The test to be grateful

I'm reading a book from Sh Ghazi about Love in the Quran. I'm only on page 43 out of 540+ pages.. hahaha, good luck me!

So, what about love that I wanted to talk about in this post? 

.....

I was having a good long breakfast at The Majestic Hotel, KL earlier this morning. Alhamdulillah. 

After sending Aivey off to school, then Abang at his training course @ Four Seasons by Sheraton in the Chinatown area, I went back to the hotel ~ we got to stay for a night there and we checked in yesterday. 

I was used to 4-star, 5-star hotels in KL ~ since I was small, my dad used to bring us for good treat and celebrations. Abang is not so fancy with hotels and posh lifestyle. He preferred home with no hassle and 'free-and-easy' all-day. He didn't grow up in a 'fancy' posh lifestyle like I did. So, I don't blame him. Yet, I always have this idea to splurged my kids with such lifestyle so that they could have what I had. Of course, their aboh doesn't think it's a good idea, and he has all the valid reasons and justifications for that. I have to obliged. After all, he is the paymaster.. hahaha

Alhamdulillah. 

I guess, not having used to such lifestyle help us a lot when we were tested of no income for four years ~ yup, I stopped working and two years after that Aboh lost his job... We used up all his savings for the first two years, lived by the kids ASBs and the EPFs the next six months, and here and there, got through some cash from Wan & Kak Ani. Alhamdulillah...  somehow, we survived and I really witnessed the truth of the words of Allah: 

 وَمَا مِن دَآبَّةٖ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ إِلَّا عَلَى ٱللَّهِ رِزۡقُهَا وَيَعۡلَمُ مُسۡتَقَرَّهَا وَمُسۡتَوۡدَعَهَاۚ كُلّٞ فِي كِتَٰبٖ مُّبِينٖ

There is no moving creature on earth but upon Allah is its provision. He knows its place of dwelling and its place of rest; everything is [written] in a clear Record [ Hud 11:6]

Subhanallah ~ not a single creature on Earth, but upon Allah is its provision. Tu sebab orang Melayu cakap, "ulat dalam batu pun boleh hidup!!"

Subhanallah ~ how can we not love Him when He has given us so much and not charging us and wanting anything in return? Not even our worship!! For, our worship is for us, to be rewarded. Subhanaallah. Mashaallah. Allahuakbar. 

...

So, what is it about love that I would like to talk in this post??

The love of those material poshy lifestyle. 

Remind yourselves, dear children, it's nothing but a test! So, you better excel it well for you've been there and done that and you will surely go through the test so that you could secure the eternal poshy lifestyle in Jannah, allahumma ameen. 

It is nice to be pampered around, have everything you want, at your leisure time, at the comfort of the great spacious hall when everyone surrounding you are ready to serve you. Mashaallah, imaging getting that service (and more) 24-7 in Jannah!

I'm not kidding ~ open the Quran and read up!

...

I have always be a lucky girl. I got a dad who cared, and now my hubby is spoiling me and I'm sure my kids will treat me well too in future, allahumma ameen. 

That is all Allah's gift. Alhamdulillah.

And not for simply give the gifts, for the rewards in the Hereafter will be much much much superb. It's a test, a test should I'd be grateful and pay it forward or I'll just got soaked in the worldly materials. May I passed it with flying colours, ameen. 

We are all ~ being tested. 

And for the love of Allah, we are where we are and may we pass the test, excelently. Ameen.

Tema Cinta

Mama rasa (dan harap), tahun ni, Mama nak bersembang pasal cinta, cinta, cinta dan cinta dan lagi dan lagi dan lagi... 

Anak-anak pun dah meningkat dewasa ~ adulting, omputeh kata. 
Antara ujian kehidupan, always and forever, is CINTA

Mama dok study definition 'Cinta' dalam Qur'an, and Islam in general..... masih mencari, harap bertemu nanti-nanti, Ameen.. 
Tapi, satu obeservation yang Mama dapat is that, there's no fix definition on love, but how we act upon love is everywhere... 

Yup, cinta itu bukan kata nama. 

Cinta itu kata kerja

Bila jadi kerja, ada sifat dia yang tertentu, yang akan keluarkan hasil ikut situasi, keadaan, waktu dan sebagainya. 

Mat salleh cakap, "Love is Complicated"

I guess, after 46 years old living my life, I should have basically the 'rough' idea 'how' love is, not 'what' love is. 
...

dalam blog ni, banyak dah  mama citer pasal cinta... memacam. 

but as for now, let's talk about the ultimate cinta ~ Cinta pada Yang Maha Mencipta

Cinta yang tak akan mengecewakan

Cinta yang bila gusar, gelisah, gunah, gelabah, semuanya pasti tak akan berkelana

Cinta yang menjamin bahagia berkekalan, literally

Cinta yang semua orang wajib usaha nak dapat, simpan dalam jiwa..

Cinta yang buat hidup mati selamanya kalau hilang sekelip cuma

Mama dulu pernah confuse..
Allah itu Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang..

Itu aja yang Mama ingat.. 

Sekarang Mama nak kasi ingat kat anak-anak

Ye, Allah itu Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang, dan tak pernah dambakan kasih dan sayang kita.. 

Kita yang perlu tergila-gilakan kasih dan sayangNya

Usahalah nak... pulun bagai nak rak, nak raih kasih dan sayang Dia

Cemburulah kamu pada mereka yang mendapat kasih dan sayangNya

Bermatianlah kamu untuk kasih dan sayangNya

Jangan jadi orang yang rugi, kosong, dek kerana kamu hilang kasih dan sayangNya

Ketahuilah kamu, jika ada suatu ketika kamu lupa akan kasih dan sayangNya, segeralah berlari mendapatkanNya semula... kerana Dia sentiasa menanti hambaNya yang sentiasa ingin kembali padaNya. 

Benar nak. 

Tak kenal maka tak cinta

Kenal siapa Tuhan yang tak pernah putus kasih dan sayangNya pada hambaNya

Jatuh cinta padaNya

Dan berdoalah agar cinta itu kekal hingga ahkhir hayat, yang akan membawa kita ke Syurga bahagia, allahumma ameen

Recap 2023

It has only been 6 days, and I have achieved ssooooooo much... 
Kalut Mama sorang ni, nak tolong graduation momentos lah, presentations lah, deco lah mende2 lah

Pastu, dok pi setel SMK application ~ suka hati je nak gi PPD, submit borang.. takde sijil berhenti sekolah. Dan yang peliknya, pegawai PPD tu main terima je borang tu, walaupun staf kat kaunter tu mcm tak puas hati..
That is the small things of rahmat dan rezeki Allah beri.. takde kuasa memana pun, biidznillah, yang lembutkan hati pegawai PPD, dah mata mereka untuk accept borang tak complete.. 
Tapi, as usual.. Mama dah tengah kalut gak ni ~ macam kena 'harass' ustaz suruh siapkan sijil berhenti sekolah minggu depan so that nanti mama boleh follow up pastu.

I've completed my notes set Steps to Jannah Hadith 6 and I am very happy. 

And now, tengah kalut UASA Aivey ngan nak perabis baca Quran utk dia cepat2 khatam.. 

...

too many in my list. 

Moga Allah permudahkan..ameen

...

So, we bid farewell to 2023. 
Alhamdulillah, as much as the 'pahit' and 'masam'. the manis & indah moments should outweighed them, Alhamdulillah. 

I personally am always grateful. 

Managed to have a great session & selfies with Dr Haifaa, Dr Rania, KJ, Nouri.. it was great. 
Honestly, my 'fangirling' is real.. and that what inspired me to work harder.. I want to meet Rasulullah SAW. I want to be with the Companions and their gathering. and of course, I want my family to be with me as well. 

Abang was doing great with KBB as well. Alhamdulillah. 
As for now, he decided to stay around offshore routines, just a supervisor ~ though there's an opportunity for him to grab the OIM post. Dia taknak serabut, and I can respect his decision. At these age, malas nak pikir hal dunia. Allah bagi kami rezeki cukup dah untuk kami.. berlebih-lebih dah kalau nak banding ngan orang lain. Nak tambah serabut, buat pe.. Alhamdulillah. I am so grateful to have such a responsibile hubby and great icon for our children. Biarlah orang nak kata apa pasal dia.. bukan diorang yang tidur sebantal ngan dia. Orang tak tahu how struggle he was nak layan kerenah bini yang keras kepala sorang ni. Orang tak tahu how difficult he was nak pujuk bini yang asik nak sedih depress nangis tetibe berkurung dalam bilik. Orang tak tahu.. orang takde.. yang selalu ada, dia.. and of course, Allah SWT. Alhamdulillah

Aidan had a year by himself. Completed his MRSM journey with excellence. Indeed, so proud of him and his achievements, despite bad starts masa masuk form 1 as MRSM students. Dia cakap masa graduation, "I felt like I've been robbed when I was in lower formers." I told him, "but you surely a champion when you ended it! Alhamdulillah." 

1. Anugerah Perdana - Dean's List dari form 1 sampai form 5 every semester

2. Scored above 3.5 (rasa dia dapat 3.8pts kot), top 10 dalam form 5 utk grad form 5

3. BWP, LDP, Captain Hockey, States selection.... he did great

4. SPM ~ mcm tak caya je dapat pegang placard 9A..Alhamdulillah... A- utk BM, yang lelain A and A+.
5. Dapat offer MFI and now striving belajar French in few months, moga dapat sambung belajar France tahun ni.. ameen ameen ameen

Dia pernah jatuh cinta..masa form 5.. tapi, habis form 5, mcm putus cinta.. agghhh... bercerita pasal cinta ~ mama kena blog lain lah...

Aimar pun, alhamdulillah.. ended 2023 dengan 27 juz patut dijaga dan moga Allah permudahkan dia untuk menjaganya. Belajar pun, mama tengah berdebar UASA ni.. ameen. But, highlights 2023 dia:

1. wakil Kemaman untuk Kem Pena Daie Terengganu

2. wakil Terengganu untuk Kem Pena Daie Kebangsaan

3. sukan ~ tak terkira.. asal semua dia boleh main, dia gi... bola tampar, bola, lawan penalti, swimming... apa2 je lah

4. more street smarts ~ meniaga service iron baju, satu baju RM2.

5. berlakon masa birthday sir shahir was cute.. mama simpan citer Aimar dan sir Shahir.. nanti mama blog.. but, i have nothing to say but thank you Sir.. thank you for being tegas and garang with him.. rotan itu, pasti dia tak lupa. jadi imam sebab bangun lambat pun, pasti dia ingat. 

Alhamdulillah.. Aimar will be find, alhamdulillah. 

Aivey.. pun banyak citer. Mama cuma masih denial how she has grown up. Prep untuk PKSK, UKKM.. definitely something telling me, 'about time'. Mama simpan citer Aivey.. nanti grad bulan 2, mama citer panjang lebar. 
...
2024 is something to look forward to. 

My me time with Abang.

Aidan will be flying to France, ameen.

Aimar will khatam 30 juz hafazan, and seat for his SPM, ameen. 

Aivey will be in Form 1.. ada rezeki masuk asrama (tapi kena khatam baca Quran)..ameen

Robbi yasser wa laa tu'asser.
Permudahkan Ya Allah. 

Ameen Ya Rab

Ameen

Let the pictures speak ~ Alhamdulilah

January 2023

February 2023

March 2023

April 2023

May 2023

June 2023

July 2023

August 2023

September 2023

October 2023

November 2023

December 2023

Solat jangan tinggal!

Something that we need to hold on by:

إِنَّ ٱلۡحَسَنَٰتِ يُذۡهِبۡنَ ٱلسَّيِّـَٔاتِۚ

 Indeed, good deeds wipe out evil deeds [Hud 11:114]

Nak buat baik tu, boleh jadi senang, boleh jadi susah - ikut 'keadaan'... asal keadaan tu, datang dari niat.. niat buat baik sebab _________________ (fill in the blanks)


Nak mula buat baik; jaga solat. Mulakan dengan yang fardhu

- setel siapkan solat lima waktu

- try solat awal waktu

- cuba lak nak solat jemaah subuh, isya kat masjid / surau

- try jemaah lima waktu 

- standby wudhu' semua sebelum masuk waktu.. 

- top up solat sunat

- start ngan witr

dan seterusnya, dan seterusnya. 

...

I failed to jaga my solat when I was younger. 

Honestly, I still have faith in Allah's mercy than me regretting what I did / or did not and  what I should have done! 

Yet, I do envy those yang solatnya berjaga dari awal mula baligh hinggalah habis hayatnya. 

Untungnya manusia itu. 

I have one fear - and I pray Allah makes it easy for me. 

Fear of limited movement sebab fizikal tak kuat.. nak sujud nak ruku' tak boleh.. 

Ya Allah, allow me to sujud and ruku' like 'normal' healthy people till my last breath, Ya Allah. 

I was touched, and even shed tears when Aidan told me, "Ma, Aidan rasa tak best je.. Aidan selalu tertidur , ingat nak kejap lima minit je... tapi, terlepas waktu solat, nyenyak tido."

Of course I told him to be more affirm when it comes to solat - lawan ngantuk, jangan tido, sebab itu yang syaitan nak, dan itu yang nafsu kita mintak. 

On the other hand, I was touched when he has that guilty feelings, sebab mama dulu, masa tinggal solat, tak rasa pun bersalah... Astaghfirullah.

Ya Allah, jadikan anak-anak kami istiqomah solat awal waktu,  solat tak tinggal dan permudahkan untuk anak-anak lelaki kami Aidan AImar untuk solat jemaah subuh dan isya' di surau / masjid. Amiin Ya Allah. 

Ya Allah, terimalah segala amalan kami, Ya Allah. 

Ampunkan kami, Ya Allah

Masih rindu

 Dik, kalau kau nak tahu, dalam sebulan, tak pernah akak tak nangis sebab rindu.

Akak rindu, dik.

…

Di tengah kepekatan malam
Berdiri aku di halaman rindu
Dihembus kenangan lalu

Menjelmalah seraut wajah
Sekuntum bunga yang pernah kupuja
Tapi layu akhirnya

Ingin kutembus tembok silam
Dan membaiki kesilapan kita
Yang tiada kita rasa

Dahulu maaf tak bererti
Darah muda menguasai diri
Begitu mudah membenci

'Ku di halaman rindu
Hanya berteman bunga yang layu
'Ku di halaman rindu

Tiada harum, tiada madu
Oh, kesalku membeku di kalbu

'Ku di halaman rindu
Hanya berteman bunga yang layu
'Ku di halaman rindu
Tiada harum, tiada madu

'Ku di halaman rindu
Hanya berteman bunga yang layu
'Ku di halaman rindu
Tiada harum, tiada madu

Oh, kesalku membeku di kalbu
Oh, sayangku penawar rinduku
Oh, kasihku hanyalah untukmu
Oh, sayangku penawar rinduku

7 years ago

 The memories from Facebook should be a happy one! Something that when we came upon it, 7 years after, it can leaves a smile in our face, not tears! This is just not fair!!!

And so, I am hoping, when my kids read this blog of mine, please don't cry. Please smile. Please smile because mama is crying today ~ and do smile because I am crying not because of you lots, Alhamdulillah... As a matter of fact, thinking of three of you are of those that makes me smile. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for such a beautiful gift to this sinner. 

...

I stumbled upon 7 years ago memories on my own postings in Facebook. 

The memory that I've captured when we had a 'mini concert' just because Iris couldn't join her school's graduation day as she was sick. She was sick because she ate the cat food that to her it looked like a coco crunch and she had to be admitted ~ she was six back then. She was in Bintulu. She had been practicing day in and day out for her performance in school that year. But Allah has a better plan. 

Wallahi, I love her. I love her just like I love Aivey. They were so attached and closed back then. And they seems like strangers now. I am taking the blame. I am sorry, girls. 

Back to the 'mini concert'.. because Iris missed the concert, I decided to pull one for her. And so, we did it. I got Iesya, Ika and Nana to train the kiddies, Iris, Aivey, Mel, Yaya, Etty, Aqish, Sheera, and Eleen to practice a routine... Ikan kekek, if I wasn't mistaken. We had fashion show. We had Me singing. We had quizzes. O, we had speeches from Atok. and we had lots of gifts. We did the mini stage at the Kg Baru stall. We decorated. We made goodies. and of course, we had food. Definitely one great memories. 

I've been missing those ~ the closeness, the food, the insanity, the fun. 

I just missed it all. 

Everything goes haywire today. 

And that day won't be able to be repeated. 

I just miss 'Kg Baru'