Thursday, February 29, 2024

Cinta berpada-pada

Terasa nak sambung baca buku Destination Jannah. compilation of talks from The Straight Path Convention series 1. 

Terbaca satu hadis..

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Love whom you love mildly, perhaps he will become hateful to you someday. Hate whom you hate mildly, perhaps he will become your beloved someday.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1997
...
Menarik ~ kalau untuk orang Melayu, kita dah biasa dengan pepatah, 'nak bercinta, berpada-pada; membenci, jangan sekali'

Kalau masa 'jahil' dulu, bercakap tengan cinta ni, mesti relate cinta lelaki-perempuan, pakwe-makwe... memang takdelah terfikir cinta 'halal' suami-isteri, atau cinta pada sesama bangsa, kaum dan jantina, cinta pada negara, cinta pada segalanya. 

So, kita fokus pasal cinta pada manusia dalam konteks posting ni ~ to be specific, pasal cinta pakwe-makwe. 
...
Mama tak suka cerita benda yang tak patut dikenang dan diceritakan. But I guess, at some point, it would be of good use to share with others what I've experience so that you would take admonition and benefit the lesson learned from it. 

I was once young, and soaked in what I thought ' true love'. Not once, not twice..yup, thrice. To some extent, I got overboard. I would say I was then fool ~ but as I reflected back, I am taking my blame for not sticking to my five days prayers obediently. And, I got drowned away with lust!

The people around me encouraged me in some ways. Not blaming them, neither. Yet, it would help if I would have sticked to the right circle. 

Allah knows. 

Of course, if I could turned back time, I would want to erase that 'evil' part of me. But I guess, that's how I grew up, and grew out of it ~ understand myself better, and appreciate the love I have today, Alhamdulillah, Definitely the mercy of Allah, Alhamdulillah. 

So, kids, I'm not stoping you for being in love. Love is always beautiful, especially when it is for the sake of Allah. Just do remember, we are human, and we keep 'forgetting' to remind ourselves, for the sake of Allah. In returns, we got steered away. 

If I would want to share my fair share, I would have not say, bercintalah berpada... I would tell you to learn to love Allah and do everything for the sake of Allah. He will guide you. Should you still struggle with getting closer to Allah, hold it first.. hold the love that your heart rush in to! It's ok, it shall wait.. love (for the creation) waits! Put you priority... Yourself!

Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Cinta diri

Lepas satu-satu ni'mat Allah bagi.. 
Subhanallah... rasa bercamput-baur... Patutlah hadis Rasulullah SAW ajar, kalau Allah bagi nikmat, alhamdulillah.. kalau dapat musibah pun, Alhamdulillah. 

Tadi, jumpa Rozi, dia share UNAK cakap... bersyukur.. we can only be patience when we are thankful & grateful. 
...
Melimpah-limpah ni'mat Allah bagi kat kami.. especially minggu akhir January baru ni.. 
Dengan Aivey dapat masuk MRSM.. and trying her best to prove to Mama and Aboh yang dia memang dah ready nak masuk asram .. semangat pakai her savings to buy a rug and an alarm clock from Kaison. I am definitely proud of her, Alhamdulillah. 

Lepas tu, 25hb baru ni, Aimar lak share video dia khatam 30 juz... Alhamdulillah... Mama rebah, sujud syukur terus bila dapat perkhabaran. Allahu Akbar.. 
Baiknya Allah.

Lepas tu, Aidan pulak, dalam Mama risau French DELF dia tak lepas ~ Alhamdulillah, he scored 93% and I am impressed. Alhamdulillah... 

Yup, banyak mama nak sembang, berpesan-pesan kat anak-anak untuk jangan berhenti dalam bersyukur... tapi, nak tulis sekarang ni ~ mcm tak logik.. banyak pending belajar KIU dengan Steps To Jannah punya module.. banyak ketinggalan.. kena fokus tu dulu. 

Cumanya, masa Mama bukak blog post ni, jiwa tengah serabut.. tengah 'marah' sebab orang dok blame orang lain for one's lacking... anak tak perform, salahkan sekolah... result tak cemerlang, salahkan kawan... 

Fact is, semua ada hikmah. Kalau sungguh kena cari salah, faham konsep cari salah tu ~ dalam Quran, bila Allah tuju label 'orang-orang yang zalim'.. jangan sedap nak pinpoint kat orang lain... banyak label orang yang zalim tu untuk kita sendiri ~ kita yang zalim pada diri sendiri... kita tahu benda tak betul, kita biarkan sebab nak jaga hati.. kita tahu benda salah, kita buat-buat senyap sebab takde kait-mengait ngan kita... kita tahu benda maksiat, kita masih teruskan bermaksiat sebab 'tugas dan tanggungjawab'.. tugas apa? tanggungjawab pada sapa????? 

Lesson learned is not finding other's fault. An effective lesson learned is to recognize our own fault, be mindful not to repeat it again. Stop blaming others for our own lackings. 

Wednesday, January 31, 2024

Cinta, suratan atau kebetulan

Suratan atau kebetulan???
...

Terus terngiang-ngiang bait-bait lirik...

Sesuatu yang tak disangka
Seringkali mendatangi kita
Itukah suratan dalam kehidupan
Atau sekadar satu kebetulan 

hahaha ~ don't tell me you don't sing-along... Kalau tak tahu cammana lagu tu, gi google kat youtube or spotify... lagu zaman mama... 

Well, how much life has changes ~ la ni, nak sebut 'search' could be a confusing one instead of the word 'go google'.... 
...

Back to Suratan atau Kebutaln ~ Mama baru register untuk sem 5 KIU, Alhamdulillah... ada 6 subject, and subject wajib Fiqh belajar pasala munakahat. Subhanallah... cantik je timing Allah nak bagi ilmu..... dok beragan nak bercerita tentang cinta, tup tup, Allah suruh belajar baru sembang. 

Something that we, human and hambaNya, selalu lupa walau dok ulang-ulang Nabi SAW pesan ~ jangan main suka-suka nak menipu atas nama Allah.. menipu dalam konteks, cakap tanpa ilmu. Astaghfirullah, ampunkan kami Ya Allah. 

Allahu musta'an, May Allah helps, may Allah guides, allahumma ameen.
...
Talking about suratan atau kebetulan ~ I guess, I need to share some words of 'wisdom' yang tak wisdom mana pun.. but, just a casual talk that I would tell Aidan, Aimar & Aivey. 

It's not fair for me to say - jangan bercinta... kahwin je terus. 
Sebab, cinta tu 'pelik'... dia datang 'tiba-tiba'..
Kalau tetibe, tak habis belajar, tak mampu nak sara hidup sendiri pun lagi.. nak kahwin, dah apa barang, kan???
...
Well, kalau dulu, mama maybe wouldn't resist korang bercinta.. Mama akan pesan, 'jaga adab', 'jaga agama'... but I won't say jangan bercinta. 

I might sound selfish. 
But, I'll just say it out ~ if I were to be asked to say it, now, mama akan pesan , "elak dari bercinta, tak perlu nak amik sangat konsep 'nak kenal dulu'.. kalau dah macam suka, istikharah, lepas tu, kahwin... kalau lepas istikharah, mcm berat hati je nak kawin, don't waste your time... even worst, jangan tambah dosa maksiat.!'

Yup, I'm not sure I will be that strong to apply that concept masa muda dulu. 
Ujian bercinta masa muda ni memang 'lain' sebab syaitan memang kaw-kaw buat kasik feeling, kasik best, kasik syok bercinta cara haram ni... pastu, bila kawin, dah takde 'flick', tak ngam..nak gaduh sokmo 24-7.....

I'm not going to elaborate more on this, in this posting.

What I want to say is that, nak tips bahagia, bukan takat di dunia ~ kekal sampai akhirat.. Buat semua sebab Allah. Mintak tolong Allah. Allah tak pernah aniya sesapa. Dia paling suka hamba yang sentiasa meminta-minta dari Dia. Mintalah Dia pandu kita. Minta Dia jaga kita. 
...
Betul, bila bercinta, semua seronok. 
Gi jejalan sesama. 
Buat surprise sesama. 
Celebrate memacam, makan and spend masa sesama. 
Asyiiiikkkkkkkk, orang kata. 
Tapi, kalau benda kita buat, LillahiTaala, lagi lagi lagi lagi lagi asyiiikkkkkkkk ~ trust me! it's true.


Monday, January 29, 2024

Cinta pada si bongsu

 Ulang kali mama dok cakap, Love is a funny thing. 

Indeed. 
Everyone wants to be in love ~ the feeling ...oooo...aaaaaa... just undescribable.
Describe lah macam mana pun .. mesti takkan sama dengan apa kita rasa ~ no perfect words to it! Sebab, love is sincerity ~ even kita mengaku dalam hati, kita cakap dengan lisan kita buat aksi pergerakan.... masih, kita sendiri tak tahu, betul ke kita ikhlas... kita tak tahu ~ kalau betul kita ikhlas, kenapa solat kita celaru ~ walhal, Lillahi, kita buat kerana Dia. 

Faghfirli Ya Allah.
Yang tahu cuma Allah. 
Semoga, setiap amal kita, setiap kata, setiap shahadah, setiap aksi, Allah terima sepenuhnya.
...
So, back to love ~ cinta buat kita bahagia, cinta juga paling perit bila ia menduga. 

Hari ni, macam semalam..
Mama masih belum sembuh ubat lara. 
Alhamdulillah... Hari tu, Aivey dapat offer MRSM... 
Dari awal waktu lagi, Mama dah bagitau, Mama tak berharap MRSM untuk Aivey. Mama rasa MRSM bukan tempat untuk Aivey. Mama tak jangka Aivey akan dapat offer MRSM, at first attempt. Tak perlu merayu... Alhamdulillah. Baiknya Allah dekat kami. 

Macam yang mama bagitau anak-anak..
Mama doa anak-anak dikumpulkan dengan orang baik-baik. 
Mama nak anak-anak duduk kat tempat baik-baik. 
Aivey dapat MRSM Pengkalan Hulu... mama dengar cerita, memang tempat orang baik-baik. Guru besar sekolah pun, diorang panggil Ustaz. 
Alhamdulillah.

Tapi, mama belum boleh lagi nak digest Aivey nak masuk asrama jauh-jauh tu. 
Dengan usia mama dan kesihatan mama yang tak seberapa ni, Mama tahu Mama jadi selfish bila Mama cakap, Mama tak nak Aivey masuk asrama. 

Semalam, pergi Kaison, Aivey beli rug for her room, using her own money. Satu-satu duit syiling dia kira depan kaunter. She wanted to buy the alarm clock too ~ "saya nak cuba bangun sendiri. Nanti, dekat asrama, saya kena bangun sendiri. Macam-mana abang-abang bangun bila Mama takde kejutkan ye?"

Mama tak tahu nak jawab cammana... mama masih belum puas kejut awak bangun, Vy. Antara semua orang, awak paling mudah nak bangun. Bila mama kejut awak, mama pangku awak, mama usap rambut kepala awak, mama baca ayat Allah Ta-ha ayat 1 sampai 5, dan Alam Nsyrah... bertahun-tahun mama istiqomah. 

Nanti, mama tak dapat kejut awak macam tu lagi. 
Mama tak tahu cammana Vy.
Mama tahu, Mama selfish to stop you.. 
sebab awak dah cuba macam-macam gaya, just to tell me, "Ma, I'll be ok as long as you pray for me. Saya nak jadi baik, saya nak duduk dengan orang baik-baik."

Allahu musta'an. Jaga dia untuk kami, Ya Allah. 

Sunday, January 28, 2024

Cinta 'cable'

Mengarut sungguh lah acik ni.. 
In my draft boz, ada 2 pending post ~ nak cakap pasal love in giving, and love to receive
 ni'mat.. 
I hope, I have the courage to complete it, one day, Inshaallah. 
Nak citer sekarang, would give me sad mood, and I never think love deserve sad mood ~

For whatever it is, love should only be love. 

Kekadang orang citer pasal sadness, especially for those who have found love and lost it, be it daripada panggilan Ilahi, or just it ~ takde jodoh, which, actually, masih kehendak dan panggilan Ilahi... apa-apa yang jadi kat kita ni, suka tak suka, semua datang dari Allah, semua ketentuanNya... dah tertulis, even before kita lahir lagi. 

Tapi, that doesn't mean kita takde kuasa memilih.. we do ~ Allah bagi guidance, Allah bagi kelangsungan kekuatan untuk kita memilih mana baik mana buruk. Allah tahu dah mana kita pilih. Dan apa yang kita pilih tu lah, yang jadi hala tuju kita... Allahu musta'an... minta doa sokmo Allah bagi mudah. 

Since the last time I wrote and post in this blog, banyak ni'mat Allah bagi. 

The love of Allah for His hamba to either bersyukur atau lupa diri. Takut sangat bila dah dapat ni'mat, terus rasa because I earned it. Jangan! Jauhkan lah rasa tu dari diri.. Sebab semua Allah bagi. 

Aivey dapat masuk MRSM ~ ada sikit berasa hati bila ada geng tak pernah-pernah wasap, tetibe cakap... 'takpe, boleh guna kabel mintak tukar MRSM dekat-dekat.'

Well, it's human... apa dia nampak, itu dia cakap ~ ikut dia conclude sendiri. 

Macam Ain dapat fly ke UK lepas SPM while many others stranded due to economic crisis ~ I'm sure mesti ramai yang rasa, dia fly mesti guna cable. If ada yang fikir camtu, please, you might be wrong. My mom was just a telephonist, pangkat rendah dari clerk kot ~ end up, tolak duit bayar hutang loan rumah, she took away around RM50 ko sebulan... habis lain semua bayar loan! Tu sebab dia rajin cari duit, buat bisnes!!! So, stop the nonsense pikir saya guna kabel. Semua Allah bagi and I did not use 'cable' mama saya. Saya SPM qualified untuk apply IB under UWC.. Alhamdulillah, I excelled the interview dengan Tan Sri Awang Had Salleh.. and I got the scholarship ~ cuma adalah mama guna cable nak tukarkan dari UWC Canada gi UWC AC in UK... walaupun saya dah excited nak sambung belajar kat Canada..huhuhuhuhu

So, back to cucu-cucu nenek ~ Aidan earned 100% his admission for IGCSE MRSM TAR. Of course sebab Allah bagi.  Cuma, when he was severely bullied by his batchmate kat sana ~ I went to HQ, sent them a letter and requested to be change... Masa tu nenek dah pencen.. nak kata cable, I doubt it. But I do am communication with my ex-teacher, who was then the Pengarah untuk MRSM, Cikgu ManLaw. Alhamdulillah... Allah bagi mudah. 

Aimar, despite scored 6A for UPSR, did not get the offer the first time. Lepas buat rayuan, he was offered ~ cuma masa tu, dia dah tawar hati and decided to proceed with IMTIAZ, Alhamdulillah... semua Allah bagi. Masa buat rayuan, tak guna cable nenek pun. 

As for Aivey, Alhamdulillah... despite mama so skeptical dia dapat MRSM, she earned every bits, Alhamdulillah. Semua Allah bagi. She was not a band 6 students.. Unlike her cousin who excelled and went to tuition religiously, Aivey pulled through while her cousin tak dapat MRSM, for she didn't passed the UKKM exam. She was so upset, seharian tak gi sekolah. Kalau betul boleh guna kabel, mesti nenek dah tolong mintak adjust masuk kan cucu sorang tu... As for Aivey ni, nenek sangat berat hati nak suruh dia gi sambung... memang buah hati pengarang jantung.. huhuhuh

Apa-apa pun, Alhamdulillah... 
Semua Allah bagi. If one wants to claim, ye, saya pakai cable ~ tapi bukan cable mama saya. 

Adalah cable doa kawan-kawan yang bersambung terus Allah makbulkan. 
Mungkin cable kami as parents berharap berdoa, Allah perkenankan. 
Alhamdulillah.. 
Mana-mana pun, confirm cable yang kasik lulus, kasik campak mana-mana sekolah, semua cable Allah. And Allah, confirm bagi yang terbaik. 

So, mana-mana pun tercampaknye nanti anak-anak, confirm yang baik-baik dan kenalah diorang semua usaha yang terbaik nak maintain baik-baik.. allahumma ameen

Monday, January 15, 2024

The test to be grateful

I'm reading a book from Sh Ghazi about Love in the Quran. I'm only on page 43 out of 540+ pages.. hahaha, good luck me!

So, what about love that I wanted to talk about in this post? 
.....
I was having a good long breakfast at The Majestic Hotel, KL earlier this morning. Alhamdulillah. 
After sending Aivey off to school, then Abang at his training course @ Four Seasons by Sheraton in the Chinatown area, I went back to the hotel ~ we got to stay for a night there and we checked in yesterday. 

I was used to 4-star, 5-star hotels in KL ~ since I was small, my dad used to bring us for good treat and celebrations. Abang is not so fancy with hotels and posh lifestyle. He preferred home with no hassle and 'free-and-easy' all-day. He didn't grow up in a 'fancy' posh lifestyle like I did. So, I don't blame him. Yet, I always have this idea to splurged my kids with such lifestyle so that they could have what I had. Of course, their aboh doesn't think it's a good idea, and he has all the valid reasons and justifications for that. I have to obliged. After all, he is the paymaster.. hahaha

Alhamdulillah. 

I guess, not having used to such lifestyle help us a lot when we were tested of no income for four years ~ yup, I stopped working and two years after that Aboh lost his job... We used up all his savings for the first two years, lived by the kids ASBs and the EPFs the next six months, and here and there, got through some cash from Wan & Kak Ani. Alhamdulillah...  somehow, we survived and I really witnessed the truth of the words of Allah: 

 وَمَا مِن دَآبَّةٖ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ إِلَّا عَلَى ٱللَّهِ رِزۡقُهَا وَيَعۡلَمُ مُسۡتَقَرَّهَا وَمُسۡتَوۡدَعَهَاۚ كُلّٞ فِي كِتَٰبٖ مُّبِينٖ
There is no moving creature on earth but upon Allah is its provision. He knows its place of dwelling and its place of rest; everything is [written] in a clear Record [ Hud 11:6]

Subhanallah ~ not a single creature on Earth, but upon Allah is its provision. Tu sebab orang Melayu cakap, "ulat dalam batu pun boleh hidup!!"
Subhanallah ~ how can we not love Him when He has given us so much and not charging us and wanting anything in return? Not even our worship!! For, our worship is for us, to be rewarded. Subhanaallah. Mashaallah. Allahuakbar. 
...
So, what is it about love that I would like to talk in this post??

The love of those material poshy lifestyle. 
Remind yourselves, dear children, it's nothing but a test! So, you better excel it well for you've been there and done that and you will surely go through the test so that you could secure the eternal poshy lifestyle in Jannah, allahumma ameen. 

It is nice to be pampered around, have everything you want, at your leisure time, at the comfort of the great spacious hall when everyone surrounding you are ready to serve you. Mashaallah, imaging getting that service (and more) 24-7 in Jannah!

I'm not kidding ~ open the Quran and read up!
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I have always be a lucky girl. I got a dad who cared, and now my hubby is spoiling me and I'm sure my kids will treat me well too in future, allahumma ameen. 

That is all Allah's gift. Alhamdulillah.
And not for simply give the gifts, for the rewards in the Hereafter will be much much much superb. It's a test, a test should I'd be grateful and pay it forward or I'll just got soaked in the worldly materials. May I passed it with flying colours, ameen. 
We are all ~ being tested. 

And for the love of Allah, we are where we are and may we pass the test, excelently. Ameen.



Saturday, January 13, 2024

Tema Cinta

Mama rasa (dan harap), tahun ni, Mama nak bersembang pasal cinta, cinta, cinta dan cinta dan lagi dan lagi dan lagi... 

Anak-anak pun dah meningkat dewasa ~ adulting, omputeh kata. 
Antara ujian kehidupan, always and forever, is CINTA

Mama dok study definition 'Cinta' dalam Qur'an, and Islam in general..... masih mencari, harap bertemu nanti-nanti, Ameen.. 
Tapi, satu obeservation yang Mama dapat is that, there's no fix definition on love, but how we act upon love is everywhere... 

Yup, cinta itu bukan kata nama. 
Cinta itu kata kerja
Bila jadi kerja, ada sifat dia yang tertentu, yang akan keluarkan hasil ikut situasi, keadaan, waktu dan sebagainya. 
Mat salleh cakap, "Love is Complicated"

I guess, after 46 years old living my life, I should have basically the 'rough' idea 'how' love is, not 'what' love is. 
...

dalam blog ni, banyak dah  mama citer pasal cinta... memacam. 

but as for now, let's talk about the ultimate cinta ~ Cinta pada Yang Maha Mencipta

Cinta yang tak akan mengecewakan
Cinta yang bila gusar, gelisah, gunah, gelabah, semuanya pasti tak akan berkelana
Cinta yang menjamin bahagia berkekalan, literally
Cinta yang semua orang wajib usaha nak dapat, simpan dalam jiwa..
Cinta yang buat hidup mati selamanya kalau hilang sekelip cuma

Mama dulu pernah confuse..
Allah itu Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang..
Itu aja yang Mama ingat.. 
Sekarang Mama nak kasi ingat kat anak-anak
Ye, Allah itu Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang, dan tak pernah dambakan kasih dan sayang kita.. 
Kita yang perlu tergila-gilakan kasih dan sayangNya
Usahalah nak... pulun bagai nak rak, nak raih kasih dan sayang Dia
Cemburulah kamu pada mereka yang mendapat kasih dan sayangNya
Bermatianlah kamu untuk kasih dan sayangNya
Jangan jadi orang yang rugi, kosong, dek kerana kamu hilang kasih dan sayangNya
Ketahuilah kamu, jika ada suatu ketika kamu lupa akan kasih dan sayangNya, segeralah berlari mendapatkanNya semula... kerana Dia sentiasa menanti hambaNya yang sentiasa ingin kembali padaNya. 

Benar nak. 
Tak kenal maka tak cinta
Kenal siapa Tuhan yang tak pernah putus kasih dan sayangNya pada hambaNya
Jatuh cinta padaNya
Dan berdoalah agar cinta itu kekal hingga ahkhir hayat, yang akan membawa kita ke Syurga bahagia, allahumma ameen