selamanya.....

ok, it's all in the news again. the malaysian footballers did it again.. of course, there were times they lose their games and let us down.. but then again, like the game they had yesterday, they played well and they won! yeeaahhh..

there were six adults and eight kids in the house yesterday. but there was only me excitingly waiting for the kickoff. and as the others need to have dinner, i couldn't be there every seconds of the game. i saw the first 5 minutes when indonesia scored, and as i saw the indonesian fans, i thought to myself that we, msian, should not be putting high hopes. i missed the tie-score. and the game was extended until extra time with the same score. 

it was the penalty shootouts. when the indonesian missed the second penalty.. i was relief. then, the malaysian blew it. then came our 'secret weapon'.. dearie khairul fahmi a.k.a apek (hei, my hubby was known as apek too, wink wink).. he's a jewel! he saved the goal and we msian would always remember that (ok, maybe not always, but for now, he's the hero!). and, our last goal was saved and not saved.. it was our luck and rezeki of that last shootout!

anyway, can i be more prouder than i've been? of course i can.. as i was craddling the baby, trying to comfort her colic stomach.. i screamed!

as the news put it, it was the mother of all golds! cayalah...

yesterday

yesterday, love is an easy game to play
now i need a place to hide away
o, i believe in yesterday
...
the music been humming in my mind, and writing the lines seems like am singing out loud.

there were yesterdays that i longed to stay on. the yesterdays when i proudly presented my good exam results to my dad. the yesterdays when i heard the "i love you'"s from those who adored me. the yesterdays when i realized i found him. the yesterdays when we were together. the yesterdays when i was expecting. the yesterdays when my precious own flesh and blood arrived to the world.. and many more yesterdays. 

but then again, there were yesterdays that i just want to it to never come and stay. like if i'm writing this note tomorrow.. i just want to erase tomorrow's yesterday! it sucked big time!if only i can find a place to hide away!

my two cents

bile dah makin berumur, naper akal jadik makin pendek?
bile dah ada kuasa, naper rasa diri gah sangat?
bile dah diberi rezeki melimpah ruah, naper cepat sangat lupa daratan?

kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab orang salah..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab awak betul..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab orang setuju..
kadang2, bile orang senyap, bukan sebab awak bijak..

orang senyap sebab orang malas nak layan
orang senyap sebab orang takmo panjang citer
orang senyap sebab orang masih ada rasa hormat
orang senyap sebab orang ada harga diri

tapi, sabar ada hadnye
lama2, meledak gak gunung merapi
sikit2, asap keluar jadi lava

bile dah sampai hadnye
yang bisu boleh bersuara
yang buta boleh melihat
yang patah kaki boleh berlari
.. the impossible is possible..

c'mon.. you don't have to be rude just because you can..

sayang korang

"Your mom carried you in her womb for nine months. She felt sick for months with nausea, then she watched her feet swell and her skin stretch and tear; she struggled to climb stairs, she gt breathless quickly; she suffered many sleepless nights. She then went through excruciating pain to bring you into this world. Then, she became your nurse, your chef, your maid, your chauffeur, your biggest fan, your teacher, and your best friend. She's struggled for you, cried over you, hoped the best for you, and prayed for you. Most of us take our mom for granted. But there are people who have lost or never even seen theirs."
...

nothing wrong of a gentle reminder
...
yesterday, i cried. i cried because you cried.
you cried because you have bowel movement issues and it has been three days since you passed motion.
you cried because you were only six and when you have all the mates around all you could think of is to play and for that you were scolded when we found out you were not prepared for your exam tomorrow.
you cried because when you woke up in the middle of the night you realized you were all alone and nobody around.
yesterday, i cried. i cried because you cried.

i love you guys.. love you with all my heart.. when i say you are my life, you are.. no doubt.

yup, i pinched you when you wrongly did that substraction (because i've thought you to do that for the 112th time).
yup, i screamed at you when all you wanted was to be a child (and made a mess of the whole house with your toys - why did i buy the toys at the first place, kan?)
yup, i warned you when you weren't polite (so that you'll remember and people would take you as an example of how to be polite - and you won't be call as kurang ajar la kan)
yup, i stared at you (if looks could kill, i've killed you with my stares) when you still insisted to behave like a spoilt brat and my in-laws were nearby that i couldn't yelled at you directly
yup, i set high expectations, forgetting that you just a child

but, do remember..when you grow up, please do not forget that..

i was there for you since you were in my womb.. and trust me when i said it was never an easy pregnancy though the labour was superb!
i was there when you came back from school telling me how frustrated you've been when you accused a wrong person from stealing your pencil while the one who stole got away
i was there when you proudly told me you got super A for your exam
i was there when you cried and cried and cried just because you couldn't mutter a word
i was there with you
i was there, feeling proud, frustrated, happy, sad, scared, excited.. sharing the same moment with you.
i was there
and i know i will be there, for you, with you, insyaAllah..

and just remember, i cried when you cried.. no matter how silly the reason was that made you cried. i cried too.

ILU

the song sings "...more than word, is all you have to do to make it real..".. lalalalala

well, of course, it's true.. words ar merely wirds when the was no action put into it.. but, being a fool for words, i always believe words are as important as actions!!!.. as i'm trying hard to remember the last time mr hubby threw thoae three words to me, i realized, it's been a while.. i tried ti figure out if there's any in his emails.. well, he did tell me he missed me..but, 'i love you'.. barely.. well, he's a strong believer of action speaks louder than words.. during the courting time, not much of i love yous heard from him.. yup, we did used up all the free minutes, we chatted thru mIRC (and i still can here that msg sounded and blipped),but as much as i tried to recall, i'm very sure it wasn't much.. not that i'm complaining.. when he asked the stranger from the underground to speak to me just to convinved me that he wasn't lying, it's his way saying i love you.. when he stayed up all night just to chat with me, it's his way saying i love you. when he gave me that atm card of his, it's his way saying i love you. when he made sure all the loosen screws were mended perfectly before he went offshore, it's his way saying i love you. when he said 'pls buy yourself that ipad for your bday', it's his way saying i love you... and more and more and more..but, as i know he would be reading this blog of mine, i just realized how much i miss hearing those word from him.. well, some may think this is pathetic.. he will say whenever he will want to say.. but i guess, this is why we both are still in this relationship.. when he seems to be drifted away, i must remind him.. and vice versa.. this is what we call communication.. so, do 't call me pathetic.. and if you may argue that his word won't be real and he won't be truthful.. i guess i know best.. yup, i may ask him to say those words to me, but when he say it, i know he's not faking it.. so dear hubby, i love you, and do tell me you love me too...

hmmm.. there you go.. i've said it..then again, to be fair, i don't say it often to him too.. i don't remember the last time i utterred those words to him.. when he paid that slimming spa package as a gift, and when he asked me to buy myself an ipad .. all i thought i deserved it coused it was my bday and i just went thru a labour where he still didn't show up (tho how hard he tried and prayed).. so, it was nit him to be blame totally when he didn't say those words as much as i wish.. i didn't do what i preached and i expect him to do the same...

i guess, after three kids, after eleven and half years in relationship, we just need to rejuvenate and keep reminding ourselves how muxh we love each other.. and we must keep trying to fall in love over and over and over again.. falling in love is always a wonderful again, and i'm glad that i have you to fall in love with.

i love you, i do....

ngarut pagi senin

citer adik-beradik..
susah sebenarnye nak citer pasal adik beradik ni.. never ending story.. but kata omputeh, blood is thicker than water.. pusing2 mana2 pun, tang tu gak pegi nye...

satu bende yang aku tak paham.. mcm mana menyusahkan adik beradik tu, kite masih nak tolong dan nyusahkan diri kite untuk diorang..hmm.. nak wat camne, air dicincang takkan putus.. so, simpan dalam hati je la..

bile cakap adik beradik ni, i mean not only brothers and sisters.. tu..yang berderet tu.. aunties, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews.. pastu, unless you are married to a tunggal orphanage yang memang tak tahu asal usul die, once you are married, your family expanded.. nak deal dengan perangai your spouse is one thing, nak tambah deal ngan fmily your spouse la pulak.. pastu, your adik beradik got married, nak deal ngan family your adik beradik spouses pulak... aiyyoo.. the story never ends..

tu, nak peringat diri sendiri..bila dah dapat ipar duai mentua yang tak banyak songeh, tak banayak hal,tak payah lah nak amik kesempatan..amik peluang.. buat bodoh nyusah kan orang.. and pastu rasa tak susah.. aiyyoo.. be thankful for once! and, adat and hukum manusia, kalau boleh, kalau tak salah, hormat lah yang tua.. mak abah tu, memang confirm2 golongan yang kene hormat, tahap dewa.. selagi diorang tak terpesong dari ajaran Tuhan..

hmm, itu pun nak kene ajar ke?

thank you

i turn 34 tomorrow.. well, i lost interest in celebrating birthdays when i turned the big three.. but of course i won't be refusing any gift.. damn if i do!

so far, i'm doing fine with my life.. of course, i guess as i get wiser, i need to put extra attention on my spiritual requirements.. been lacking and aware of the lacks since forever.. of course, when i was younger, i blame the devils for having succeed to control my mind.. but then again, i knew, it just me.. i just need reason.. i was equipped with good religious background, i just chose to ignore em.. and i really need to work harder than i used to.

as for me turning a year older, i guess i should be thankful with what i had. i am.. really..of course i wish i could be richer, slimmer, more beautiful, fairer, taller, smarter, and all a fairy tales could think of.but i definitely have to be thankful to what has been blessed on me..

i am blessed with smart boys of mine, and that liltle princess who've been sleeping most of the time really a blessing to all of us. my hubby, as much as there were times i was annoyed with him, i'm still thankful for having him as part of my life as my bestfriend, my soulmate, my partner, my lover, my atm cum banker, my life.. and best part is, this year, he has to be extra generous.. afterall, i went thru the nine-month pregnancy and labour, and he knew how to appreciate it. with the slimming sanctuary package and this ipad, i am thankful enough.

of course, am sure getting messages and wishes from my good mates and their prayers are enough for me to be thankful..

so, am i worried for the upcoming birthdays? i guess that won't be a prob...