My Name is Abigail

 Mama simpan sini essay Aimar tulis untuk submission for ALS ke ELS... mama pun tak ingat dah. Dia mintak mama proofread, and I'd say.. wow.. what has he been reading? 

Tak tahu nak comment.. hahaha

Alhamdulillah, barakallahu feek.

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BWAAAHHH. The wailings of a newborn fills the delivery room that was before filled with painful screeching. Alisa Hall Green just successfully gave birth to her first child. The blood-covered baby was wrapped with a blanket before the doctor handed him to his mother.

"He's so precious , I'm going to name him Abigail Francis Green" announced Alisa while holding her 3.4kg baby in her arms with little energy to spare. And that is my name, Abigail Green.

I was raised in a small town called Hassletown. I grew up without a father since he  left us before I was even born. In spite of that, my mother spoiled me well. Providing me delicious meals, every latest Dork Diaries collection, and wardrobes of branded clothes. 

Growing up, making friends was such a struggle for me. One of the reasons is because I disliked most things boys my age were obsessed with. They would play with action figures and I would play with dolls, they would play football and I would stay inside and read my novels. It was as if I was the other side of the coin.

When I started school, I was left out from a lot of things since I was socially awkward. On the first day when I introduced myself, everyone laughed. "Abigail was a girl's name" they squealed. Not just that they also shamed me for looking horrid and fat. I got bullied and beaten up often. They also teased me by calling me names like "Abigirl", "Fat Francis", and "Abigail the troll". They harassed me everyday.

I got ashamed of my name. I would fake my name when any stranger asked. I  told them I was Max.

After such suffering in elementary school, I survived and proceeded life normally. It did affect me mentally but I got through it. 

Middle school started and I felt good. It felt like I was starting a new chapter in my life. But the feeling didn't last long. I was placed in the same class with the big bully, Jackson. Jackson was everyone's favourite. He was athletic and well-packaged. He was kind to everyone but me. He used to make fun of me, trash my table and even steal my food. But I couldn't do anything because I was a nobody and he was the rising star.

Whenever I entered the class, he shouted at the top of his lungs, " Hey, it's the fat loser Abigirl". Everyone burst out, laughing. That was when I had enough. I sprinted out of the class and headed straight back home. I was lost. I didn't know what to do. How to express my feelings. I was tired of being bullied. I wanted to end it all. 

I took the gun from my mother's safe. I clicked the safety clip and was ready to paint the walls red.

Only then I heard my phone buzzing . I decided to glance at it and it was my birthgiver who was calling.  "One last time" I thought to myself and answered the phone. 

"Abigail Francis Hall, love. Why are you skipping class on the first day of school?" my mom asked in the most angelic voice. I was silent. It was as if death had just left the room. 

"I'm tired mom!" I exclaimed while bawling my eyes out. I told her everything from elementary school to just now, and I just had enough. 

She hurried home, didn't say anything and just came running and hugged me. We sat there on the floor for quite a while. Just lying there. We were silent but a lot was spoken, wordlessly. 

That was when mom arranged for me to meet the therapist. I dumped everything that I had bottled for my entire life. That was when mom decided to move out from Hassletown to Las Vegas. In my new school, I was traumatised to introduce myself.

"Class, this is Abigail, our new student. Say, hi Abigail" said the teacher.

Everyone gave me a confused look. My fear was real. I went to an empty seat and the boy next to me asked "So your name is Abigail, like Abigael Spence, the famous actor?. 

That was it.  "A-B-I-G-A-I-L" I said. "Soosie, nice to meet you. I guess I'm not the only person with a girl's name now" he said with his chest up filled with pride. That moment taught me that it is something to be celebrated and embraced, not feared or ignored.

by: Muhammad Aqiel Aimar, IKEM, Sept 15th 2023