes pembulian ini. Salah seorang pelajar yang disyaki membuli adalah teman sebilik anak saya,                                       Setelah laporan pembulian dibawa kepada perhatian                                           , tiada pengasingan asrama mahupun pengasingan bilik, dilakukan dan menyebabkan anak saya sangat trauma dan takut sehingga tidur dan makannya terganggu sehingga muntah akibat gastrik dan kurang tidur. Antara kejadian buli yang dilakukan pembuli-pembuli terhadap anak saya:
i.                                                    
ii.                                                    
iii.                                                    
iv.                                                    
v.                                                    
vi.                                                    
vii.                                                    

2. Kami difahamkan daripada pihak MRSM TAR, kes buli ini masih di dalam siasatan mereka dan kami yakin ia akan ditangani dengan sebaiknya.
3. Kami tiba di MRSM TAR pada             lebih kurang pukul            pm. Kami mendapat arahan dari pengetua              untuk menghubungi                          bagi membantu menyelesaikan masalah kami. Walaupun sudah ada temujanji dengan            , setibanya kami di Maktab dalam lebih kurang pukul 4:30petang, kami menghubungi             tetapi beliau masih sibuk dengan urusan rasmi dan kami menunggu di wakaf antara surau dan dewan selera MTSM TAR hingga beliau selesai segala urusan.
4. Dalam lebih kurang pukul            petang, kami meminta anak untuk mengemas barang-barangnya di asrama. Suami saya pergi mengalihkan kereta di hadapan asrama            ,dan menunggu anak saya tiba. Saya masih di wakaf dan mengarahkan anak saya untuk pergi ke asrama. Di hadapan asrama             anak saya bertemu dengan suami saya dan sama-sama masuk ke asrama untuk mengemas barang-barang yang hendak dibawa pulang. Saya menyusul berjalan ke asrama dan setibanya saya di bilik anak (           ), saya terus baring dan tertidur kerana kelihatan daripada perjalanan                   
5. Sementara anak berkemas, ramai kawan-kawannya datang menjenguk di             dan bertanya soalan kepada anak. Suami saya berbual dan bercerita pelbagai perihal dengan kawan anak-anak tentang kehidupan asrama. Antara pelajar-pelajar             yang ada bersama mendengar nasihat suami saya ialah                                       dan             serta            . Sedang suami berbual dengan pelajar-pelajar, anak mengemas barang-barangnya, saya tidur di katil anak, anak terlihat kelibat             di bilik            . Suami sudah pun berjumpa dan bersalam dengan beliau sebelum itu (dalam lebih kurang pukul            ptg) sementara menunggu anak berkemas, tetapi tidak mengenali beliau adalah orang yang hendak kami temui. Setelah diberitahui oleh anak, suami pergi semula berjabat tangan dan mengenalkan diri.             tidak menghalang suami yang berada di dalam asrama ketika itu setelah suami memberitahu yang kami ibubapa aidan. Melihatkan             masih sibuk dengan urusan asrama pula ketika itu, suami tidak mahu mengganggu dan hanya berkata kepada             harap dapat berjumpa solat maghrib sama ada di surau atau di rumah             setelah mendapat tahu dari             yang rumahnya di dalam kawasan MRSM TAR sahaja.
6. Anak selesai mengemas barangnya setiba waktu Maghrib. Saya pergi ke kereta menunggu suami dan anak meletakkan semua barang-barang yang hendak di bawa pulang. Setelah mengalihkan semua barang-barang ke dalam kereta kami pergi ke surau dengan harapan dapat bersua dengan             dan anak pula ingin memberikan token dobi lebihan kepada pelajar               . 
7. Setibanya kami di surau, jemaah sudah pun selesai solat Maghrib ada beberapa pelajar duduk di perkarangan surau. Suami saya pergi menghampiri seorang pelajar dan meminta dia memanggil                    yang telah meletakkan alas kaki di atas muka anak sewaktu anak sedang tidur (di mana waktu itu anak terpaksa berpura-pura tidur kerana tidak mahu diganggu, tambahan pula kaki anak bengkak kerana jatuh longkang dan sudah mendapat rawatan klinik kesihatan peramu jaya hari sebelumnya) dan                             yang telah memicit hampir 1 tiub gel ke dalam poket seluar anak.                                        datang berjumpa dan berbual dengan suami di perkarangan surau dan ketika itu ramai lagi pelajar-pelajar lain di situ.
8. Saya dan anak pada waktu itu berada di dalam kereta. Setelah lebih kurang lima belas minit atau lebih berada di dalam kereta, saya pergi ke arah mereka, dan terus meminta penjelasan daripada mereka atas perbuatan yang mereka lakukan ke atas anak saya. Saya, yang pada waktu itu, tidak dapat mengawal emosi seorang ibu yang anaknya trauma dibuli secara mental, dan tambahan pula keadaan fizikal yang terbatas (           ), agak terkilan apabila mereka tidak mengaku atas segala perilaku mereka. Saya telah meninggikan suara saya di hadapan mereka, disaksikan oleh pelajar-pelajar sekeliling dan disebabkan itu, suami saya telah mengarahkan saya pulang ke kereta.
9. Suami masih duduk berbual dengan mereka sehingga masuk waktu Isya. Pada waktu itulah,         tiba di surau, dan melihat suami berada di samping pelajar-pelajar, beliau mengarahkan pelajar-pelajar itu masuk ke surau dan mengarahkan pelajar                                   dan kawannya pergi memanggil pengawal keselamatan. Suami berpesan untuk meminta pengawal keselamatan bawa bersama kunci blok akedemik kerana anak ingin mengambil buku-bukunya di dalam kelasnya. Kami menunggu pengawal keselamatan di surau dan diberitahu semula oleh            dan rakannya bahawa seorang pengawal keselamatan sedang membuat rondaan dan seorang lagi tidak boleh meninggalkan pondok keselamatan. Maka, kami telah pergi ke sana dan meminta untuk blok akedemik dibuka. Pengawal keselematan telah pergi ke blok akedemik bersama anak sambal saya dan suami menunggu di kereta. Selesai anak mengambil semua buku-bukunya, kami meneruskan perjalanan pulang ke Kuala Lumpur, dalam lebih kurang pukul 9 malam.
10. Dalam perjalanan pulang ke Kuala Lumpur, kami singgah di salah satu kedai makan untuk makan malam. Waktu itu dalam lebih kurang pukul 10:30malam. Kami masih berada di daerah Pekan lagi waktu itu. Kami mula mendapat panggilan telefon dari ibubapa pelajar yang sebilik dengan anak kami dan disyaki membuli, Puan                               pada pukul               malam dan               malam di mana saya tidak menjawab panggilan itu. Saya juga mendapat panggilan telefon dari En                       pada pukul               malam dan tidak menjawab panggilan telefon itu.
11. Saya juga telah dihujani dengan panggilan telefon dari nombor-nombor yang tidak saya kenali (kecuali 2 nombor ada di dalam rekod saya), dimana saya mengesyaki, daripada pelajar-pelajar MRSM TAR pada lebih kurang waktu yang sama dan keesokan harinya. Rekod daripada telefon saya menunjukkan nombor—nombor tersebut adalah
a)               pada              mlm
b)               pada                          ,             mlm &             mlm
c)               pada                            mlm
d)               pada                         mlm &             mlm
e)               pada              mlm
f)               pada              mlm
g)               pada              mlm
h)               pada              mlm
i)               pada              mlm
j)               pada              mlm &             mlm
k)               pada                           &             pagi
12. Di samping panggilan telefon, saya juga mendapat mesej pesanan ringkas yang berupa cacian, ugutan dan tuduhan melulu seperti berikut:
a) SMS dari no              yang di tiada dalam rekod telefon saya. Ianya dihantar pada             malam dan berbunyi “Hi makcik, kalua berani angkat la call saya, penakut ke setan”. Nombor yang sama juga telah menghantar mesej kepada saya pada              malam dengan menggunakan perkatan ‘buto’
tetapi diikuti dengan maaf dan penjelasan dari pihaknya yang dia tersilap hantar
mesej itu.
b) SMS dari no               yang di dalam rekod telefon saya nombor telefon kawan anak saya, yang juga sebilik dengannya,              . Ia dihantar pada              mlm “Mak cik nak balas balik jangan melebih ni habis semua kau gam setan betul kau tahu anak kau melebih”. Mesej itu saya balas pada                        pagi “Sapa ni?              ke?” dan seterusnya mendapat tahu dari mesej saya dan pelajar tersebut bawah pelajar yang terlibat sama menghantar mesej itu ialah              ,              dan             .
13. Suami saya juga mendapat panggilan telefon pada 3             malam dan tidak dijawab daripada nombor               iaitu no telefon               bernama               dan juga daripada nombor              pada hari yang sama pukul              mlm,              mlm dan              mlm.
14. Selain daripada panggilan telefon dan pesanan ringkas SMS, kami juga terganggu dengan tohmahan dan tuduhan melulu Puan               dan En              di dalam WhatsApp(kumpulan dan individu) berkenaan perihal kami. Kami berkongsi 2 kumpulan yang sama di dalam WhatsApp iaitu kumpulan              yang terdiri daripada lebih kurang 120 ahli kumpulan dan kumpulan               yang terdiri daripada 12 orang ahli kumpulan.
15. Pada              telah menghantar mesej di dalam kumpulan WhatsApp             dengan tujuan untuk memalukan kami di kalangan ibubapa lain dan membuat tuduhan melulu terhadap ke atas kami dengan mesej WhatsApp pada pukul               berbunyi “Saya tak tahu apa masalah en ashraf” “dengan puan ain buat anak saya”. Mesejnya itu, secara tidak langsung ada unsur mengaibkan kerana ada juga ibubapa yang tertanya apa yang sedang terjadi dan ini memalukan kami.
16. Pada hari yang sama iaitu               di kumpulan               telah menghina, mencaci, menabur fitnah dan melemparkan tuduhan melulu dengan berkongsi mesej di kumpulan berbunyi seperti berikut:
“Anak saya di torture dengan teruk tadi, sebagai balasan atas “pembulian aidan..
1) Locker anak di gam sampai tak boleh dibuka (tuduhan tak berasas)
2) Beg Adidas anak digam dekat kerusi  (tuduhan tak berasas)
3) Katil dicurah spray nyamuk  (tuduhan tak berasas)
4) Kain baju di curah dynamo (tuduhan tak berasas)
Semua ini telah dilakukan oleh mak & ayah aidan.” (dihantar pada pukul              mlm) 
“Anak saya dimarah dengan teruk.. Dipaksa rekod pengakuan untuk dihantar ke top management mrsm. Pengakuan direkod video” (dihantar pada pukul              mlm) 
“Saya tak faham perangai manusia macam ni..kalau tak puas hati kenapa tak jumpa saya dan suami depan2? Encik ashraf dan puan ain didapati dah menceroboh asrama dan kami boleh report polis. Anak saya dah menangis2 kat asrama sebab hal ni.” (dihantar pada              mlm)
“Anak sendiri bermasalah, anak orang jadi mangsa. Cikgu               akan bawa anak saya ke balai polis untuk buat report sekejap lagi. Cikgu              , T              akan ambil tindakan terhadap parents aidan” (dihantar pada pukul pukul              mlm)
Kami sekeras-kerasnya menafikan segala tohmahan dan ini adalah fitnah yang sangat kejam keatas kami dan harus disiasat sepenuhnya supaya tuduhan melulu tidak dilemparkan sewenang-wenangnya.                                                                                              
17. Suami juga ada mendapat mesej individu dari Pn               pada               dan              dimana mesej-mesejnya penuh dengan makian, cacian, tuduhan melulu, tohmahan dan ugutan. Mesej-mesej beliau adalah seperti berikut:
“Call tak jawab. I will make a police report towards you and your family. Tak sangka orang baik2..orang berpelajaran tinggi perangai macam setan! You tortured my son..Anak you yang cari pasal buat cite reka cerita. Anak sendiri yang tak pandai bergaul dengan orang, pastu reka cerita dengan mak bapak pastu kata kena buli. You nak report kat top management mrsm, go ahead! I will do so. Wait for my police report. Cikgu              akan ke balai polis buat polis report ke atas encik ashraf & ain sebab kes menceroboh..dan buat kacau dalam asrama anak2..” (dihantar sekitar pukul              mlm hingga              mlm pada 30.3.2018)
“Ni fitnah & tuduhan melulu ke bro? Sebab ramai saksi yang Nampak..and u paksa anak I buat pengakuan & u rekod guna hp u..Anak saya ditortured dengan teruk tadi, sebagai pembalasan atas “pembulian” aidan..1)locker anak digam sampai tak boleh dibuka (2) Beg Adidas anak digam dekat kerusi (3) Katil dicurah spray nyamuk (4) Kain baju di curah dynamo (5) air dicurah dalam laci study table Damien. Semua ini telah dilakukanleh ashraf & ain parent aidan. Pastu you berdua mengamuk kat tar tadi.. sampai maghrib..Ini kes khianat &ceroboh asrama anak2 di tar. 
(1) semua Nampak, angah tau sebab dia pergi spray ridsect aidan kat bantal angah semua 
(2)            kene buangcadar,bantal,selimut kat dalam jamban sambal letak karpet yang dia letak kat aidan. 
(3) Dua2 tengking, depan senior semua, pastu tppp halau sebab masuk bukan waktu
melawat” (dihantar sekitar pukul              ptg hingga              ptg pada              )

Kami sekeras-kerasnya menafikan segala tohmahan dan ini adalah fitnah yang sangat kejam keatas kami dan harus disiasat sepenuhnya supaya tuduhan melulu tidak dilemparkan sewenang-wenangnya.

18. Suami juga ada mendapat mesej individu dari En                           bermula daripada            dimana mesej-mesejnya penuh dengan ugutan, tohmahan dan makian setelah suami tidak mahu menjawab panggilan telefonnya. En              juga menuduh melulu dengan soalan-soalan bertalu-talu seperti “kenapa menceroboh dorm 1? kenapa cikgu halang dan arahkan ko keluar dari dorm dan tak ikut? kenapa masuk dorm tanpa kebenaran sekolah?” (dihantar pada pukul              mlm)

Kami sekeras-kerasnya menafikan segala tohmahan dan ini adalah fitnah yang sangat kejam keatas kami dan harus disiasat sepenuhnya supaya tuduhan melulu tidak dilemparkan sewenang-wenangnya.

Segala tuduhan dah tohmahan yang dilemparkan ke atas kami adalah palsu dan tidak benar dan mempunyai niat jahat terhadap kami sekeluarga. Ini bukan sahaja memberi kesan sampingan kepada saya dan suami, tetapi juga kepada anak saya yang di bawah umur. Kami berharap pihak polis dapat mengambil tindakan sepatutnya dan dengar kadar segera untuk mengelakkan kami sekeluarga diganggu oleh mereka-mereka yang menuduh kami secara melulu. Perbuatan mereka ini memberi impak dan kesan yang amat buruk kepada kami. Anak juga berasa terancam kerana dilabel pelajar yang merosakkan nama baik batchnya sedangkan dia dan kami berdua tidak melakukan apa-apa unsur jenayah seperti yang dituduh.

These are more or less the chronology that I've wrote for my police report that i intended to submit BUT did not.

Why didn't I?
I was asked not to as I trust MARA and MRSM TAR would have their own ways and methods to handle this case internally despites of what have been thrown to us. I respected and being an ASARA alumni myself, I do have my love and passion with MARA and MRSM itself and I trust they could solve this issue the way it should.

Unfortunately, until today (20/4/2018), the only thing that have been done was Aidan and one of his friend, those who have been bullied were transferred to another school, need to adapt with new environment and keep hounding me questions with "I shouldn't tell mama the whole story and this would be easier. I do not have to get transferred. Now, the bullies are still free in TAR, still doing their acts (based on his friends input, wallahualam), and I am here, adapting and missing the opportunity to join the club and society that i wanted to join because I was not the first intake ant those clubs and societies are fully booked by the fist intake. Why am I being punished for being bullied?"

It hurts!

And I did shared the SMSes and missed calls from the students of MRSM TAR with the headmaster of MRSM TAR but till to-date, I didn't get any formal apologizes from them which I should I owned it!The school should run an investigation and with the given evidences, I earned and owned and apology from the boys who have been hounded me with calls and rude messages.. and so from their parents who simply made assumption and believing their boy and even have the gut that my boy was making up stories... (Hello, your boy called one of the parent and warned the parent not to inform the school about his behaviour... go and find out whether this is true or not, cause I believe Cikgu             knew this is true... and I wonder why he was keeping this mummed!

Why do I share this in my blog?

I want to understand... was I exaggerating? and I want the parent of the boy to know we are sympathetic with them for having to trust their son very much, to some extent, allowing their son to lie right in front of their nose! and I want to know whether MRSM TAR is still investigating this and doing something about it or just shove it under the carpet because mak bapak yang buat bising (which is us) dah blah pergi MRSM lain... and I want to know if MRSM TAR sees this is not just because of one person, my son, but if the only solution they are taking is by just telling everyone in public talk (which they called counselling) and telling them that making fun of people must have limits an d that was it, by not explaining the damages the boys have done one-to-one, by not taking necessary actions on them being rude to others and to others' parents too, other victims will be victimized. Don't be surprised or apologetic if we were to hear a student injures / takes his life because of couldn't stand verbal jokes, pranks or whatever the MRSM is labelling it (but bully) if that happen, nauzubillah. 

If the school won't recognize this as bully (and I hope not because of taking care of their no bully reputation all this while), this is something worrying. 

What they did is an act of bullying. 

Rude = Inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else
Mean = Purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice)
Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power.

These group of boys (one of them was the Ketua Batch) do have power, being local kids (mostly from Kuantan) and physically bigger than my son and most of their targets, they did aggressively make pranks to their targetted friends, repeatedly over time and mostly after their friends were asleep (or some even pretend to sleep) during lights off, where the Ketua Warden failed to check up on the students as they were supposed to be on bed too..... 

Therefore, as I still demand an official apology for those involve, and I hope I do not have to paint this uglier by involving the authority. 

Why didn't I report it to the police again?

Not now. My husband and I has been called by the police based on the report made against us. We've testified and I wanted to make my formal report too.... We didn't, out of respect to the school and organization, despite of I was told not to report it but I still wonder why the other parent was allowed to make report and even in their WhatsApp told us that the school teacher is also making report against us.

We were in IPD Pekan that week, from 3pm until 11pm, with the whole family i.e. My hubby, myself and my 3 kids... it was horrible. We didn't eat and was on the floor throughout the day. But, being fair, so did the investigators... They didn't eat or went anywhere but pray.... just because some parent decided to make a report that they bluntly received from their 'trusted' son while the police might have more urgent matters to work on rather than this silly report. 

And that what make me not making official report, YET. 
...

agghhh..
I've said too much.

Nope, this is not ranting. This is something that need action, and I hope Allah gives me strength for me to work on it, even it might takes months and years... 

Educational Institution need to know, this is not just a prank or gurauan adik-beradik like some parents put it. This is mental tortured and the school is not doing anything, YET.