The strong-headed me

I have always considered myself as 'strong-headed' by default!

Trust me ~ it's a hard process... 

Not being strong-head, but to mellow down, to reflect the softer side of mine, to show wisdom (though I might have none)... just because.

Again and again, every time I wish I could be 'less' strong-head, that would be the most difficult part!

I was wandering - why do I behave such way?

Was I been raised in a 'strong-head's family that it just run in my blood?

Was I being 'tortured' and abused in the past that I just don't know the softer part of the world?

Was it just me, being the eldest, and that was it?

Allahu musta'an...

For whatever reasons, I know I don't need to know just to justify on my actions. 

I know that I have to cool down and mellow down ~ so that I won't annoy people and I won't feel hurt when people are not responsive to me. 

My dear husband was telling me ~ " that was one of the character that make me fell in love with you, and still do "

He said, I would stick to what I say, my aims and goals and I would strive my best to thrive it. 

Wow! Did I? 

I always thought I am all but a thriver! hahaha

But then again ~ I guess, people behave differently, depending on how he or she been treated. We can be the most manje person to our spouse, and yet such a hard-headed among our buddies. We can be the most tolerant employee and yet such a strict mom at home. 

I just wish I wasn't as 'harsher' as I used to be ~ at least I thought I was harsh, and I am currently not to be harsh in times. 

I wanted anything but to hurt people. 

I used to not care about how people feels as I always wanted the world to rotate around me. 

I know, I was wrong. 

I just want how miserable I am now to everyone that I've wronged, for I know I was wronged and I shouldn't. I really hope that Allah SWT put His Mercy and forgive all those that I've wronged before the Day of Judgement. 
I have no other justifications, excuses and reasons of why I did what I did. 

As much as I seek Allah's guide to forgive me, to have mercy on me, and to guide me to be softer than I used to be ~ I will consistently pray that Allah forgives everyone that I have wronged for being strong-headed and made their life difficult because of me. 
If you happen to be one of those, please forgive me.