In the Quran, Allah stated what he a.s. said to his brothers, in surah Yusuh verse 92:
قَالَ لَا تَثۡرِيبَ عَلَيۡكُمُ ٱلۡيَوۡمَۖ يَغۡفِرُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡۖ وَهُوَ أَرۡحَمُ ٱلرَّٰحِمِينَ
He said, “There is no blame on you today. May Allah forgive you, for He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. [QS 12:92]
Subhanallah. I found so many things in these power verse.
I cry, I smile, I laugh, I fear and I hope. I just so in love with this ayah, MashaAllah.
...
I 'discovered' this ayat way before Ramadan. That was when I decided that I need to make amends, seek forgiveness to everyone.
After nearly six years, I have lost hope, I was vengeful and mad, I was sad and depressed and all those ill-feelings stayed with me, on and off, many so often longer than I've expected.
I knew I'm in the right.
I wanted to be right.
I need to be right.
I longed for the other party to tell me that I was and am right.
Only to realize, we can never owned people's heart ~ for we can't even owned our own heart!!
That was when I started making du'a,
اللهُمَّ يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ وَعَلى طَاعَتِكَ
O Allah, turner of the hearts (Allah, the Most High), keep our hearts firm on your religion.
My hubby thought me the du'a,
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ والْحُـزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.
Of course, it doesn't take overnight to stay firm and stay away from those ill-feelings.
Alhamdulillah... Allah knows best. When the right time comes, it come, perfectly! Alhamdulillah.
...
So, I've been asking Allah, please show me the right path.
Please let me tell them that I am right, that I am not the villain and they should stop playing victim.
But it was after I read the book, 'when the stars prostrates'.. I found the answer.
Allah did show me the path.
Alhamdulillah.
When the brothers of Prophet Yusuf a.s. realized that the emir they were confronted to was the young brother of theirs who they abandoned with intent to put them astray, for he was not one of their 'clan'... they knew they have made mistakes.
Prophet Yusuf a.s. had to undergo trials after trials ~ being thrown, being sold, being put in a foreign land, being lured, being paraded, being imprisoned, being forgotten yet he was then being raised in rank ~ not by those who know and closed to him, not by his clan, but by the authority who he never knew and not even related to him. Subhanallah... just because his 'clan' hate him and wanted to remove him.
Yet, when his 'clan' came, asking for help from him, the little boy of their own blood, whom they deserted in a well and lied to their father ~ what did he do? He helped him, and he did more than that!..
لَا تَثۡرِيبَ عَلَيۡكُمُ ٱلۡيَوۡمَۖ
There is no blame upon you today.
Mashaallah.... after all those trials, he could said that, where does it put me??????
Astaghfirullah..forgive me ya Allah, forgive me for being ignorant.
For indeed, I am your 'abd. And I am not entitled to penalised anyone for I didn't know them and they didn't know, truthfully. Only you know, Ya Allah.
Yup, I was asking for answer on why they did what they did. I was asking for affirmation that they knew I was in the right. I was waiting for their true apologizes that never come. I was praying for things would get better, or the least not as awkward as it is.
I didn't know if Prophet Yusuf a.s. felt the same ~ but for sure, him not blaming his brothers are not for the benefit of them, but his! The peace in his heart and mind reached to the max for he has other thing to worry about that is more important (to be united with his brother and his beloved parents).
I know that to forgive doesn't require one to forget what had happened. And even in the Quran, Allah says (as a reminder to Abu Bakr r.a. when he was hurt by the person who bad-mouthed his own daughter, the beloved wife of Rasulullah SAW):
أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغۡفِرَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡۚ وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٞ رَّحِيمٌ
Do you not like to be forgiven by Allah? For Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [QS 24:22]
Who would be stupid and crazy enough not to like to be forgiven by Allah?? So, when I was trying to 'digest' and 'swallow' my pride and forgive them, I still have bitterness in my heart for my evil whisper told me ~ if I forgive them, or seek forgiveness, I would affirm their belief that they are right and I am wrong, which I am not!
It's not easy!!
But, as I came across the ayah in this surah Yusuf, I realized that it's not the matter of who is right and who is wrong.. It's not the matter of who should apologize and who should forgive.. It's not the matter of getting back to 'normal' and forget everything..
يَغۡفِرُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡۖ وَهُوَ أَرۡحَمُ ٱلرَّٰحِمِينَ
May Allah forgive you, for He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy.
We are His 'abd. Why are we meddling with His job? It's not our job to judge, to blame, to understand. We belief that He is the Most Just... every wrong will be informed and revealed. If it's not now, it would be later, in the Hereafter.
Every act will be evaluated.
Even if we have been forgiven by those who were rightful, or even if we have forgive those who did unjust to us ~ Allah will reveals everything on That Day.
Yup, may Allah forgive them for He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy.
As for me, I just need my peace.
Alhamduillah ~ that's how I found my strength and asked forgiveness to all my aunts during before Ramadan and texted her even she didn't replied. As for those who I have right upon, I make du'a that Allah makes it easy for them, so that Allah will make it easy for me when I had to justify to those who have rights upon me. May Allah forgives us all, Allahumma Ameen.
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