just different?

as i stepped in the office today, a friend told me that i looked different. him being a normal cynical him, i threw back the question 'bad different or good different'.. he told me, 'good different'. then, another colleague drop by my workstation.. another look and remarks 'you look different'.. at the end of the day, five of them complimented me, and getting compliments for the girls definitely a boost of self-esteem!

compliments are always a feel-good enzyme. no matter how true and frank the complimentor would be, it's always can successfully cheer people up. i know i would. as we grow in time (chewah, a nicer way to say we are getting older la kan)..we get less and less compliment. my dear hubby used to compliments me whenever when we were madly in courting and dating phase. it gets less and less, and now we are married with three kids, most of the time the compliments would come naturally when he's sooo into admiring my body, if you get what i mean. of course, once a while, he will tell the boys 'mama looks like a celebrity'.. that's as far as he would go la kan.. nak cakap malu, i doubt it la kan.. but it's always make me feels good when i know he was watching me walking, or just when i noticed he was 'glimpsing' at me.. he may not say out loud, but allowing me to look good for him and myself, i know he complimented me enough. but once a while, tak salah to tell me off i look good.. once a while, that won't make me taking things for granted for not going to take care of myself.

as i walked from the lrt back to my office, i realized how i missed his verbal compliments to me. like today, when people complimented me, i wished he's around to give me the compliment himself.. mcm sedih lak.. and i just realized, it's human nature kan, bile dah dekat, gaduh, bila jauh rindu... aiiyyyoooo...

bang, i miss u!

sigh!!

resorting to just posting a blog with regards to what i want to voice out is not the best fit solution.. i wish i could just stormed in that managers' room and asked, why? why? why?...

but i guess, who cares?
..
it's a sad fact. being in the organisation, i'm sure that part of its success story was contributed by high spirit, inspiritional, well-minded top manangement.. but, today, i proved myself that my assumption was merely an assumption and it saddened me!

after so many resources - manpower, money, time - being wasted, all they came out with is just change of section / department names and few movement here and there... functionally, 80% of us will still stuck with what we were supposed to!... am i mad? hell ya i am... stupidity can really kills you! when they can change for betterment, they decided to just change so that they can tell everybody we did change.. end result? kaput? na-da.. who give a heck! and why am i mad? again,  stupidity can really kills you!

obviously, to reach the developed mindset is waaaaaay beyond our capability. at least for now, that's how i can perceived.. tell me if i'm wrong!

hmm..

hey ladies

it's the international women's day and we should celebrate!i doubt that there's any men's day, is there? well, maybe the day was invented by women to women.. who give a heck.

do you know it's not easy being a woman?

when you were a baby, you were dolled up from head to toe while your little brother can only settled with just plain shirt and shorts. 

when you were in primary school, you were introduced to extra tuition classess, piano lessons, ballet and others while your other male siblings can just abandon their mandatory school homework and still no issues!

when you went to high school, you were supposed not to tell that senior that you liked him very much.. nope, girls don't do that. 

you went to university and still all alone because you can't confess your love to the guy you adore.. it's a no-no. 

then, you become a wife. you were supposed to be obidient to your hubby. and sometimes, your hubby forgotten that you are also a daughter and a sister. all he knew, i've got a wife!

you were a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a girlfriend, a wife.. and next a mother. there you goes. tell me if i'm wrong, but when it comes to nagging, that will always be a mom's job. end up, the kids favoured their dad more than mom. but, out of sudden, there's something got into their eyes, first thing they would shout "mom, help me!".. classic.. 

if i were to be a boy or a girl, which one will be my option? 

i will definitely won't change a thing. i'm fine, alhamdullilah..

girls, sometimes we give too little credit to what we've done. we deserves better. 

happy women's day..xoxoxo    

répondez s'il vous plaît

alhamdullillah, we've successfully gone thru the aqeqah's event for the two princess last saturday.. (o no, it's been a week, already?). the day went smoothly. the event itself was great. the tent, the food, the goodies, the tahfiz, the marhaban.. everything went beyond my expectation... it went great. even the girls were co-orperating well. the were so beautiful with that nice dress (and yes, the dress alone was RM250 each!). the dessert tables with the choc fountain were superb! the goodies, with lots of hard labour (even my uncles need to gets their hands dirty doing crafty thingy..)

anyway, things went well. and i just can't wait for the photos to be ready.

it's a 'small' event. supposedly. we decided to invite just close friends and relative. but then again, conscious of being a good hostess, my major concern would always be not enough food and goodies. we expected around 150 - 200pax. i've invited around fourty friends. somehow, my friends did not show up as many as yeen's. was i upset? i wasn't, particularly.. the food was sufficient for all guest, and not much went to waste. yeen's friends turned up better than mine.

and it made me wonder.. was all my friends were that bad that they said they just can't wait for the event and wanted to see my baby and said they would come, but turned out only seven families of all came? hold the thoughts! they never bother saying they would come or not. of course, a few of them have declined my invitation when i told them the date. but, there were too many that didn't even bother to respond to my invitation? does it really a requirement for me to put in my invitation r.s.v.p? i guess the turned out will be great if the event was to be done in that 5-star hotel restaurant. nope, i'm not mad. i totally understand - having the event on saturday night would definitely be quite a task, especially for those with kids. but on the other hand, people, why didn't you bother telling me when i invited you that you are not able to come? i won't ask for the details. of course i'll be a bit sad that you can't join and share our happiness during the event. i wanted you to join and that's why i invited you at the first place. i didn't simply invite everybody just because. i invited you because you are supposed to be my friend. frankly, as much as my mouth would say something like "takde hadiah ke?".. i really didn't mean it and i will be very very happy to see you makign the effort to come and i appreciate it. but, i really appreciate if you could tell me if you plan not to come. i'm sure you have your own valid reason not to come, and i'm ok.

but do i really deserve the anticipation anxiety to ensure my guests are all well served when i should not even bother the attendance at all?

why la people? susah sangat ke nak respond?

and it's true

it's the day of the leap year. the irish believes that in this day in every four years, ladies are allowed to get down on bended knee and propose. it's totally acceptable to be out of norm for only this day, in every four years.

darn.. u really think we ladies will do that?

they said, men are losers for egos. their egos are so mountain high to the extend that the will keep on insisting telling the whole world that egg york is blue even when they know the right answer! on the other hand, we, women, allow men to stand by their egos. we give ways. we 'tolerate'. we just don't give a darn... why bother fighting over the colour of the egg york? we knew it's yellow, so what if he said it's blue?

my liltle cousin boy who is not so little anymore just updated his FB status from 'single' to 'in a relationship'... auuuwww... of course the whole world was shaken! and his mum is still in a denial stage. last weekend, this cousin of mine brought his gf to meet the aunties. nope - not the mum yet lah - but aunties and cousins. they went out double-date with another cousin of mine. this cousin of mine remind me of a boy i once knew.

a boy who would do anything for his love. a boy who spent all his allowance money to his love one. who boy who kept praising how grateful he was to found his soulmate. a boy who literally cut onions, minced the meat and cooked the rice just to serve home-cooked meal for his one and only. a boy who waited and waited and waited with a bouquet of red roses just to tell how much he missed the queen of his heart. a boy who called that girl his angel. a boy who dedicated this i promise you N Sync song (a-ha) to his sunshine.  

a boy, at that point of time,  having born with sky-scrapping ego, somehow was blinded by love, at least that what he thought at that point of time. they said love made you do silly things. and he proposed.

the girl, that queen of his heart, that soulmate, that one and only, that angel, that sunshine, was smitten, swept away with great feelings, head over feet about this boy. she can't imagine life without him. and she accepted.

suddenly, his vision become clearer. he once was blind, and now he sees. he once was fooled, and now he's wiser. at least, that what his out-of-this-world think.

and that girl, she just have to accept it. she said he'd changed! but to think again, he never did change!he just able to manage that ego well before this.

ke, ye ke?

yaddi-yaddi-yadda

i've drafted few postings - but still fail to publish em..
..
it's been the second month of the year, and i'm not sure if time flies or i've done so many things and too little time to really sit and reflect :)
work is waaaaayyy too much. but, that still didn't stop me of going off before 6. and frankly, my adrenaline boost definitely drop to its lowest if i were to talk about work.

aidan - he's been in 1 setia for a month by now! the first three days at school was traumatic - both for him and mama. as much as being such a independent boy as i thought, a boy is still a boy! i was worried sick on his schooling arrangment, and still am till today. but on his first day of school, i saw my boy and started to worried even more! he didn't fit in straight away with his mates. while others were busy making friends, playing chase, he just sit and watched. and mama was damn worried! i tried introducing him to his friend and let him be, but that didn't work out. then, we left him all alone .. he was having fun as he thought we were playing spy game.. so, he pretended he didn't see us, walked pass us and smiled and he looked fine. only to find out, the day after, when we wereee really spying on him and he couldn't see us, he cried in the middle of the canteen.. the other boys were running and passing by, ignoring him and he cried.. as much as my husband asked me to let him be, i ran straight away. i hugged him and i was teary. alalalalalalala... anakku....no matter what, no matter how, when i saw him cried, it hurts the most! the image of him lost in the middle of nowhere, crying... this is aidan am talking about..not aimar, which crying is what he do to get whatever he wants la kan.. aidan, even when he was a toddler, he didn't cry as much. we went to toysrus and he saw toys he wanted, mama said no, he didn't cry. he saw the icecream and tempted to have a go and mama said no, he didn't cry. even he was in pain, he didn't cry! so, when i saw he cried, until today, i couldn't erase that moment! my instance thinking was he need to change the school. perhaps public school is not for him. that expensive private school might suited him better. and good friends of mine told me, i worried over nothing! as i'm writing this, aidan is doing fine, yup, he's school might not be the best, and if i can opt for a better school, i would. but i guess, it's not all about the school.. it's him growing up, and mama need to let him 'fly' once a while. despites his heavy load, and need to wait for my cousin to finish school then he can go back, i know he'll be doing fine. and me, keep on chasing time, waking up early to prepare his food, rushing over lunch to pick him up from school.. i'm doing at least a mother should be doing, so, as much as i am complaining about not having longer minutes sleeps, i'm ok. of course, school holiday is what i look forward for nowadays, so that i could have that extra half hour sleep :)

aimar - he had issues with the new teacher, mrs rajee. he was punished for making such a noise in class but all he was justifying to me "ala, i just have to stand on the floow - on the floor - not on the chair!"..boleh, camtu? i had enough of pinching, smacking and up to the extend using the clothes hanger and smacked him. so, one day, i decided to play reverse pschycology. i gave a him silent treatment, not talking to him, left him behind and let others took care of him.. and he cried, out loud, asking for forgiveness.. it was  a pity. he was crying, promising that he would behave bla bla.. but i had to be strong .. i spoke to him the day after, and i guess he learned his lesson, a bit, if not much! he's been doing good at school after the incident.. him being a baby, i need time to train him to grow up and grow out. 

aivey - she started to turn. she still having problem passing motion, but other than that, she's doing fine. o, she hates car! she'd cry whenever she's in the car and that is a big problem as we need to commute everyday.. good that i have my mum to accompany me so gramp can took care of her when she decided to throw tantrums!

o.. did i tell that aidan and aimar still ahve to wake up early on weekend for his 2-hours football session? yup! my weekend is filled too!

three kids are handsful!

so, don't blame me for not posting anything all this while..

so, what up with your life?

as time passess by

“I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope...” ...

- Meredith Grey quotes -

aidan is going to primary school. last thursday, i was so excited to get him ready for the orientation. i was a bit mad at his father as he was still in kemaman the night before. good for us that he made it just in time for aidan to go to school. he grown up fast. as we have half an hour to spare before 8:30am, i was proposing for us to stop by for breakfast at the nearby stall.. he counter-proposed "takpe la, mama aboh send abadan dulu, then mama aboh pergi la breakfast".. boleh camtu? he was so looking forward to wear that white and dark-blue school uniform, and looking so handsome with the necktie on.

as he queued among the newbies, i was moved. not like other parents who were busy photographing their kids in the queue, we decided to sit back and watch. i guess, me being obidient with teachers' instruction, i decided not to disturb the queue. and aidan was there, standing still in the line, as obidient as he can.. and my eyes were teary. he looked so independent, so grown-up.. and i was melancholic. felt like only yesterday we were so excited welcoming him in our arms. felt only like the day before yesterday we met eye to eye and smitten by each other. felt like only days before yesterdays we were nervously waiting for the first day of our school-life. and there he was, my son, my own flesh and blood, queuing for his class.. and all i did was looking at him, smiling, feeling proud.. and of course nervous and anxious at the same time. i wonder if he'll survive..

he was off to the class as i sat on the hall, trying hard to listen to the principal's speech and feeling really like one of her students.. once a while, my mind was wandering how aidan was.. 

and of sudden, he came and with his cheerful voice told me "exam was easy peasy".. and off he went, joining his new mates. 

senang kan budak sekarang.. cepat betul buat kawan..
...
talking about grown up.. a cousin of mine is going to be in the secondary school this year. she's going to be in Form One and got over excited when she saw the name "aidan" on one of the schoolboard. she took the picture, loaded it in the FB and tagged me.. and trying to be smart, she put comment "my googly told me aidan means a name of priest/nun etc....." what-da-f.c.u.k... of all the google info, that is the only thing you would want to hilite. of all! i'm pretty sure if you search "define aidan".. that's not the only definition you would find from the google page.. so, why? why? why?... from the google also stated aidan is a jedi from star wars.. so, why can't you think i took that name from there? why must you think i picked up aidan's name from a priest name? of course i took aidan it is so blardy annoying. and what make it more annoying, though the FB id was of my 12-y-o cousin, i am pretty sure it was her mother that made such comment under her name! but of course, if i were to start a FB debatical forum, it does look silly for a 35-y-o to go against all odds ... on FB!!!!
...
new year - in general was just like a normal day. of course, on the eve's, i cooked fusion olio (credit to yummy-mummy blogspot) for the whole family. we stayed in kg baru, had long chats among the other cousins (talking about that cousin). watched the fireworks at the stairs of my gramps old house. and slept the whole day thru on new year itself. of course aimar was enjoying the 48-hour-spongebob-a-thon!
...
aidan is not well today, and yesterday. he vomitted and has got some temperature.. i just hope he'll be just fine for school tomorrow..
...
aimar - he was asking me who will be sending him off to his kindy .. both me and my hub will be with aidan .. if and only if i can split myself into two! i guess all parents would ask to have that wish if granted! to split every bit of us to every bit of time to be wherever our kids would be!
...
aivey - mama tak kasi masuk tangan dalam mulut, she picked new skill over new year.. kenyut bibir without inserting her thumb.. 
...
and so, life goes on. moga aku jadi ummah yang lebih baik, ameen.