Aidan,
You weren't there last night.
It was just us, minus you plus nenek.
I have so many to tell about the wedding,
let's see if I could put each feelings into words, correctly, truthfully, calmly and politely.
...
You might not know who is 'nana' unless the only 'nana' we used to know - the so-called 'mama nana'.
Nope, I don't know what happened to that 'mama nana'.
I used to remember how dearly I loved her.
I was so proud of her.
and I wished I could inspire her in a positive way.
Of course, that was then!'
I remember how small she was.
I was already in the UK when she was born if I wasn't mistaken.
That was why I could spend more time with her during my summer holidays.
I would put her on my chest, and slept with her in front of the fan.
Having that small body on mine was so calming.
For as long as I remembered, she grew up fine, turned up to be someone I'm proud of.
Only when she decided to text me, to mock me, to warn me and to make me feel i was never part of them and never part of her and i should go and die.
I don't want to talk about her,
I don't want to talk about them,
but yesterday was all about them and me.
...
The wedding was nana, anak pak ngah's wedding.
Pak Ngah tu, adik nenek yang no 2.
Dia memang lama kena buang keluarga dan membuang kan diri dia..
and I don't feel to talk about him.
Just that, sebab dia lama bawak diri, anak-anak dia Nana, Kimi & Izzati tak begitu rapat dan mesra as compared to me and others.
Semalam wedding Nana, Auntie Nana for you and adik-beradik!
...
Mama always wanted to contribute when it comes to cousins' wedding.
Be it in terms of money or tenaga or anything.
The last cousin's wedding was horrible.
The glitch was bad.
It was Tasha's wedding.
Mama thought I've been 'creative' enough, to take up all initiative, belajar online nak buat bunga stokin, pergilah ke semua house tu dok beli stokin navy biru nak ikut tema.
Masa tu, aboh dah tak kerja dah.
Tapi, aboh tak pernah bising nak perabis duit nak bagi Mama Tasha hadiah bunga telur.
But then, to the last minute, Sanizah dan Yazreen cakap bunga telur tu tak cantik, tak kellas.
Diorang nak beli lain.
Yang mahal, yang lagi layak nak bagi to represent them.
Mama kecik hati.
If only they knew the afford I put on that bunga telur!
Tasha's wedding was bad.
For me, it was!
Mama pergi akad nikah dia and I was like strangers, makan dekat meja ntah sesapa ntah.
Mama pergi dengan aboh to her wedding lepas tu, the day, if you could remember, Yazreen jerit dan marah Aidan sebab tolak kerusi (arwah) tok nek padahal tok nek seronok masa tu.
The day yang Yazreen rasa dia bagus dan ada hak nak jerit kat anak orang walaupun mak bapak Aidan ada kat situ, nak tunjuk yang kitorang tak tahu nak ajar anak dan biar dia yang ajar anak kitorang.
Demn!
I had reminding it myself!
and I'm not going to continue citer mereka.
there's always two sides of a story - I wish I knew theirs, just as much as I tried to understand.
I tried texting Yazreen, which turned out she blocked my number and my FB and all.. She didn't want to have anything connected and related with me.
Dia lupa asal usul kita!
I tried asking Sanizah to be the mediator, which my SMS was left unresponded and unreplied, and I so I should get the sign.
I tried texting Zafifi, and he himself decided not to respond to my message.
Those didn't happened in a blink of eyes.
It has been 3 years and more.
They might hate me for writing this out.
But I guess, I need them to know, if they ever care, the damaged has been done and as much I know, I've did my part.
Allah warning big time bab putus silaturrahim ni.
Nabi SAW dok tarbiah tak habis pasal silaturrahim.
I don't want to be stop for not being able to enter Jannah for I was the one yang memutuskan.
I want to be in Jannah.
I want to be with Nabi SAW.
And so, as much as I hate it when I texted Sanizah & Zafifi, I knew I wasn't doing it for them, neither for me... Lillahitaala, I did it for Allah. I asked Allah for guidance, I asked Allah for easiness.
Alhamdullullah, as much as I wish they both replied to me, or even Yazreen contacted me, and neither one of them did, I knew, I've got my test questions an answer, Insyaalah, the answer that as a muslim should give to ensure Jahanam is not her place, not once, not at all.
Aidan, Aimar, Aivey,
Neraka itu azab siksa!
Mama pernah dengan ada ustaz cakap..jangan kata panas api dia, asap bahang dia yang jauh tak tersangka pun kita tak mampu nak tanggung!
Macam mana kalau kita kena humban dalam dia?
Minum air panas, makan makanan berduri, hanyir-danir, busuk bangkai, di carik-carik, di sula dan sebagainya.
Nauzubillah
...
Masa Nana jemput for her wedding on the 19th Oct, I knew that I had to get her something for the wedding. I could just come for the kenduri, masuk cash RM50 dalam sampul and pass to her. But, I guess, I won't be fair for doing so. I crafted a bunga cokelat ferrero rocher.. Dapatlah 48pcs. Okaylah..kalau dia gi tempah kat luar bunga cokelat tu, boleh harga dalam RM7 to RM10 per pc! Alhamdulillah, somehow, rezeki ilmu Allah bagi, cukup dengan tengok Youtube and ilham pepandai sendiri. It was good, all praise to Allah.
I passed the bunga telur to her on Friday night.
I felt a bit guilty to her.
Masa pass bunga telur tu, I passed dekat homestay yang dia sewa, purposely for the wedding. It was only her and her mom, while her youngest adik, Izzati was out to grab some food for dinner.
It was 10pm.
Kalau wedding mama punya cousin sebelum-sebelum ni, the night before the wedding memang tak menang tangan nak tidur... macam-macam nak buat.
As for her, it was the simplest I've witnessed but it was a shame bila ada ramai yang claim sedara and her cousin but none visited her that night.
The morning after, dia akad nikah. I told her the night before that I couldn't attend the akad nikah.
Aimar Aivey ada sports'carnival kat sports planet.
Aivey main tenning, 2 game kalah 2 game menang.
Aimar main hockey, though he scored for his team, tapi diorang kalah all 3 games.
Petang tu, nenek telefon, suruh amik dia kalau nak gi wedding Nana... Atuk tak nak pergi sebab tak dapat official invitation dari Pak Ngah. Yang Pak Ngah pun satu hal, dah kenal sangat atuk and his protocol, masih nak main selit-selit je kad jemputan, tak datang ngadap one-to-one.. Bolayan lah jawabnya.
And so, malam tu, lepas maghrib we went for the wedding.
Orang tak ramai lagi masa tu. It was great to see how happy nenek was to meet all her sedara.
Only after Isya', people start rushing in.
That was when Pak Itam came with Mak Itam. Mak Itam tegur mama, 'lamanyer tak nampak ain. hilang senyap je.'
"Ain kena halau Mak Itam! Pergi! Pergi! Pergi dari rumah aku!Itu yang Mamiton cakap malam tu."..
Of course I didn't said that to Mak Itam, as much as I wish.
I couldn't help myself to stop repeating her last word, ordering me to leave the house, rumah yang mama dibesarkan dari kecik... rumah nenek ajar mama solat.. rumah mama makan sedap-sedap semua lauk mamiton... rumah kg baru. rumah yang sampai hari ni, mama tekad takkan jejak sebab mama kena halau dari rumah tu.
Sebab apa?
Sebab Sanizah cakap sebelum tu kat Aidan dan Aimar, jangan jadi kurang ajar mcm mak bapak ko. Dan sebab mama pergi nak jumpa Sanizah nak tanya kenapa cakap macam tu dekat Aidan Aimar.
Dan sebab Sanizah yang konon berani dan hebat tu tutup pintu bilik tak nak dengar mama nak tanya elok-elok.
Dan sebab mama bercakap dengan Mum kenapa Sanizah cakap camtu dekat anak-anak mama.
Dan sebab Sanizah jerit maki-maki cakap buruk pasal husband mama.
Dan sebab mama jerit balik nak bagitau Sanizah salah.
Dan sebab tu, semua orang, Uncle Bird, Mamiton, dan even Abah Mama malam tu marah kat mama, sebab mama bertegas sorang-sorang!
Aidan, Aimar, Aivey,
Quran ada cakap, stay true!
Kalau kita betul, benar, kita jangan jadi lalang semata-mata ramai nampak kita salah.
Ada 73 jalan, yang betul hanya 1 jalan!
Moga jalan yang 1 itulah jalan yang kita guna dan tuju sekarang ini.
Back to Nana's wedding...
Mama tengok ramai cousin-cousin dia ada masa dia akad nikah.
Masa wedding pun, ramai gak lah.
Cuma mama teringat the night before, dekat homestay dia sewa and there was only her and her mother.
Mama rasa guilty for not staying long, but Aivey was having fever that night and I couldn't stay.
Masa kat wedding, mama nampak semua datang. Aunti Norijah ada satu meja dengan mama.
Selalunya, diorang ni rapat dan akan datang salam tangan.
Tapi, malam tu, lepas Pak Itam Mak Itam, ada Mum, Miton dan semua-semua ekor-ekor. Mama salam Mum, Mama salam Miton.
Mama takleh nak kata apa-apa and mama yang banyak cakap ni left speechless, literally.
Mama malu gak. But I guess, I did my best.
Mama respect them as orang tua and I didn't ignore them.
Mama nak terkilan bila ada orang yang muda-muda tak mai salam tanya khabar kat mama?
No lah! Alhamdulillah... Mama baca ayat 9 Yassin bebanyak nak nampak invisible and I guess that ayat works :)
Uncle Bird & Auntie sampai and salam pun, mama takleh nak cakap banyak.
Aidan, Aimar, Aivey,
Selama-selama mama hidup, I have never ran out of words... No doubt!
Semalam, I was left unspoken and it hurts!
...
Ok, dah azan zohor and a sign for me to stop.
Of course I have more to write.. but I guess that azan is enough to tell me, dah lah..
berlapang dadalah!
though mama and aboh still figuring out what and how belapang dada is!
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