Saying the Truth

what's up since the last time i dropped by here?

i have no eff-ing idea..

...

life goes on! 

that was it and that how it is gonna be..

Alhamdulillah...

was reading the book, comments of Dr Bilal on Ibn Tammiyah's Essay On The Heart.. gosh, I stumbled upon the hadith being shared how we've been cheated... or perhaps, i was cheated - by free times and health... 

I guess health won't be my positive side, yet, who am I to argue when a friend I met last two months, who I thought has been free from cancer, told me that she got a relapse and this time, the cancer is at stage 4... May Allah gives her and her family strength to go thru these turmoils as I know, it won't be easy. Ameen..

On the other hand, free times are all mine.. Astaghfirullah ~ I have pending jobs with Anje Ulul Albab Modules and also the transcription of Al-Biri's poem, yet, I slept all day yesterday ~ literally! I was sleeping at 11 the night before, woke up just nice for two rakaah and witr, and I sent Aivey off for school, came back and sleep again... till noon, and continued sleeping after zohor, and at times of asar, went to pick up Aivey, came back for bukak puasa, then solat and tido and isya' and sleep for the night... Astaghfirullah.... I was tired for nothing. 

Allah has blessed me with free times, and that's how I chose to spend it on ~ how cheated I've been, to my own self!

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Feeling being cheated was bad, and being cheated itself is definitely a ruin. 

I never knew how to cheat, but I knew for the fact, I cheat a lot.. 

It's tricky of how to explain it. 

But, as I told the kids, 'mama tak tahu nak menipu'... I really don't know ~ I speak my mind loudly and clearly for I couldn't trained myself to lie... by means, I meant well .. only that, when I was younger, my words were harsh and to some extent, vulgars. Astaghfirullah.. 

I used to be 'proud' of being 'honest', yet, some people just not strong enough to face the fact when they listened to honest opinions. And they are not to be blame. 

The bad was mine! Even when Musa a.s. wanted to meet Fir'aun and gave da'wah, Allah SWT told him to 'qaulan layyinan', say good words softly, smoothly.. lembut... and it was Fir'aun that he a.s. was meeting ~ the one who clearly at the wrong... yet, he was asked by Robb to talk softly! So, what justifies my harshness?

Of course you have to tell the truth... what was missing back them was knowledge. 

In Surah al-Asr, Allah SWT pair the truth with sabr, تِ وَتَوَاصَوۡاْ بِٱلۡحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوۡاْ بِٱلصَّبۡرِ and in Surah al-Balad, Allah SWT pair sabr with mercy, وَتَوَاصَوۡاْ بِٱلصَّبۡرِ وَتَوَاصَوۡاْ بِٱلۡمَرۡحَمَةِ. 

Mashaallah, How perfect Quran is... yes, you have to speak the truth, but it comes with patience... and patience would be perfect pair with mercy -

A reminder to myself... put a border, between saying things truthfully and saying it with truth. 

May Allah forgives my past, and May Allah forgives those who have rights over me for I was being harsh and nasty to them, Ameen.