When in trouble - blame others

 I have to stop being nosy and try to be helpful -  

It's annoying and feeling like sit when you are trying to be friendly and just extending what you think is right is the root on other people's trouble. 

It's a shame when other's being so selfish and never thought of other's and what make it worst, blaming other's for the cause of her being selfish. 

Yes, I am annoyed that I was being blame for no reason while I was just being there and friendly. 

The facts, how could anyone stop any other person to reconnect with her family??? 

hmmmm

Missing the boys

 I miss the boys.

Due to the MCO for the third wave, they couldn't come home and I couldn't meet them neither. 

I just missed them. 

Aimar was doing fine.

Alhamdulillah..he had his weekend with Yah and others in Bukit Kuang during the maulidur rasul break. 

Aidan is not doing as good. 

He was bitten with semut Charlie, he lost or misplaced his wallet with a RM40 cash and his bank card in it. The wallet was the wallet I bought for him, a green Coach, as a UPSR gift costed around RM300. It was something for me at that time, and even up till now. Aidan's phone was broken too.. so, communication is limited. 

Agghh.. I miss them!

I wish me strong

 I'm shivering in between being mad and being strong because I'm sad. 

it's not easy. 

but I guess, as I'm typing this out, I am more mad than sad. 

a person I happen to nurse when she was small is now a big girl. i remembered how I would put her on my chest while reading the novel I rented from CM during my summer break back in the 90s. she was just a baby. of course she's a grown up now. 

I'm not going to explain how it all started. I've hinted a lot on my previous writing. 

but, yup, she is one of those who swore at me, wishing me dead and was one of those who talked bad words about me. she is one of them, the clan. 

she wrote to aidan (ok, I have access to aidan's whatsapp from the laptop - he forgot to log it off the last time he logged in from here) - asking aidan for his bank account number. a gesture saying congrats for his excellent result in the exam. 

I'm proud of aidan. 

as much as I know how much they think we are struggling with money, we are not that 'low' to accept any from them. i just couldn't believe what I read:

"Ingat mama mmg la gaduh ngan org kat sini. Tapi abg dan takyah fikir sgt. Jgn lupa org kat sini."

how insanely stupid she could be to say such thing? who the hell she thinks she is? someone who own and raise aidan??? 

I'm going to swear! bugger off!

"mama mmg la gaduh ngan org kat sini???????????"

bullsssss!

Kami tak OK

 Kami sedang diuji. 

Rasa nak ngadu... dan tak pernah putus ngadu pada Tuhan Yang Maha Mendengar. 

Sedang dalam menaip warkah ini, masih dititipkan untukNya. 

Sungguhpun Dia Tahu yang aku akan menitipkan satu persatu semua yang terbuku, Dia juga Tahu aku tak mampu. 

Aku tak tahu haruskah aku marah. 

Aku tak tahu haruskah aku bersedih. 

Sungguh, aku lemah, lemah di dalam mahupun luaran. 

Aku letih untuk terus tersenyum. 

Aku sakit menahan sebak bila ada yang bertanya, korang ok?

Kami tak ok. 

Allah Tahu

Kami tak ok. 

Tapi, tengok abang, aku tahu, dia lagi-lagi tak ok. sampai aku jadi takut untuk tahu samada dia ok atau tidak. akhirnya, aku sembunyikan rasa. 

Sebab aku tahu, Allah Tahu. 

Alhamdulillah. 

Jaga kami Ya Allah. 

Jaga kami Ya Allah. 

Bagi kami jalan keluar Ya Allah, jalan untuk kami beramal beribadah untuk jalan yang Kau redhai, Ya Allah. 

Redhai kami Ya Allah. 

Back to Offline

 ok, when people tend to misunderstood what I wrote, even I've made it clear...it's my blow, it's my own reflection and it's none of your business...

but on the other hand, it was my mistake for using the photo that is not mine. 

hmmm

I wonder how much photos in the global internet served being used and reused and reuse and reuse and reuse over and over  and over again and we didn't know?

pastu, kita sentap. 

i know I would sentap!

my bad!!

so, am putting this blog back to offline.. takpe lah. 

just so nanti, aidan aimar aivey boleh baca je.

A Leopard Can't Change Its Spot

No matter how hard you tried, you can't change you, you can't change others and you can't change others' view on you until you change your views on others and you change you by not expecting others to know you've changed. 

A Leopard Can't Change Its Spots.

Fullstop. Back to Him!

Minta Tolong Kat Orang, Tak Mudah!

 Menyusahkan orang

...

I never like to have the feelings to ask people for help. Tak best rasanya. 

Bukan sebab sombong tak nak mintak tolong orang. 

Bukan sebab tak nak tolong orang, sebab tu tak mintak tolong orang. 

Bukan sebab terer sampai tak nak tolong orang. 

Cuma, tak suka nak menyusahkan orang. Kalau ada sesapa yang mintak tolong, malah kalau ada sesapa yang memang perlu ditolong, walaupun dia tak mintak tolong, I really would love to help. But to ask people for favours, selalu rasa berat hati. 

It's hard to accept, bila respond orang yang kita mintak tolong tu macam so-so je. 

Lagi tak best bila kita excited terpikir 'dia mungkin boleh dan happy to help' tapi respond dia macam berat hati je... with the pause phrase ..mmmmm... and stating all the obstacle yang mungkin membolehkan dia tak boleh tolong, yet end up with phrases ' takpelah, tengok camne, we'll try to help'..........sayup-sayup, I can hear 'walaupun ko menyusahkan, aku malas nak tolong.'

It's not the person's fault. Sesapa pun boleh reject not to help bila dia tak nak tolong. Dia tak perlu bagi seribu satu alasan. Dia tak perlu bagi sebab. Just say no... 

Orang yang mintak tolong, tak patut nak berasa hati. In fact, takut jatuh hukum berdosa sebab bersangka-sangka, dan sangkaan yang buruk lak.. pastu, sendiri nak emo!

Haippp! Tak baik tau!!!

But trust me, between me and myself... perhaps its because of 'our condition', I do sometimes feel like macam menyusahkan orang, I do feel like terhutang budi and people might think I'm just taking a free ride (which I don't) and I do feel hurt with some respond I got that was beyond my expectation. 

It never make me feels good. 

Selagi aku mampu, aku tak mahu mintak tolong kat orang.. aku tak mau menyusahkan orang. 

Alhamdulillah..that's why, I know I should resort to Allah directly before I asked others for favours.