who knows where we will land?
.............
had a brief encounter with my long lost friend over lunch.. well, not really lost for so long, thanks to FB, but still, been a while since we met. we went to the same high school seventeen years ago and she's now with three kids. i wasn't part of her clan, and neither did she. our acquantainceship turn to friendship right after high school. physically, she changed a lot. she was plum, now slimmer. she was not so fair, now prettier. she was short, now taller. she really did change.
and i happened to be on the same floor of my ex-schoolmate, but we were never a friend. on my round introducing myself as a new staff, she spotted me.. we went to the same secondary school.. and i couldn't recall. i was famous back then (chewah).. she was not as visible as compared to my clan back then. who would have thought, this happily married lady with two boys was once the person who went to the same school of mine. she may not be the vocal one, but she further her studies in the States, got a decent job with the Fortune 500, happily married and yes, she is much much slimmer and prettier too....
reflected back, i might be among the few students at school that people would recognise and remember.. the famous clan.. the one who will participated in all the events, the one who will volunteered for any activities, the one who represented the school to all the quizzess... the one who will get most dedications of flowers and teddies when it comes to Valentines... yup - i went to all-girls school.
then, my life met these two girlfriends of mine. with marvel and admiration, i Thank God to let me have the chance to meet them in this life, now. everyone is the star of one's life. be it at the earlier or later stage in life, at times, we will once be the highlights of the peak and we will be there at the bottom of nowhere. it happens to everybody. let's keep reminding ourselves.
............................
p/s: ladies, nothing wrong to wanting to be pretty.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
the routine
the girlfriends...
- those married : how did you manage with the boys?
- those single, with partner: ala, kesian.. sure rindu jauh2..
- those single without partner: jom lepak, nanti when he come back, cannot lepak oredi..
the guys...
- you trust him?
.....................
my no1 bff is on his way back.. a more-than-24-hr-round-trip is not something that neither him nor myself look forward to. it's the end destination that matters.he's coming back after his (normally twenty eight days) long tiring rice-less shift. not much of an option for him, for now. he's the breadwinner, and i'm so good in spending that he needs to earn more than i can spend :) afterall, that is the rezeki that Allah gives to us for now, we are thankful for the blessings.
coping without him around is not so easy. and that is why i really salute all the single parents. you always need to have your significant other, if not fifty percent, maybe less, to complete the chores. send the kids to school, check their homeworks (and even they are only five, don't be surprised that their works pile a mount high up!), drop all meetings and discussions coz the school rings and your kids been vomitting since morning, do the laundry else no clean clothes for the weekend..and the list goes on and on and on... you need two to fulfill the chores, just as much when you've decided to bring a life in this world! lucky for me as i have my friends and families nearby who will defiitely extend their help. it was horrible when i was away from them few months ago.. nonetheless, having your spouse around 24-7 is definitely a go-go.. no doubt about it. hats off to the single parents!
they said, absence makes the heart grows fonder. i beg to rephrase - distance makes the heart grows fonder. yes, we fights when he's around and even when he's not. but without realizing time and distance, we missed each other the most when we are apart - never fails! he's been on the shift for the past fourteen months.. means, he's been away far apart from the family for at least seven months. i should have get used to the terms that he will leave for work and come back when its due. but i'm yet to learn not to shed my tears when i send him off at the airport. i know i will miss him until he comes back. long distance is never easy. especially when he has no choice but to miss out those important events like birthdays and anniversaries. sending short videos for his viewing via emails might help a bit, but never managed to heal the "wish you were here" phrase. it's not easy but we have to swallow. it made us both realised how much we miss, appreciate and love what we have between us.
he's not a control freak. i can still hang out with the girls whenever, wherever. but of course he's my priority. and not having him around, doesn't mean i'll just go roam whenever wherever. there's a gps sensor install in me, and only him can retrieve it.. understood - i may go where i want to go, lepaking with the girls, and he will know. he will.
and the guys, they only have one thing in mind. i can't say i married a saint. he's a man, not perfect but perfect enough for me (chewahh.. abang bagi allowance lebih yek ...)..back to guys and one thing in mind - i won't say that the only woman he will lays his eyes on is me.. he looked at others too, and even i was right there next to him. he would say it doesn't do any harm... i smile. of course i don't buy that! looks can kill! he can start looking, leering and there goes the blast in his mind. every man does that. true! he will agrees with me.. (ke, ye ke?).. so, do i trust him? working far far away in that samba land where bikinis might be their baju kurung back there.. one thing for sure, i know i have to trust myself. i trust myself not to be complacent, to let alone give him reason and benefit of doubts to think even once that he needs other alternative. i trust that I should do my part as a wife, as much as he's doing his part. i trust God is true, and what comes around, comes around. as long as i trust myself as much as he trust himself, we'll be taken care of, insyallah.
for now - just can't wait for him to come back.. miss him hugging me, tightly... hurry back!
- those married : how did you manage with the boys?
- those single, with partner: ala, kesian.. sure rindu jauh2..
- those single without partner: jom lepak, nanti when he come back, cannot lepak oredi..
the guys...
- you trust him?
.....................
my no1 bff is on his way back.. a more-than-24-hr-round-trip is not something that neither him nor myself look forward to. it's the end destination that matters.he's coming back after his (normally twenty eight days) long tiring rice-less shift. not much of an option for him, for now. he's the breadwinner, and i'm so good in spending that he needs to earn more than i can spend :) afterall, that is the rezeki that Allah gives to us for now, we are thankful for the blessings.
coping without him around is not so easy. and that is why i really salute all the single parents. you always need to have your significant other, if not fifty percent, maybe less, to complete the chores. send the kids to school, check their homeworks (and even they are only five, don't be surprised that their works pile a mount high up!), drop all meetings and discussions coz the school rings and your kids been vomitting since morning, do the laundry else no clean clothes for the weekend..and the list goes on and on and on... you need two to fulfill the chores, just as much when you've decided to bring a life in this world! lucky for me as i have my friends and families nearby who will defiitely extend their help. it was horrible when i was away from them few months ago.. nonetheless, having your spouse around 24-7 is definitely a go-go.. no doubt about it. hats off to the single parents!
they said, absence makes the heart grows fonder. i beg to rephrase - distance makes the heart grows fonder. yes, we fights when he's around and even when he's not. but without realizing time and distance, we missed each other the most when we are apart - never fails! he's been on the shift for the past fourteen months.. means, he's been away far apart from the family for at least seven months. i should have get used to the terms that he will leave for work and come back when its due. but i'm yet to learn not to shed my tears when i send him off at the airport. i know i will miss him until he comes back. long distance is never easy. especially when he has no choice but to miss out those important events like birthdays and anniversaries. sending short videos for his viewing via emails might help a bit, but never managed to heal the "wish you were here" phrase. it's not easy but we have to swallow. it made us both realised how much we miss, appreciate and love what we have between us.
he's not a control freak. i can still hang out with the girls whenever, wherever. but of course he's my priority. and not having him around, doesn't mean i'll just go roam whenever wherever. there's a gps sensor install in me, and only him can retrieve it.. understood - i may go where i want to go, lepaking with the girls, and he will know. he will.
and the guys, they only have one thing in mind. i can't say i married a saint. he's a man, not perfect but perfect enough for me (chewahh.. abang bagi allowance lebih yek ...)..back to guys and one thing in mind - i won't say that the only woman he will lays his eyes on is me.. he looked at others too, and even i was right there next to him. he would say it doesn't do any harm... i smile. of course i don't buy that! looks can kill! he can start looking, leering and there goes the blast in his mind. every man does that. true! he will agrees with me.. (ke, ye ke?).. so, do i trust him? working far far away in that samba land where bikinis might be their baju kurung back there.. one thing for sure, i know i have to trust myself. i trust myself not to be complacent, to let alone give him reason and benefit of doubts to think even once that he needs other alternative. i trust that I should do my part as a wife, as much as he's doing his part. i trust God is true, and what comes around, comes around. as long as i trust myself as much as he trust himself, we'll be taken care of, insyallah.
for now - just can't wait for him to come back.. miss him hugging me, tightly... hurry back!
sigh
i'm not that hardcore a blogger.. and i managed to survive during my nice long in-between-job break without any entry.. then, they made it a mandatory for me to attend a 16-days-induction programme and justified of no access of the net. next, my first day reporting to that tower... wham bam... with no work for the first few weeks, the only thing i can think is to update my blog. and for the past one month, i kept trying on and on my shining luck so that i am able to load the blogger page, but no good news.. until today, half an hour ago, i can log in, with no restriction. and i know i have all rights to believe in miracle!!!!!
i can't say much about my new work as i haven't started working, yet. don't ask me what i've been doing all this while coz me myself have difficulties in answering that...
it's not easy - an experienced hired, eager to start new task .. and yet... nothing in hand for me to kickstart...
so, expect more entries from me from now.. until i'm loaded with pile-up work.. and God knows when will that be!
i can't say much about my new work as i haven't started working, yet. don't ask me what i've been doing all this while coz me myself have difficulties in answering that...
it's not easy - an experienced hired, eager to start new task .. and yet... nothing in hand for me to kickstart...
so, expect more entries from me from now.. until i'm loaded with pile-up work.. and God knows when will that be!
for realllll................
i can't believe this myself.. i can access and log in to my blogger... biar betul......
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
it hurts the most
when you cried so hard for so long, you eyes swollen and it could hardly open itself, the top inner part of your mouth felt so dry that whenever the tip of your tounge touch it, it feels awefully uncomfortable.
when you cried so hard for so long, even the birds stopped singing, the sun stops shining, the radio's playing sad horrible songs. its like a complot by the world against you, to keep putting you in the mourning mood.
when you cried so hard for so long, you just wish you could turn back time. so that you won't hurt the person you cares the most and you don't hurt yourself.
when you cried so hard for so long, you just don't want to wake up, get off from the room, face the world.. and when your mum hand you the nice ketupat that your dad made and you didn't eat last night because you cried so hard for so long, you knew you wanted to burst again.
when you cried so hard for so long, talking to you BFFs will soothe you out, but what will helps is actually looking straight into the eyes of your soulmate, vent out every single concerns and you knew you don't have to cry so hard for so long. if only distance is not the limit..
when you cried so hard for so long, even a three year old kid would understand your melocholant emotion and agreed to keep it hush hush.
when you cried so hard for so long, you just all dried out.
when you cried so hard for so long, even the birds stopped singing, the sun stops shining, the radio's playing sad horrible songs. its like a complot by the world against you, to keep putting you in the mourning mood.
when you cried so hard for so long, you just wish you could turn back time. so that you won't hurt the person you cares the most and you don't hurt yourself.
when you cried so hard for so long, you just don't want to wake up, get off from the room, face the world.. and when your mum hand you the nice ketupat that your dad made and you didn't eat last night because you cried so hard for so long, you knew you wanted to burst again.
when you cried so hard for so long, talking to you BFFs will soothe you out, but what will helps is actually looking straight into the eyes of your soulmate, vent out every single concerns and you knew you don't have to cry so hard for so long. if only distance is not the limit..
when you cried so hard for so long, even a three year old kid would understand your melocholant emotion and agreed to keep it hush hush.
when you cried so hard for so long, you just all dried out.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Adieu
This is what i've really sent out. In case anybody needs any idea.
.........
Dear all,
Here is the time when flowers lose petal
And others have to bloom
Here comes the time when the grass must be cut
And the mist lifts soon
Well, as per tradition I am sending out my goodbye email as this would be my last hour working with Penaga Dresser. It has been a privilege to be working here for the past six and a half years and am sure will miss all that this place represents. I guess in the early days we didn’t have any choice but to get along (and perhaps the feelings still the same till today), but as we ride on the journey and see the company grow, I must be thankful to be able to grow and gain life knowledge together with the company.
I, personally, with my humble heart (though I may be quite loud most of the times), am apologizing for things I’ve said and done – I’m sure I’ve said enough and done a lot, direct or indirectly, and I do apologize. I meant well, this time J
I am sure we will cross our path one day, so if anyone feels the urge to contact me, drop me lines at ain1810@yahoo.com and of course Facebook (when you are not in the office, I guess).
To Dato Seri,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be part of the Penaga family.
Goodbye, good luck and you never know, see you later!
Also, Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin.
Over and Out.
Yours truly,
.........
Dear all,
Here is the time when flowers lose petal
And others have to bloom
Here comes the time when the grass must be cut
And the mist lifts soon
Well, as per tradition I am sending out my goodbye email as this would be my last hour working with Penaga Dresser. It has been a privilege to be working here for the past six and a half years and am sure will miss all that this place represents. I guess in the early days we didn’t have any choice but to get along (and perhaps the feelings still the same till today), but as we ride on the journey and see the company grow, I must be thankful to be able to grow and gain life knowledge together with the company.
I, personally, with my humble heart (though I may be quite loud most of the times), am apologizing for things I’ve said and done – I’m sure I’ve said enough and done a lot, direct or indirectly, and I do apologize. I meant well, this time J
I am sure we will cross our path one day, so if anyone feels the urge to contact me, drop me lines at ain1810@yahoo.com and of course Facebook (when you are not in the office, I guess).
To Dato Seri,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be part of the Penaga family.
Goodbye, good luck and you never know, see you later!
Also, Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin.
Over and Out.
Yours truly,
why must i be sad?
it's d-day. yup, finally.. i've been trying hard to construct the best farewell note to be send to everybody for the past three days, but , i guess i'm just not into it.. afterall, i intend to write a funny note that may sound rude and may not be suitable for malaysians culture.. hence, i just wrote it here... and wishing hard they bumped into this blog of mine and smile, if they could.
......
hi all,
as i woke up today decided what to wear, i realized it won't be much effort that requires.. i can just wear whatever i want, as casual as i want, as today is my last day of work with the company. after six and a half year, i finally made it.. i finally got the chance to email this note - a farewell note, a note that i've longed to write for the past five years. albiet the fact that most of the people i've known has left and i may be among the last, i'm still thankful for finally got the opportunity to leave. as happy as a lark, i'm glad i could send this out today.
over the years, i don't really remember any good times i've spent with the company. i could hardly recall any decent memories and i just don't give a damn. i have very few friends and they've left the company.. ok, except one and i pray for her to leave too.. (good luck, beb). as others, i'm not that close, perhaps i've been with you guys here in a short period as i've been in kemaman all this while. you guys are ok, but i'm sure i won't be missed and i'm ok with that.. really, i mean it.. so, no offense taken and no harm done.
deep inside my heart, very very deep, i wonder.. i must have hate the company so much that i am so looking forward for today to come..i've waited for it to come five years ago.. am i so heartless that i've never like this place.. and what have gone wrong?
let me tell you what have gone wrong... with exception of one year where i was promoted, the yearly increment that i've got never passed the 3%-7% benchmark.. with my low salary, that is very very insignificant.. it can't even pay up my tolls to the office. they said it's a standard rate increment (and i have evidence in one of the year when my increment was only 3%, one of the staff got a 22% increment).. and when i asked for justification, they would say it is based on my performance.. here's the thing, this company, never ever have any KPI set up, never ever have any performance evaluation where the staff never knew how we performed, never ever have any benchmark on the requirement to ensure certain incremente percentage, and yet they can throw this bullshit.... some of my collegues didn't even get any increment because their salary is high enough..what the heck, another year experience and they can throw that shit to them.. and talking about bonus, there's another thing.. i might have been lucky as i was doing the outside sales.. my boss at that time was ok and he valued my existence in driving the sales.. my bonus was ok... only to find out others got doubled that i did... and these people were higher income earners in the company... and they don't have to do anything because they are the managers..bloody buggers... those technicians who slaving themselves and the company is charging five times more than their salary was only give the minimum bonus.. the management said, 'better than nothing'.. and they said the company foresee the business is going down next year.. so, we need to save.. yarrr rrriiggghhhtttt....hey, don't the management know that we know their profit goes up to sixty percent of the cost.. and they even calculate the profit over the sales price and not the cost price (means they have more than that as a margin).. and they can throw this bullshit?
maybe most managers that made these decision has left.. to his stand, the owner may have said, it was decided by the managers.. still... you signed and approved the allocation..duuhhhh....
and talking about it, the (senior) managers who are still within the company (with respect to mine, he's ok, he's cool and he deserves more than his value now), they suck, BIG TIME. the one who is doing sales just sit on his table, staring in that laptop of his.. and i wonder what sales he's doing.. sales means you have to go out and meet clients and potential clients.. apparently that is not happening, and with his twenty years experience, am sure his earning a five figure pay and all he does is sit in the room.. the management said "strategic sales planning". another one, who is also supposed to be doing sales, somehow think he is replacing the COO and eyeing for the CEO post, is another loser. a person who can tells everybody that i'm joining the competitor while the whole world knew that i'm leaving for the user, a person who can tells everybody that a client is his good friend while he didn't even know which company the client work with, a person who can't even pronounce the product he's representing correctly, a person who can tell everybody that i claimed for parking ticket while i was an MC and when i confronted him he can blurly answered me "you cannot listen to gossip".. aggh.. the endless list about this person... and he called himself a SM with MBA scroll... you tell me, do i need to elaborate more? the finance, she's something we can laugh about.. she can request for a conference just to find out where is the document file saved in the server.. and last but not least, this one senior manager.. professionally, i guess she's ok. there's bits and pieces that she may improved. and she must stop saying 'it's not easy when you were held by ransom by friendship'.. what the heck, you are the manager, if your staff didn't perform, tell them upfront.. you can't manage them and you are asking for sympathy.. she must have been giving good blowjobs (oopssy) that the boss loves you so much. well, the starbuck incident (yup, someone saw you guys like a couple.. yuck.. out of all guys and places....).. personally, being a slutty bitch is the only way that get her way to the management.. the company has more senior managers than i ever knew.. kudos.
i, somehow, thank God for the time spent here in the company. i learn to grow up. as much as my bff who has more than ten years experience and still think her knowledge is not much, i can confidently admit i am technically sound with the products.. there's more to learn as we will never stop learning. but, when some clients can think of my name whenever they need technical advise with regards to control valves in general, i think i've done well. and i've made few nice friends. when i started doing sales in the east coast, a tudung-less lady with red hair and green lens, and no contacts except for her hubby, i've accomplished a lot. i never had proper training to give training, and yet, i've provided training to engineers, senior engineers, consultants and even have my own training modules... all this is my effort, and i never care to thank the company. it God's will.. the company never cares.
well, i don't think i've said enough, but i guess, if were to write every single tragedy, i'll be much happier and i must have to sound so fake when i started my 'official' farewell email with "i wrote this with mixed feelings".... not a teeny weeny sad emotions left within myself.. if they never care to value me while i was here, why must i care to pretend how much i'm in love with the company.. and thank God for i never love this place.
......
hi all,
as i woke up today decided what to wear, i realized it won't be much effort that requires.. i can just wear whatever i want, as casual as i want, as today is my last day of work with the company. after six and a half year, i finally made it.. i finally got the chance to email this note - a farewell note, a note that i've longed to write for the past five years. albiet the fact that most of the people i've known has left and i may be among the last, i'm still thankful for finally got the opportunity to leave. as happy as a lark, i'm glad i could send this out today.
over the years, i don't really remember any good times i've spent with the company. i could hardly recall any decent memories and i just don't give a damn. i have very few friends and they've left the company.. ok, except one and i pray for her to leave too.. (good luck, beb). as others, i'm not that close, perhaps i've been with you guys here in a short period as i've been in kemaman all this while. you guys are ok, but i'm sure i won't be missed and i'm ok with that.. really, i mean it.. so, no offense taken and no harm done.
deep inside my heart, very very deep, i wonder.. i must have hate the company so much that i am so looking forward for today to come..i've waited for it to come five years ago.. am i so heartless that i've never like this place.. and what have gone wrong?
let me tell you what have gone wrong... with exception of one year where i was promoted, the yearly increment that i've got never passed the 3%-7% benchmark.. with my low salary, that is very very insignificant.. it can't even pay up my tolls to the office. they said it's a standard rate increment (and i have evidence in one of the year when my increment was only 3%, one of the staff got a 22% increment).. and when i asked for justification, they would say it is based on my performance.. here's the thing, this company, never ever have any KPI set up, never ever have any performance evaluation where the staff never knew how we performed, never ever have any benchmark on the requirement to ensure certain incremente percentage, and yet they can throw this bullshit.... some of my collegues didn't even get any increment because their salary is high enough..what the heck, another year experience and they can throw that shit to them.. and talking about bonus, there's another thing.. i might have been lucky as i was doing the outside sales.. my boss at that time was ok and he valued my existence in driving the sales.. my bonus was ok... only to find out others got doubled that i did... and these people were higher income earners in the company... and they don't have to do anything because they are the managers..bloody buggers... those technicians who slaving themselves and the company is charging five times more than their salary was only give the minimum bonus.. the management said, 'better than nothing'.. and they said the company foresee the business is going down next year.. so, we need to save.. yarrr rrriiggghhhtttt....hey, don't the management know that we know their profit goes up to sixty percent of the cost.. and they even calculate the profit over the sales price and not the cost price (means they have more than that as a margin).. and they can throw this bullshit?
maybe most managers that made these decision has left.. to his stand, the owner may have said, it was decided by the managers.. still... you signed and approved the allocation..duuhhhh....
and talking about it, the (senior) managers who are still within the company (with respect to mine, he's ok, he's cool and he deserves more than his value now), they suck, BIG TIME. the one who is doing sales just sit on his table, staring in that laptop of his.. and i wonder what sales he's doing.. sales means you have to go out and meet clients and potential clients.. apparently that is not happening, and with his twenty years experience, am sure his earning a five figure pay and all he does is sit in the room.. the management said "strategic sales planning". another one, who is also supposed to be doing sales, somehow think he is replacing the COO and eyeing for the CEO post, is another loser. a person who can tells everybody that i'm joining the competitor while the whole world knew that i'm leaving for the user, a person who can tells everybody that a client is his good friend while he didn't even know which company the client work with, a person who can't even pronounce the product he's representing correctly, a person who can tell everybody that i claimed for parking ticket while i was an MC and when i confronted him he can blurly answered me "you cannot listen to gossip".. aggh.. the endless list about this person... and he called himself a SM with MBA scroll... you tell me, do i need to elaborate more? the finance, she's something we can laugh about.. she can request for a conference just to find out where is the document file saved in the server.. and last but not least, this one senior manager.. professionally, i guess she's ok. there's bits and pieces that she may improved. and she must stop saying 'it's not easy when you were held by ransom by friendship'.. what the heck, you are the manager, if your staff didn't perform, tell them upfront.. you can't manage them and you are asking for sympathy.. she must have been giving good blowjobs (oopssy) that the boss loves you so much. well, the starbuck incident (yup, someone saw you guys like a couple.. yuck.. out of all guys and places....).. personally, being a slutty bitch is the only way that get her way to the management.. the company has more senior managers than i ever knew.. kudos.
i, somehow, thank God for the time spent here in the company. i learn to grow up. as much as my bff who has more than ten years experience and still think her knowledge is not much, i can confidently admit i am technically sound with the products.. there's more to learn as we will never stop learning. but, when some clients can think of my name whenever they need technical advise with regards to control valves in general, i think i've done well. and i've made few nice friends. when i started doing sales in the east coast, a tudung-less lady with red hair and green lens, and no contacts except for her hubby, i've accomplished a lot. i never had proper training to give training, and yet, i've provided training to engineers, senior engineers, consultants and even have my own training modules... all this is my effort, and i never care to thank the company. it God's will.. the company never cares.
well, i don't think i've said enough, but i guess, if were to write every single tragedy, i'll be much happier and i must have to sound so fake when i started my 'official' farewell email with "i wrote this with mixed feelings".... not a teeny weeny sad emotions left within myself.. if they never care to value me while i was here, why must i care to pretend how much i'm in love with the company.. and thank God for i never love this place.
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