Broke down

I broke down, again. 

The fact that, whenever I broke down, I would resort to writing and posting in this blog is just simple ~ this blog is mine. 

As much as I can write it in FB, or talked to my hub or my circle of friends, the blog posting soothe me at its best. 

Kalau ikut konsep psikologi yang Ustaz Amin share dalam IKIM pasal orang mata, hati, akal, telinga ni; my strong trait would be what is in my name ~ 'ain. Indeed, orang mata ni, kalau ikut Ustaz punya study, cepat 'tangkap', tak perlu details macam orang telinga, main 'jalan' je.. dia gak cepat react dan cepat lupa. 

Hence, for me writing anything in this blog, would be somethings I can remind myself..oooo.. those were the days. 

...

Honestly, I am still disheartened from what my parents did to me. I know, I shouldn't, but I guess that's why Islam been reminding its ummah, just be kind to them, till whenever. Alhamdulillah. 

I'm a mother too. I'm a parent too. 

and my biggest fear would always be me not being fair to all three of my children. 

Allahu musta'an. 

If whenever they are reading this post of mine, do know, 

Aidan, Aimar, Aivey, 

maafkan mama kalau ada apa yang mama kata, mama buat, is making you even think, 'ee..mama ni tak adil dah, berat sebelah.. sayang anak sorang tu je!'

Do know that I know how horrible that feeling is, and I never want either one of you to feel that, be it true or not true. 

It just hurt. 

...

Just as much as seeing how horribly evil the zionist are doing to the people of Gaza today, after 40 days. 

It just helplessly hurtful and indeed, it kills part of me.

I wasn't sure, I was crying for Gaza or just protesting the act of my parents unto me. 

Somehow, it is just sad to admit, people (no matter if they are your friends or even your parents) will only appreciate you when you are rich, own a beautifully designed condo with a pool, drive a Volvo SUV and so on ~ for a girl who got married and stayed at home raising her kids, just nothing impressive to appreciate her. 

...

Ok me, sod off!