sembang-sembang

my head's thumping and i'm nowhere near to doing work, with me going to be on leave for the next five days.. ok, that includes the long weekend, and i do not have any plan of going anywhere..but who knows if we would want to be somewhere tomorrow, after aidan's orientation.

yup, aidan is going for his orientation entering his primary school.. gosh, he's standard one la beb... am not getting any younger, huh!

my dear aidan, very reliable, by the book, unfriendly and doesn't care what people say about him - at least, he showed he didn't bother, but at the end of the day, he'll will only show mama that he actually cares! yup. that's my abadan. my special eldest son.

aimar - only one word describes him - charmer! he is. actually, he is spoilt. he bits people. he gives excuses when i asked him to take his shower. he cries out loud even after he hit his brother and his brother fight back. he jumps, he runs, he rolls anywhere everywhere. he's the sort that you don't want to bring to your house that is full with ornaments and nice decors. but then, when i was in my deep sleep (at least, that's what i showed him), he kissed me on my cheek. he called his aunt after not seeing his lil cousin for 24 hours. he looked for his gramps and ask 'how are you'. what a charmer, kan?

my one and only daughter is still exploring. she started to learn how to smile. we went to the pead last saturday. she was 57cm tall with 5.25kg (while iris was 61cm with 4.9kg - talking about sibling rivalry eh).. she pass motion once a week. she suckled.. nyot nyot nyot..her thumb becomes numb and she smell so masam! and she's mama's barbie.. always nice to have her around to play dress up :)

so, me -  mummy of three :)

who's the boss

aidan was watching tv and out of sudden he asked me, "mama, news tv3 tu apa die?what utama?".. "buletin utama. why did you ask?"... "boleh tak mama watch buletin utama dekat youtube on christmas day?".. and when i asked why, he simply told me "kitorang nak watch nickelodeon, ada christmas madness starting from 8?"

and i don't know how to respond. he's not requesting.. he's giving me suggestion, sweet suggestion, and how can i say no when he has all planned out .. and for a six years old.. i don't remember being such a smartie-pants! once upon a time, "NO means NO - no negotiation!"

aidan has learned how to pick his preference, he understands what has been advertised, he wanted to watch what he wanted to watch, he politely requesting if mama is okay to miss the prime time news and he even proposed for mama to watch it from the ipad.

he has all planned out!

he's going to be fine..

and..oh ya, have i told you that he's going to the primary school next year?

cepat kan.. i have a kid who goes to primary school already.. and it felt good to met a guy friend who besides asking "how are you?", he without hesitation "eh, bukan kau baru bersalin ke?".. that's a compliment - for mr hubby to be reminded of! :)

que sera sera

i can't say i was tied up with three kids and couldn't find time to update this blog of mine. i normally post my blog when i'm at work, so, kids got not much to do about it. of course, though i'm at work, i will still need to find time to run errands for my kids.. family will definitely be my top priority and that is why i'm happy with my current work - it doesn't really demand my time as much as i can offer.. not if i were to be an engineer..well, it will definitely be a good pay if were to compare with being a sourcing exec. but then again, i'm ok with my post now.. the less pay is still more than i used to get back in previous company i've been working with. well, you can't get the best of both worl, can you? somehow, as i reported back after my not-so-long-maternity leave, the work has started to 'rise and shine'. it's not much, but it just non-stop and keep on flowing. after a year in an 'idle' mode, having an 'actual' work is sometimes unbearable..hu!hu!hu!

i broke down two weeks ago. work is one thing. kids is another. it was aidan's bday and i was nowhere there in preparing the stuff for his schoolmates to celebrate his bday. and i cried (well, some things never change!). i owe it to my kids. and now i have three  of them, i'll be handsful! aidan is going to primary school, aimar will need to start reading next year and aivey will still be a baby for the next few months! and work demanded me not to go back on time, and as my breast 'engorged' after six (my body alarm to tell me it's time to go back!), i just wish i was a full time mother! and now i started to understand why some of my friends resorted to be a full time mother .. i've always been sceptical on being a full time mother. i felt that the degree that we've earnerd were put to waste and we'll be fully dependent to our spouse. i don't like that idea. but when i broke down, all i want is to be with my kids 24-7. i want to be there when they blew that candles. i want to be there when they done with their shower. i want to be there to send them off to school and let them hear and remember my "be good at school" advise. i want to be there to put their lunch on their plate. i want to be there, be there, be there, be whereever they are. the degree i've earned made me an educated person, and even i'm working now i've always been dependent to my mr hub. so, beign a full time mother is all i want to be.

i may sound normal..but to me, if i heard this ten years ago, i would say i sound insane. this is never me.

and this is when i need to say "we will never know how i future like".

selamanya.....

ok, it's all in the news again. the malaysian footballers did it again.. of course, there were times they lose their games and let us down.. but then again, like the game they had yesterday, they played well and they won! yeeaahhh..

there were six adults and eight kids in the house yesterday. but there was only me excitingly waiting for the kickoff. and as the others need to have dinner, i couldn't be there every seconds of the game. i saw the first 5 minutes when indonesia scored, and as i saw the indonesian fans, i thought to myself that we, msian, should not be putting high hopes. i missed the tie-score. and the game was extended until extra time with the same score. 

it was the penalty shootouts. when the indonesian missed the second penalty.. i was relief. then, the malaysian blew it. then came our 'secret weapon'.. dearie khairul fahmi a.k.a apek (hei, my hubby was known as apek too, wink wink).. he's a jewel! he saved the goal and we msian would always remember that (ok, maybe not always, but for now, he's the hero!). and, our last goal was saved and not saved.. it was our luck and rezeki of that last shootout!

anyway, can i be more prouder than i've been? of course i can.. as i was craddling the baby, trying to comfort her colic stomach.. i screamed!

as the news put it, it was the mother of all golds! cayalah...

yesterday

yesterday, love is an easy game to play
now i need a place to hide away
o, i believe in yesterday
...
the music been humming in my mind, and writing the lines seems like am singing out loud.

there were yesterdays that i longed to stay on. the yesterdays when i proudly presented my good exam results to my dad. the yesterdays when i heard the "i love you'"s from those who adored me. the yesterdays when i realized i found him. the yesterdays when we were together. the yesterdays when i was expecting. the yesterdays when my precious own flesh and blood arrived to the world.. and many more yesterdays. 

but then again, there were yesterdays that i just want to it to never come and stay. like if i'm writing this note tomorrow.. i just want to erase tomorrow's yesterday! it sucked big time!if only i can find a place to hide away!

my two cents

bile dah makin berumur, naper akal jadik makin pendek?
bile dah ada kuasa, naper rasa diri gah sangat?
bile dah diberi rezeki melimpah ruah, naper cepat sangat lupa daratan?

kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab orang salah..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab awak betul..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab orang setuju..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab awak bijak..

orang senyap sebab orang malas nak layan
orang senyap sebab orang takmo panjang citer
orang senyap sebab orang masih ada rasa hormat
orang senyap sebab orang ada harga diri

tapi, sabar ada hadnye
lama2, meledak gak gunung merapi
sikit2, asap keluar jadi lava

bile dah sampai hadnye
yang bisu boleh bersuara
yang buta boleh melihat
yang patah kaki boleh berlari
.. the impossible is possible..

c'mon.. you don't have to be rude just because you can..

sayang korang

"Your mom carried you in her womb for nine months. She felt sick for months with nausea, then she watched her feet swell and her skin stretch and tear; she struggled to climb stairs, she gt breathless quickly; she suffered many sleepless nights. She then went through excruciating pain to bring you into this world. Then, she became your nurse, your chef, your maid, your chauffeur, your biggest fan, your teacher, and your best friend. She's struggled for you, cried over you, hoped the best for you, and prayed for you. Most of us take our mom for granted. But there are people who have lost or never even seen theirs."
...

nothing wrong of a gentle reminder
...
yesterday, i cried. i cried because you cried.
you cried because you have bowel movement issues and it has been three days since you passed motion.
you cried because you were only six and when you have all the mates around all you could think of is to play and for that you were scolded when we found out you were not prepared for your exam tomorrow.
you cried because when you woke up in the middle of the night you realized you were all alone and nobody around.
yesterday, i cried. i cried because you cried.

i love you guys.. love you with all my heart.. when i say you are my life, you are.. no doubt.

yup, i pinched you when you wrongly did that substraction (because i've thought you to do that for the 112th time).
yup, i screamed at you when all you wanted was to be a child (and made a mess of the whole house with your toys - why did i buy the toys at the first place, kan?)
yup, i warned you when you weren't polite (so that you'll remember and people would take you as an example of how to be polite - and you won't be call as kurang ajar la kan)
yup, i stared at you (if looks could kill, i've killed you with my stares) when you still insisted to behave like a spoilt brat and my in-laws were nearby that i couldn't yelled at you directly
yup, i set high expectations, forgetting that you just a child

but, do remember..when you grow up, please do not forget that..

i was there for you since you were in my womb.. and trust me when i said it was never an easy pregnancy though the labour was superb!
i was there when you came back from school telling me how frustrated you've been when you accused a wrong person from stealing your pencil while the one who stole got away
i was there when you proudly told me you got super A for your exam
i was there when you cried and cried and cried just because you couldn't mutter a word
i was there with you
i was there, feeling proud, frustrated, happy, sad, scared, excited.. sharing the same moment with you.
i was there
and i know i will be there, for you, with you, insyaAllah..

and just remember, i cried when you cried.. no matter how silly the reason was that made you cried. i cried too.