Depression is real

I'm the generation that is build to shut off emotion, and that depression, grief and sadness are not mental sickness. 

Does that make me a 'bad' person with no 'empathy'?

The before-me-now might want to justify from the tip of my hair to my toes that I wasn't a bad person, I did have empathy and still do and those are depressed, grieving and being sad are those who are 'weak'..

But that was the before-me-now. 

Today, as I looked on the Whatsapp status of my cousins whom I still in touch with, and saw them ( everyone but me) were comfortably seated on the VIP stand to watch the Merdeka Parade, I cried ~ for no reason... 

That wasn't the first time!

Now that Abang has his own onshore-offshore shift, things hasn't been as 'easy' for me ~ I cried a lot, alone, in my room, just feeling sad and depressed. I was grieving... over things that out of my control.. over things that beyond my reach. 

I felt bad to myself. 

I cried and cried and cried until I refused to eat and got tired. 

I slept and let Aivey be all by herself, in hope that she would sleep when her time for sleep reached the limit. 

I felt so weak and it lasted until the next morning ..

No doubt, tahjud really soothed me out!

It gave comfort. 

Talking to Him, all the time, always the best medicine. 

Yet, I still cried when things get rough... 

When I felt isolated and feeling being ignored.. 

And I would talk to Him over and over again.. 

Not asking Him why I felt that way..but 'bitching' about those heartless people who never care.

I don't have the heart to do that to others. 

I don't like it because I don't like people to do it on me. 

Yet, I still find people keep doing to me. 

And I wonder why?

.... and I actually know why ~ because Allah wants me to talk to Him. 

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal..