writer's block

I never knew writer's block could soooooo demanding and tiring. 
You just keep on staring on the screen, trying to type some words putting it in a sentence that would make sense, which would end up you backspacing everything..... 

And when you decided to take a pause, give yourself a break.. your mind can't stop making noise that make you busy and occupied... 

Indeed, it is just tiring... 
...

As usual, I've wrote less and less in this blog. 
I decided to make it personal and private.. 
Then I realised talking to myself alone is just not something that serve the purpose of me writing..,

Sometimes, I wonder - do people read what I wrote?

And if they do, what to they feel? 

Was it something that they can empathise and be compassionate on?

Or was it something that they find nonsensical, and keep on reading while cursing?

Will they take any lesson learned or benefits out of my writings.. 

...
Anyway, it has been 7 months since my book has been launched. SUbhanallah.. I've received my first royalties as a writer.. wow.. impressive.. 
Hahaha.. not that I never get any payment for my writing before this.. but, being an author of a published book by a reputable top publisher and being told, 'here's you first royalties for the first six motnhs'.. knowing that InshaAllah it will keep on being deposited to my account as long as they decided to publish the book ... it's just different. 

So, that brings me to the real of intention of me writings.. 

Of course I wish my book os one of those top sellers every month and every week.. apparently, they didn't happen as much.. it was topsellers for MPH, Popular for a week or two after its launching.. and I remember it was once for Kinokuniya as well.. and that was it. 

Was I frustrated? 
Not really.. I was hopeful though.. 

But I am more worried of the contents.. did it reach the readers rightfully and correctly? did I misinterpret that reflects Islam a bad thing..na'uzubillah.. it did worry me. 
And all I hope, the book would bring benefit and positive change to the readers.. especially for those who might have experiencing what I had experienced. 

Ameen... 

...
oo.. yup - I doubt every person who knew me bought my book. 

and not necesserily those who bought it, read it. 

I don't know what to feel and how to react - but, I guess, the least I can't escape myself from telling me.. "you know who would support you and who would put you on hold"...

but again, it's not fair for me to have that assumption.. 
some just don't have time as luxurious as mine.. do I? having the luxury of my time??
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again.. this is what happen when the writer having writer's block, yet the brain can't stop shutting herself off.. she just write whatever and that is.. 

PUBLISH!